Party on Saturday: A little nervous

[sherwood 15]

My wife and I have been married for 11 years, we have two young kids and it's fair to say our sex life dwindled a little in recent years. A few weeks ago after a rare drunken night out we ended up in a FMF threesome and wow did it add spice to our relationship! The sex during the threesome was just so-so. I was more than happy to watch my wife with another girl for the first time than get heavily involved, but after that we cant stop ourselves having sex. We realized after the threesome that sex with other people is something we want to explore further and wont jeopardize our solid relationship. I feel we are both comfortable with the idea and want to explore further but have no experience other than that previous recent threesome.

 

We have been invited to a house party on Saturday, long story short - the host couple is a good friend of my wife (a very experienced couple and she is extremely hot!). We've known this couple were into the lifestyle for some time but we are both nervous about going.

 

I think our main reasons for being nervous is we have no idea what to expect. We dont know how many people will be there, we don't know how hardcore it will be and whether it might be too much for us. We don't want to embarrass ourselves by not getting involved, but at the same time we dont want to look silly by making excuses and leaving if it's too much for us.

 

As mentioned, the lady half of the couple is so sexy - a definite 9 or 10 and I certainly would! The guy I'm sure is considered handsome by girls. Neither of us are what you would call a 10, we are both reasonably attractive and in decent but not perfect shape but not wow! I'm ten years older than the couple who invited us although my wife is around the same age. A little worried nobody will be interested in us since it seems the couple hang out with only extremely good looking people. I should add that I'm an expat living in a Latin American country and the people there will probably be Spanish speaking. I dont speak much Spanish (although my wife is Latina and fluent) I'm thinking that may well not lead to the best in communication, and possibly lead to misunderstandings.

 

So, our dilemma is do we go along to the party and see what happens or do we make our excuses and perhaps wait for an opportunity that seems more comfortable?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

Seeing that your are a newly-registered member I will say first, WELCOME to the Swingersboard.

 

If you know not what to expect, you should ask the host couple. You did say that this couple are well-known to your wife and she to them.

 

~Michael

[angelkin 1,326]

Go and enjoy! There's no shame in not playing or admitting to the other guests that you are new. It will open new friendships and opportunities to you for future endeavors. Hosts usually have a good sense if the invitees will fit in or not...so ask them what to expect and go with an open mind.

 

The most important thing to remember is to talk to your wife about it and have some ground rules going in. The two of you set the pace...and the guidelines.

[sherwood 15]

Thanks for the welcome Michael!

 

We did ask the host today about how things would be and were told it will be 4 or 5 couples and "extremely hot" - my wife didnt feel comfortable asking her to elaborate further. They've known each other for several years but it's through our kids going to the same school so not easy to take the conversation up to that level - at least for us.

 

I think their description put us off more than anything. I kind of thought there would be more people (although it's quite a small house). More people = less pressure I suppose. And "extremely hot" well I'm not sure what that exactly means since we've never done anything like this before.

 

Angelkin: thanks for your advice. As it stands at the moment I think we are still going to go. Like you say it may well open up new opportunities, friendships and future invites. We've both already agreed that we need to talk about each others limits although we haven't exactly got them nailed them down yet

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

I have had some exposure to latin-american culture. People of south-american countries especially are reluctant to be explicit. If the expression extremadamente caliente was used, it might be a reference to the Macarena dancing they are planning, it might be a reference to horizontal Mambo, or it might be a reference to both. I believe you will both regret a lost opportunity if you do not go.

 

~Michael

[two4youinswva 3,067]

And "extremely hot" well I'm not sure what that exactly means since we've never done anything like this before.

Don't feel bad about not knowing that. We've been doing this for a few years and we wouldn't have an idea of what their idea of "extremely hot" is either.

Their idea of hot might be very tame to you, or it may be over the top. Chances are, it will be somewhere right in the middle, and you'll be fine.

 

Go and enjoy! There's no shame in not playing or admitting to the other guests that you are new. It will open new friendships and opportunities to you for future endeavors.

 

Agreed!

 

I believe you will both regret a lost opportunity if you do not go.

 

Also agreed!

[sherwood 15]

Thanks everyone for the further replies.

 

We are pretty certain we'll be going, I will report back how it went. Doesn't stop the nerves though.

 

We are both up for trying new things so whatever happens at least we can say we gave it a go and then either pursue the lifestyle further, reserve judgment for another time or quit

[JanandRand 16]

Just remember, nobody can force you to do anything you are uncomfortable doing. Try code words, between you and the mrs. We like to use "I need more ice in my drink". Of course when you have had too many and you reply, "well honey then get some more ice". Be prepared to spend the night in the doghouse!! LOL

 

Good luck and have fun...

