You know you are a swinger when...

[Mariposa_y_Oso 15]

We got this some time back in our email and thought we'd pass it along as a Christmas gift to everyone here. How many of these can YOU relate to? lol

 

1. Giggling to yourself at the office when your co-workers tell you how wonderful their weekend was.. If only they knew.

 

2. Before traveling somewhere on business or to visit relatives you look up couples in the area.

 

3. You have a lot of friends all over the world.

 

4. You come home with that "There's Something About Mary" hairstyle.

 

5. When going to a strip club with your guy friend's, instead of your wife, seems like a ridiculous waste of time and money.

 

6. Your kids and the baby-sitter ask why Mommy already has her coat on when she comes out of the bedroom every Saturday night.

 

7. Wondering how to explain to the neighbors why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags, blankets, pillows and don't leave until early Sunday afternoon…

 

8. You never open the garage door until you're in the car with the doors closed.

 

9. You both turn your head to watch the hot woman walking down the street!

 

10.At the gym shower you're the only one with shaved balls.

 

11. You make plans to meet a "normal" couple at a nice restaurant and realize you have absolutely nothing you can wear.

 

12. You spend more time grooming your privates than most porn stars.

 

13. You only know couples by their first names and e-mail addresses.

 

14. Many of your pictures are from different hotel rooms and in quite a few you have a convention wristband on.

 

15. Your nightstand drawer is full of bar napkins with couple's names and phone numbers.

 

16. You are sending out online Christmas cards to people with names like: dareustwo wifewetandbi and xoticcouple.

 

17. All of a sudden.. you have friends in Minnesota, Utah, West Virginia and New Mexico.

 

18. At work when someone tells a risqué adventure, most are shocked or stunned - you say "Cool !"

 

19. You are running out of reasons to tell your "normal" friends why you can't go out with them.

 

20. You go to Jamaica once a year and "Hedo" means something to you.

 

21. You close an e-mail to your sister with Bi Bi.

 

22. You closet is filled with 5" high heeled shoes.. and you have more lingerie than most department stores.

 

23. You are running out of excuses to tell your baby-sitter why you come home at 4am on Saturday nights/Sunday mornings and have a Freshly Fucked look.

 

24. Every bottle of liquor in your house has a big sticker with your membership number or couple's name on it.

 

25. You see a really hot girl walking down the street and you say to yourself, I wonder if she'll do my wife !

 

26. You're walking down the street and your wife hits you for NOT telling her about the hot girl you were looking at.

 

27. You're at the bar and someone asks you to take them home, and you say "No problem, but only if my wife can play too".

 

28. You and your wife see a hot chick and bet who could fuck her first.

 

29. When your wife says it's ok to bring home that hottie who walks her dog by your place as long as she can fuck her too.

 

30. You get all excited and rush down to the local community center advertising a swap meet and find out its baseball cards.

 

31. Your adolescent kids have more hair on their privates than you do!!

 

32. You refer to your play friends as couples (Rich and Joyce, Frank and Jennifer). Example - "Frank, of Frank and Jennifer, called today".

 

33. Whenever you go out, you always throw a small overnight bag in the car .... "just in case".

 

34. You have more rings on your privates than you do on your fingers.

 

35. All your links on your computer have something to do with finding couples, toys, clothes and places to go on vacation to explore your wild side.

 

36. When your birthday or Christmas comes up, there are more presents that can't be opened in front of the family, than there are that can be.

 

37. When birthday surprise parties take on a whole new meaning.

 

38. You have numerous pictures of various couples naked, before you meet them.

 

39. Your wife spends more time checking out the waitress at the family restaurant than you.

 

40. Your straight husband shops for his underwear at Gay Men's Stores where there is an unlimited selection of makes, styles, colors and fabrics.

