Racism and Swinging

[us2maybe 15]

I think the worst part is (and this may be why those who thought the info should be removed from the listings thought so) is that seeing that two clubs in one state (where if I remember right there's only 3 or 4 listings) discriminate, it tends to give you a bad view of the whole state/ area (especially if you aren't from there).

 

 

Umm I'd disagree - I think that's not surprising that amongst the 50 states the one in question happens to be Mississippi, okay maybe South Carolina and Georgia were close runner ups.

 

And not to say this sort of thing can't exist in California or Massachussetts - because around the country you have individuals who may be "my race only". But let's be real here. It's no surprise that a state where you could loose your life for whistling at a white woman 50 years ago, has 2 of its 3 listed organizations here as "whites only".

 

Granted swingers are supposedly "more openminded" I'd say that 2/3 ratio is probably optimistic in the reference to how Mississippians view interracial sex in general.

[Zoe&Wash 93]

I'm thinking if these folks want to closet themselves away from the rest of the world with their narrow little minds, wonderful! I want nothing to do with them and, as expensive as gas is these days, I'd rather not make a trip and find out too late that I have no desire whatsoever to associate with them. I've got better places to spend my time and money!

 

 

One thing that hasn't been mentioned in all this is what could happen to a very pale skinned person with very dark-skinned roots who ends up in a whites-only club that isn't blatantly advertised as such.

 

Again, this is one of those situations where it's best to know well in advance what's happening before you pay to walk through the door, than to find one's self in a very awkward and potentially hazardous situation!

 

Z

[jennandjamesinm 87]

I know of both clubs that you are speaking of. We live in Northwest Mississippi and James and I have attended both clubs and are members of both of them. We knew going in that they were white only clubs, but neither of us are racist. We just aren’t attracted to black people, that is not racism – it’s a preference – just like some people don’t like people of size or redheads or brown hair. I had a very difficult time at first deciding whether or not to support these clubs because they were white only. I thought it would make me a bigot by association, and maybe it does to others, but I just do not see it that way. Believe me when I say that this is something that I have thought about. I respect the fact that the owners are upfront about it though – it is their club and they can have whom they want as members. It’s not that different from clubs that “screen” their members for the pretty people or the clubs that have cliques. There are a few members of both clubs that are outright racists, but there are many more people there that are kind, nice people who are what the lifestyle is all about. We have made some wonderful friends there. To me personally – the good qualities of the groups as a whole far outweigh the one bad thing.

 

In our area of the country, there are limited choices as to where you can go and hang out with other like-minded people. There are 2 clubs in Memphis, but we have found out that we aren’t clubbers, although we go to one of them on occasion to see some friends. Neither of them have a policy that is discriminatory, but we have also found them to be cliquey - and this from a girl that doesn't know a stranger. We’d have to go MUCH farther from home to have an adult night out that didn’t have a discriminatory policy – I’m talking about Alabama or to Nashville or to even the Gulf Coast – and none of those options are feasible for our one trip out a month. There are even strip clubs that aren’t outright discriminatory, but in Memphis, you have strip clubs and even regular clubs that if I walked in, I would get some strange looks and probably would not be welcomed either. Again – it goes both ways. To be honest, we haven’t been doing anything swinging related – we are on a self-imposed hiatus – we are trying to live life, raise kids, work and go to school.

 

I digress – I am not from the South, so I did not know what racism was until I moved down here – it just never was a part of my life. But from my experiences, racism can and does go both ways….its not only white people not hanging out with black people, its black people not hanging out with white people. I will truly tell you that the 10 years that I have lived here has been an eye opening education to me. Discrimination comes in all forms – whether it is race, or class or any one of a million other things.

 

This is just my opinion, for what ever it is worth. It might not be a popular opinion, but its mine nonetheless.

 

Jenn

[BodyScape02 21]

Back to the origional question....

 

Would you go to to an event/party/club/website if there was blatant racism?

Billy

 

 

When I deal with prejudice... I try to determine if the person/ society has an open mind...( I am well traveled and only in the U.S.A. is this an issue.).. we care about being “Fair” - every other country I have been to has a group it universally hates and blames for all ills - gypsies being the most readily available and blamable.