[MN Tom 251]

Just remember, nobody can force you to do anything you are uncomfortable doing. Try code words, between you and the mrs. We like to use "I need more ice in my drink". Of course when you have had too many and you reply, "well honey then get some more ice". Be prepared to spend the night in the doghouse!! LOL

 

Good luck and have fun...

 

Second this. And this is exactly the reason we would go. Nobody is going to force us, and if what happens there isnt to your liking, you just leave.

[HA.and.QP 15]

I miss them butterflies in the belly.

[Dont.Stop 339]

You'll probably want to decide with your wife ahead of time what you to are comfortable with doing, and not comfortable with-- oral, intercourse, anal... And what to do about those darn fluids. Threesome? Foursome? Same or separate rooms? Experienced couples might want something different than what you want. Definitely let them know you are new to this... some couples won't mind, some will.

 

Just be sure to decide on what you're okay with, and stick with it. The heat of the moment is not the time to renegotiate. Save that for the next day.

 

Mrs and I are headed to a house party this weekend. It's not our first, but we're still going over our ground rules. We want to have a good time during, and after.

[JanandRand 16]

I miss them butterflies in the belly.

 

Now that's kinky yo!

[sherwood 15]

We went!

 

 

I think it's fair to say we have mixed feelings about the whole thing. It wasnt what we expected or had hoped for, but there were some moments that make us think we might give it another go.

 

We planned to have a chat about limits etc over a few pre-game drinks at a local bar beforehand. As it turned out our babysitter was late and we needed to head straight to the party since we didnt want to be the last to arrive and walk into a situation we werent comfortable with. The only rule we came up with was that my wife didnt want me to have sex with the hostess, they've been friends a long time and it didnt seem right to her. Anything else was fair game though but we agreed we needed to constantly feedback to each other throughout the evening.

 

As it turned out we arrived right on time (10pm) but everyone else was late. The hostess was still getting ready, the host wasnt there he was dropping the kids off at the grandmothers but came back before long.

 

Things started slow, it was about an hour before anyone else arrived, we just chatted and drank with the hosts. First to arrive was a guy ® (the hostesses long term fuck buddy). We also know him from social vanilla parties so he was surprised to see us, although we werent that surprised to see him! He showed up without his wife and bought another girl along. Story was his wife was suffering from PMT and didnt want to come, she allowed him to take another girl but this didnt go down well with the hosts who thought the girl he invited was "low class" and they asked her to leave. R took her home and came back on his own.

 

Then another guy arrived solo (H). He too was supposed to be bringing a girl but didnt. So now there are 4 guys and 2 girls. The 2 girls - one is my wife the other is someone I can't get involved with. Not looking great at this point!

 

Another couple then arrived (A and E) they had driven 60 miles to be there, I dont think anyone had met them before. They were a good looking couple. We introduced ourselves, made small talk and seemed to be getting on OK until the lady said "I can tell you two are not swingers, why are you here? Just to watch?" which made us feel awkward and pretty much killed it.

 

This was to be the sum total of people there that night. The single guy H then left, said he was coming back with a girl but didn't. He hadnt spoke to anyone all night and just sat there smoking weed so no loss really imho.

 

Lights were dimmed and we started playing a spin the bottle game, it wasn't hardcore but light hearted fun which we were fine with, kiss someone, do a sexy dance, take off an item of clothing etc. that kind of thing. One of my turns was to tell 'A' a request, I forgot her name and called her "her". She didnt like this and rudely told me I should use her name. Nothing going there I thought.

 

After about 10 rounds the hostess said the game was too boring and "lets get on with it". We were all either naked or down to underwear at this stage. There was a large couch where 3 people were sitting including my wife. I was sat on the opposite side of the table and the couch. What happened next seemed like a free for all, everyone (except me) piled on the couch and there were fingers and tongues going everywhere.

 

I really didnt know what to do, especially given our limits and the cold shoulder by the only girl that I was allowed to be involved with, other than my wife, so I just sat where I was - like a startled rabbit. My wife was already on the same couch naked and was kind of swallowed up by the throng not really wanting to get involved but not wanting to look like a wet blanket and walking away. Someone forcefully put their finger up her ass (I didnt know at the time, still dont know who) and the guy host grabbed her face forcefully and tried to kiss her. She moved away to be with me, we spent some time away from the group together chatting and having a few beers and letting the others get on with it.

 

Things subsided after about 30 mins and the couple that had driven up made excuses and left having been there no longer than 90 minutes total, leaving us once again with 3 guys and 2 girls.

 

A little while later "R" was interested in my wife and started coming on to her - we went with it. My wife gave me a blowjob and he positioned himself at the other end. Although he made all the right noises it seems he was thrusting away between her thighs instead of her pussy so it seemed a little weird to us and she wasnt enjoying it. We (wife and I!) made eye contact several times to see if she was ok, she was. Host guy came up to the MMF and started offering his penis to her in kind of a rude manner (wife was already sucking me and he tried to get some oral action too), it wasn't appreciated nor accepted.

