How Do Swingers Feel About Black Women?

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Perhaps I am not understanding where you are coming from because I do not view blacks from the stereotypical viewpoint that you have applied to everyone (in regards to how they view blacks). I will say that those black friends I have (just like the white ones) are people who do not preoccupy themselves with laying blame for how things go in their life/work/social whatever on other people, but understand that everyone is different and no one is perfect and not everyone is going to like you for whatever reason.

 

I had a lot more written out, but I will just say this. We all come from different background and different experiences and our opinions are based from those backgrounds and experiences. We will not always understand each other, and we will often take things that people say in the wrong way because of our own perceptions/ backgrounds/etc. It is up to each of us to take the time to try to see things from a different point of view. Sometimes that takes reading a post two or three times and considering "how did they actually mean that" rather than assuming they meant it in the worst possible way.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Sigh…. All of this is really so sad. My wife and I (both white) went to a club in Baltimore that had a rather large percentage of members who were black. We went there several weekends on different nights. And attended an event that the club held that had nothing to do with swinging, just going out and having some fun. We tried to be part of the much larger black community of this club, but we were shunned and ignored for the most part by black couples.

 

On the other hand, at two different clubs, we have had great evenings with some single black men who were personable, talked to us, and we had a great time with them even if it was just visiting.

 

But every time there has been a black female present, the walls come up. I have no explanation for this. It has just been our experience. It is too bad, we missed out on meeting and getting to know some good people because of dynamics that we just don’t understand. But it is what it is.

 

We are moving to NC and were approached by a group on Swing Lifestyle. We are putting it on hold until after we get settled. But I would hope that since they approached us, they will be more accepting. Granted, the majority of the group appears to be black men with white female partners, but there are black women in the group. I guess we shall see what happens.

 

Also, being interested in that area, we have looked at a lot of profiles, and yes, we have seen comments in profiles that said that they were interested in playing only within their own race. That is their choice and we accept that just like those who only want to play with HWP couples or people who don't smoke. It is their choice. If their choices don't match with ours, then we will move on. Nothing personal. It is what it is.

 

S

[easleyfuncpl 58]

Perhaps I am not understanding where you are coming from because I do not view blacks from the stereotypical viewpoint that you have applied to everyone (in regards to how they view blacks). I will say that those black friends I have (just like the white ones) are people who do not preoccupy themselves with laying blame for how things go in their life/work/social whatever on other people, but understand that everyone is different and no one is perfect and not everyone is going to like you for whatever reason.

 

I had a lot more written out, but I will just say this. We all come from different background and different experiences and our opinions are based from those backgrounds and experiences. We will not always understand each other, and we will often take things that people say in the wrong way because of our own perceptions/ backgrounds/etc. It is up to each of us to take the time to try to see things from a different point of view. Sometimes that takes reading a post two or three times and considering "how did they actually mean that" rather than assuming they meant it in the worst possible way.

 

You are simply not understanding where I'm coming from because you aren't reading what I am saying. I have never, ever said anything close to all people view blacks in a stereotypical manner. I also do not "preoccupy" my time blamming others for anything. I have never been in a position in my life to blame anyone for anything. I am rather privilleged and in most respects have had things come easy for me. Please do not throw these insults at me without actually reading what I am saying. I keep asking you to please quote where I have said these things, and you never come up with anything.

 

My only other clue as to where you are making these assumptions comes from my blurb about my life experiences. What you responded with was a micro-invalidation (basically...I spend my life playing the race card and my experiences aren't relevant because of your friends). What I gave examples of were the daily microaggression which blacks/minorities face on a daily basis. I say all that technical jargon to make the point, again, that it is not my sole experiences. These are well documented, well researched TRUTHS in our society. Now where you took the step that I didn't is assuming that I let these daily truths stop me in any way shape or form. There is a difference between acknowledging a truth in life and letting it disable you. Can it be distressing...yes, has it been disabiling for me...certainly not. Is it disabling for some...yes. Do some people ignore it completely...sure. However none of these positions are more valid than others.

 

What I HAVE stated over and over again is simply an answer to the posters question...the swinging world is no different than the real world. Discrimination and prejudice exist in the real world just as it does in the swinging world. I also chose to post about my experiences...NONE of which stated "people don't like me because I'm black," except for the one OBVIOUS example where they did (because they wrote it in their profile).