 

If there is no changing their mind and it is not a constitutional issue.. I just stay away. If not…well if you have read my posts… I do not shrink from a good dialogue/ argument.

 

But I will also not give a person a pass on being a total ass because of race... I take it as individual people. You are how you act. For example:

 

I had a girlfriend ( brides maid ) who dated a black man( in the 70’s)... she went to a party at his college shortly after she started dating him seriously. At this party , She got spit on, pushed around and hit... ( he was an ass and was drunk as a skunk with his frat buddies and making out with another girl when she found him to tell him), because she was "takin" a fine black man away from the sisters in general. She cried and ran out.

 

I drove to where she was to get her, at a pay phone, at the nearest "stop and go" and took her home and listened to her cry.

 

There was no way I was walking into that party to confront him. He was an ass... and the mindset of those few people was so prejudiced that me saying anything would have simply been asking for a beating. I was amazed when she went back to him... turned out bad...go figure? I hated him... not all black men...just him. I try not to judge a person based on the trite generalizations of race and social myths. (to list them would be insulting …so I will not)

 

When It comes to swinging... there are some things I avoid.. I hate the clips from a few porno houses like Dog Fart... were there are 8 black men gang banging a little white woman and calling her names and demeaning her during the process... to me its rape and racially motivated. I am not one to see it the other way around either... so if anything has made me prejudiced against sex with a black male... it is those clips... they have made me reluctant to be exsposed to what I saw... but as I said...we take it on a person by person basis.

[oreophxation 15]

my parents grew up in the hard times of the 60's when racism was rampant in the south. they raised us however to not see color and to not judge but dont be stupid either to think that it no longer exists. I love all races of people. I have been discriminated against and the feeling is one that is hard to describe and stomach but you have to realize that alot of us are products of our parents and being sheltered from others.............we all bleed the same color. My wife is white and i'll always remember the quote " only a heart knows another heart"

 

 

Mr. Oreo

[Sweetdevil 17]

I have read posts with the following statements: 1) We or I am are not racist. 2) We or I am not attracted to black's. 3) It is our preference. Yet, never stating their basis for their beliefs.

 

I know it is their right to swing with whom ever and I would never tell any one they had to swing with someone because of their ethnicity. Though, it is interesting that people making the above statements do not go in to detail as to why.

[havefuninsun 122]

Very interesting thread. Personally, I'm prejudice against assholes. Sorry, but I pretty much hate them.

 

We were raised in a non-denominational church where anyone could attend; my "sisters" and "brothers" were of all color and sizes. It was in school (yes, in Virginia, somewhat south) that the kids were so hateful (shocked, I know). In 8th grade my best friend was black. One day at lunch, we shared a soda. After lunch, one of our "friends" (yes, this guy supposedly was her friend too) pulled me aside and said, "I can't believe you just shared a drink with a >!" I was shocked, sad ... and pissed. I said, "I'd rather share a drink with a nice person any day of the week than even talk to an ASSHOLE."

 

Being that I have a lot of native american in me, I'm olive toned and get dark in the summer. Whenever a new school year would start, kids would always ask "so, what are you? You're not white, but you're not black either."

 

It seems to me, though, that my son's generation is much more color-blind, even in good ol' Virginia. He has friends of all shades and sizes; the kids all spend the night with each other; he gets as pissed off at any one of them as he does the other ... and no race riots break out. Even at his high school football games it's nice to see all the kids hanging out and blending together.

 

It would be very hard for me to hang out with small minded people. Seems to me those clubs that exclude others for whatever reason are small minded people; therefore, I choose to hang out with the smart kids.

[Spoomonkey 418]

I have read posts with the following statements: 1) We or I am are not racist. 2) We or I am not attracted to black's. 3) It is our preference. Yet, never stating their basis for their beliefs.

 

Well first - it is a preference - not a belief.

 

Big difference.

 

For me - it is Asian women. I am just not turned on by them. I couldn't tell you why since I think they are absolutely gorgeous. I mean - Lucy Liu (sp?), Kobe Tai, that chick who played in "Geisha"... WOW! Stunning...