 

41. You are grocery shopping, and supposed to be checking your food out, not the couple in front of you or the check-out gal

 

42. You always carry two condoms in your purse every where you go...just in case.

 

43. All your normal friend ask why they are never invited to your parties.

 

44. When your child walks by the computer area and asks what 'The Lifestyle' means

 

45. You are both well over 55 and don't look a day over 40 and don't seem to be aging a bit. Straight friends look old enough to your parent's friends. They think you are getting younger and want to know your secrets.

 

46. When your "normal" friends accuse you of being swingers and you try and stumble through some lame reply only to realize they were only joking about you having a hot tub. Another close call.

 

47. When you are out with the guys and a hot woman walks by and instead of saying "wow, I would love to take that for a ride", you say "wow, that would look great on my wife" That's when the guys turn to you and say "yeh right in your dreams!" and all you can do is smile and tell yourself how lucky you are to be who you are

 

48. your digital camera batteries are always fully charged and ready to go!

 

49. You start to wonder whether your wife ever did have pubic hair, or if she is even capable of growing any!

 

50. You have an entire drawer filled with assorted condoms in various sizes and colors... and YOUR husband has a vasectomy!

 

51. All of your bras are one size too small (and you like'em that way!)

 

52. You have more "private" photo albums than family ones.

 

53. At your "normal parties", no one can use "the Master Bathroom" because you're afraid someone will notice the webcam bolted to the wall in your bedroom on the way!

 

54. You're constantly afraid that a "straight friend" will pop-in one of your videos that you forgot to hide!

 

55. You let the answering machine pick-up because don't know whether to answer, "hello", or "Hey Baby!"

 

56. You make bets with other swinging friends as to how long it will take to 'corrupt' your cute 'straight' girlfriends!

 

57. You lay odds, while setting at the bar, if they are swingers or they are not swingers.

 

58. Beating around the bush with your normal friends trying to figure out if they're interested in swapping or not…….without giving away the fact that you're a swinger.

 

59. When you're in a public place and hear someone say something that sounds similar to your screen name and you start getting paranoid that someone recognizes you off the Internet.

 

60. When your at a swinger club and don't recognize another couple until you see them with their clothes off.

 

61. When your swinger friends and your normal friends are at the house at the same time and your normal friends ask the question "So how do ya'll know each other."

 

62. When your parents / babysitter asks "So why are you going there for the weekend? That seems like a weird place to take a vacation."

 

63. When you come home from a long party weekend with strange underwear in your luggage and just laugh about it.

 

64. When the Gynecologist looks at your wife funny for asking for Birth Control and asks "But I thought your husband had a vasectomy" as he shuffles through papers in your file.

 

65. When your paranoid that you're 12 year old is going to figure out your login password as well as the screen saver password.

 

66. You get really excited when a new couple joins the site that lives really close to you…."Honey, come here and look at this couple!"

 

67. Your spouse tells you about a new person at work but prefaces the conversation with "No, we can't screw them."

 

68. You start having withdrawals after two days without Internet access.

 

69. You spend more than 5 minutes discussing how you're going to win the upcoming photo contest.

 

70. Someone asks where your staying when you go to Jamaica and your like "Crap, I forgot the name of the resort….but its supposed to be really nice."

 

71. Your co-workers ask you to bring back a lot of pictures from your vacation and all you can do is giggle.

 

72. When you come back from vacation and the only place where you got sunburned was where your tan-lines use to be.

 

73. You screw up and make plans with one couple for Saturday night and then find out that you're spouse made plans with another couple. Then it dawns on you that this is not a problem, it's an Orgy.

 

74. Your boss wonders why you're going to Orlando or Las Vegas "in the middle of summer for God's sake!"

 

75. When you are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on your face.

 

76. When you go to a convention and your bags consist of a bag for toys, a bag for leather stuff, a bag for lingerie and a small bag for straight clothes.

 

77. When you dress at night to party, knowing full well that your clothes won't be on for long once you are at the party 15 minutes.

