Is being bi more "popular" now?

[Karmickiss 28]

Hello everybody!

 

I'm not brand new, but coming back, and "feel" new...just b/c it is a new chapter in my life, coming out of a few years of grieving and no dating, and back to feeling more "normal" and wanting to connect with others again.

 

Enough disclaimers...it's just I have been thinking about something for a while now, and wanted to get some feedback if possible. Does it seem to anyone, that it is far more "popular" to be bi-sexual these days? I am 35 years old, and I might not being seeing the bigger picture from my limited view of the world, but I can recall that in high school, people struggled to hide any sexuality that wasn't 100 percent hetero. Of course, this is my high school, in this little corner of the world, but I recall it was tough for my best friend, a gay guy(and he used me for cover as his "girlfriend', we are still best friends even though he's moved to another state)...and I know I was open to any variation of gay...but at the time, didn't identify as bi....and it's SO much a part of my nature, I feel that there had to be a reason I was not acknowledging it back then. I can recall horrible things that gay/bi kids would have to go through, if found out.

 

Then, I went back to school, being in my mid to 20's up to more recent times....and the college I was at I felt like an outsider, b/c I was not straight out of high school like many of the students. I was amazed, then, and found myself feeling like I struck gold...with all the girls that were openly bi-sexual and it seemed rather "popular" to be bi. I was very flattered a few times at being approached by young women, and thought about how different this is compared to how I grew up.

 

I wondered about it then....but it came back up the other day, when my oldest boy, who is in the first year of high school, brought home a flyer he wanted to show me....about having gay/lesbian/bi alliances, or clubs in the high school. I was amazed, but pleased to see that. My son told me that most, not even a lot, but that most girls in his school considered themselves bi and at very least curious. However, where he says it's not a terrible thing for boys to be bi...that it still isn't as "popular" as it is for the girls.

 

Has anyone noticed this, or is it just trends in the area I'm in...or even maybe, it's b/c I myself have a bigger view now and am more open therefore more able to see? Hope everyone has a great day.

[TheLorax 173]

Well, it's an interesting question with a complicated answer.

 

I'm a little older than you (but not by much) and I've self-identified as bisexual since I was 23, but looking back I can see that was just when I came out to myself.

 

There's also the phenomenom of the "four year queer" which refers to the period of time many young adults explore their sexuality during college when they go away from their friends and family to a new place where they can experiment with who they are, then return to heterosexuality when they have to move out into the real world and get jobs and pretend to be normal.

 

From a sociological standpoint, homosexuality and bisexuality are much more accepted now among the younger generations. But the younger generations aren't the ones who comprise the bulk of swingers, that still falls firmly in the white, middle class, mid 30s to mid 50s range, and that group, while a little more accepting of bisexuality than they were 20-30 years ago, still lag the curve in acceptance.

 

Of course, in swinging, female bisexuality has always been more acceptable than male bisexuality, and this is mirrored in the larger society.

 

You've been reading in the bisexuality part of the forum, so it seems more friendly here, but there are a number of people on the board who not only are very firmly not bisexual, but are also very much not accepting of it either.

 

If you were to go to a club as a single bisexual woman, you will find that you are pretty popular. Do the same as a single bisexual man and you'll find you are a pariah. There are some exceptions of course, but in general that's the rule of thumb.

[Karmickiss 28]

Wow, TheLorax,

 

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and honest post on this. I can now easily see what you were saying about college...it makes all the sense in the world. I think being a little older I felt like I was doing things backwards in a way with school. For one, I commuted, and had a family during school years. This would be the time for all kinds of experimentation, it seems obvious now, and I'm glad you gave me that slight shift in perspective to see it from different angle.

 

I finally identified when I was 19-20, and I honestly couldn't believe, looking back in hindsight that it even took me that long! I do recall people having any "deviance" sexually in my younger years, like high school, were targeted and treated badly. I am really kind of surprised and relieved that my boys are growing up with more peer acceptance. My oldest says he's open(thought about it a lot, and has no prejudice at least) and while he'll always be my little guy, I am happy that he can say that without any fear. Both of my boys know about me, b/c I was with a woman for a few years and they very much liked her.

 

I haven't been in any scene, or clubs for years....but mostly the last few I wasn't up to anything like it, and then the late partner not being a swinger, I am dreadfully out of date with what's going on. The one place I did go, now has different closer locations, I know that much, and maybe will go. It's funny, as I get older, the more I want to go into things slowly enough for the sake of finding a "good fit", but need to get out more...

