When to discuss likes/dislikes/rules/etc. with other couple?

[Emt 91]

If joining a bunch of couples already having sex, I'm not sure there could be any dialogue about anything other than a quick comment like "don't cum in my mouth", "be gentle with my balls", etc.

 

But if chatting it up with a couple, hitting it off, and someone asks the questions if we want to play....do we get right into likes/dislikes, rules...or does this happen once finding a spot to have sex....or maybe way earlier in the conversation? Not sure how much swingers talk about sex prior to any plans to play...?

 

Thanks!

[Emt 91]

Somehow this thread disappeared in the forum....wanted to bump it and see if anyone had any thoughts on the subject or on the thread's disappearance?

 

Thanks!

[the Nomads 78]

Good question. I certainly would like to know the answer to this as well. Our two times playing we pretty much wove the major ones into the initial conversation but ir felt awkward. Almost as if we were filling out some weird sex application. The other couple was new too so that didn’t help.

 

Mr. Nomad

[Emt 91]

Good question. I certainly would like to know the answer to this as well. Our two times playing we pretty much wove the major ones into the initial conversation but ir felt awkward. Almost as if we were filling out some weird sex application. The other couple was new too so that didn’t help.

 

Mr. Nomad

 

And see that's what I don't want...for it to be awkward/forced. I much rather it become erotic and arousing and leads right into sex.

 

BTW, is anyone else NOT seeing this thread in the Boundaries forum?? I can see it from the main forum as the latest topic but then when I click on the forum itself it's not there....never saw that happen on a forum.

[adamgunn 1,456]

I'm not seeing it either.

 

For us it depended on the situation. If we met on-line, they knew our rules by the time we met in-person. If we met at a club or house party, we disclosed after someone suggested going into a room, but before we got there.

[Emt 91]

I'm not seeing it either.

 

For us it depended on the situation. If we met on-line, they knew our rules by the time we met in-person. If we met at a club or house party, we disclosed after someone suggested going into a room, but before we got there.

 

Ok that makes sense. I'm waiting to see how chatty swingers are about sex, whether it's just talking about things to try or that they enjoy or maybe a part of foreplay for them....or on the opposite side of the coin, is sex not discussed until figuring out if both couples are on board to play?

 

One of the clubs we looked at listed in the rules that you couldn't make sexual puns/dialogue in certain areas. Kinda weird, I do that all the time.

 

As for the forum...I'm not sure why but a LOT of the subforums I can't see any threads for several years. Some say the last post in them was close to 10 years ago. So something is wrong. Maybe I'll PM a mod if I can find out who they are.

 

Thanks

[SexyRedmondCpl 128]

Ok that makes sense. I'm waiting to see how chatty swingers are about sex, whether it's just talking about things to try or that they enjoy or maybe a part of foreplay for them....or on the opposite side of the coin, is sex not discussed until figuring out if both couples are on board to play?

 

One of the clubs we looked at listed in the rules that you couldn't make sexual puns/dialogue in certain areas. Kinda weird, I do that all the time.

 

We're definitely chatty about it, usually. I've never seen anything like the rules you're describing. Could it be that the club isn't fully its own facility and some areas are shared with muggles?

 

As for when and how these podcasters seem to have a very thorough post on their blog: https://lifeerotique.com/discuss-rules-boundaries-status-new-partners/

 

It's aimed a bit at beginners in my opinion but I don't disagree with anything they've said. The testing status thing is definitely less common than they make it sound though. I feel like more people should be talking about it but I don't remember more than a few people we've played with volunteering that info. Maybe we shouldn't be so trusting

[Emt 91]

We're definitely chatty about it, usually. I've never seen anything like the rules you're describing. Could it be that the club isn't fully its own facility and some areas are shared with muggles?

 

I feel like more people should be talking about it but I don't remember more than a few people we've played with volunteering that info. Maybe we shouldn't be so trusting

 

I'll have to re-read their rules but no, it's their own club. Not a hotel takeover. But reading that was definitely confusing.

 

So you're saying swingers don't talk about sex with each other? Hell, I talk about sex with everyone, not just clients and my wife. It would strike me as odd to be chatting it up with a couple my wife and I are potentially about to have sex with and NOT talk about sex, our likes, etc. with them.

 

When you say "volunteering that info"...are you referring to their sexual desires/dialogue? Again, just seems counter-intuitive that you'd be face to face with a sexual partner and not have dialogue with them about the things you enjoy.

 

Kinda like going to a really great restaurant and not telling the server what you'd like to eat.

[SexyRedmondCpl 128]

When you say "volunteering that info"...are you referring to their sexual desires/dialogue? Again, just seems counter-intuitive that you'd be face to face with a sexual partner and not have dialogue with them about the things you enjoy.

 

Oh, no sorry. I obviously didn't phrase that well. We definitely talk about sex, both desires and what's not allowed.

 

That comment was in reference to the STI conversation. Most people say they're tested, and there's an implication that they're negative, but they never say so explicitly which I suppose we should as well.

[Emt 91]

Oh, no sorry. I obviously didn't phrase that well. We definitely talk about sex, both desires and what's not allowed.

 

That comment was in reference to the STI conversation. Most people say they're tested, and there's an implication that they're negative, but they never say so explicitly which I suppose we should as well.

 

Got it. That's wonderful about the sexual dialogue...we will fit right in then!!

 

As for STI's we are going to do a PrEP regiment 5 days before and then 5 days after any sexual encounter which will take HIV off the table and then I figure the best we can do is a (casual) visual inspection and use condoms before sex. Not sure I would trust someone I've just met and about have sex with to be 100% honest. So it just goes along with other things in life where there is a certain level of risk we take.

 

But excellent info, thanks for sharing!