 

78. When the 1st thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for extra towels and a fridge.

 

79. When your daughter comes to you on Friday afternoon and asks, "Are you going out with people you already know this weekend, or have you made some new friends?"

 

80. When you come back from a convention and everyone has a male and female name so that you know who you are talking about and can visualize the couple. i.e. what did LINDA & frank have to say about this(Really means Linda) or was FRANK & Linda wearing shoes last night(Really means Frank). If you only say Frank or Linda, our mate can't remember which one was Linda or Frank!!

 

81. You tell the babysitter that you are going out for dinner and drinks with friends, and when you finally show up at your front door, the paperboy has already delivered the morning paper.

 

82. Whenever the conversation among your civilian friends turn to "Temptation Island", all you can do is roll your eyes.

 

83. We came to the realization we were swingers when we realized that cycled from doing things we couldn't tell our parents to now doing things we can't tell our kids.

 

84. You're in a straight club & you see your wife w/ her hand down someone's pants, and it doesn't bother you........ then you ask her if he's hung or not so she doesn't get the short end.

 

85. ... The guys ask everyone to pitch in $60 a man for a bachelor party, and you think to yourself, "What a waste! That money could buy a night at a club where you can watch hot naked women all night -AND- get laid by them!!!"

 

86. One of your business cards reads "Your first name and your spouse's first name and your "special" e-mail address.

 

87. You give all your "new" friends your custom-ring number ...the one the kids are NEVER allowed to answer.

 

88. As soon as you have a fantasy and tell your spouse, you find a way to make your fantasy come true.

 

89. When your buddy asks you if you've seen the movie "Swingers" and you laugh your ass off! And he asks you "What's so funny?"

 

90. You are reading this instead of sleeping.

 

91. When you send your kids away for a sleepover to their Aunts, so you two can get ready for your special over nighter Hot Tub party

 

92. When you ask an exceptionally attractive woman at work for a few minutes to discuss a project and you get an erection when she says:"I'll try to fit you in... I think I can swing it."

 

93. When you can vividly picture the middle aged female accountant in your office doing the girls in assembly, and you realize that is a common thought in your head.

 

94. When you go to your computer and the first site you go to is Swinger's Board to check for new e-mails/members.

 

95. When you're buying each other lap dances.

 

96. When your wife has a double headed dildo.

 

97. You find yourselves speaking in code in front of your kids and those not 'in the know'.

 

98. You're still smiling on Monday from the party on Saturday.

 

99. When you take a male and female teddy bear, dress them up in kinky fetish leather B&D outfits and take a bunch of pics off the bears to send your friends.

 

100. When you are in line at the market, and the only things in your basket are the value pack of condoms, and a bottle of mouthwash.

 

101. When you get dressed for work & realize the only kind of hosiery that you own anymore are thigh highs or garters...

 

102. When you take a picture with friends you pose to hide the wristbands & ask no one to flash the camera so you can have a "fridge-worthy" pic...

 

103. You have a larger variety of condoms & lube than most sex stores & drug stores combined...

 

104. After 25 years, people still ask if you're newlyweds

 

105. You know you're a swinger when your wife has slept with more men since you were married than before you were married.

 

106. On the same note, you know that you are a swinger when you waited to sleep around untill after you were married.

 

107. You refer to your friends by their online names..."Should we go out with HOTBIGRL4U, or SEXY242FUN this weekend?"

 

108. You know you're a swinger when the wife has slept with more women since...well...ever!

 

109. You know you're a swinger when nobody sleeps when you sleep with your friends

 

110. You know you're a swinger when you plan outings with friends around you're wife's monthly cycle; and when you know when your friends' cycle are.

 

111. You know you're a swinger when you spent twice as long on your profile than you did on your resume...

 

112. You know you're a swinger when you can't remember your special friend's birthday or last name but you know when her period is...

 

113. You know you're a swinger when the only time your vanilla friends see you, it just happens to be that time of the month...

