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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default Rules for single males

    We checked over the rules for single guys. And, didn't see this one. It applies across the board though...single or married.

    Introduce yourself to our faces, rather than attempting to introduce yourself to our crotch first!

    Grrrr, this is a common problem at some clubs it seems.
    Phonies and Fakes Need not apply. We're as real as it gets, and don't have time to be wasting on dumbasses.

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Post

    I would think it would introduce yourself to our faces, not our tits!
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Post Guidelines

    After reviewing the posts in this topic I will venture to start a set of guidelines that will hopefully be means of helping both the single male and the couple seeking the single male for threeways.
    It seems to be a bit odd that while the single male is befuddled and says there is way too much competition in the lifestyle you have the couples on the other side of the couch wondering why they cannot find a decent single male.
    Many single males as well as couples eventually just quit looking.

    Here are some suggestions for single males. Suggestions for couples will follow.

    1: Don't bullshit. If you are married then just say so. You may be in for a destruction of your marriage as well as an unpleasant experience or two when you are caught, which you probably will be.

    2: Don't bullshit. Practically every guy that has had more than a few casual sex encounters is convinced that he is the all-time lovemaking Don Juan on the continent. Be aware that the hubby of the fine lady you hope to connect with thinks he's pretty good too. Do you think you will get far with him by implying that you are better than him at having sex? Couples do not want single males for a sex guru. They are not attempting to have their first orgasm. They are simply using a single male as an added pleasure for fantasy fulfillment.

    3: Don't bullshit. If you have told so many lies to hook a couple that you are now afraid to meet them then you may have pushed the envelope. Many single males are famous for getting right up to the point of meeting then copping out. (This holds true for some couples also as we all know.). If you want to have sex with a couple commit yourself to following up on meeting them casually first usually so they can judge your looks, personality, etc. to see if the famous "chemistry" is there.

    4: Be yourself. Don't bullshit. I see a lot of adds that tell the whole story. Many guys are under the impression that they need to impress the daylights out of a couple to get them. They look at the overwhelming number of adds placed by single guys and think their chances are nil to none and just quit there. Believe it or not, if you are a decent clean, honestly single male you are a sought after item. I have been on both sides of this fence. My wife and I have occasionally searched for a single male although currently are not. I was astounded by the simplicity of weeding out the bad apples. You can be certain that your prospective couples will not even answer 99% of the adds they see and will not respond positively to 90% of the people that respond to their ads. Using simple math you have great odds of hooking up with a couple if you are who you say you are and place a good add.

    That's all for now for the sake of brevity. Please add to this list and think of suggestions for couples too, if the urge hits ya. John

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Post

    So John, is what you are saying...don't bullshit?? I have a few suggestions to add:

    Treat the couples with respect...especially the women! Remember that YOU are the outsider! Perhaps the husband fantasizes about his wife with another man...but she is still his wife! Also, do not EVER even hint that you want to meet her alone. We find this kind of behavior quite an insult.

    Single males are quite frankly a dime a dozen...so you need to find something that will make you stand out. A sense of humor, honesty, and sensitivity will get you everywhere.

    I highly recommend having, for lack of a better word, references. If you have met a few couples, and it has gone well, ask them if they might give you a "recommendation" to others...
    You only go around once, why not have fun??

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Post

    Originally posted by Julie and Randie: I highly recommend having, for lack of a better word, references. If you have met a few couples, and it has gone well, ask them if they might give you a "recommendation" to others...

    One thing to ad to this one. Make sure it's the couple you were with giving the references not you just dropping names. I have seen this one too many times. "Well I've been with xyz and abc and they had a great time". I'd much rather hear that from the couple themselves. It seems like many guys get the idea that if they've been with one couple that they can tell the world and everyone will want them now because someone gave them a chance.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Post

    You may be saying the same thing, but let me be explicit about it...

    Don't share the names of your reference without their permission. The couple you were with likely asked for discretion, which means you should get their approval first. You need to respect their confidentiality first and foremost, or can be most assured they won't be a reference for long!

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Rules for Single Males

    A long time ago in a thread far far away (that I can't find or I woulda just bumped it up), the male and female halves of couples shared their "rules for single men". Those rules were transfered onto our Advice for Single Swingers page in the Info and Advice section.

