Advice for single guys

[4cplsinmd 15]

As a single man, in search of couples, I understand why it is hard to find them. Some advice for you guys

 

#1 Don't be a liar. Be real and true to who you are. If you are bi...then say so. It's only going to cause problems later.

#2Be a gentleman. Dress to impress, be clean, and yes, hold the door for the lady, asshole!

#3 Don't expect sex the first nite. You want to get to know these people. When you feel comfortable, the sex will be much more better.

 

So..........feel free to add to my list.......Thanks:kiss:

[BradAndJanet 69]

4cplsinmd, that's a pretty good list!

 

Welcome to the board!

 

-B

[thump29 16]

Welcome to the board. I liked your list. I had one bad experience with a single male and about gave up with even finding one, Then I met Flori Daman and he showed me that not all single males are alike. I can understand why people feel the way they do about single males because i once felt that way myself. However, I have learned that not all single males are the same and there are some really great single males out there.

[mrbandsatl 17]

We have had several good experiences with single men. The main thing we look for, beyond the attraction, are signs that he is respectful and understands the word no. We have developed strict standards for meeting men over the years and some of requirements do not always make sense guys who inquire. But those who have respected our requests have always had the most success. And the ones who leave expectations at the door, particularly the first time we meet, definately have the best chance with us.

[Tellya Later 15]

to get a single woman.

 

Ironic don't ya think.

[mrbandsatl 17]

Agreed. Good manners, respect and common sense go a long way in any relationship. Seems strange that so many of the basics are forgotton once someone adopts the "lifestyle" label. Or, maybe its a representation of the general population. It just makes us crazy how many rude and assuming individuals we bump into it.

[BiloxiCouple 694]

Those rules also apply to all the married couples.

 

It's amazes me sometimes when a couple shows up the lady is dressed to please and the guy is wearing cutoff jean shorts and a tank top just as an example.

 

Dress to impress. Be honest. Use your manners that your momma taught you.

 

Okay, I vented a little.

[4cplsinmd 15]

Thanks, everyone for the welcome and the feedback. I have been reading lots of posts and I see a lot of smart, witty, together people here. Cool. Think I'll hang out a while.:evil:

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Welcome 4cplsinmd! I'm running behind here - always a day late and a dollar short, but I wanted to jump in and say thanks for introducing yourself and posting some good information.

 

I think you're right on target with your common sense advice, and like Tellya Later said, the same advice applies to striking up a relationship with a single woman, too. It also applies to a single woman striking up a relationship with a single man or a couple. And couples with couples...and singles....

 

OK. When we get right down to it, seems that it is common sense to do all you listed regardless of gender or couple status, doesn't it.

 

For sure, you will find a bunch of interesting and witty people on this Board - makes for a very pleasant place to visit each day - or several times a day for some. Who? Me? Watch out - you may find yourself being one of "those" along with some of us.

 

So, to get you started on the path to being one of "those," why not take a few minutes to tell us about yourself, your experiences, how it is you came to be interested in swinging, etc.

 

Looking forward to hearing more from you! and again, Welcome and glad to have you with us. -EBF

[4cplsinmd 15]

O.K., EBF..... I am a 49 y.o. bisexual {yep, me too} male, 5' 9" tall, 160 lbs, br/gr. I have been in the lifestyle for many years and have had a lot of fun. I guess my fav sex is the MFM threesome so I am always ISO bi-couples. I don't have to have all the power and control, but I can't give it all up, either. Being totally submissive just doesn't work for me.

I also like to get to know my partners and be friends, too.{ I am not a whore, well , at least most of the time.}

Thats a little about me.....so whats your story EBF?

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by 4cplsinmd

O.K., EBF..... I am a 49 y.o. bisexual {yep, me too} male, 5' 9" tall, 160 lbs, br/gr. I have been in the lifestyle for many years and have had a lot of fun. I guess my fav sex is the MFM threesome so I am always ISO bi-couples. I don't have to have all the power and control, but I can't give it all up, either. Being totally submissive just doesn't work for me.

