Fell in Love with a Swinging Partner

[Alura 2,766]

Dear Sadie,

 

There is (was?) an author named Napoleon Hill, who said, "For every adversity there is an equal or better benefit." I read his book in my early twenties and have found his philosophy to always be true.

 

Whether the "adversity" was an ended relationship, a broken car, a lost job or anything else that seemed to be a loss I could never recover from, whatever followed was much better than I'd ever experienced.

 

Keep your eye on the endzone, don't look back, and consider the following:

 

(From The Book of Football Wisdom by Criswell Freeman.)

 

"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." -Vince Lombardi

 

"Difficulties in life are intended to make us better, not bitter." -Dan Reeves

 

"I like to rehash the old days, but somehow I never replay games like the one in 1916 when I was coaching SMU and Rice beat us 146-3. -Ray Morrison

 

and, finally:

 

"It's how you show up at the showdown that counts." -Homer Norton.

 

Mr. Alura

[RMRx2 23]

Sadie,

you have another pm on the board.

 

rmrx2

[J & K 16]

Just remember----you met him swinging and if he ended up being yours he would still want to swing---would you stop that?

[Guest Sadie]

Originally posted by J & K

Just remember----you met him swinging and if he ended up being yours he would still want to swing---would you stop that?

 

We haven't talked about that but I guess that I assumed that we would continue swinging since we enjoyed the friends we have made. I have no problem with him swinging and he has no problem with me swinging. However, it's been 5 weeks with only very limited contact. He is trying to resolve problems with his girlfriend and make the final decision of asking her to move out of his house.

[angihay 15]

Ok here goes, I have read most replies on here, i agree with almost all however, We do swing solo. But we both consent to the other person and never with out permission. I have had someone develope feeling for me, it ruined the friendship and is never a good idea. Hope all goes well for you.

[blueskies 15]

Unless you think that the three of you can have a polyamorous relationship I suggest you bail out of this now. I suspect the other woman here has no idea as to the extent of the contact between you two, and if she does then they have an unusual relationship...either way I submit that nothing good can come from this.

 

Just our two cents worth.

[MuadDib555 15]

The simpilest solution is often the best, or a wise one once said. I would simply have every one involved in the relationship sit down together and talk it out. Tell the truth!. Relationships are like plants in that they need attention, work, and love to grow into healthy relationships.

Plus are yo ready to settle down. Is this guy gonna expect you to settle down and be only his partner. I understand the urning for someone, so i belive you. Just don't jump into a relationship with out looking first. t-shirt

[fringesurfer 15]

I realize that this post is maybe a little out of date so you may disreguard this if it is moot. But IMO the fulcrum of the situation seems to be the guys original partner, as she didnt approve of the swinging and was jealous of his other partners I dont consider this to be a swinging situation (although I have no experience in swinging, this is just an observation)

 

I would be interested in what everyone else thinks about her( the original partner). Because to me, she is reminisce(sp) of the well documented woman, who lives with an abusive husband, yet makes excuses to everyone around as to why she continues to stay, and return to him.

 

Sadie, I ask this because if you come to realize what youre doing to her it might help you make a decision( if you havent already or are having trouble with the one youve already made). And of course the decision you make is totally dependent on the character within you.

 

Hope this helps

C

[NightGoddess 16]

Originally posted by fringesurfer

I realize that this post is maybe a little out of date so you may disreguard this if it is moot. But IMO the fulcrum of the situation seems to be the guys original partner, as she didnt approve of the swinging and was jealous of his other partners I dont consider this to be a swinging situation (although I have no experience in swinging, this is just an observation)

 

I would be interested in what everyone else thinks about her( the original partner). Because to me, she is reminisce(sp) of the well documented woman, who lives with an abusive husband, yet makes excuses to everyone around as to why she continues to stay, and return to him.

 

Sadie, I ask this because if you come to realize what youre doing to her it might help you make a decision( if you havent already or are having trouble with the one youve already made). And of course the decision you make is totally dependent on the character within you.

 

Hope this helps

C

 

Good points, fringesurfer: of course we are hearing one part of a three-part situation. We haven't heard from the couple involved in this, and so it's not easy to be clear....let alone fair. The other side of the coin is this (possible) scenario: boyfriend wants to date again.....or wants out of the relationship but is not able to be clear about his feelings for whatever reasons.

