Just curious about swinging with friends

[findinganswers 356]

I just want to thank Findinganswers and and the people who replied for this very constructive post. A lot of questions that we've had came up in this discussion. I appreciate everyone contributing from their experience. It sounds like, with friends, it either goes really well or really badly. Two of my friends wound up divorced because of an impulsive swinging experience. I think what makes the difference was the forethought that you put into the experience. Looking back, is there anything you would do differently?

 

Thank you for being part of our decision to go forward. The only thing I can think of quickly .\that I would have changed is doing this with our friend when she was younger. That is sarcasm. Her friend is just as good looking to day as when she was younger. I think we are more mature today to accept what we are doing. Jealousy, which can play a factor as your own relationship is growing, is less a factor as you mature and become secure in your own head. As far as the night we did this, I haven't given much thought as to what I would have changed, but you asked, so I am now thinking. Maybe I could have been more supportive to my wife. I know we both had our moments of should we do this or that. Maybe I was too eager and she less so. My nudity and undressing was less of an issue for me than hers was for her. We did have fun in the undressing part. Our friends knew we were timid about what was going to happen. Our undressing was from a game we played. My wife played but decided to keep her last piece of clothing on for some time. Looking back it was quite funny. I know I got into a sexual situation before wife did. Maybe I should have waited. She never brought this up so it doesn't seem to have been a problem. One thing I missed, which by reading other posts and comments about the excitement, is watching her being entered for the first time. My mind was somewhat occupied with other feelings until I noticed my wife was engaged too and seemingly enjoying.

Our biggest question is the no protection question. We know we are clean and we pray we stay that way.

[findinganswers 356]

The day after the second time and I don't have all the answers. My wife is at the gym with our friend. Nothing unusual there. On weekends it is normal for them to get together. I am sure they will shop after. I am watching football, but should get out and enjoy the weather. Last night was different than our first time. Some of the shyness was gone, not all. They are our friends so I think that plays into the playfulness before really getting into things...literally. I was pretty horny during the day but kept it in my pants. I know my wife said she was going to be more into it, but I could tell she was still nervous. Not as much as our first time. I also wanted to be somewhat a voyeur and watch my wife. So many posts are about watching your spouse and I only sort of watched last time. I watched her being enjoyed by others but not her being the one doing. I also never saw the one thing someone posted about, the first time penetrated. I wanted to write on that post but never saw the moment when it happened. It was somewhat different in that the girls didn't play much this time. I know my wife was still hesitant about bi things. I figure her friend caught onto that. W hat did happen was my wife took a cock in her mouth. I admit to mixed feelings. Hey she was always good at it for me. Then I watched as she got on top, so much like what we do and I heard the gasp, the gasp that is always music to me but now from someone else. I am thinking this is what we want and again I should be happy. I didn't watch the whole thing but I know she enjoyed and I got to be with an attractive friend again.

[TricianMike 732]

W hat did happen was my wife took a cock in her mouth. I admit to mixed feelings. Hey she was always good at it for me. Then I watched as she got on top, so much like what we do and I heard the gasp, the gasp that is always music to me but now from someone else. I am thinking this is what we want and again I should be happy. I didn't watch the whole thing but I know she enjoyed and I got to be with an attractive friend again.

I think the two of you need to be open with what you are doing and your feelings after. There shouldn't be doubts after you decided to do it a second time. You are writing here that your not sure if you enjoyed watching your wife have pleasure. You didn't mind when she was not the one initiating. When her friend and her husband were pleasing her you seemed fine, but when she was the active one, going down on a penis and then getting on top for sex your outlook changed. You looked away from your wife enjoying sex with another man. Ask yourself why. Then ask your wife what her feelings are when she sees you pleasing her friend. You both should be comfortable watching and being watched. You now have been with your friends twice, this where the friendship can cause a problem. If you stopped, how would your friendship be affected? Then you can also tell them what your concerns are. First you need to talk and be honest with your wife.

[Shore2Please 535]

I find it refreshing for a man to admit it isn't easy to watch or that you had mixed feelings. My first time was in different rooms. Maybe I just blocked out from my mind what my husband was doing. Just being alone with another man for the first time since I was married was almost an overload for me, I didn't need a visual of my husband having sex with a new woman. It didn't totally hit me until the next morning when I saw her in bed with my husband. I had a pit in my stomach but tried to hide it. What I didn't see the whole night before was a reality. I knew what we did but didn't see it. You said you enjoyed everything you did and that your first time your wife wasn't as sexually enthusiastic as you were. I am not sure why you did this a second time if you knew there were hesitations the first. My husband said he wanted to watch me. I wasn't happy about putting on a show. I did everything I though I was supposed to do, I thought. In private I was not afraid to be myself. I had all the sex I would do with my husband but this time with a new person. I enjoyed it. I didn't worry about what someone else might think, In front of my husband it was no longer making love, it was having sex. I too did bi sex for my first time. I still feel it was a show and not the way it is supposed to be. I am just suggesting that you and your wife talk about what you are doing. Is she comfortable having sex in front of you. Maybe she has the same mixed feelings watching you and her friend. Ask her if she would rather be in separate rooms the next time. Would you be alright being in separate rooms? Maybe she wants to try things with her friend but is afraid in front of you? Being with a man for her is more natural for her. If she is curious about being with a woman, it is easier without the pressure of you watching.