    I'd like to know if anyone has anything they would like to add to it.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  8. Back To Top | #8
    Mr&Mrs-naughty
    Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty's Avatar

    Default Mr here

    Remember she has a mind as well as a body. Yes physical attraction is important, but just as important, she has to be interested in you as a person.

    The husband is just as important in the decision as his wife. If you pretend he is not there while getting to know one another chances are you won't get far.

    If you get a phone number do not make all your calls when you KNOW the husband won't be there.

    Don't become a stalker, even unintentionally. She is not looking for a boyfriend.

    We are not trying to make you "Jump through hoops" or "Pass some kind of test". It's really quite simple:
    1- She has to be attracted to you.
    2- We have to feel comfortable with you.
    3- Treat her like you would treat a good friend.
    4- When she/we are ready she will make the first move.

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: Mr here

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty
    Remember she has a mind as well as a body. Yes physical attraction is important, but just as important, she has to be interested in you as a person.

    The husband is just as important in the decision as his wife. If you pretend he is not there while getting to know one another chances are you won't get far.

    If you get a phone number do not make all your calls when you KNOW the husband won't be there.

    Don't become a stalker, even unintentionally. She is not looking for a boyfriend.

    We are not trying to make you "Jump through hoops" or "Pass some kind of test". It's really quite simple:
    1- She has to be attracted to you.
    2- We have to feel comfortable with you.
    3- Treat her like you would treat a good friend.
    4- When she/we are ready she will make the first move.
    Just a note: This applies just as much to single females.
    People live in cities, but people are alive in the woods.

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: Mr here

    And that should honestly end the thread jcbicouple. If a single guy approaches a couple the same way he a single woman....he'll be hard pressed NOT to succeed...unless it's just not meant to be. And if that is the case everyone involved is adults should be mature enough to make their disinterest known civilly.

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default re: Rules for single males

    Very good point, Tellya Later! and hopefully all the singles will pay attention to that great advice.

    However, What we actually meant was that the single women need to read those "rules" too. They apply to them, just as much as they apply to the single males.
    People live in cities, but people are alive in the woods.

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default re: Rules for single males

    I know the first thing I try to be is personable/nice because I think comfort is KEY. Granted, when you first see a person the attraction factor is either there or not. But if you're kinda "iffy" as to rather or not you want to pursue something with this person, I think with comfort can come more attraction. Soon you might be thinking, wow I'm more attracted to this person now that I'm more comfortable with them.

    Also, another thing I've made sure I don't do is become obsessed or stalker like b/c I know if the tables were turned, I'd feel weirded out by some obsessed woman following my every move or calling at odd times asking for things. Like the earlier response said, the ladies aren't looking for boyfriends....

    And I agree with the statement,- "single women should follow the same rules".
    " A girl's legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part". -R. Foxx

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default re: Rules for single males

    I noticed that the rules indicated that the single should not just sit at the bar all night and then expect to play but rather he should move around the club and introduce himself to a couple, complimenting the wife.

    Here's my point, nothing gets a guy a quicker turn down than one who instead of approaching us as a couple waits till Mr Spoo goes to get an other drink or something and they approach me alone. head bang
    Now they can approach Mr Spoo alone all they want to get acquainted and meet me when I walk back but don't try to weasel in with me when he isn't around. Remember we're in this together and if you ignore him then the answer is NO when it comes to anything further.

    Mrs Spoomonkey
    Love is friendship set aflame

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default re: Rules for single males

    That is so true Mrs. Spoomomkey, Their is a guy at the club we go to that comes often, is well dressed and according to Mrs. GT is very attractive, and since I've got to know him he seems like a pretty nice guy. But he will never be invited to play with Mrs. GT because the first two times (and in fact every time since but the decision was made after the first two times) he approached her to let her know his interest in her was when I was temporarily absent (getting drinks, or bathroom break). And even though we have talked on numerous occasions he has never brought up the fact that he wants to have sex with my wife even though he has asked her straight out on several occasions when I wasn't within earshot. That's a party foul in my book.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  15. Back To Top | #15
    Mr&Mrs-naughty
    Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty's Avatar

    Default Mr here

    Posted by good times;

    ...And even though we have talked on numerous occasions he has never brought up the fact that he wants to have sex with my wife even though he has asked her straight out on several occasions when I wasn't within earshot. That's a party foul in my book.
    Why do you still talk to him at all?