 

Later "R" took my wife over to the couch and fucked her, in the right place this time (with condom). I was keeping an eye on things but didnt get involved. Wife later told me that she didnt really enjoy it and wasnt fucking him back - just going through the motions.

 

At this time, I'm feeling a little left out. Although my wife was right now fucking another guy I'd been told I couldn't do anything with the only other girl there - the hostess. Hostess was with her hubby chatting and drinking and since my wife was otherwise engaged I chatted with them. The hostess spread her legs in front of me and I saw it as an invitation that she wanted some action. I asked permission to go down on her (LOL) and she kind of laughed at me in a way that said "why are you asking - just do it" So I did. We had an oral and fingering session (me on her only) and both enjoyed it.

 

"R" then left and the four of us were on the couch stroking each other (M-F) without sex and chatting for an hour or so. This probably was the only moment I felt like the night was how it should be in terms of intimacy and seduction.

 

My wife and I chatted when we got home and me 'breaking the limits' of our agreement was'nt a problem after all.

 

Kind of disappointed that things seemed so forceful and with a "lets get at it" attitude. There was no chat up, seduction or flirting, which I think is more than half the fun.

 

We will probably give things another go - we were both ok with the other being involved with other people. But I hope it works out better next time.

[slevin 1,374]

Sorry to hear the party wasnt as much fun as it first seemed. Great that you and your wife made sure to talk, check in with each other and are ok with everything that happened.

 

The judgment by the other swinging couple that you weren't swingers was definitely rude. That would put me off as well. Stuff like that makes me lose interest in someone, even if they are attractive and wanting to proceed. No idea how I would have responded, but it's definitely rude and uncalled for.

 

We met a couple a few years ago. They were very experienced swingers and we were still fairly new, although we'd had a few experiences by then. We went out for some drinks with them with no plans for anything more. It was fun over drinks as we were able to just talk openly about sex, swinging, ask questions of experienced swingers etc. They told all kinds of stories about swinging experiences (good and bad, without naming names). It was fun. Right up until the woman said, mid-story, that she wouldn't touch a non-erect penis. She exclaimed that men should get hard just by the sight of her naked body, and she wasn't there to be a fluffer. That turned me off right there, what a shitty attitude about sex! Totally sucked the fun out of things for me. We hung out and finished up drinks, danced a bit, but only because we were enjoying the evening. We never went any further because of that shitty attitude.

 

You'll probably run into situations like the one you had with that swinging couple. Don't be afraid to leave, or move on. No need to tolerate rudeness like that.

[MN Tom 251]

Agree with slevin. From your viewpoint that couple sounds rude, and it sounds like the hosts didnt do a very good job of matching up guests.

 

Kudos on learning from it, after reading it Im guessing that most couples (even experienced ones) would have had mixed feelings too.

 

Most other parties you attend will be different. Bar meets, hotel ballrooms.. Any larger event will be vastly different, and 2v2 meetings wont be the same either. Heck most other house parties wont be that way, although if the same couple hosts it you might expect a similar party.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

I think it's fair to say we have mixed feelings about the whole thing. It wasnt what we expected or had hoped for, but there were some moments that make us think we might give it another go.

time. . .

This is an exceptionally interesting story. All-in-all I do not believe you hostess and host were being very sensitive. And they do not seem to make it clear to people in advance what kind of behavior is expected. Or maybe they don't really have any particular guideline except let the chips fall where they may.

 

One thing that sounds familiar is your arriving at the appointed time and finding no other guests and the hostess still preparing herself. It is a very recognizable element of the difference between south- and north-American culture.

[twistedpretzels 100]

It seems each party and date can have a variety of energies. My friend tells me one week at a party can be boring or stupid and another weekend it can absolutely rock! Just because it is a swing party does not mean everything will align and be super. The same goes for dates with other swingers . We meta cpl that we loved having dinner with and couldnt wait for our sex date the following week. Throughout the week my desires got less and less as I found we were not really aligned in a variety of things (protection and boundaries to name a few). When we met for a second date MY dick really went limp (lol). I kindly and most politely told them I wasnt feeling what I felt the previous week. The guy was a blockhead and really didn't hear what I was saying. Told Pete, 'We just need to warm her up' etc etc. We chatted after dinner and said good nite but mr. blockhead decided to cop a feel from me. I was furious. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door. If I had not I probably would have clocked him. What part of NO did he not understand???- the N or the O? We have decided not to even bother to put any other closure on the situation-- which is sad because we could have been some level of friends.

On a diff note-- we did meet a wonderful and sexy couple the following nite. Again we had a super dinner with great conversation and we were aligned with our expectations. The funny part was our sexual energies did not match in the long run. We had a fun evening, but decided not to meet again. As a newbie I never expected that to be in the mix. It's a long road to Tipararey....