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Assumptions Will be the Death of Me or How Everything Crashed and Burned

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JAPrufrock

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Mr. Prufrock and I have been talking to a couple for about two weeks now. I should say, I have been talking to the male half of the couple for two weeks. Mr. Prufrock generally can't chime in on texts, because they always seem to happen while we're at work. This couple indicated on SZC that they'd like to meet us, and I liked their profile, so I sent them a message with our KIK username. Most of the time I message people, they never reply, so I wasn't expecting anything. The male half of the couple, (we'll call him Mr. Couple because I'm too tired to think of a witty name) messaged me on KIK. Now, one thing I hate about KIK, is that you can't sign into the same account on multiple devices. Each person has to create their own account and you have to add them to the chat. I briefly thought about adding Mr. Prufrock to the chat, but he was busy with Important Work Things, so I stupidly decided not to. This ended up being a bad decision on multiple levels. The first being, it's annoying having to relay all the chats back to him, he could care less, but I want him to know what's going on.

 

Regardless, Mr. Couple and I have been chatting for two weeks. While or after we chat, I fill Mr. Prufrock in on all the pertinent (rather boring) details. I happened to notice that Mr. Couple was a terrible flirt. Everything I said that was at least a little flirty (and I vetted the flirts through Mr. Prufrock. Can I just tell you how surreal it is to have your husband coach you through flirting with another man?) was met with nothing. I finally figured the guy wasn't interested or he was just an awful online flirter. Nothing sexual was exchanged. I made sure when we talked that I brought up Mr. Prufrock and I complimented or asked about his wife when appropriate.

 

The second day of chatting with Mr. Couple, I ask if him and his wife would like to get drinks with Mr. Prufrock and me. No playing on the first meet, just a fun, no-pressure get together. He enthusiastically replied they would. We set up a day. A few days later we set up a place and time. We continue to chat a little here a little there about nothing in particular. I continue to fill Mr. Prufrock in on our chats assuming Mr. Couple is doing the same with his wife. Today rolls around. I send Mr. Couple a mundane text. He replies, and then sends me Mrs. Couples KIK username saying I could message her to introduce myself and say 'Hi'. So I go ahead and do that.

 

Enter the most awkward conversation I have ever had in my life. This woman doesn't know who I am, has no idea that her husband was chatting with me, up front tells me that they have a rule that neither of them chat with someone of the opposite sex unless it's a group chat because they have had issues with females crossing boundaries in the past. She was pissed, and understandably so. I am left tongue-tied, I had no idea what to say. I apologized, I explained that we were new, and that I had no intentions of crossing boundaries. I felt awful; I feel awful. I was left feeling like a home wrecker. Yes, I found her husband attractive but only on the "lets all play together" scale, definitely not the "I want to take him away from you and bang him behind your back" scale. I am 100% NOT that person, and I find that kind of behavior abbhorrent (see my reaction to the persistent Unicorn from our first club visit.)

 

So. Yeah. Mr. Couple decided it was then time to start a group chat. I haven't said anything since apologizing to his wife. Mr. Prufrock chimed in, in hopes to perhaps keep everything from bursting into flames after crashing, but we were just left with some passive aggressive texts from Mrs. Couple. Mr. Prufrock and I are done. DONE. I don't ever want to feel that way again. It was horrible. So now, not only are we out of weekend plans (that we were enthusiastically looking forward to) but I feel like a trashy home-wrecker. Great.

 

I did at least learn a few valuable lessons: never, EVER assume anything. Just because I talk to my husband and fill him in, does NOT mean other people are doing the same thing. Also, from now on, regardless of whether or not Mr. Prufrock is going to chime in on the chat, always start a group chat from the very beginning. *sigh*

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Oh, no! :( I'm so sorry that Mr. and Mrs. Couple-Who-Doesn't-Communicate didn't work out. But yeah...those are a good few lessons to learn and, unfortunately, sometimes it takes more than just reading about them on the forum to learn them. :(

 

I wish we all lived closer then we could help sweep that awful feeling away!

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I'm sorry you were put in this situation. You did nothing wrong,so try not to be hard on yourself.

 

Go out to a club or party. It's so much easier to figure out if you click with them and if they are a couple who love and respect each other, when you talk together in person.

 

We spent a year doing the online profile hunt, chat, meet up thing. It was a colossal waste of time. Then we started going out to a club about once a month. That was a much better way to get to know people.

 

I hope you are not too discouraged. You'll find your niche and have a great time. It just takes time,putting yourself out there and trying different things.Enjoy the novelty. Would you have thought last year that you'd be doing the things you are now? Flirting, going out, talking about possibilities while you make love?

 

Oh, and I wish Sun lived closer too!

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This is why we have a m/m only or 4 way text rule. This way there can be no misunderstandings or men just trying to hook up with Ms. Gold. Sorry you had the problem but at least you learned something in the end. You did nothing wrong other than trust someone who (in the end) was untrustworthy. This is also why we only email until after our first (non-sexual) meeting. Good luck and keep trying.

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Playing the "please forgive me I'm new at this" is an excellent dodge. You did well, considering the situation.

 

Regrettable, none the less. Don't become discouraged.

Edited by SW_PA_Couple

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I agree with everyone else, and especially funcoupledayton on finding your niche. Everybody has their own style, and finding your own just takes a while to do. It's hard, but try to be patient and just take things in stride, it will all work out in due time.

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Well, it's been a few days, and with some introspection I can say I feel a WHOLE lot better about this whole situation. I'm glad it happened the way it did, no telling what would have happened had we met these people in person. I never thought I did anything wrong, but I hate that feeling of misplaced blame, anger, and suspicion. It's funny, because after canceling with the couple (and then having to go radio silence on them as the wife said it was weird I cancelled and then tried to convince us to meet,) it was like a huge weight was lifted. The pressure to look good and act perfect and "will they like us?" completely dissipated. Yeah, I'm not writing off online swinging just yet, but I'm thinking it's not really going to work for us. Mainly because we just don't have the time to email/chat and meet with couples only to find out there is no chemistry. We may decide to try and meet with a couple before going to a house party or something, but meh. We'll probably only do that if they contact us and we like their profile.

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It sounds like he broke the rules and she has free access to his texts. You cannot know the rules for another couple. In this case learn from it like you have and FIDO. ( forget it drive on) I may have to get on KIK after all.

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