 

It has been a while since I was active here...and unfortunately, this can be a topic that causes some not so nice things in emotional reactions from some. I'm prepared a little more than I used to be, for that, but it can be hurtful if I'm in the right "place" for it. I am checking out the bi-sexual forum as one of the first, I think, b/c it helps me to put out there the nature of who I am...and find kindred souls and ease my way back into the scene.

 

One great thing about now, for me, is, that I really know much better myself, and what I want, and what I know I don't want. Actually, this site helped me so much in the past to figure this out, and I'm always grateful for the feedback, and thanks again for the reply, I got a lot out of it,

[CXXC 435]

Take a read from Foxnew's Sexpert on Bi-sexuality. I found it to be quite interesting. Mrs. CXXC enjoyed the article as well.

 

FOXSexpert: Is This Bisexual Thing Way Overblown? - Sex | Erectile Dysfunction | Sexual Health - FOXNews.com

 

We hope it sheds some light on the subject for you!

[Chicup 41]

But the younger generations aren't the ones who comprise the bulk of swingers, that still falls firmly in the white, middle class, mid 30s to mid 50s range, and that group, while a little more accepting of bisexuality than they were 20-30 years ago, still lag the curve in acceptance.

 

You've been reading in the bisexuality part of the forum, so it seems more friendly here, but there are a number of people on the board who not only are very firmly not bisexual, but are also very much not accepting of it either.

 

Guilty as charged

 

Edit: Ah negative rep, its been a while, but lets not do it cowardly please

 

But lets expound on this a bit since I seem to have tickled someones buttons.

 

The issue with male bisexuality isn't a live an let live one. I don't think there are many homophobes in the lifestyle. Hell I was just at a nude beach where the 'gay' section has men disappearing into the bushes for some reason (wink wink) and it doesn't bother me in the least, nor does it the Mrs.

 

Its that its a turn off period for both of us and many in our peer group when we see it.

 

As such we become those annoying people who won't attend clubs where male bisexuality is in the open, and get called nasty names by male bisexuals and couples with a male bisexual for our lack of tolerance.

 

Its nothing to do WITH tolerance, we tolerate it just fine, its just a turn off to see it, and being we go to clubs to get turned on, we won't attend clubs where its in the open. Because it seems most couples are like this, it in turn makes male bisexuals feel oppressed because club owners like business.

 

Apologizing for being icked out by male sexual contact with other males is like apologizing for being bisexual in the first place. Its a sexual preference, hardwired at this point into my brain, and nothing is going to change that.

[TheLorax 173]

Guilty as charged

 

Edit: Ah negative rep, its been a while, but lets not do it cowardly please

 

Wasn't me, man. If I have a beef with someone I either don't say anything at all, or confront them directly.

 

But lets expound on this a bit since I seem to have tickled someones buttons.

 

The issue with male bisexuality isn't a live an let live one. I don't think there are many homophobes in the lifestyle.

 

Ah, there's where you are wrong. There are very definitely many homophobes in the lifestyle. They don't tend to be as vocal now as they were when I first got involved in swinging, but they are definitely there. It was one (of several) of the reasons I got a bad taste about swinging in my first experience. At the time I wasn't even bisexual

 

Its that its a turn off period for both of us and many in our peer group when we see it.

 

As such we become those annoying people who won't attend clubs where male bisexuality is in the open, and get called nasty names by male bisexuals and couples with a male bisexual for our lack of tolerance.

 

Apologizing for being icked out by male sexual contact with other males is like apologizing for being bisexual in the first place. Its a sexual preference, hardwired at this point into my brain, and nothing is going to change that.

 

Speaking for me, I don't have any issues with what other people have as preferences or lack of preferences. I have a lot of things I am turned off by, a few of them things I commonly see in more public places (like at clubs).

 

The main reason I posted about it in this thread was I wanted to let Karmic know that while this is the bisexuality and swinging forum, it's not a completely bi-friendly place as there are people on the forum (and you are one of them, among several) who will post their dislike of it here. That's fine, I don't have any issue with your preferences, but here is also not a "safe" place to post for someone looking for nothing but support.

[TheLorax 173]

CXXC said:

Take a read from Foxnew's Sexpert on Bi-sexuality. I found it to be quite interesting. Mrs. CXXC enjoyed the article as well.

