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Similar Content
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By Corwyn13
I was watching "wired for sex" last night on Discovery on sex addiction. The gist of the show was that sex addiction is basically a combination of an adrenaline high and emotional immaturity.
According to the show it goes something like this.
People get a rush out of new sexual encounters and then they associate this rush with "love" (deeper emotional feelings)
This prevents the deeper emotional love/lovemaking that naturally develops with committed couples etc.
So I got to thinking - People here MUST be hard core junkies
But seriously - You MUST admit that there is a certain level of risk in this lifestyle - STDs, the possible stigma associated with this lifestyle, loss of job if discovered etc. And other possible horror stories from "crazies".
So how do you assess your risk? What are you risking in your opinion?
Maybe this should be a poll, but:
Do you have kids?
Do you think that you risk their safety by being part of this lifestyle?
Do you think you would lose your job if found out?
How would your family react?
Someone has started a thread about webcams in clubs. This got me thinking, how do you know you're not being taped now? (While I haven't heard of it. There is a whole underground fetish(?) of people who tape people with hidden cameras. It's not a far stretch to think that it hasn't crossed the mind of at least one club owner somewhere to install a few hidden cams. What if you got taped?
Given the negative repercussions possible if "discovered", would you say that that IS part of why you do it?
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By Zepfanman
I could share a lot about myself in the Introductions section (which I'll likely do soon), but I've signed up here mainly to get a different perspective on how I should deal with my sexual feelings. I've done some reading about swinging, polyamory, and alternative lifestyles in the past week, and found TSB site tonight.
I'M MARRIED, BUT WE'VE BEEN SEPARATED FOR TWO WEEKS BECAUSE I HAD PHONE SEX IN A RELATIONSHIP MY WIFE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT. WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT?
My wife and I have been seeing a Christian counselor since March, but he believes in monogamy. He is also highly involved with Sexaholics Anonymous (based on Alcoholics Anonymous), so he recommended I join it right away. While we were both virgins before getting married, I have never been very happy with our sex life. She wants to have sex every day, often even more. For some reason, I'm just not interested most of the time. Ever since I hit puberty, though, I've masturbated to pornography. I feel like I've been numbed to real sexuality. The Sex. Anon. group has been helpful in finding a group of supportive people that understand how I feel, but I'm not sure if their solution of monogamous sex only in all situations is healthy for me.
My wife and I entered our marriage with a "strong", traditional, Christian foundation. However, due to several factors, I've been agnostic for the past couple of months. My wife is still a Christian, so it's difficult to try to honestly share why I had phone sex - she'd rather not talk to me at all than deal with that pain.
There's a lot more to the story, but my three main questions are, "What kind of counseling should we seek?", "Does anyone have any opinions about Sexaholics Anonymous?", and "Is there a 1-800 number (or regular number) I can call that can direct my questions about open relationships?"
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Someone at Liberated Christians responded with the suggestion that we have sex every day at a set time, or even several times a day. My response:
Unfortunately, she's almost fed up with me right now. I'm having to dig myself out of a hole. It'll be a while before I can even see her every day, much less have sex every day. Fortunately, we've arranged a meeting this Wednesday with one of these Christian counselors, so that will be the first time she's let me talk with her since Nov26. She's been in our house since then and I'm living out of a suitcase at a friend's temporarily.
Yes, it would definitely be hard for me to have sex every day; sometimes I even lose my erection because I don't feel a strong enough attraction anymore. I guess it's just because I'm (1) lazy so solo is easy for me, and (2) I'm interested in the challenge of connecting with other women. I've taken my wife for granted, and I don't want to bother trying to spice things up; I'm sure that if we get to that point and I actually put some creative effort into our sex life, it can improve. I'm just lazy and indecisive, and depressed for several years without realizing it, too (say my psych and GP). Sad state!
Thanks so much for such an excellent, honest, supportive forum...
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By Mogambo
My wife proposed the swinging lifestyle 15 years back to which I agreed. In the beginning we started with MFM threesome and eventually tried couple to couple interaction, my wife & single males without my involvement, me and single woman without my wife’s participation to accommodate singles who are not comfortable with threesomes.
Everything went well until 2001. My wife told me that she wants to try gangbang. We went to one private gangbang party. My wife was raved by six single males. The manner in which she was raved made me uncomfortable. However I was surprised to observe that my wife was enjoying tremendously hence I did not stop her from what she was doing.
Later on I told my displeasure about gangbang. My wife asked me the reason. I said, the guys did not pay any respect, behaving as if you are slut. She said, look I enjoyed immensely. Our objective is get maximum pleasure and fulfills our deepest hidden fantasy. As long as I achieve it then who cares what any one thinks of me? I am not going to marry anyone. What makes you think that they did not respect me?
I told her, I did not like the way the group fondled your breasts as soon as we entered the room without asking your permission or even bothering to introduce about them before touching. Then they never gave you any choice. They all pounced on you like hyenas and you were simply submitting to their deeds. They made few offending remarks which you ignored.
She said, look, single males who are not real broadminded are bound to react that way. In gangbang you have to compromise with few ideals.
I did not agree to it and I told that let us work out the boundaries in swinging. She said, if you are not comfortable then it will jeopardize our marriage hence let us stop this swinging lifestyle and be exclusive to each other.
Since we could not agree on boundaries we stopped swinging. I became frustrated within six months and suggested threesome. My wife refused. She said, if you are comfortable then I will go to the parties alone for Gangbang and you can enjoy your own ways. If we both are comfortable with this then let us start again. Because I can’t agree with swinging that suits you only. Over period of time my desires have changed and I get strong urge for gangbang and don’t feel like going for threesome or foursome. If you don’t feel threatened by this then let us start again. Otherwise our marriage is first priority to me.
I agreed with her demands and then we started swinging. She then regularly visits (once a month) gangbang parties for last three years. During this gangbang she started enjoying anal sex, oral sex which she used to hate. What really surprised me is her consistent interest in swinging. I know many broadminded couples who have lost interest in wife swapping in few years time. I have lost interest in swinging as well and I am not able to understand why my wife still desires gangbang. I have no objection if she continues to visit gangbang parties but I am perplexed for her prolonged interest in gangbang. Three years is very long period. Gang bang parties are ok for 2-3 times to fulfill fantasy but three years are not understandable.
I wanted to test whether she is badly addicted to GB parties and suggested that let us be exclusive to each other. She reacted very adversely and said, I can’t dance all the time on your tune. Now what is problem? I said I am concerned about you which she does not agree.
I don’t want to impose my opinion on her but this time I am not able to communicate her because of her perception about me that my decisions in the past about swinging is impulsive knee jerk reaction. I am confused and would like input from experienced swingers.
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By DeesireCpl
I was speaking with a friend of mine who is in the lifestyle and she was saying how she and her hubby are getting out of swinging. I found myself saying oh really wow it's going to be tough don't you think? Now listening to myself and thinking back, I honestly feel that I would not be able to quit the lifestyle. I love the clubs , parties , the friendliness of lifestyle people. How open and free they are and not uptight. I almost feel addicted to the lifestyle or at least to the feeling the lifestyle gives me. My life would be missing a piece of my freedom if I was not in Swinging. Even if Mr Deesire and I were not together I would still lifestyle as I am sure he would too. Now unless for some family /health /or relationship issue I /we would definately have to put a hold on it but never quit it totally.
My questions to the board are:
Are you addicted to the lifestyle?
Do you feel we as a community are sex addicts being in the lifestyle?
Could you quit it totally never go back to it ever?
Have you ever gone 1 day without thinking about swinging?
Thanks
Deesire & MrDeesire
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