Mismatched couples

[ShellyM 1]

I agree with living healthy, but lets be careful that no ones loses their tempers and everything rolls from there

[rpu99 44]

More often than not, within couple attactiveness will be matched. This has been tested and demonstrated since the mid 60's initially by Elaine Walster, a phenomenon she named the "matching hypothesis". Basically, using the familiar 1-10 attactiveness scale, most couples will demonstrate within couple matches of +/- 1 point. So a seven will be expected to be matched with a six, seven, or eight.

 

Subsequent research demonstrated that fear of rejection was the major cause of this matching. That is if i am a six and i go for a nine, i am likely to get shot down. so i stick to the fives, sixes, and sevens.

 

This being the case, when others observe a couple, the expectation is that they match, and most often they do. Because expectations are met, there is little need to notice, or think about matching couples; all is right with the world. In the couples that do not match, expectancy is violated. This expectancy violation directs additional attention and motivates additional thought. So, it makes the violations seem more common than they actually are- that is we don't keep a good count of all the expectancy meeting couples, but we sure do count (and perhaps overestimate) the expectancy violating couples.

 

ok, that is where the research ends, and this is where my application of that research (read opinion) begins:

 

Even worse, the expectancy violationg couples, the mismatches, can be especially poignant. For example, seeing a member of couple that is very attractive to you and then seeing that person's partner and knowing that there is no way you partner would consider the other person's partner. One shrugs, perhaps muttering to one's self, how sad, and "why does it always happen like this".

 

Certainly there are individual differences in what one finds attractive, but in the domain of physical appearance, on average, i believe this holds (which i believe is the basis of mismatch in this thread).

 

mark

[Mr TybeeSwing 201]

Interesting Thread,

 

Excuse me if I am a little thick though, where is it going? Are we asking what a person/couple finds attractive, sexy, or acceptible? The fact that some people are married to people that are not their physical equal? Or have we got into the "I 'm Okay/Your Okay - so fuck me already" mindframe? You will have to forgive me but I am a 40ish, southern, white male; so I don't even know how to spell PC so I won't try. People are attracted to who they are attracted to and that is that. Some people like the GQ crowd and some people like the Field and Stream crowd - hope I don't get hit with a copy right infringement here. The long and short of it is who you want to get nekkid with, is who you want to get nekkid with.

 

Myself, I have never been able to figure out why a woman would pick me out of a crowd. I have always thought of myself as average, maybe a 6, at best. My face doesn't frighten small children or farm animals and my body is neither Arnold Schwartzenagger nor Arnold Horseshack. So I am pleasantly surprised whenever some lady in the Lifestyle finds me attractive. But anybody that says that they don't dress up to impresh the opposite sex is either lying or deluded. Now as to what is "dressed up" that is where everything gets fuzzy. To some guys it may be a clean shirt, jeans, and shoes that haven't resently stepped in something the dog left and to others dressed up means a Tux with matching socks and underwear. I happen to fall somewhere in the middle. Sometimes I go the whole nine yards with a suit and sometimes it's the Levis. By the way I feel that Levis are the only designer jeans that a Straight man should actually be familar with, told you I wasn't PC. But when it comes down to it everyman wants to impress the opposite sex. Am I right guys?

 

As far as the ladies being selective as to who they want to have sex with, that is their choice and not ours. I have been on both ends of the stick, recently Mrs Tybee and I met a couple and the female half was not attracted to me at all. Okay no problem, to each his or her own. We didn't swing with them but there were no hard feelings, we have even seen them at social functions on a couple of occassions and have had pleasent conversations with them.

 

But ladies it goes both ways, men find different types of ladies attractive, depending on the man. What some men go nuts over others don't. Personnally I have never been crazy about the stereotypical big boobed, blond. One thing that I have found out though is that Mrs Tybee and I don't always agree on what type of woman is attractive, we're close but not 100% together.

 

I am going to stop rambling on now with this final thought; I treat the Lifestyle almost like dating. I try to put on a good appearance, be on my best behavior, and try not to humilate the Mrs. Cause let's face it the best bait catches the prized fish.