I also like to get to know my partners and be friends, too.{ I am not a whore, well , at least most of the time.}

Thats a little about me.....so whats your story EBF?

 

Glad your back! Sometimes people post an intro and never join us again and I always wonder why.

 

My story? Real simple...I'm older than you , and as for the vitals? I'll leave that to the imaginations of all. That way, I can be whatever you imagine. But I'm rather fiesty for the most part...can be outspoken on occasions...will hang back on others. I generally go with the flow unless something strikes a particular cord. I enjoy the friendly banter that we have on this Board, not to mention I've learned a lot and have met some incredibly wonderful people. "Met" as in actually met at some of our Meet & Greets and "Met" as in on-line meetings.

 

Experiences? Very limited, but enough to know what I enjoy and what I don't.

 

I'm not at all into the submissive or control thing - don't really even know what all that means and don't care too much. I just like pleasure among friends. Simple as that.

 

So...my new friend...are you going to join us in the various discussions and threads on a regular basis? I suspect you have contributions to make. And who knows, you might be fortunate enough to meet some great people, too. - EBF

[4cplsinmd 15]

Now I know where the elusive comes from. Thats cool.

Don't get me wrong about the control thing, I had a weird experience with a couple where the female was very dominate, and like I said, it didn't work.

 

And. yes, I'm gonna hang out .

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Originally posted by 4cplsinmd

Now I know where the elusive comes from. Thats cool.

And. yes, I'm gonna hang out .

 

I think you'll be fun to have around! Sharp, you are....- EBF

[C&D 15]

I know most of you don't do this but if you want to meet a couple don't send a pic of your 12 inch dick with a message of "here's my pic." This is a sure fire way of getting a "no thanks" response.

 

I assure you that 12 inches of personality goes a lot further than 12 inches of dick.

 

 

 

CandD

[HEYYOBEAUX 15]

If I had a 12 inch dick i'd be poolside with Ron Jeremy picking the evenings entertainment::P:

[sharp1 15]

Ditto

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Mrs naughty says the same thing. She likes a pic of a smile first and if she likes what she sees then a cock shot is appropiate.

 

But she wouldnt turn a guy down because he has a 12" dick but if a guy posted a pic of a 2" dick she would.

 

See..... size does matter! LOL

 

[C&D 15]

Well I posted this because we received just that. The guy sent us an email with a pic and all it said was..."my pic." No hello, liked your profile, nothin'. Just kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

 

Like I said...most of you guys don't do this but if you do show a little more respect if ya want to meet the misses'.

 

 

D

[VegasLee 1,486]

Guys that send "dick" pics to us get deleted with no response.

 

If that is their best feature then we have no use for them.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

I know most of you don't do this but if you want to meet a couple don't send a pic of your 12 inch dick with a message of "here's my pic." This is a sure fire way of getting a "no thanks" response.

 

I assure you that 12 inches of personality goes a lot further than 12 inches of dick.

CandD

 

I think I'd be inclined to find me one of those pictures with a huge one - you know, you've seen them - and send a note back to him, along with the picture and a note saying...."When you can top this...."

 

- EBF

[cpl4playmass 31]

We actually prefer that first shot! We look for single guys for one specific reason.... SEX with a nice cock..... We have met lots of nice guys but when the pants dropped I could see the misses lose all excitement. For her this is just sex, she has no desire to start friendships, ask about the kids, or how his parents are. Looks are nice, personality a plus but what matters most of all to us is that he's sensual, knows how to seduce, and has a nice cock.

[EternallySingle 32]

Well I posted this because we received just that. The guy sent us an email with a pic and all it said was..."my pic." No hello, liked your profile, nothin'. Just kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

 

Like I said...most of you guys don't do this but if you do show a little more respect if ya want to meet the misses'.

 

 

D

 

If I had even nine inches, let alone twelve, I wouldn't be wasting my time advertising on a paysite, unless it was to sell pictures of myself to gay men.