 

and you post this about being open to Chiccup's post, yet you won't give me that same respect. i make this assumption because of your attempt to completely invalidate me in the first paragraph.

 

I totally recognize that this thing is way off from where it was, and that what I am saying may be uncomfortable for some, and I sincerely apologize for that fact (however I think race should be talked about and not swept under the rug, yes, even on a site devoted to sex). What has made me the most passionate in this thread is that people's experiences are being invalidated, and someone said something that I found extremely racially insensitive and offensive (black women needing to specifically go up to the people that don't like them and sell themselves...as if this is their civic duty to help black women to look better to the ignorant...as if this works!). Either way clearly this isn't going anywhere because I am continually being misunderstood and it has become very frustrating due to the constant invalidations and support of an incredulous statement.

 

...so much so that I am contemplating leaving a site that I have enjoyed thoroughly. I can't be a part of a place built on the sharing of experiences where only some are valid. Also because in all of this, I look like the villan or angry negro dragging things out.

[cplnuswing 4,711]

But every time there has been a black female present, the walls come up. I have no explanation for this. It has just been our experience. It is too bad, we missed out on meeting and getting to know some good people because of dynamics that we just don’t understand. But it is what it is.

 

We were at a club and shared a table with two other couples. One both halves white (as we are), the other black female/hispanic male. Everybody chatting and getting along fine, and then while the Mrs. was talking to the mixed race couple I was talking to the white couple and discussing other clubs nearby and what they thought of them. They were telling me how they preferred this club over the other for several reasons, and then at the end kind of nonchalantly dropped in that the other club had "too many people who don't stay in their own race." I found that very odd, especially since it should have been obvious we were hitting it off pretty good with the mixed race couple and in fact went to a play room a little later.

 

Still not sure if they recognized the attraction between us and the other couple and the comment was intentionally made, or whether they were oblivious to it and just said something stupid. If the later, I've wondered what they said to each other when the four of us got up and headed toward the play room. I tend (hope) to think it wasn't intentional, because they were still at the table when we returned and weren't standoffish the rest of the night.

 

So, in this one case for us anyway, a black female was involved and no walls came up in terms of playing, but there was the odd interaction with the other couple.

 

yes, we have seen comments in profiles that said that they were interested in playing only within their own race. That is their choice and we accept that just like those who only want to play with HWP couples or people who don't smoke. It is their choice. If their choices don't match with ours, then we will move on. Nothing personal. It is what it is.

 

We don't have a problem with it, but when we see it in a profile, fair or not, we do try to judge where they are coming from. If you could substitute "we prefer blondes" then fine, to each their own. If we get the vibe it's because "redheads and brunettes shouldn't mix" then we'll take a pass.

[Chicup 38]

I suppose I can't see why trying to defuse a stereotype is 'deplorable'.

 

I said right from the start its not fair. It won't change someone who has 'whites only' on their profile, but it may well be good for a couple who is afraid to approach you based on the stereotype.

 

We were talking about the idea of black women being intimidating, and therefore hard to approach. But whitey here dared suggest that being approachable would be a good solution, what WAS I thinking?

 

Funny we have a thread active about tall men being intimidating to women and people gave advice to that man, without it being deplorable.

 

Normally at this point I say 'Lighten up Francis' but I'd hate for that to be taken the wrong way too.

[easleyfuncpl 58]

I suppose I can't see why trying to defuse a stereotype is 'deplorable'.

 

I said right from the start its not fair. It won't change someone who has 'whites only' on their profile, but it may well be good for a couple who is afraid to approach you based on the stereotype.

 

We were talking about the idea of black women being intimidating, and therefore hard to approach. But whitey here dared suggest that being approachable would be a good solution, what WAS I thinking?

 

Funny we have a thread active about tall men being intimidating to women and people gave advice to that man, without it being deplorable.

 

Normally at this point I say 'Lighten up Francis' but I'd hate for that to be taken the wrong way too.

 

Your refusal to examine the offensiveness of your statement is actually proving my point, more than I ever could.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Easlyfuncpl,

 

Pick your own fights, but the fact that thee are swingers out there, like us, that don't care about whether you are white, black, or yellow, doesn't that make a differece? We care about who you are, your personality, sigh... I am 50 years old and remember the stupidity when I was a teenager. I didn't understand it then, I don't understand it now.