 

PS. As far as the drinking goes......Ladies the more I drink the better I Look, after 6 shots of tequila I am the best looking guy in the city.

[oddcouple2841 16]

Mr TybeeSwing - Well Said

[ShellyM 1]

Interesting Thread,

 

Excuse me if I am a little thick though, where is it going? Are we asking what a person/couple finds attractive, sexy, or acceptible? The fact that some people are married to people that are not their physical equal? Or have we got into the "I 'm Okay/Your Okay - so fuck me already" mindframe? You will have to forgive me but I am a 40ish, southern, white male; so I don't even know how to spell PC so I won't try. People are attracted to who they are attracted to and that is that. Some people like the GQ crowd and some people like the Field and Stream crowd - hope I don't get hit with a copy right infringement here. The long and short of it is who you want to get nekkid with, is who you want to get nekkid with.

 

Myself, I have never been able to figure out why a woman would pick me out of a crowd. I have always thought of myself as average, maybe a 6, at best. My face doesn't frighten small children or farm animals and my body is neither Arnold Schwartzenagger nor Arnold Horseshack. So I am pleasantly surprised whenever some lady in the Lifestyle finds me attractive. But anybody that says that they don't dress up to impresh the opposite sex is either lying or deluded. Now as to what is "dressed up" that is where everything gets fuzzy. To some guys it may be a clean shirt, jeans, and shoes that haven't resently stepped in something the dog left and to others dressed up means a Tux with matching socks and underwear. I happen to fall somewhere in the middle. Sometimes I go the whole nine yards with a suit and sometimes it's the Levis. By the way I feel that Levis are the only designer jeans that a Straight man should actually be familar with, told you I wasn't PC. But when it comes down to it everyman wants to impress the opposite sex. Am I right guys?

 

As far as the ladies being selective as to who they want to have sex with, that is their choice and not ours. I have been on both ends of the stick, recently Mrs Tybee and I met a couple and the female half was not attracted to me at all. Okay no problem, to each his or her own. We didn't swing with them but there were no hard feelings, we have even seen them at social functions on a couple of occassions and have had pleasent conversations with them.

 

But ladies it goes both ways, men find different types of ladies attractive, depending on the man. What some men go nuts over others don't. Personnally I have never been crazy about the stereotypical big boobed, blond. One thing that I have found out though is that Mrs Tybee and I don't always agree on what type of woman is attractive, we're close but not 100% together.

 

I am going to stop rambling on now with this final thought; I treat the Lifestyle almost like dating. I try to put on a good appearance, be on my best behavior, and try not to humilate the Mrs. Cause let's face it the best bait catches the prized fish.

 

PS. As far as the drinking goes......Ladies the more I drink the better I Look, after 6 shots of tequila I am the best looking guy in the city.

 

LOL, I like your post......

But watch your comment on Levis being the only pants...what happened to a good pair of Dockers?

[Hapycmpr 16]

Wow....lots of good comments here.

 

*Warning: Science Content*

 

As artists, reconstructive surgeons and undertakers all know, there is such a thing as a "canon of beauty." When a face is proportioned correctly (to fit this standard) human beings call it beautiful. The farther the proportions are apart, the “uglier” a face gets. This is not just opinion, it is fact. If anyone is actually interested in the scientific methods used to explain this, let me know. The same canon of beauty can be applied to body proportions as well.

 

Than being said…beauty is also, to a great extent, in the eye of the beholder. To put it simply, what I consider hot, you may not. And further, this opinion not only varies by individual, but by region, social background, and even ethnicity.

 

Now, back to the original topic. Have we noticed that some couples are mismatched? Yep. So what?

[tribbles 490]

But anybody that says that they don't dress up to impresh the opposite sex is either lying or deluded. Now as to what is "dressed up" that is where everything gets fuzzy.

 

mmm.....is it lying or deluded to wear old baggy cargo pants with the bottoms torn (they are just a tad long) and a mens tee shirt-with white granny panties and usually a jog bra if any....

 

oh that's how the female dresses for two different house parties.

 

You really don't wanna know how the male dresses!

 

Granted, shortly after arriving they strip naked.

