How has swinging changed you?

[ViSexual 1,006]

We got into swinging after being married for three years. That was the best two year period of my life.

 

We got back into it about ten years ago for a year or so.

 

That was the second best, if not tied for best, period of my life.

[xyzzy07 15]

Like others have said, we are primping and going out more -- far more. Also, however, we've often been getting a very pleasant, walking on air, feeling because others come on to us. Even just having women flirt with me at a club (not to mention other things...) makes me feel great on Sunday!

[Bama0468 93]

Wow... lemme think... if you have read my blogs you kinda know, but for those that have not perused the blogs.

 

I (among other folks, no related, and no well known to me) I would be VERY shy, I didn't think I looked all that great, and had a lack of confidence.

 

Now I can chat a bit, am still some what shy (in person) am a lil more confident and if I know I NEED to be a lil more aggressive (Flirty, touchy feelie) I can be and have enough confidence to pull it off.

 

It added extra excitement that we didn't know existed (we were both virgins and taught each other, What a class :P )

[foozballnow 31]

Life is so much better for both of us since we started swinging. It's not just the sex that is better either. I mean we have so much fun now. The swingers we hang out with are a trip. We have never had so much fun. Some of the swingers have kids our age lol and we still have so much to talk to them about.

 

We are more carefree now. Not in a bad way. In a good way. Carefree in the sense that we don't care what other people think. We do what makes us happy and we have a good time doing it. We only live ONCE!!

[Frognlisa 15]

Swinging has made me more self confident and shown me, that not all people judge all books by the cover.

[sweet_tna 680]

I've gained more self confidence. Mr. Sweet and I are so much closer and communicate better. And of course, I have a lot more sex these days!

[imsherona2 15]

I actually started in the lifestyle as a single lady, being encouraged by a friend of mine who is very active in the lifestyle, speaks at conventions, etc. He had been telling me for several years that I should go, but at the time, I was married to a very "vanilla" man and he would have nothing to do with swinging....so, after my divorce, I was contacted again by my friend and after a long conversation with me, I decided to let my hair down and go!! I found a private home who was BBW friendly, gathered up my nerve, and off I went...and you know what? WOW, I had a very good time.

 

Now I am not naive by any means, but I did not realize that so many men appreciate a curvy woman, maybe because I was always talked down to during my 19 yr marriage, I don't know, but needless to say, it was a great experience for me.

 

Today, after meeting my SO, we both enjoy the swing lifestyle, not as often as we used to, but we dabble now and then and it has improved my self-esteem 100%. We are very open with one another, tell each other our fantasies, and explore life together...so all in all, it has been a very positive adventure!!

[tittietwister 126]

It has improved our communication but also highlighted the weaknesses in how we communicate.

 

The increased understanding of each other has brought us closer together but has also shown us how different we are and that differences, instead of being bad, are often a source of new energy.

 

Sexually, that has always been the best part of our relationship and it was somewhat disappointing to find through swinging that we had fallen into a rut. The positive side is that the sex between us has reached new heights because of the new techniques we have learned from others and the hot experiences we can now share.

 

Socially, while it has improved our social skills and expanded our social network it has also painfully pointed out weaknesses that we must continue to work on.

[bellady 16]

Swinging has enhanced me and hubby's relationship...we had a great one to start with... but it has only improved it. We feel even closer..sharing this with each other and having a "secret". Knowing that we can have sex with others and still want each other the most...

 

Also it has inspired me to take better care of myself and loose weight! What could be better than that!! :cheer:

[socolais 696]

Answering for myself, I think most of us change gradually over time. A significant behavior change like becoming swingers is sure to cause noticeable changes. There's no need to fear change, it's an opportunity to make things better. Swinging has shown me, in a way that would be impossible otherwise, just how lucky I am to have such a wonderful wife.

 

So yes, you're quite likely to change when you both accept swinging as a behavior you find fun and comfortable. Shopping for new curtains will be an opportunity for a fun time.

 

The changes I see in my wife are ALL positive - she's happier, more confident, and more adventurous.

[PB&J 1,086]

The changes I see in my wife are ALL positive - she's happier, more confident, and more adventurous.

 

Oooh! That's me!