 

But - for some reason, I am just not that turned on sexually. Go figure.

 

Its not a matter of being racist - or having a certain set of "beliefs"... It is all about preferences. One does not really need a basis - in fact, a basis (i.e. "I don't like Asian women because they are all small breasted" - a ridiculous example, but so would any "basis" be) is typically a generalization that refuses to take people as individuals into account.

 

My mind does what my mind does - and when I see some women, my body is on fire... When I see others, that fire just isn't there. It is not about them - its about me. Not a basis of belief, but a matter of preference.

 

Will I never be attracted to an Asian woman? Who knows. Mrs Spoo is not attracted to black men (or blond men for that matter) but there have been a couple that have tripped her trigger. Why? Because she doesn't rely on any "basis" but looks at them each as there own person...

 

Doing that allows for the "person" to overshadow the "preference".

 

So - you get the answer above for one simple reason - it is the honest answer... No real explanation is needed...

 

Spoomonkey

[Sweetdevil 17]

Spoomonkey,

 

Since belief is a firm opinion, the opinion must be based on thought, feelings or other emotions.

 

Since perference is favoring one person over another, in this case, the personal preference must be base on something!

 

A thought?

A feeling?

Past experience?

Custom?

 

Preference must have a basis and the basis is belief. Belief can be a single thought as why someone like or dislike someone.

Preference is not thought and thought is not without belief!

[Spoomonkey 418]

Preference is not thought and thought is not without belief!

 

 

You have totally lost me. I do not have a basis of belief for my preferences. My preferences simply are. I am attracted to what I am attracted to. To say I need to have some sort of belief about that is completely ignorant.

 

As I stated above, I do not have a reason for my preferences.

 

The line I quoted from you makes absolutely no sense. Please clarify.

 

Spoomonkey

 

PS - What "beliefs" cause you to prefer one food over the other? One shirt over the next? One car to every other car?

[havefuninsun 122]

I agree with the purple monkey. Attraction is attraction is attraction. Personally, I've never been attracted spanish-decendent men. Why? I have no earthly idea. Do I see one sometimes I find hot? Absolutely. Would I seek those men out? Not a chance.

 

No spanish-decendent, mexican, or otherwise man has done anything negative to me to make me feel this way.

 

I think those Pontiac Rondeveus (sp?) are ugly as hell. They've never done anything to me. And the H2 & H3's -- again, god-awful in my book. Why do I "feel" that way? It's not a feeling; it s a VISUAL thing. I don't like what I see.

 

It's just sex people; let's not make it that difficult.

[MoonLightKiss 28]

Racism is an issue that has been debated for decades. What is racism, are preferences what makes a person racist, how far is too far when telling a joke, all these have been issues people all over the world have debated. I was a military brat growing up and have seen many places, and even though most of my childhood was spent being raised in Georgia (Please don't shoot me yet) I grew up very diverse. Would we attend a club that discriminated against color? No, absolutely not. Nor would we judge those who did attend. At least not until the came right out and screamed white power or some crap like that...but, I suppose overall, I guess you could say I am prejudiced. I cant stand men who hit women, and adults who hit children I don't much care for murderers and rapists, although protecting your family would be a loophole for murder and I prefer to avoid people who do drugs. Easiest thing for me, is to do whom and what I like, within the bounds of respecting others, and let the rest go. Cause overall, what is important is that we do our best everyday not to hurt people, and stick to what we believe, no matter what that is.

[Sweetdevil 17]

Spoomonkey,

 

I was being satirical about your statement concerning preference.

[NewSw 37]

We have declined to play with people who have been overtly racist. We just don't feel comfortable faced with such brainless bigotry and I (Red is more tactful) would find it hard not to indulge in some bigot-baiting in such a situation.

 

No club that I know of here in the UK discriminates at all. If we found ourselves in one that did we would leave and make it clear why they would get no more of our money.

 

The club we attend most has quite a mixed clientele (but mostly white and some Asian - that's Asian as in sub-continent - British English terminology) and that suits us just fine.

 

CB

(Proud of his Arab nieces)

 

thank you