 

S

[Nitati 28]

Hmm... I just read through this whole thread and my head hurts!!! As a black woman, Chicup I was not offended by any of your comments or preferences. But I can also totally relate to where the female half of Easleyfuncpl is coming from as well. People are all different, and will always continue to be different. Some things that are said or done that I find offensive might not phase the next person. Vice versa. Part of life.

 

I can say though that there have been times where (as per one of my posts within the past couple of months) I was approached several times by men of different races while their female partners were elsewhere... and never by an actual couple. But, who am I to say what these guys primary reasons for that were? I honestly have no clue what they were thinking. For all I know, my most recent incident could have simply been because they assumed my hubby doesn't speak English, or something else crazy like that (which is possible since we choose to speak Spanish when discussing other people in public... rude, perhaps... but it means we don't have to excuse ourselves so often).

 

Mrs. Easleyfuncpl, girl living in the Carolinas is tough stuff as it is. Being part of a mixed race couple is even harder, depending on where exactly you live. I constantly worry about how my kiddos will be treated when they start school (we live in a small, rural town). I'm sorry you were so deeply upset by some of the things that were said, but I don't think this thread should be reason enough for you to leave SwingersBoard! If your experiences have been anything like mine (which I of course don't know, but I'm just saying...), I'm sure you've been through worse racially tense scenarios and survived! At least this one has some really interesting, two-sided dialogue!

[Nitati 28]

We are moving to NC and were approached by a group on Swing Lifestyle. We are putting it on hold until after we get settled. But I would hope that since they approached us, they will be more accepting. Granted, the majority of the group appears to be black men with white female partners, but there are black women in the group. I guess we shall see what happens.

 

Also, being interested in that area, we have looked at a lot of profiles, and yes, we have seen comments in profiles that said that they were interested in playing only within their own race. That is their choice and we accept that just like those who only want to play with HWP couples or people who don't smoke. It is their choice. If their choices don't match with ours, then we will move on. Nothing personal. It is what it is.

 

S

 

Hey, you guys are moving to NC?!?!?!

You were approached by a group???

Should we be jealous?

lol.... just kidding about the jealousy thing Happy "early" welcome to our state! Have you already checked out the area you're moving to? Oops... sorry, don't mean to hijack!

[ncmd_couple 597]

Nitati,

 

Well, I moved our profile to the area this morning. Yes, drop me a note on SLS, we use the same profile name there, and I will point you in their direction. Seems they have regular meet-n-greets. But until we get settled in, we won't be seriously looking to meet new folks.

 

S

[mexicolovers 24]

Black, white, Asian makes no difference. Clean, fun and bi.

[Napoleon 232]

Black women?

 

The black women I either had sex with or formed a relationship with:

 

Pretty face, light brown to dark chocolate soft skin, slim bodyframe, very small waistline, firm bubble butt, hourglass hips, nice firm tits, milky white teeth and nice smile, excellent cooking skills, feminine and strong, excellent sex skills, they're great.

[couplers 4,140]

The person who I have the most intense emotional and sexual relationship with is a black woman. It has nothing to do specifically with her being black (she was married to a black man and we used to swing with them, he is nice and good, but nothing special). It is her intelligence, beauty, fitness and drive - the same things that make her more attractive to my husband than I am. I both love her and am jealous of her.

[M1F2KTJ 470]

There may be other reasons why white, or black, couples might not want to play with you.

 

I will play with you if I find you sexy. I don't care what color you are.

[Nevercaught79 0]

I for one would enjoy trying it with a black woman 

 

[padoc 1,696]

If your look at the overall population of the US, blacks make up roughly 13-15%. We have been swinging since 2003, initially primarily at clubs in the northeast corridor and at Desire. Our overall experience is, I guess anecdotal, but the number of black couples we've seen in those settings were few and far between and probably a much smaller proportion in the swinger population than in the general population of the country. I can't even begin to guess why that appears to be so. We've seen way more mixed couples over the years than black couples and way, way more single black males than single black females. 

 

The original question, "how do swingers feel about black females" is simple for us, we like females, Mrs Doc is more or less bi-lite and I am a pure heterosexual. If we meet a woman who is either single or part of a couple and who is attractive, intelligent and playful and who is interested in us, race is a non issue.