Seriously, though, folks, swinging DID change my outlook on life, my attitude towards myself and my body, making me a happier and more relaxed person.

 

And my best friend, who hadn't seen my husband in 4 years, exclaimed as soon as she laid eyes on him that she'd never seen him look more happy and content. (about half an hour later, after a couple of shots of tequila, I'd explained to her exactly why that should be, and she was thrilled for us)

 

And we now have lots of cool new friends to enjoy ourselves with, both in and out of the bedroom.

 

Change is good, my friend, change is good.

[jjtrindc 142]

We would almost argue that we got into the lifestyle looking to change. We've always had a great sex life, but after 20 years of know each other, two kids, two full time careers, we got into a rut. We found exactly what we hoped for...to meet other fun, interesting, sexually open people. We found clubs where the music was hot and the people even hotter.

 

But we changed more than that. We became more self-confident about ourselves. We communicated more about our wants and desires and even after 20 years found out some new things about each other. Instead of actually fantasizing about things, we tried them. By most accounts we're still pretty "vanilla" having only done some room, voyeurism/exhibitionism, and a bit of soft swap. But just that has increased our bond more than ever before...our sex life is in a whole new category!

 

And yes, we did change a bit with others. We both started working out and wearing closer fit clothes that showed off our bodies. We're much more social than before -- though after a few drinks we have to watch out how social...lol.

 

It's an interesting question. Does the lifestyle change you or simply bring out the "inner-you" (omg, I'm starting to feel like Dr. Phil). Who cares. Just enjoy the ride!

[ncmd_couple 597]

The only constant is change. Swinging has changed our lives, all in a very positive way. Because for the first time we are being totally open and honest with each other. We found swinging because of who we fundamentally are. We stopped lying ourselves and each other and acknowledged our true feelings and desires. We made those changes before we discovered “swinging.” So it is a natural progression for us. It is all good.

[JustMrsJ 15]

Yes the swinging lifestyle have changed me. I am more confidence about myself and my body. I am also a lot happier in my life and our sex left is a lot more better then it was before.

[WeMayTryIt 120]

Although we have changed, we're nowhere close to being "orgy guy", and we never will be. BTW, I saw that episode of Seinfeld years ago and thought that monologue was hilarious then, I still think it is.

 

The changes we've seen have been positive. We communicate better, we are completely transparent with one another. We do look at each other differently. We now realize that we are each others' ultimate fantasy, not so before. When I look at my wife, I see a woman who is more confident in every area of her life, a woman who knows she is sexy, desirable and full of pleasure. I see that she knows, without any hint of doubt, that I will always be her number one, and she sees the same thing in me. None of that was present before we started this journey.

 

We're now more open-minded in general, more accepting of people just the way they are. We tend to go out more than we used to, whether it's with swinging or vanilla friends. Mostly, our day-to-day life has remained the same--same jobs, same vanilla friends, same kids in the same schools with the same friends--everything in our life is as normal as it was before with the exception of our incredibly close relationship. That, and we now have an added hobby You can choose to make it a "lifestyle" or just something extra you add when you have the time and the urge. We've chosen the latter and it fits very well with our life. Basically, it isn't our life, just a small part of it.

[mixtupcpl 169]

Let me ask you a few questions rather than giving any opinions yet...

 

How did you come to this point? Presumably, you raised the idea, yes? What was her reaction? What is your, I guess, "goal" in this?

 

I think in order to understand how you may be affected, and decide if any potential risk is worth it, you have to understand first what it means to you and how you got to this point.

 

For many (most?) its something that just stays a naughty, pillow-talk, fantasy to spice things up. And there is nothing wrong with that. Most of the positive changes discussed here can happen in other ways - especially if the communication is good. Not to belittle them, but there are other ways to deal with insecurities and know that you truly are a sexy, desirable, individual who is adored by your mate without needing to do this. Maybe I'm playing devil's advocate, but I think someone needs to REALLY know that this is who they are before they take any kind of real step down this road.

 

So tell us a little more about what has been on your mind.

[gatorvol64 216]

Gator and I have changed so much since high school. Being together 26 years means we've grown up together.

 

Yes, we've changed since we started swinging. Like most here, it's been for the positive. But really, we had to have changed our attitude about some things before we ever could consider moving fantasies into reality. Just talking about it required some change.