 

FOXSexpert: Is This Bisexual Thing Way Overblown? - Sex | Erectile Dysfunction | Sexual Health - FOXNews.com

 

We hope it sheds some light on the subject for you!

 

Well, one of the reasons I didn't identify with being bisexual earlier in life was because while I grew up with a few friends who were gay, I was attracted to women, and growing up in a typically homophobic environment (such as Karmic posted about), I *knew* I wasn't "gay". This was in the 80s, no one told me there was an alternative. You were either gay or you were straight. Sure, I knew straight people who had sex with motss, and I knew gay people who had sex with motos, but they all very firmly identified as gay or straight.

 

In the early 90s, with the spread of the net, information became more available to the average person, and people felt more comfortable revealing more about themselves in the relatively anonymous environments being created, and people found that there was an alternative to being a gay or straight person who happened to also play with someone of a gender not of their own usual preference. It was called bisexuality. It no longer was the province of the college students, celebrities, or 1920s hipsters.

 

While those of us who identify as bisexual are less common than those who identify as straight or gay, people who exhibit bisexual behavior are very common. That was the thing with Kinsey's research. My biggest beef with it was the fact that he used *any* same sex (or opposite sex for homosexuals) contact at all to label people. Masters and Johnson used a, XY axis scale and modern sexuality research uses an xyz axis scale.

 

Regardless, while society is becoming more accepting of homosexuality and bisexuality, I doubt the numbers of people engaging in whatever sexual behaviors will change that much. The biggest difference will be in people who are more honest about it.

[ncmd_couple 597]

I don’t know that being Bi-Sexual is more popular than it used to be. It is just that the public, and private, perceptions have changed over the years. I’m 51, and as I grew up in the 60s and 70s I knew of quite a few people who had had same sex experiences. Back in those days it was very much in the closet. My college experience lasted one semester then I got married at 18 and real life intruded on any possibility of wilder experiences.

 

Then through the 80s and 90s the GBL communities were really pushing the envelope for full public recognition and acceptance. Those people who are completely straight were mainly offended because of the “in your face” approach of the GBL communities. Or at least that is my opinion.

 

I raised three children, two girls and a boy, during the 80s and 90s. My son, the youngest, talked openly with me about what was going on in school. It was a “social goal” for the teenage girls to be openly Bi, even though he felt that few of them had actually had Bi experiences. At the time he had a nominal girlfriend who was on a mission to have a real GG experience as a badge or honor and having a higher social position within the screwed up mess that they were growing up in. But now that I think about it, he never expressed anything about Bi-Male situations. I guess he didn’t feel comfortable talking about it with me. As for my daughters, I assume they had such discussions with my ex-wife.

 

Now, you see it in television shows and in other venues. It is openly discussed in news articles and such. Bi-Females are pretty openly accepted in the swinger world and elsewhere. Yet, being a Bi-male is still not openly accepted, and by many, resisted. Mainly I think that it is resisted in the swinger community because the straight males are afraid that they will be in a play situation, be occupied, feel someone giving them a BJ, look down, and “Oh Shit!” it’s a guy!

 

I am noticing more and more couple’s profiles with Bi or Bi-curious males. I think it would be better for all if people put there preferences openly in their profiles. That way the straight folks can avoid those couples, and those who are more open minded about Bi-Males can contact those couples who they share similar interests.

 

So as for being more popular, I don’t really think so. More open, yes.

[Chicup 41]

Ah, there's where you are wrong. There are very definitely many homophobes in the lifestyle. They don't tend to be as vocal now as they were when I first got involved in swinging, but they are definitely there. It was one (of several) of the reasons I got a bad taste about swinging in my first experience. At the time I wasn't even bisexual

 

I could be wrong on this and should restate it as 'I haven't seen much true homophobia in swinging'. It could be a location thing, or just what I've seen.

 

One thing I did see though was back when we were on LL (and will most likely need to be again since Swing Lifestyle seems to have really died in our area couples wise) was that since their forums linked their posters profiles, peoples responses were tempered by if they wanted to swing with that couple or not. Attractive couple = kiss ass posts, unattractive = real feelings. Its part of why I choose not to link any profile here, I want real responses not responses based on if someone wants to bang my wife or not. Anyways if the couple had a bi male listed it was almost universally in the 'real/harsh' response range, though I attributed that more to people not wanting to swing with bi males than I did true homophobia.