 

114. You know you're a swinger when you realize that you've scored on MORE dates since you've been married than you did when you were single!

 

115. You know you're a swinger when you have to get dressed twice to go out- once to drop off the kid at the sitter, and once in the car on the way to the club!

 

116. You know you're a swinger when your vanilla friends think you're boring because your weekend stories have NO details...

 

117. You know you're a swinger when your spouse asks you if you want to have sex, you ask "with who?" and it's not a joke!

 

 

I know for a fact that all the ones that pertain to you rolling your eyes at your friends' "wild stories" hit home with me. Some of the single guys at work like to boast about their conquests, sort of "rubbing it in" to all the married guys and I just sit there and think, "If they only knew..." lol

 

Anybody have any more to add to the list?

 

 

 

Cheers!

~Mike

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

63. When you come home from a long party weekend with strange underwear in your luggage and just laugh about it.

 

63a. When you find underwear under your bed and realize they don't belong to you or your spouse and it doesn't bother you.

[OhioCouple 40]

120.) When the discovery of lipstick on the husbands collar and the scent of an unfamiliar cologne brings a smile to your face as you pre-treat them before washing.

[OhioCouple 40]

121) Your wife says she is needing some strange, and you tell her you will see what you can line up

 

122) When your wife says "I have nothing to wear" and you think, We are going to have a great time!

 

Lori

[TNT 1,155]

 

OMG! I think Ted and I are swingers, out of 117, a 111 applied to us

 

Teresa

[Triumphs 16]

We just found this, and after laughing our asses off, we thought of some new ones...

 

123. You know what SLS, SDC, D/DF, HWP, and 420 mean, and realize none of your vanilla friends do.

 

124. You can't wait for the kid(s) to go to sleep so you can both get on your favorite swingers chat.

 

125. Your budget includes annual membership to your favorite club and swinger sites.

 

125a. You start saving up to get a lifetime membership to your favorite swingers site, because it's cheaper.

 

126. Your "stay-at-home" SO starts working so you can go out more.

 

We took all of the contributions, cleaned them up and we can send them to anyone that is interested.

 

The Triumphs

[Dave_kat 227]

Kat here, just gotta add these for the sake of giggles.

 

118. When your flamingly gay friends think YOU are a kinky weirdo.

119. Memebers of the local leather club look at you with strange awe.

[curiousagain 326]

You know you're a swinger when you never have pictures from your out of town trips.

[Chip_n_Muffy 16]

Hotel expenses are a line item in your household budget.

 

Chip

[Spoomonkey 421]

When you say to your wife the next morning - so how was "What's-His-Name"?

 

Spoomonkey

[Mr. Truelove 81]

you travel half way across the country to visit in-laws but try to fit in a club visit while doing so...

[cubnamy1995 124]

the movie Indecent Proposal seems stupid to you because it is an hour and a half of stating the obvious.

[lovinher 505]

You know your a swinger when.....

 

You spend way too much time on this site.

[Tybee Swing 286]

You know you're a swinger when....

 

More of your clothing budget goes toward skank outfits than to career/business outfits (even though you have to wear the latter 5 days a week).

[spectraschain 21]

When your vanilla friends invite you for drinks in the hot tub.....

 

and assure you, there won't be any sex.....

[Thrax 384]

You have a vasectomy but you carry condoms, just in case.

 

Thrax

P.S. I don't have the former, but use the latter, btw.

[ohash01 20]

You know you're a swinger when...

 

You AND your SO can look at another person, look at each other, and simultaneously go "I'd totally "do" her". Haha

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

When you and your spouse eye each couple you see in the grocery store and exchange glances, "Are they?"

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

You are always finding high-heel shoes and men's undershorts around the house that your friends have forgotten to take home.

[Spoomonkey 421]

You know you're a swinger when...

 

Your wife looks at a pile of condoms on the floor - dropped there after a night at the club - and says, "looks like one heck of a party."

 

And you reply, "Not really. They aren't open..."