[LFM2 1,482]

When Dave first brought up the idea of swinging to me a few years ago, I knew from that moment on, our lives had changed forever, whether we chose to swing or not.

 

If we did, we'd have to face those hurdles and whatever came with it. If we chose not to, we'd often wonder about the "what-ifs". There might always be something in the back of his head that wished his wife would have at least tried it.

 

I think it's a good thing that we both have open minds and are willing to at least listen to what the other has to say instead of shutting them down and not listening at all.

 

Well, since we do swing, I can only say that our relationship has only changed for the better. We are more open in our communication, we are very honest with each other and we are sickeningly sweet towards each other all the time to the point it makes our kids gag.

 

We go out TOGETHER a lot. We don't have his friends or my friends. They are our friends.

 

I can't say we've changed physically. Neither one of us dresses differently, except I do think I'm a bit more daring in my clothing. We do have more fun with each other, and believe me, it's odd to hear us in a grocery isle or at Home Depot checking out couples and singles "wishing" and we both express that to each other. It's wonderful to see him have so much fun when we go out. I know he feels the same way about me.

 

BTW... good question!

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

Both of us were already in the lifestyle when we met. Thus, we've been swinging as a couple since day one and nothing has changed at all.

[nhcpl1968 18]

We have been in the lifestyle off and on over the last 15yrs and we have become a lot closer in our relationship. We never had any problems, we just have a closer bond now.

[Guest screaminggood]

We enjoy our "secret" together. I'm more open in telling him my wild fantasies that I used to keep to myself...now there's always the possibility of living them out.

[lustylearning 705]

I've only discovered one negative change. Since most of our friends are swingers now, when I want to bitch about something my husband's done, I can't bitch to anyone but him

[realcplub2 513]

The biggest change we have is a easier time communicating between ourselves.

 

And yes, sharing a secret life between ourselves, is a constant source of humor.

[JustAskJulie 2,589]

I've only discovered one negative change. Since most of our friends are swingers now, when I want to bitch about something my husband's done, I can't bitch to anyone but him::P:

 

That's probably a good thing

 

I was involved in swinging before we got together and told him about it pretty early on but it took us close to a year before we really started considering it as an option for ourselves. What it has allowed us to do is be more open about our desires and attractions. We were both very open about these things from the beginning. Another plus for us is the more I get sex the more I want it

[Trace Ekies 186]

Our relationship was and is excellent.

 

We both agree that swinging has not improved our relationship but added something that we both enjoy.

 

I would define improvement as better with or without our hobby. The fact is, our relationship will be the same with or without.

 

Clear as mud, eh?

[TheDeal 117]

Ours has also become stronger. The poly thing we went through was very tough, but just like swinging it taught us more about each other than I thought possible. I would also like to make an observation: Open, honest, and intense communication seems to be the key factor in any good relationship. I know it's thrown around a lot here and in the poly community, but it is the 800 lb. gorilla in a relationship. Any couple we have met that does not have a good relationship, are ones where there is not allot of communication.

[willyoats 324]

A good marriage is made up of a lot of factors, of which sex is a necessary, but not sufficient, part. We had a good marriage with good, but not great, sex. I was not particularly imaginative or romantic, but I did give her good orgasms.

 

After we started swinging, I loosened up a lot. I was more aggressive and more attentive to her needs, both of which were minor issues that stood between us and perfection. I got over the curiosity about what it would be like to have other women and to see her have other men. Both of those things were becoming a little obsessive with me.

 

She got lots of guys to flirt and dance with her. That was a real turn on that filled a gap where I was deficient.

 

We started "screwing our brains out" with a spontaneity that we had never had before. It was terrific! If we had never started swinging, we would have gone on with our good marriage and probably never known the difference. Thank goodness we did start, because we went from "good" to "better" to "best."

[mind_boggler 15]

Well not sure if our experience counts or not since we haven't actually done anything yet...but we do feel that since we have actively started discussing swinging, we have been more "comfortable" with talking things out. So yeah at least that's one positive any relationship could take.

[CXXC 435]

The lifestyle has changed a few things in Mrs. CXXC and my life, outlook and professional views.