[Karmickiss 28]

Hi All,

I am happy to read everyone's thoughts about this, so far, thanks for sharing them, . I can understand that it definitely isn't for everyone, and the whole thing about if you are going places to get turned on...that something outside someone's preferences could be a turn off, that's fair to say. Ironically, I have a "Live and Let Live" bumper sticker...lol...but that's one of my favorite mottos.

 

I really identified with ncmd_couple as far as the female bi-sexuality being a "badge of honor" and something a lot of young girls seem to be aspiring to. My son and I have had some good talks about it, and I asked him what he really thought....that did all these girls(b/c he said 'most' girls) claiming it, actually had some experience(s) and if he thought it was more a popular stance for the girls to take now. He said that he thought it was more a social standing thing. This kind of surprised me, and I'm glad he is so open about talking about these things. He did say it was pretty common to see girls openly dating and being in relationships.

 

This has been good for me to read about, and a good insight into myself, even. I always did have a healthy amount of gay friends, and was often sad to see the intolerance if it was done in a hurtful way, or coming from fear/disgust. My marriage, though we were very young, and for many reasons shouldn't have got together like that then...but at the time, my coming out as bi-sexual, is,according to my exH still one of the major reasons we separated. That's another story, but has a double standard in there going the other way, as in, it was ok for him to keep "experimenting" (esp. if he wasn't sober..lol) but disgusting for me to admit that I enjoyed women just as well, and could see myself being with either sex in a relationship way.

 

What's really good for me to realize, is that I've come a long way with self acceptance. I feel like I'm not as "thin skinned" as I used to be. I can understand the feeling of "in your face", too...but I feel like that about just about every concept I can think of..I wouldn't want anything shoved down my throat if it just wasn't me. Sometimes I've dealt with people that felt b/c of my preferences, that I want to recruit others, or be some kind of a dangerous "siren", tempting others to dash themselves on the rocks. I like what I'm reading, b/c for me it's interesting to see all sides of a thing..typical gemini? Anyway, thanks all for responding, Sincerely, Karmic

[Karmickiss 28]

Oh wow...just needed to thank CXXC for providing the link!! Very interesting, thanks so much for taking the time to share this piece. I was really surprised by the one study saying 5percent men, and 3percent female in the US truly identify as bi. I love good reading,and will keep this to go back to, and read further and also share this with a couple people I know would be interested .Thanks again..

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

Karmickiss said:

. . . . Does it seem to anyone, that it is far more "popular" to be bi-sexual these days? . . .

If you will allow, my dear Karmic. I would like to ask for a clarification. Do you mean to ask whether or not being bi-sexual is more fashionable these days? Or possibly more acceptable. Some of the esteemed members here seem to be answering the question, is bi-sexuality more prevalent these days? If so, my own answer is, of course not. Unless evolution and human biology has somehow taken a sharp left turn, there is a no greater proportion of bi-sexual people now than there were fifty, one-hundred or one-hundred and fifty years ago.

[CXXC 435]

SW_PA_Couple said:

If you will allow, my dear Karmic. I would like to ask for a clarification. Do you mean to ask whether or not being bi-sexual is more fashionable these days? Or possibly more acceptable. Some of the esteemed members here seem to be answering the question, is bi-sexuality more prevalent these days? If so, my own answer is, of course not. Unless evolution and human biology has somehow taken a sharp left turn, there is a no greater proportion of bi-sexual people now than there were fifty, one-hundred or one-hundred and fifty years ago.

 

Oooooo! This is one of my favorite topics. Not so much the bi-sexuality question as the historical rise and fall of alternative sexual lifestyles.

 

Studies have shown that population totals greatly affect the sexual bias in the population. Higher populations produce larger % or homosexual behaviors.

 

One study presents an argument that Bi-sexuality is a direct correlation to growing population as it near critical mass. Once overpopulation has been reached, homosexuality becomes well above the 10% norm to nearly 30%.

 

In short, bi-sexuality is a launch pad for a future in homosexual relations.

 

These are studies I read 3 years ago and am not able to relocate just yet. I will keep looking. I must admit, I did find them interesting when you look at the fact that in the last 40 years, the population of the earth has doubled.

 

then again, it could be that the media just likes to make note of things that are no longer so TABOO!!!!!!!!

[CXXC 435]

One more thing I would like to add. I love this test. It is pretty easy and straight forward. It helps put a perspective on our sexual "position" if you will!