 

 

Spoomonkey

[gatorvol64 216]

You know you are a swinger when....

 

You go to the adult store and take two of the same toy, just different colors, to the check out...

 

The clerk say,"Two?" and you don't even hesitate before replying, "I have two women to buy them for."

 

(Happened last night. )

 

Gator

[daisy girl 34]

...you raise an eyebrow when your friends use the word vanilla during everyday conversations. (e.g., "I love vanilla icecream" "that's plain vanilla")

 

...you invest in a playroom and kids aren't allowed in it.

 

...you have a friendship with your waxer and visit him or her religiously.

 

...you start to analyze porn (e.g., that's not a good position for a threesome it doesn't allow all parties to actively engage in activities- or that position doesn't allow maximum penetration, etc.) and actually make some valid arguments.

 

...you and every other second-grader dream of unicorns- only your unicorns are more rare.

 

...you have your own "photo shoots" for pictures to include in your profile

[gatorvol64 216]

....if you consider Ohio a good place to retire.

 

Vol

[Mr. Truelove 81]

If you find yourself becoming a liar after trying so hard not to be.

[WesternSwing 504]

All you can think at any party, swinger or vanilla is "wow, this orgy is off to a slow start."

 

Mr. WS

 

*actually used that one last night, cause, well... it was.*

[good times 991]

When you have spent at least ten times more time and money visiting out of town swinger friends in the last few years than you have out of town family.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

...........when you call the hotel to make your room reservation for the monthly party, and their reply is, "Yeah, we've already reserved the room for you. Yes, the same room as last month, and the month before".........

 

.......when your wife mentions "Jim", and your reply is "Jim & Traci, or Jim and Carol, or Jim from the other night?"*

 

.......when you hear vanillas talking about how "swingers throw their keys in a bowl, and the lady goes home with the person's keys she pulls out", and your brain is conflicted over whether to just giggle to yourself and keep your trap shut, or tell them all what the real deal is.

 

........your wife's sister asks her what you are doing tonight, and the reply is "we're going to have sex with a bunch of people". The sis thinks you're just kidding, but, well......... you know.

 

Mr two4you

 

*names changed to protect the not so innocent.

[The Fuse 1,012]

When you ask your husband during normal conversation, "Say, how's my tightness level these days compared to others? Do I need to do more Kegels, or am I good?"

[havefuninsun 122]

... When you fall asleep watching porn because it's just too boring

 

(happened this past weekend -- both of us fell asleep! LOL)

[TnHappyCpl 48]

When your co-workers are all talking Monday morning about what they did over the weekend and you just grin thinking its not what I did its who I did...

[des1re06 200]

...you seriously play the lottery with all over laser hair removal in mind

 

...you sell all your toys (boat, jetski, convertible etc.) so you can travel to more LS resorts and/or parties

 

...you have an eye hook in your living room ceiling for the loveswing

 

...you re-schedule vacation with family to attend LS convention

 

...sex with spouse during the week increases dramatically after a weekend at the club

 

Mrs. D

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

...your wife catches you staring at another woman, and her only reaction is to say, "I think she's pretty hot, too!"

 

...you re-schedule vacation with family to attend LS convention

One year, we actually missed a family reunion because it was scheduled to close to the convention! Fortunately, this year's reunion is a month beforehand.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

. . . when you tune in a TV program called Wife Swap and discover it has nothing at all to do with . . .

[Tybee Swing 286]

...when your husband often says to you as an endearment, "You're my favorite".

[prettylady 221]

...When absolutly EVERY thing you say can be taken more then one way.

I too can be taken more then one way

 

.....When EVERY thing you say can be turned it to something sexual.

 

.....When you can compare golf to swinging, or just about anything that has NOTHING to do with swinging to swinging.

 

Your friend,

Prettylady

[cpl2doitwithu 15]

......you don't go to strip clubs any more while on business trips, because it is just no fun without your wife!!!

