My husband played after I fell asleep

[intuition897 2,177]

AdventureUS, I'm afraid the vote is unanimous: whether joking or no, your comment gave hubby the excuse he needed to indulge in yet another screw. I wouldn't be so upset about the fact that they had sex while I slept if it were me, but about the fact that a boundary - one that should have naturally been felt as it was approached! - was irreversibly crossed. There's sexual attraction and then there's emotional attraction. Swingers (typically) reserve emotional attachments solely for their own partners while polyamorists develop both sexual AND emotional bonds with multiple partners. If this line has become blurred for your husband, you'll both need to take stock of what you're looking to get out of the lifestyle. If he swears up and down that he has no interest in developing an emotional relationship with this woman yet his actions clearly say otherwise, one of several things could be going on.

 

1. He may simply have a crush on this woman. This is dangerous territory because choosing to allow him to explore this feeling he has may bring undesirable results. Yes, he may choose her over you (although if he did he'd need a good kick in the ass! How many women would allow their husbands that kind of freedom?) but he may realize that no, he doesn't love her and the novelty will wear off. If the latter is the case, then you'll never have to worry about it again, right?

 

2. He may have just made a stupid mistake. As you said, it was 4:30 in the morning. No one is in their right mind at that hour, and he may have been feeling lonely for the kind of companionship that YOU normally offer him at the end of a wild night of raunchy sex. You were exhausted and fell asleep (not laying any blame here) and she just happened to be awake. Plus when faced with the unknown (a strange woman in his bed) one tends to fall back on the familiar (the way he makes love to you) and the same choreography or 'dance' that he performs with you may have just been transferred onto her. If this is the case, then don't worry too much. It was a simple mistake and a miscommunication on everyone's part. These kinds of speed-bumps should be expected and just taken in stride. Learn from it and move on.

 

3. He may be truly interested in a more polyamorous arrangement and is afraid to admit it for fear of hurting you. If this is the case, then you both have some thinking - and serious talking - to do. Whether this arrangement would be acceptable to you both is something you'd need to decide on together.

 

In any case, we all wish you luck!