 

Seriously, guys who would do that wouldn't read this or any bulletin board for too long. They would get upset that everyone was saying that everything they did was wrong.

 

Then again, would you like a picture of my sev... never mind

[pairbond 19]

We agree with Mrs. Naughty. We find "crotch shots" to be classless and even boring. We've seen enough dicks & pussies to know what they look like! What we want to know is what the PERSON looks like, and more importantly to us, something about their personalities and intelligence, the things that make people attractive to us. When we've found ourselves attracted to anyone, the size of their dick or breasts has been irrelevant. I asked Mrs. Pairbond what most attracts her to a man and without hesitation she replied "Intelligence!" Give us an intelligent person with a nice face, a pleasant smile, and a charming personality, and we'll have a good time with them. Not every woman even LIKES a huge cock. Mrs. Pairbond would rather have an average length cock any day - she has had her cervix bruised by guys with long cocks and no brains who just pounded away.

[SluttyWife 17]

I know most of you don't do this but if you want to meet a couple don't send a pic of your 12 inch dick with a message of "here's my pic." This is a sure fire way of getting a "no thanks" response.

 

I assure you that 12 inches of personality goes a lot further than 12 inches of dick.

 

 

 

CandD

 

Dick pics! Oh barf!

I can't count how many.

 

Us girlies are into the whole package guys.

Words go a long, long way, too. So tell us a little about yourself.

Not just the fantasies, but how you spend your time, what you do,

things you enjoy, and your outlook on life.

 

 

;-*

[EternallySingle 32]

OK guys. How do you find a girlfriend?

 

Thats easy. You find a woman you like. You introduce yourself. You talk a little. You call two or three days later and hopefully talk again. You call another one or two days later and make a date two or three days later. If she accepts you turn on the charm during the date. If your second conversation was great you go for a kiss. If not you just hug. You call two days later and talk about something funny she heard. You call two or three days later and set up another date. If she accepts you joke that you are going to kiss her after the date. You go out, you kiss her afterwards. You call the next day... and hopefully after three weeks of this she sees you as a semi-permanent fixture in her life that, after a few months to a year becomes a permanent fixture in her life.

 

Swinging doesn't work that way, even (especially) if you are meeting single women. In swinging its about sex. If you come on to a couple or single woman as if you want to start a long term relationship, they are not going to respond favorably. Even if you come on as if you are looking for new best friends its not going to go over well.

 

Of course, you have to put yourself out there and let people know what your interests are, but thats as far as it goes. In swinging, couples generally don't want to be friends with single men. Not because husbands are afraid you will try to steal their wife, but...lets face it. How many of your married friends do you still see on a regular basis? Not many. There isn't much room for a single man in a couple's life if he's not a relative. Thats just the way our society is. Swinging just takes it to the extreme because sex is involved. There are exceptions, but they are in the minority.

 

So, constant emails to people who might like you if you don't get a response...bad. Telling someone your life's story the in the second or third email...bad. Thinking that hot single bisexual woman who actually answered your email wants something more than to get into your pants eventually...bad. Thinking that hot single bisexual woman that actually met you and gave you a blowjob after you left the restaurant wants you to call her the next day for a regular date...bad. Treating this like dating is like treating the guys at the bar who invited you to go bowling with them as family. They will either take advantage of you and leave you bitter, or they will run away faster than the Roadrunner from Wylie Coyote.

 

Don't depend on swinging for sex and socializing, and you will probably have more success socializing and having sex while swinging.

[yawanna 17]

Excellent ES! Keep going..... I smell a book

[pairbond 19]

Excellent ES! Keep going..... I smell a book

 

Actually, I've been thinking there might be some money in writing a book titled "Swinging for Dummies!"