[cplnluv1 804]

Finding answers means asking questions. Feelings are hard to predict. You are like most couples who are first trying to find if this is right for them. You have explained your feelings, what are hers? When we meet newbies we always wonder if this is being done for him or her. Have you ever thought to step back and ask your wife how she felt watching you with her long time friend? So many posts are the forum ask what did you feel like when your wife was penetrated. No one asks what the wife felt like the first time she saw her husband with a woman. No one asks what is going through the woman's mind when she is touching a man the first time, or blowing a man, or being penetrated the first time. Your wife already showed some hesitation for some of things she did. I hope she is doing this for herself and didn't get into it for you. I think from your comments your friends are great and not pushing her into it, letting her take her time. They seem to understand what she is going through in her head. Do you? I think you need a real conversation and listen to her wants and her doubts. Some couples will do this one time and see it is not for them. You know your doubts and feelings, for this to work you need to tell her and she needs to be honest and tell you.

 

Keep asking and you just may Find Answers

[Guest]

I know we all say this is a no, no but I’m coming more of the opinion that as we grow older, we should reconsider. Hubby’s friend of many years is now a widower, he hangs with us a lot now. I would fully consider bringing him into our bedroom. And as I look down the road to a retirement community, hey, why not, the lifestyle of those folks is different and different standards or guidelines may apply.

[Guest the Duke13]

Since it came as a shock to both you and your wife when they mentioned swinging to you, your wife and friend had not discussed it before I assume so maybe her friend is not as open in her talks with your wife Or you and your wife are Not totally open in your discussions with each other. Have you discussed your fantasies together? Do you know if your wife fantasized about being with another man or men or a woman or other sexual fantasies she has? Same for you, does she know yours and did you just find them out after this all happened or had you talked about them in the past?

 

Take it slow. Make sure you talk it over in fine details. Make sure and talk, talk, talk. Your wife could try and find out from her friend what they are thinking about. If he had some experience before and she does now maybe your wife can find out more from her. A friendship could be ruined both ways. Swinging with them or refusing to swing with them could up set them also if you swing with others and they find out...

 

Have a MERRY Christmas

[findinganswers 356]

Since it came as a shock to both you and your wife when they mentioned swinging to you, your wife and friend had not discussed it before I assume so maybe her friend is not as open in her talks with your wife Or you and your wife are Not totally open in your discussions with each other. Have you discussed your fantasies together? Do you know if your wife fantasized about being with another man or men or a woman or other sexual fantasies she has? Same for you, does she know yours and did you just find them out after this all happened or had you talked about them in the past?

 

Have a MERRY Christmas

 

It ended up that my wife knew all along that our friends were swingers. She said she became more curious about it was not sure how I would react to any suggestions. We have had a very good sex life at home. I guess everyone has fantasies. I have bought her all types of toys in the past. Is a black vibe a fantasy? I have also bought green and yellow ones. We have watched all sorts of videos including bi ones. I have had thoughts of how it would be to be with two women, and maybe her fantasy being with 2 men was played out with toys.

I am reading comments on here and my other post about the positives and negatives of her not telling me she knew about our friends. I try to keep positive.

[Guest the Duke13]

Thank you for being part of our decision to go forward. The only thing I can think of quickly .\that I would have changed is doing this with our friend when she was younger. That is sarcasm. Her friend is just as good looking to day as when she was younger. I think we are more mature today to accept what we are doing. Jealousy, which can play a factor as your own relationship is growing, is less a factor as you mature and become secure in your own head. As far as the night we did this, I haven't given much thought as to what I would have changed, but you asked, so I am now thinking. Maybe I could have been more supportive to my wife. I know we both had our moments of should we do this or that. Maybe I was too eager and she less so. My nudity and undressing was less of an issue for me than hers was for her. We did have fun in the undressing part. Our friends knew we were timid about what was going to happen. Our undressing was from a game we played. My wife played but decided to keep her last piece of clothing on for some time. Looking back it was quite funny. I know I got into a sexual situation before wife did. Maybe I should have waited. She never brought this up so it doesn't seem to have been a problem. One thing I missed, which by reading other posts and comments about the excitement, is watching her being entered for the first time. My mind was somewhat occupied with other feelings until I noticed my wife was engaged too and seemingly enjoying.

Our biggest question is the no protection question. We know we are clean and we pray we stay that way.

 

The first penetration would have been a great turn on I'm sure sorry you missed it.

 

The No protection Question is understandably the biggest question for both, Pregnancy and possible disease.

If pregnancy is a no starter because that issue has been dealt with medically.

Then the protection goes to the issue of Disease

You knowing you are clean is the big start , playing with selected few is an other part the wider your circle of playmates the more chance of loosing your Clean unless you make sure the playmates are tested before you play.

Merry Christmas and wishing you the best in your play and prayers to stay clean during the games.

[findinganswers 356]

Everyone seems to say watching that first time is hot, I'm not sure. I know the first time I penetrated our friend was hot for me. I thought I was fine with my wife doing what I did, I had some nervous or jealous feelings and I still haven't seen the actual penetration, more like the act. We have since talked about what I felt and also how she felt. She was better prepared for the first time watching. I think I am good now.

We already made the jump unprotected.