 

In fact, one of our most memorable nights was at a halloween party at a club.  Everyone was in costume of course, and as the night progressed we and our friends noticed a black woman in a very sexy Klingon costume complete with the oversized forehead.  Mrs Doc and I spoke to her a couple of times in passing and found out that she was single and it was her first club visit. She did say she was primarily interested  in having a bisexual experience and since that was not my wife's focus, we figured we had seen the last of her as we and our friends (another couple) headed off to find a room. We were sorta playing together in the hallway, there may have been some boobage going on etc, until a room opened and the Klingon walked by and stopped to watch/chat a little. We found an open door and as we and our friends went in the Klingon asked if she could join us again saying she was interested in women.  She was very nice and very attractive and our friend was a bit more than curious so we invited the Klingon in. We all pretty much undressed each other and the Klingon was just as sexy out of the costume. The other wife and her engaged in some bi-play, there was a lot of foreplay among the 5 of us.  Then she  went down on Mrs Doc and while her butt was up in the air, I asked if I could touch her and she said yes. She licked my wife to several orgasms while I fingered her and she just got wetter and wetter and thrusted back onto my hand. The other wife saw her reaction and she asked if she wanted me to boink her. She said yes so I did. Before the night was over, She gave the other guy a bj, we both went down on her,  both guys came at some point with somebody and the Klingon and both wives had multiple orgasms. It was an incredible night. We only ever got her first name, she told us she was not on any swinger sites but said she'd be back to the club. Neither we nor our friends ever saw her there again. Im sure there was more to her story but I'm fairly certain we four provided her with a fun evening. 

[Sunday 119]

On 5/17/2006 at 10:45 AM, Guest Cosmopolite said:

How Do Swingers Feel About Black Women?

That's a strange question on SO many levels.

 

???

[PSULioness 754]

Maybe because we are younger and raised in a liberal NY family, I have friends of all races and religions. I dated Black guys and a Hispanic. Heck I even dated an Italian lol. 

I will say the majority of my school friends were white, I’m not sure of the percentage of non whites vs whites at school. I think there were more white girls dating black guys vs black girls dating white guys. 

Currently our parties contain a mix yet predominantly white. I am sure some of the white guys steer clear, yet I don’t find that many that do. For the most part most of my friends are color blind. Do my girlfriends talk about the black guys? Yes. It makes me uncomfortable because the talk is more stereotypes and size. It’s not racist at all. 

[let's do it again 379]

I have never experienced a problem with black females in the lifestyle. We have noticed more black women and white men are together at parties and resorts. I was surprised the last resort that we were at and the number of single black women, more than black men. All were hooking up with white men.  I am surprised that more black people don't go to the resorts in Jamaica, and even more surprised that even fewer Asians. 

[BillyandDebbie 289]

Aren’t we passed this type of question? 

[yorktownvaguy 76]

On 5/17/2006 at 10:45 AM, Guest Cosmopolite said:

I am a single black female and new to swinging in a "formal" sense. Even though I am bisexual, I have only had intercourse once since 2002. I am a voyeur and do threesomes. However, I have been told by several experienced swingers that most swingers are not interested in black females, even though I am single and bisexual. Since I have never been to a club, I would hate to go and not have anyone to play with. Does anyone know reasons why couples would not want to play with black females?

I'm amazed this question even comes up.  A lady is a lady regardless of race, creed or looks.  The requirements is that they enjoy sex and are comfortable in their bodies and with themselves. 

[TwoFunTexans 103]

The opportunity to play with a black lady has not happened yet. We've played with two couples where the husband was black and the wife was white and she's played with a few single guys. 

 

On a side note, one of the couples mentioned above the wife told me I was one of the rare white guys she'd play with. I'm pretty fly for a white guy! 🤣

[Numex 2,175]

On 5/17/2006 at 8:45 AM, Guest Cosmopolite said:

How Do Swingers Feel About Black Women?

I've never been with a black woman, but certainly have nothing against it.  My wife on the other hand, has had several black women lovers.  She liked them a lot, but they were lesbian only, which eliminated one aspect of the kind of play she likes.

[PJ&Lin 181]

We stick to Green and Purple women. Now ask me how I feel about people who ask questions like this. 
The primary color we stay from are Orange people. Now I realize Orange is not a primary anything.