[curiousagain 326]

ES, you are killing me. I think I have broken a rib laughing at some of your post. You are so right about some not getting it. But, some couples don't get it either. I read where some couples say the single guy is just "here" to get laid. Good grief, if all you want to do is get laid you are waaaay more likely to get laid using one of the "regular" dating services or just meeting people as you go about your life. Single guys are here for voyeurism, exhibitionism, threesomes, foursomes, group sex, the same things the couples are here for. If you can socialize with people you swing with, great. If you can swing with people you socialize with great, but don't count on either.

 

Curiousagain

[TNT 1,155]

Single guys are here for voyeurism, exhibitionism, threesomes, foursomes, group sex, the same things the couples are here for. If you can socialize with people you swing with, great. If you can swing with people you socialize with great, but don't count on either.

 

Curiousagain

 

BINGO!

 

Great post ES.

 

Teresa

[hearts severed 15]

Personally I can't believe people actaully send pictures like that in a first message.

 

I don't really know if I'm considred big or not. I've never had complants from a woman but why would I want to just send a pic of my cock unless I atleast know alittle about who I'm sending it to.

[EternallySingle 32]

Now, if someone ASKED for a pic I would send it. I had one woman on SLS call me a fake because I wouldn't send her one. Come to think of it, some of her comments sounded like something a guy would say, but what do I know.

[4HavNfunHung 15]

I find this issue confusing. There are a lot of mixed messages on the net about this topic. I am very inexperienced to swinging but have growing fantasies about it. This and other factors have lead me to look around enough to notice that a lot of couples that are interested in a MFM do seem to be interested in endowment. And many seem to be interested in another male specifically for this quality – sometimes stating so on profile etc. Its like some are requesting hung men but don’t wish to hear about it.

 

It seems from reading everyone’s thoughts in this thread that the majority don’t appreciate ’instant cock’ in their ‘instant messages’. I don’t blame them – to me it is kind of crass to blast out a blatant cock shot as one’s swinging business card. Not to mention why would us guys want to expose our personal photo to an absolute stranger.

 

But, given that a lot of us agree that cock shock isn’t a very effective icebreaker, what approach should a gentleman take to communicate his physical eligibility to those couples that do mention certain criteria and preferences on their profiles and ads?

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

But, given that a lot of us agree that cock shock isn’t a very effective icebreaker, what approach should a gentleman take to communicate his physical eligibility to those couples that do mention certain criteria and preferences on their profiles and ads?

 

Get to know them as a person first. That talk will come up plenty soon. If its in your profile that you are well endowed they already know that. Some single males will have their cock shots in with their profile which is fine. But then they feel the need to send pic after pic of it. We have never met any of those. They go straight into "Deleteville" where they remain for ever. Blasting the screen with a cock shot is not the way to get what you want.

[4HavNfunHung 15]

Thank you very much for the response Naughty,

And, I can completely see why you would delete those men that are so devoid of other, perhaps more fundamental assets or characteristics, that to them putting their best foot forward means putting “it” plastered on your screen right off the bat - not very sophisticated or creative to be sure!

[C&D 15]

But, given that a lot of us agree that cock shock isn’t a very effective icebreaker, what approach should a gentleman take to communicate his physical eligibility to those couples that do mention certain criteria and preferences on their profiles and ads?

 

Start with a simple hi my name is so and so. I've viewed your profile and feel that I fit the criteria of the type of person you are searching for. Please view my profile and respond if you agree. Thank you.

 

If you are indeed the type of person they are searching for trust me...you will get a response.

 

 

D

[EternallySingle 32]

Talk to them like you talk to everyone else. The trick I use is I record my email on a tape recorder or my computer's sound recorder, then play it back and write it down. You'll be surprised how easier it is to speak something than it is to think it and write it. You'll also find that by using that approach you are less likely to make crude or overt sexual comments. After that is done, check it for grammer and spelling, then send it.

 

While I haven't had the chance (or desire really) to try that approach on an ad from a swing site lately, if I ever decide I want to meet a couple from online, thats what I'll do. I actually got a date for this weekend from Mingles using that technique, so I know it works with single women not involved in swinging. Should work for single women and couples who swing as well. Then again, people who swing are wierd. Surrender

[Tom4Fun 15]

Don't bother signing up for swinging sites. Save your time and money. The chances of you hooking up is statistically the same as getting hit by lightning twice.