 

I think the orignal question was why don't guys with hot wives do more to be attractive? Liking the hot wife but not the hubby means not hooking up.

Grooming tips were even given

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Actually, the original question was did anyone else notice that couples are mismatched, and that it was, in the OP's case, most often that the woman was hotter than the man. Yes, we've noticed it. We've commented on it. We've talked to other couples who've said the same thing. We even have friends where the guy of the couple said it's why he's the funny guy with the great personality. It's so that he can date women out of his league. He said the women that ARE in his league, he doesn't want to date. I think he's probably right.

 

Where the :threadjac happened was when people started acting like it was about hotties vs. notties, etc. and what constitutes being hot or not. Since we'll all never agree on that topic, :deadhorse why not say whether you think there are a lot of mismatched couples or not, and leave what makes the couple uneven to each of our own interpretations?

 

It trips me out how any time appearance or attractiveness becomes a topic people act like somebody slapped their momma or suggested that somehow mentioning attractiveness makes them an evil human.

 

If looks play a part in advertising, politics, and the job market among other things, why the hell wouldn't attractiveness (or lack thereof) come into play with swinging? Is it really that shocking to think the topic would ever come up on a BB with a bunch of swingers?

 

Sorry...I hijacked it myself after talking about it getting hijacked. I'm going straight to hell You may now resume your regularly scheduled discussion....

 

Pepper

[ShellyM 1]

I don't know that couples are MIS-MATCHED per se. Who knows, you like what you like I guess. I think that Jay and I match pretty well, and most couples we know do too. I guess once you meet a couple you really see why they are together. Like Jay is the quiet one, and I'm the big mouth.........not that this is not something you already know lol. I'm usually flying 190 miles per hour, and Jay says Michelle, sit your ass down lol. We fit very well together. He makes me laugh, what can I say. But in a truly physical sense I would say yes, most couples are a "mis-match".

[HappyPeople 17]

Actually, the original question was did anyone else notice that couples are mismatched, and that it was, in the OP's case, most often that the woman was hotter than the man. Yes, we've noticed it. We've commented on it. We've talked to other couples who've said the same thing. We even have friends where the guy of the couple said it's why he's the funny guy with the great personality. It's so that he can date women out of his league. He said the women that ARE in his league, he doesn't want to date. I think he's probably right.

 

Where the :threadjac happened was when people started acting like it was about hotties vs. notties, etc. and what constitutes being hot or not. Since we'll all never agree on that topic, :deadhorse why not say whether you think there are a lot of mismatched couples or not, and leave what makes the couple uneven to each of our own interpretations?

 

It trips me out how any time appearance or attractiveness becomes a topic people act like somebody slapped their momma or suggested that somehow mentioning attractiveness makes them an evil human.

 

If looks play a part in advertising, politics, and the job market among other things, why the hell wouldn't attractiveness (or lack thereof) come into play with swinging? Is it really that shocking to think the topic would ever come up on a BB with a bunch of swingers?

 

Sorry...I hijacked it myself after talking about it getting hijacked. I'm going straight to hell You may now resume your regularly scheduled discussion....

 

Pepper

 

*smooches to Pepper*

 

Great post.

[JTcamp05 9]

This happens very often, at first glance you are not attracted to one part of the couple.

 

 

We found that sometimes too quick of judgements are made and that guy she wasn't into at first, turned out to be a really nice man. Of course its happened the other way too....the lady that I thought was wonderful, didn't live up to any expectations.

 

If a couple is mismaatched there is something that one sees in the other that might not catch your eye at first, but it may be worth sticking around to see what that one thing is!!

[Petethefuzzy 15]

Yes, we have noticed the same thing. Sometimes it's the female who is the lesser but usually it's the guy, sorry to say. But I suppose others look at US just that way. We find it works best for us to swing at private parties where there is a selection of other males and females and we are not expected to swing as a couple. The only problem with the private paties is that once the clothes come off you may not feel as free to say no to someone you really DON't want to play with. There was just such a "Motel party" last night. I wound up with three very fine ladies. My Sig. Other said there was two guys she just didn't want to play with at all so rather than having to say no, she didn't take her clothes off.