 

Mrs. CXXC thanks me often for "giving" her the gift of Eros. I didn't give her anything! We simply accepted a desire within each other and acted upon it. If anything, She gave me freedom to act on that desire more than I had given it to her.

 

Having this freedom, we are now a thousand times more open with one another about virtually everything. The lifestyle even perpetuated a change in the way we communicate with each other and our friends, families and co-workers.

 

The sexual side of our lives was the last stronghold of secrecy between us. Having torn down these walls, we are now able to look at virtually everything in our lives, together, openly and freely discuss matters otherwise thought of as too personal.

 

Think about it! Your wife holds your penis and places it into another woman's mouth/vagina. How much more open can you get? It only follows that the spoken communications will be equally open.

 

Mrs. CXXC, although quite a beautiful woman, had always felt less than pretty. Well, not any more. The confirmation she has received nearly every day by so many people in E-mail, phone, and in person has snapped that false matter entirely.

 

for me, each time I am with another woman, I have the opportunity to improve myself as a lover. This works on my personal worth as well. I feel I have become a worthy lover and this adds to my self actualization. I'm not such a bad guy! HA HA

 

For both Mrs. CXXC, there is a great deal of self confidence that is gained from the lifestyle. It passes on through our personal and professional lives.

 

We take better stock of our physical well being due to a desire to be in the best possible shape and health for our potential lovers. this makes things even better when it is just us! More stamina, more energy, more passion, more, more, more! FUN!

 

That is how we see the changes in our lives due to the lifestyle.

[GreatCoupleNY 16]

We've just begun to consider swinging. I believe that at this point we are pretty much sold on the idea. Thanks in part to reading everything here.

 

I can say for myself that it has changed me in a lot of basic ways already, before even actually having any experiences and having only redefined our expectations for our marriage. The way that I deal with everyday people for instance. 3 minutes ago I had a passing conversation with a woman who works in the same office complex while having a smoke outside. I found myself relaxed and flirtatious where a few weeks ago I would have been constantly careful of not giving wrong impressions. My mind set has totally changed. Communicating with my partner about how this is for us and how she is the most important person in my life without exception, no matter what, and both deciding that we want to be open to new things has been like lifting a huge weight off my shoulders. I feel a lot more relaxed all the time and boy did I need that.

 

I'm thinking that this is really for us and I'm excited about the entire scene.

 

We are still working out the details and we are being careful to get off on the right foot but just to have gotten to a point where my wife is open to the idea and actually a bit excited about it is just awesome.

[sunbuckus 3,565]

I have been wanting to respond to this question for awhile but I wanted to write a long exposition so I always put it off. So, please excuse me if my response is longer than desired.

 

The answer to the question is a most resounding, "Yes!" I love my parents but they are very closed-minded and judgmental. It was always expected of me to stay within the lines, follow their rules, and be the "good daughter." Of course, I felt the pressure to be the best child possible because I was their only "normal" child. I knew they wanted the best for me and I didn't want to let them down so I wanted to make them happy knowing that I was the child they always dreamed of.

 

From this upbringing stemmed my narrow thinking about how things should be. Nudity, kissing someone other than the opposite sex, sex before marriage, having lustful thoughts about others, etc...all no-no's. It wasn't until I met Mr. Sunbuckus and took my first philosophy class in college that I realized how small my view of the world was. Arguing the existence of God? That in itself blew my mind in class. Comparing how differently Mr. Sunbuckus' parents and my own parents were in accepting others around them...it was odd at first but refreshing, enlightening, and loving once I spent more time with them and Mr. Sunbuckus.

 

My father has droves of porn tapes at their house (and yes, I did sneak a few times to watch some when I was younger). My mother always complained about this activity and I surmised that men shouldn't look at porn. For 12 years, it has been a pressure point between Mr. Sunbuckus and I because of how my mother felt. There were even a few times that I almost broke up with him during our younger years because of his "stash". I have to admit, even now after we have had our swinging experiences, for some reason, porn still is a sore point with me if he sneaks a peek when I'm not around. Either my brain hasn't realized how absurd it is or it just doesn't understand why Mr. Sunbuckus would still need to since playing with other swing partners is better than the fake stuff that porn puts out.