 

You will have a greater chance of meeting people by going out to local bars or by signing up on the mainstream sites. I've tried. Most of the time people think that you're a cheating husband/boyfriend or they just don't want to sift throught the hundreds of emails they get from single guys, which is understandable.

 

It also doesn't matter how well you write your profile or how polite and respectable you are. If you do get a reply, it's phishing from someone contracted by an adult website (webcams etc.). So save your money and time.

[TNT 1,155]

Considering that we meet a lot of the single men we play with off of swinger ad sites, I'd hate to see them stop posting ads.

 

There are a lot of couples who do enjoy playing with single men so it is possible to find compatible couples on the swinger ad sites.

 

 

Teresa

[Mrs Spoomonkey 117]

What we have found with the singles we have met is that the ones that do have good luck in the lifestyle have it in most areas of their dating and night life. If you have a life outside of the lifestyle (i.e. dates) and can met women at regular bars and other venues then you'll do pretty well on the swinger sites and have no trouble hooking up with interested couples.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[tribbles 490]

I suggest guys start as free members, if possible, and for the most part let couples and single women come to them in the beginning. View profiles and get the 'hang' of how it all works...and use the sites to find the local parties that allow single guys and GO to them!

Then if they want to pay for membership to keep in touch with people at parties and carefully choose who to send email to that they might meet, go for it.

 

Parties are the total best way to meet real people IMO.

[EternallySingle 32]

I have to agree with the OP. I'm sorry, but in the last five years, there have only been six couples and one single woman I would have considered meeting off of a swing site, and all seven were after I decided I wasn't going to actively pursue swinging until certain areas of my personal life were more under control. Almost all of my past contacts came from women I was dating or guys I met out and about. I used to have a knack for spotting and hooking up with bisexual women, and through them I got invited to house parties or was asked to join them at a club or as a fourth. With couples, for some reason I let it slip...before I meet or even see their wives...that I had a pretty unconventional sex life that usually involved multiple women or parties. From there the conversation turned to swinging and they managed to pull me back in just as I thought I was out.

 

Real life is much easier than the internet for single guys. There are a few lucky ones, but it is much easier to show someone you are real when they are looking you in the eye instead of reading something on a computer screen.

 

just my experience. yours may vary

[LFM2 1,481]

Considering that we meet a lot of the single men we play with off of swinger ad sites, I'd hate to see them stop posting ads.

 

There are a lot of couples who do enjoy playing with single men so it is possible to find compatible couples on the swinger ad sites.

 

 

Teresa

 

I agree with these statements. We live in an area where there are no clubs. Not a one! It's a VERY small town (one stoplight) and where we don't go to bars around here looking for people to play with. Sites are the only place we can meet singles who are discreet also into the lifestyle.

 

Maybe you're from a larger area and can afford the club scene, but for us who live in smallville, I'd hate to see any single man call it quits on the sites. Just a thought

[EternallySingle 32]

Its more about using your time wisely than giving up. Single men can, if they choose, travel two or three states every other weekend to a swing club that will allow them to attend if they want to. Again, its then much easier, if they get in, to make a face to face impression than try with just words on a computer screen.

[WesternSwing 504]

Here's some advice for single guys... don't make your handle SLUTLOVINGUY. I've never seen Mrs. WS click "block" so fast.

 

Meeting on sites can be very hard for a single guy (thanks to SLUTLOVINGUY above), and only a couple have ever worked out for us. But the one's that have were really different in their profile and their emails to us. They have also remained friends to this day. A well written profile that says more than "I am horny and very open" (I didn't make that up, it's copy and paste) and has pictures that are not of his dick will get a single guy's foot in the door. The rest is up to him to be charming in person.

