Are couples just looking for bi females ruining things?

[Happypair 15]

I (male half) think most of us agree that straight, bi, and almost any combination of letters: mfmf, mfm, fmf, mm, ff, or whatever are legitimate in this day and age, provided everyone is straightforward up front and nobody goes home feeling they were excluded from the action. We are relatively new (two years) to swinging, but represent what now seems to be the minority: the traditional straight/straight full-swap couple.

 

My suggestion to the OP: load your group up with as many of us as you can find, especially us older, not-so-pretty couples; we don't cause anybody any trouble. We believe in equality: everybody gets to play. We're past the Ken & Barbie bullshit; we're after people, not plastic. And we are SECURE. We understand that sharing is a two way street: if i'm boinking your wife, you're entitled to enjoy mine.

 

Single males are legitimate, provided you screen out the assholes and balance their numbers to the number of couples (or single women) who have indicated an interest in mfm's. I define assholes as that segment who think swinging is a free sex banquet and our wives are all sluts just waiting to pleasure them. No, it's a pot-luck supper, dipshit; you want a dish, bring a dish.

 

The group that I suspect is throwing things out of kilter (and wailing the most) is the couples with bi-fems crowd. We have run into three sub-groups here.

 

1) Full-swap couples where bi action is optional (we have had several good experiences with such couples as they have respected our non-bi boundaries).

 

2) Full-swap couples where bi activity is expected (we decline and all part friends, respecting each others' different wishes.

 

3) The bi-fem couple who want only the elusive single bi-fem, and not finding that, want a bi-fem couple, providing the husband doesn't mind sitting on his ass and watching.

 

That, I think is where the numbers don't add. And that, I think, is where most of the complaining comes from: "I won't share my wife with other men, and we can't get any action because of all these selfish bastards who won't share their wives either."

 

There are, of course, women swingers who strictly on their own choose only to be with other women but to let their husbands share those women. More often I suspect, like the little newbie who posted earlier, it's "this is what I want because my husband tells me this is what i want."

 

Just my highly prejudiced opinion; take it with a grain of salt.

[Tybee Swing 286]

We have run into three sub-groups here. 1) Full-swap couples where bi action is optional (we have had several good experiences with such couples as they have respected our non-bi boundaries). 2) Full-swap couples where bi activity is expected (we decline and all part friends, respecting each others' different wishes. 3) The bi-fem couple who want only the elusive single bi-fem, and not finding that, want a bi-fem couple, providing the husband doesn't mind sitting on his ass and watching. That, I think is where the numbers don't add. And that, i think, is where most of the complaining comes from: "I won't share my wife with other men, and we can't get any action because of all these selfish bastards who won't share their wives either."

 

I appreciate the way you differentiated between several of the common types of couples in which there is a bi, socially bi, or bi-curious wife. There are many degrees, many variations, many couples who feel that the bi activity is optional and full-swap is always on the menu. I appreciate you pointing out this fact. Many people would throw the baby out with the bathwater instead of looking more closely at what the couple is about.

[EvilMJ 65]

I kinda jumped into reading this a little late but I think Tybee Swing said exactly what I was thinking. Not everyone who is bi is pushy and we are not going to 'change our minds' about our orientation any time soon. I think it is just like anything else and we need to judge each situation/person by their own merits.

[good times 990]

Tybee and EvilMJ make some good points, it seems to us as a straight couple that it is a case of a few bad apples screwing up the whole barrel. I think it is human nature to try to lump people into groups. It is kind of like the single male thing, probably most of them are alright guys, but a few bad ones unfairly give all of them a bad name. Bi-females are the same way, we know far more of them that are respectful towards straight couples than ones that are not, yet their are a few that just make us apprehensive about all of them. Sadly, because of the few bad ones, we find we are wary of any new bi-females until we get to know them. It is kind of like they have to prove their innocence before we are willing to open up and relax around them. Is that fair? probably not, but after a few bad experiences I think it is understandable why a lot of straight couples feel this way.

[freekynme 15]

Just gotta put my 2 cents in. Im a non-pushy selectively bi female in a full swap only couple. What that means is Im not bi with all women due to sexual attractiveness or lack of & respect straight females. We also believe that if we meet a couple & things work out then we all play. Maybe its me, but I dont get the men watching the women only unless thats specifically what they want. Personally I love watching my hubby play with a woman while Im playing with her partner.

[FloridaFlirt 15]

It's so awesome that this thread is continuing!!

 

I appreciate all the responses to this--it has given me much food for thought, and I have even made a decision or two based upon this thread.

 

Always open to hearing more thoughts on this!

[Tybee Swing 286]

Hi FL Flirt, that's very interesting. What decisions have you made based on this thread?

[FloridaFlirt 15]

As far as the decisions I've made, I started thinking about the people that are already in our membership. If I had a rigorous screening process that kept out couples that ONLY played with other women, I would have missed out on knowing lots of great folks. I can see from my own personal experience and from reading other people's experiences here on the board that it takes all kinds of folks to make a good swinging group work.

 

So....I am continuing the way I have been--admitting couples and single women who are in the lifestyle, and single men will be admitted as space and balance permits. I am being more aggressive in "recruiting" couples that are the traditional full swap kind of folks, mainly for my own selfish gain (LOL), but welcome any lifestyle couples that are REAL. (The word "real" makes me want to start a whole new thread on "wannabe swingers", but I'll save that rant for another day

[darlindebi 15]

As a dedicated couple with an avowed bi-fem - We've encountered many more bad experiences with single males in the life style than with bi-fems within couples.

[good times 990]

Quote

We've encountered many more bad experiences with single males in the life style than with bi-fems within couples.

While I am not surprised that you have found this to be so in your case, if your female were straight you might not find the same to be true. Our experience has been that we have had more problems with overly aggressive bi-females than single males. We attribute this to the fact that single males are regulated by a pretty strict set of rules at most clubs or parties, which isn't the case for bi-females. Our experience has been that bi-females get away with things that a single male would get thrown out of the party for in a second. In reality, we have had relatively few problems with either, the large majority of bi-females and single males are just fine and are not a problem, but anytime you have a bad experience it tends to stand out in your mind and color your opinion of others in the same category.