 

......your wife says "five o'clock" in Wal Mart, and you know it has nothing to do with the time!!

 

......When friends ask you where you went on your honeymoon, and you say Cancun, but when they ask the resort name you tell them you forgot....or you tell them Desire, because they probably won't look into it anyway. Oh, and when we show them pictures of the resort, they ask why there are no people in the pictures.......we took them while everyone was eating dinner..

[curiousagain 326]

.............you haven't seen them in so long, you aren't even sure if you still own swim trunks.

[28volts 15]

....your liquor bottles all have labels with numbers on them

 

 

....your kids are the ones asking....where are you going...who you going with...and when will you be home

 

 

....your out at a restaurant and notice a couple looking at you that you have never met before

 

Mr S

[two4youinswva 3,068]

.........you see a couple that you "know" out in public, and you think "acknowledge them, or don't acknowledge them? Say 'hi', or look away....... oh shit we're making this complicated."

 

Mr two4you

--above happens to me at least once per week.

---usually a casual "hi" and keep moving does the trick.

[havefuninsun 122]

....your liquor bottles all have labels with numbers on them

 

 

OK -- I don't get it. For the record, I acknowledge I am a little s-l-o-w ...

 

[two4youinswva 3,068]

OK -- I don't get it. For the record, I acknowledge I am a little s-l-o-w ...

 

 

Many socials are "BYOB. We provide the mixers".

 

So, when you arrive, you take your bottle(s) to the bar, put a label on them (either a number, or your name, depending on the social), so it will be easy for the bartender to identify when mixing for you.

 

For the record, our bottles have labels all over them too.

[havefuninsun 122]

Many socials are "BYOB. We provide the mixers".

 

So, when you arrive, you take your bottle(s) to the bar, put a label on them (either a number, or your name, depending on the social), so it will be easy for the bartender to identify when mixing for you.

 

For the record, our bottles have labels all over them too.

 

 

Ahhhh. HAHAHAHAHA. I bet the kids DO wonder where you're going ...

 

[Mr. Truelove 81]

We had a friend comment on the labels. We just ignored it, and he commented about how there was an awkward silence, which we ignored as well. He moved on.

 

Later on, we outed ourselves to him and then it hit him... "Thats why you labelled them!!!"

 

Mr. Truelove

[sereneiders 263]

... when you're among your vanilla friends after a weekend and you have to bit your tonge, because everithing about to come out from your mouth would lead to aquestion that could lead to an embarrasing silence or a lie.

 

... when your hear your vanilla's friends talking about the green monster and you look at your spouse, silently shaking your head while bitting your lower lips because the whole thing is SO SILLY

 

... when you go to vanilla parties that once seemed exciting for you, you get bored, you look around, and you realize this world is suddenly SO FLAT

 

... when you bring a "girlfriend" with you to a family meeting and your cousing or brother brings you to one side, looking at this loney woman and asking "who's fucking her?"... and you cannot say "me!"

[MrFLKeysCouple 15]

.....when you pull out your robe and find condoms in the pocket (and you are "v.safe").

[Tybee Swing 286]

When you have a stash of condoms in the glove compartment of the car, even though your husband is v. safe and your own female plumbing is "fixed", too!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

You have a vasectomy but you carry condoms, just in case.

 

Thrax

P.S. I don't have the former, but use the latter, btw.

 

I had to find and bump this thread.... We were listening to SwingerCast on the way home from Nashville today and they did a bit on this question on the show...including quoting this particular entry.

[rotten&spoiled 15]

..........when your straight girl friend comes over, does her laundry, drops a pair of thongs, later when found you ask your hubby "Do you know anything about these?," before you remember about the laundry.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

When you go to a house party knowing you can't play, but she can.

[The Fuse 1,012]

When you're out with the other lady shopping for her wedding clothes, after she's fucked your husband the previous night, and you're regularly fucking her common-law husband of 15 years!