 

Mr. WS

[UKsexycouple 15]

Hi, surely the problem with single guys is that 98% of them are hard up single/married(cheating on partner) who just want free sex? some are just plain weird!

 

The wife and I were lucky to meet a real swinger for our first 3some a couple of years ago. He was introduced to swinging by his ex-gf (he had to move to another country) and it really showed. Nice, complimentary and very comfortable with a 3some. Compare that with all the so-called up for it single males out there. Most either dont turn up or freak out with another guy there. Or they dont get it up! That really dissapoints the wife

 

To be honest we found it easier to find single woman than single men who are real swingers. Couples are the way to go we have to admit (we love 3somes or two somes as we watch our partner) which is fun but you would think there would be more decent guys out there (Asia and UK not tried US yet!) All the decent one taken?

[funbuddy 19]

In my experience as a single guy, when I have placed my profile on a swingers site, I will let interested couples contact me first, instead of me bombarding others with sometimes unwanted e-mails. There are a lot of couples that do not want to get e-mails from single guys, so I will just let them e-mail me if interested.

 

I am extremely grateful to the couples who have asked me (and allowed me) to be invited to house parties. I have met most of the people that I know in the swinging community through parties. I think parties are often a better way to meet people than through ads. As a single guy, I consider it a privilege to be invited to a house party, and therefore, do not want to abuse that privilege.

 

There are a lot of quality single guys out there, and I am thankful to those who have allowed me to attend their parties, and given me that opportunity to meet other swingers.

[WesternSwing 504]

There are a lot of quality single guys out there, and I am thankful to those who have allowed me to attend their parties, and given me that opportunity to meet other swingers.

We agree with you on this. We have met several really nice guys at parties that we may overlook on a swinger's site. The trick for the single guy is to be good enough to get invited in the first place. Then if he is all that he'll dazzle the hell out 'em.

 

Mr. WS

[Tom4Fun 15]

We agree with you on this. We have met several really nice guys at parties that we may overlook on a swinger's site. The trick for the single guy is to be good enough to get invited in the first place. Then if he is all that he'll dazzle the hell out 'em.

 

Mr. WS

 

Define "good enough."

[LFM2 1,481]

Here's some advice for single guys... don't make your handle SLUTLOVINGUY. I've never seen Mrs. WS click "block" so fast.

 

Meeting on sites can be very hard for a single guy (thanks to SLUTLOVINGUY above), and only a couple have ever worked out for us. But the one's that have were really different in their profile and their emails to us. They have also remained friends to this day. A well written profile that says more than "I am horny and very open" (I didn't make that up, it's copy and paste) and has pictures that are not of his dick will get a single guy's foot in the door. The rest is up to him to be charming in person.

 

Mr. WS

It's stated very clearly in our profile that if a single male sends a picture of his cock, it will immediately be deleted. This sounds harsh, but it's how we feel. :surrender We know what a cock looks like, we don't need to see another picture of one. We understand that men are just trying to sell themselves and I'm sure that there are women and couples out there that base their opinions of a person on his johnson. We're not one of them. We don't mind the butt shots of men, but Mrs. LFM LOVES to look at PG and G rated photos of men. They don't have to be face shots, and they don't even have to be clothed, as long as there is no cock in the photo.

 

As the Mrs. of this duo, I also delete emails because of the name a single man might give himself. PUSSYLICKER, DEEPTHROATFORME, SWALLOWMEWHOLE, PUSSYRIDER... To me, it says that they are NOT respectful toward women or couples. They're just out looking to get their rock off.

 

My $0.02

[LFM2 1,481]

Define "good enough."

 

I think what Mr WS is trying to say (correct me if I'm wrong, please) is being respectful of BOTH the husband and the wife, honest, not pushy, and isn't afraid to strike up a conversation with the male of a couple instead of waiting till he goes to the bathroom and then zoom in on his wife.

 

I believe exhibiting those qualities time and time again proves you are a single male of great character. You'd be the belle of the ball around here, and that's not a bad thing.