 

Epstein Sexual Orientation Inventory (ESOI)

[VegasLee 1,486]

We set up an on line poll once for the people that came to the club. This was for the ladies only to answer. The results kind of surprised me.

 

The question was "Ladies, Are You Really Bi?"

 

The answer choices and their response as follows:

 

Yes, I am really Bi. 29%

I am passive Bi, I like the touch of other women. 41%

I am bi to keep my spouse happy. 7%

I am bi to fit into the lifestyle 7%

I am not bi at all, I like the men only. 14%

 

We asked for a clarification on the second answer to be sure how they where voting and most replied that they would allow other women to play with them but they would not return the favor.

 

It appears most women that responded to the poll are not really bi but play the part as part of this Lifestyle.

 

This poll was taken two years ago.

 

Not sure if that helps but just information we have gathered.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

. . . Higher populations produce larger % or homosexual behaviors. . .

A greater amount of homosexual activity is not the same thing as saying a greater proportion of homosexuals. There are and have been plenty of people who are or were puzzled by their feelings but had no model for behavior or information for helping them to understand their feelings.

[Karmickiss 28]

Hi SW_PA_Couple (and all),

 

Perhaps "popular" really isn't the right word, I will try to clarify what I meant. I think I may have used this word, b/c of the things my son was sharing with me...and somehow the whole school-age way to make him understand was to say, "popular" like "the popular crowd". I think you said 'fashionable', as one possibility, and I think that's pretty close to what I was getting at.

 

Maybe even , "more acceptable'..but wait..(stepping on my own toes here, lol) the way he described it was that most girls identified as bi...and I think I was intrigued b/c I wondered how so many would be so sure, and if so, it felt like a very large percentage, so I wondered if, then, it was almost like the trends in fashion that seem to come and go. Maybe it is more acceptance, and desensitization to it being taboo...and I couldn't help but wonder if maybe it is partly to fit in with a certain group. He did say that definitely all the "popular girls" are bi.

 

This made me ponder if ,b/c of not being as suppressed or taboo as it once might have been, if it's made people more open to this side in themselves, and/or if this might be a trend in more than one area, than let's say, the schools and even the adult social life in my area, and I love all the feedback, b/c I can only say what it feels like in my tiny corner of the world .

 

I loved reading about the poll VegasLee described, very interesting. I think I might be sensitive(not in a bad way) about what most women mean when they identify as bi. I was always a little paranoid about a woman being intimate with me strictly for her partner, and what if she really was NOT into it, but played along. I always hope to think that someone is intimate with me b/c they feel it 100 percent, and for me the seeming greater numbers perhaps makes me question the sincerity, and leave me feeling like an opportunist only, b/c for me it matters so much that I'm doing something to make someone feel good, instead of pressured.

 

Actually, when I posed the question, I didn't see in myself this side of it, but getting the feedback and searching myself has again helped me see my own thoughts/feelings/motives...which is awesome.

 

P.S. I have also wondered about people with a trauma history affecting preferences, and then again, it all comes down to maybe a fear of indirectly "taking advantage"of a situation

[HappyMdCpl 52]

I think that being "bi" appears to be more "popular" now, especially bi women. Many songs on the radio seems to talk about girls kissing girls, (Christina Aguileras new song mentions it, Lady Gaga's song "pokerface" is about her being "bi" supposedly, Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl", etc), so maybe because it is more public, it is more popular? Or just more accepted?

 

I agree with you, however, it seems to be more popular in general sense of the word. Which is cool with me, because I am very bi. I even questioned my sexuality much of my life secretly wondering if I was actually gay, but I very much love my husband, and swinging has truly allowed me the best of both worlds!

 

It was very liberating to have my first bi experience. I felt a weight come off my back, and my husband really enjoys the new sexual tension knowing I am bi. He is actually proud of me in a way, that I am so honest with myself and with him. (plus, for him it is a win/win also...since we have a single female we play with... but he also has NO problem either with me having a female FWB, which I think is very cool and understanding of him).

 

My theory is many women (can't vouch for men) seem to be bi to one degree or another. I had this conversation with a girlfriend one drunken night. I have had mostly bi best friends growing up (either experimented with me, or I found out "through the grapevine" they experimented with other women).

 

For me, I don't like labels, but if you are into girls enough to make out with them, I feel your "bi" to a certain degree. Hope this makes sense, lol!