[Guest Sadie]

Thought I would give everyone an update on my situation. The three of us sat down four weeks ago and he admitted to his girlfriend that he has feelings for me...needless to say it didn't go over good with her. He did say that he is unsure of what he wants to do at this time so she is still living in his house and I having been keeping my distance since that time. We have spoken once by phone in the last month (he called me). At this time if he decides to leave his current relationship, yes, I am interested in dating him, but I am not holding my breath.

[NewBiFem 15]

So glad to hear you say you aren't holding your breath for him. I hope it works out- however it works out, but I'm sooooooooo happy that you are taking care of YOU.

 

(and not being Glen Close-ish either!)

 

Sounds like you're going to be ok.

[Guest Sadie]

Thought I would update everyone on my situation…my friend called me last week to say that he was going to ask her to move out. He said that he had enough of her lying and laziness and he was done with her. Unfortunately I now have my hopes set so high that I will crash if he doesn’t follow through with this. Why am I unable to just say good-bye and move on…I think about him 24-7 and really think I am in love with him…and I am not the type to fall in love so why do I feel like I deserve to be treated like this. If anyone has words of wisdom I could really use them now.

 

and :slam"

[EternallySingle 32]

I know how you feel. A woman has my mind 24-7 and she really could care less. Anytime I try to initiate things with her, "Things are complicated right now. I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I have to think about my kids and my job right now. Lets just be friends for right now." The second I start to show an interest in someone else, she's right there talking about how good things are between us, how supportive I've been, etc. Of course, the new woman in my life hears about this and says she doens't want to get involved with someone who's cheating on his girlfriend. Once the new woman is gone, she has no time to see me again.

 

Don't get caught in this trap. He wants his cake and eat it too. He, like the woman I know, will do anything to keep you from moving on, because it makes him feel good to know you will come running when he says he wants you. When you do, he will come up with some reason why the other woman is not out of his life yet and you will still be where are right now.

 

(now if only I would take my own advice)

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Sadie,

 

While you are in a tough spot I think the answers you are looking for are hiding in your Signature.

 

I hope things work out and if this man cares for you as much as you think he does then he will not play with your emotions to string you along. If he doesnt follow thru I would take that as a serious red flag and move on!!!

 

Good Luck.

[Rett 15]

Sadie,

 

You have your hopes set high for him to follow through and will crash if he doesn't.

 

How sure are you that if he drops his current girlfriend and you do get together with him that history won't repeat itself in a year or two? Are you confident enough that you won't be in the same predicament as his current friend in the future. How would you handle the crash if it happened to you?

 

I sure hope you make a wise decision on this. Best wishes!

[SluttyWife 17]

This is a key reason for couples NOT to play seperately and why

my Knight and I advocate playing together to our readership!

 

This happened to me.....

 

I fell in looove with Sir Mike and suddenly Slutty Husband #1 was out of my life and believe me we thought we were secure enough to handle just about anything. This was never our intention at all. Our biggest mistake? Splitting up into factions.

Mikey and me, Slutty Husband and new girlf to try to round it all out and somehow make it"work."

 

We all feel (three years later today, ironically) that we could have saved our intensely loving relationship of *thirteen* years!

 

All three of us deeply regret what we did to this day and remaining as close as we are has been very difficult at best. A great deal of irrepairable damage was done..I love both men dearly! To top all that Mike and I carry an incredible amountl of guilt for this. Nothing we can do can make this right.

 

Don't let this happen to you.

 

My advice to you if you must have him? Stop playing without his wife there. Become a real friend to her. INCLUDE her.

If you love him that much the two of you grrls could try

your best to become a threesome. But I'll tell you from

good hard experience it is very difficult when *love* comes into play. :slam"

 

The partner with more "seniority" in the relationship is in essence making and/or has been making provisions for you.

You need to acknowledge that and step back a bit while they attempt to restructure their relationship if they choose to do so.

 

 

There's also one very possible downside if you split this couple up... a few years down the road....*you* may find yourself in

very well..the same situation! Oh sooo sad indeed!

 

It no longer sounds as if you're swinging, either.

This reeks of "affair."

 

My input...negative maybe....cos it is.

 

;-*

 

Slutty Wife