"How" Do you swing MOST OFTEN? (swappers only)
276 members have voted
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1. "How" Do you swing MOST OFTEN? (swappers only)
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We have to develop a relationship FIRST (ie. a couple dates)109
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We want to "get to know you" for at least an hour, and then have sex.100
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We at least want to talk a LITTLE (under an hour), get to know you, then have sex.38
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If you're attractive to us, we'll ask you to join!48
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Similar Content
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By Mr. Truelove
Two questions mostly directed to the male half of the swinging couples. Women, feel free to respond, your input is always valued.
How important is it that you like the other guy that you plan to swing with in the heterosexual manner, either in a MFM or in a MFMF? Does he have to be respectable? Is it up to the woman? Do you have any standards whatsoever?
Also, to the more experienced folk, is it uncommon that the guys would get along really well?
Personally I found it very important that the guy my wife would have would be someone that I respected, or at least someone I thought was "good enough" for my wife. Perhaps it was my protective nature, or something. But I felt that it was important.
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By sunbuckus
I have heard from several members here that the more they get to know a couple, the less they want to have sex with them. Maybe we just haven't been fortunate enough to get to know a couple that well that it reaches that point or maybe I'm not wired that way. Or perhaps there's something else in play (like maybe they meant in terms of seeing them pick their nose or exhibit an unbecoming personality trait). However, for myself, I have found that the more we talk and get to know a couple, the more comfortable I feel with them and I'm more interested in engaging with them in sex. In fact, finding more about other couples almost endears them to me. I know that sounds too intimate but the more I get to know a person, the more I care about them as a person and their well-being. Even if we witness something that is a turn-off, it's even more of a reminder to me that they aren't perfect...not some unattainable, flawless couple who sits on their lofty pedestal.
Is this feeling felt more in those who are open to poly or is it not poly-specific? Is the desire of not wanting to know too much about another couple a "protective barrier" so feelings won't develop? Is it just the mindset that swinging is for sex and nothing else so everything outside of that is irrelevant? Or am I just looking too much into this? Please share your thoughts on the matter!
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By km34
This post in another thread got me thinking... In my mind "friends first" swinging and poly are two completely different things, but other people apparently think of them as one and the same. What does everyone else think?
To expand on my views (the rest of the post is purely my opinion ).. Everyone I have met who wants to be friends first is looking more for a sense of safety by knowing people a bit before having sex. Whether or not this is legit or not is another topic, but it's something that people believe. Also, friends first folks tend to want to be more open about swinging - having that couple or two or five that you swing with AND hang out with gives you the chance to talk about swinging, be yourselves, and generally not have to be in the closet about it. At least every once in a while. Having a friendship makes things a bit more comfortable for some.
Polyamory, on the other hand, is actually looking for romantic love. I love my friends, but that doesn't mean I'm in a poly relationship with all of them. On SLS, I mention that we are looking for friends, but we do not consider anyone we meet on SLS (or other swinging sites) as people with whom we could potentially have a real, whole, romantic relationship.
I guess my general question is - Is this a common thought in people's minds? When you see someone looking for "friends first" does your mind automatically go to poly/relationships/too invested?
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By leftcoastcouple
In responding today to a post today by bear_n_bunny regarding open marriages vs. swinging, I referred to a related topic that Mrs. LC and I have long wondered about--how most swingers feel about getting to know their playmates vs. just hooking up for sex.
Mrs. LC and I fall somewhere in the middle. We're generally turned off by the prospect of what Erica Jong would have called a "zipless fuck"--nameless, entirely impersonal, etc.--and we avoid situations in that direction. Yet, we have no desire to build a relationship beforehand, either. The prospect of "dating" before playing in hopes that everyone gels on a personal level is something we don't want to deal with. Nor do we particularly want to be friends afterwards. We prefer to keep friends and playmates separate.
For us, if we meet, have dinner and/or drinks, and find basic chemistry exists, then that's all we need--or want, really.
So, we're curious where everyone else stands. Is it necessary for you to be "friends" before you play? Are you on the other end of the spectrum, preferring to play and then say goodbye? Or are you somewhere in the middle? We've seen folks express opinions all over the spectrum, and we're curious about the norm.
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By DaggersNRoses
For all my hesitation and stress over mailing and meeting, I happened on a couple when checking out a club attendance list. I find them very interesting and would love to meet them.
I get anxiety over the idea of meeting with a couple that I don't really know anything about and don't know of any common ground. I just don't know what to say there. I am too far out of my element there. I don't like being out of my element.
So this couple is physically similar to us and has choices and interests that we share. I am actually interested in getting together with them just to talk about those things if nothing else.
Any tips on formulating an e-mail to initiate possible interest? I have sent a few of these things with nothing really coming of it, partially on our part in some cases. I'd really like this one to be different.
The Rose
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