 

Mr. Sunbuckus and I have had our unfaithful (cheating) moments in our relationship. It wasn't fun working through those times but we did. It was during that time that I started to question how likely it is for humans to truly be monogamous. I wanted to blog about my feelings several times but I knew it would bring hail and brimstone upon myself since family and relatives read my blog so I left the topic unexplored within myself.

 

Starting from when I was in elementary school, I always had a healthy "imagination." I would literally fantasize about how it would be to talk or hold hands with a boy that I had liked at school. As I got older, it developed into more complex situations...usually sexual. In high school, I had thoughts about multiple boys having their way with me, restraining me, or someone in authority seducing me. And yes, I would sometimes fantasize about my own teachers even! But I never shared those thoughts with Mr. Sunbuckus. I kept them hidden and read erotic stories about gangbangs or boss/employee situations.

 

I had a recurring fantasy that I would use at night to put myself to sleep if I had a hard time getting some zzzzz's. I decided to write it down and to share it with an online friend for critiquing. It blew his gasket and wanted more. With the sexual talk, it turned into wanting to play with me. I knew where that would head to and stopped. But thinking of a threesome was enticing, especially since I hadn't known anyone else to express their desire to play with me other than the time I cheated on Mr. Sunbuckus. (I had always/still have doubts about my self appearance so I always assume that no one would find me desirable.) One night, I brought up the threesome idea to Mr. Sunbuckus...reluctantly. I wasn't sure what he thought about it and I was afraid of how he would react. He seemed surprised but not upset. We started to do double penetration with himself and a toy and asked me if I was interested in doing a DP with another man as well. From there, we checked out a swingers club a few times before heading to a house party to try a full swap.

 

The first time at the club, I found it very refreshing to see women of all shapes and sizes--lumps, bumps, cellulite, stretch marks, you name it. At our first house party, I loved how everyone was friendly and open. Greeting friends with kisses and hugs (or more), the ability to talk about sex so openly with anyone and everyone, the entire social aspect...I loved it and I wanted to be a part of such a loving community.

 

So...has it changed my thinking? Yes! I find myself more open, less judgmental, less critical of others. I still have my moments but as a whole, I am a lot more accepting of others as they are. The whole marriage/relationship issue is a 180 degrees for me since my high school years. I also used to be a very jealous person...mostly because I was insecure about myself and my relationship with Mr. Sunbuckus. I always felt that he had settled and I could lose him to any pretty face that would give him attention. Knowing that we come home to each other after every swing experience has helped to banish that fear.

 

Has it changed my relationship? Yes! We communicate more often and openly. We're more experimental about everything (we still have our limits, of course). And we're definitely closer than we were before swinging. And as stated before, I am more secure in our relationship.

 

Has it changed my life? Well, yes! Going out to meet people to have sex with them? How different is that?? But for me, it's more than just the sex. I have loved meeting so many different people in such a short amount of time and having a level of openness and friendliness that is hard to have with any other group of people. I have loved going out, getting dressed up, and chatting and flirting. But most of all, I enjoy all of those things with Mr. Sunbuckus by my side because not only are we sharing the experience but I know that it is all fun and in the end--I still have everything I really want in life: husband, family, and home.

[prairieshadows 95]

Yes it has changed our thinking, and our relationship with each other as well as our life. We do enjoy swinging with other couples, but and it has added another dimension to our relationship with each other, in many ways it's brought us closer together, and improved the trust we have with each other and our communication we have with each other as well. As far as how it's changed our thinking, it's really changed how we think of each other and about each other and each others ideas and feelings, not only when it comes to swinging, but in other areas of our lives as well. I know for me, there had been times when I didn't always consider her feelings and wanted to do things because I wanted to, and didn't get her input and how she felt, as a result it caused issues in our marriage. We have worked past those issues and it really improved the communication we have with each other. We have an open marriage, and we meet people alone, and something we ALWAYS do, is if we want to meet someone, we ALWAYS talk about it with each other first, because say that night she is thinking about seeing this particular guy, I wanted to spend that evening with her, I let her know, and vice versa if I want to meet another woman.

 

Also we have 3 kids, and it has changed things, because we really don't want our kids knowing about our lifestyle, so we have to keep it secret from them, also with our families. Not something I really want my family to know about, my brother is a pastor, and I really don't want the sermon about how he believes it's wrong.