    Sounds like an untrustworthy fellow to me.

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default re: Rules for single males

    Good question, he is kind of a fixture around the club, as he has been personal friends of the managers for years. He is one of two single males they allow into the club on couples only nights. It's kind of a small club so not having occasional contact with him is pretty much impossible. As you would imagine though I don't go out of my way to talk to him.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default re: Rules for single males

    That's interesting goodtimes and I completely understand you position with this single guy. This past Friday night we went to the club and as always this one single guy was there. Everyone refers to him as 'creepy single guy' because he fits the description to a tee. Mr Spoo has talked to him very briefly a couple of times but the single guy is usually just complaining because no one ever invites him in a room or lets him watch (but he keeps coming back). Actually there have been some who play with him but most of the regulars don't.

    Sorry - all that to say that Friday night I wore a new shirt Mr Spoo bought me down at one of the ShortNorth shops we go to all the time. It's a hot pink t-shirt with black cap sleeves with a sexy nude silhouette of a woman with a devil tail and horns. Oh, and it fits really tight! Needless to say it got a lot of attention all night long. Anyway, creepy single guy drove me nuts! Usually at best I see him from across the club and Friday he followed me around everywhere and when Mr Spoo would step away he would comment on my shirt. Twice when I came out of the restroom I almost ran right into him because he'd wait for me to come out, using the excuse of helping direct me to where Mr Spoo was (as if I couldn't find him ).

    Anyway, that's my rant on single guys trying to move in on the wife as soon as the husband steps away for a second.

    Thanks for listening
    Mrs Spoomonkey
    Love is friendship set aflame

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default re: Rules for single males

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey
    I noticed that the rules indicated that the single should not just sit at the bar all night and then expect to play but rather he should move around the club and introduce himself to a couple, complimenting the wife.
    Mrs Spoomonkey
    Where in the midwest is this club where single guys are allowed to mingle and not just sit at the bar and try to look approachable? The only swing clubs I've been to since moving from out west all REQUIRED single men to stay at the bar. It's in their rules and the one I did get into as a single man (other than the one where I was treated like a stray dog with mange the week after my girlfriend moved) reminded me of that when I left the bar and went to the restroom. I couldn't even shoot pool unless a couple invited me.

    I guess it's just where I've been. Hard to get a good impression of a place when you never get in the door.

    Still, I've seen the situation you're talking about. I took BW to a club once and the moment I turned to get a drink, I heard a slap and saw acting like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Turns out he had played with her before and decided he could squeeze a melon. When I said "she's with me," he replied "she's just your ticket. Don't get all possessive." Good thing he was four inches shorter and about sixty pounds lighter than me. I felt too sorry for him to break his jaw.
    "Style is not lusting after someone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too."

    Prince

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default re: Rules for single males

    All good points, but very confusing. No bar at my club so I sit a table. Eventually a couple or two will join and we have a lot fun, conversation wise.

    To get up and mingle with other couples is chancy. Most, I have found, donít want to be interrupted. Stop, say hello, and itís nose in the air look the other way. Getting a compliment in about the wife or expressing intentions is impossible.

    Perhaps itís the club I go to, it surely isnít me. lol Anyway it seems the combinations are already set when the couples arrive. And the single females arrive with a couple. Now itís hard enough for a man to approach these couples and say hello, and the single females are impossible.

    The point Iím trying to make is that you have to know somebody, or arrive with another couple. I have never yet Ďgot luckyí with a couple or single female from a club. All sexual encounters have been with folks not associated with a club.

    Please donít misunderstand. The people at the club are great folks, pleasant, happy, fun, and most important, have a great deal of respect for each other, and me. A few I wouldnít give you a plug nickel for, but they respect me and I in turn respect them.
    A beautiful mind and body is a terrible thing to waste.

  20. Back To Top | #20
    Mr&Mrs-naughty
    Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty's Avatar

    Default re: Rules for single males

    Quote Originally Posted by good times
    Good question, he is kind of a fixture around the club, as he has been personal friends of the managers for years. He is one of two single males they allow into the club on couples only nights. It's kind of a small club so not having occasional contact with him is pretty much impossible. As you would imagine though I don't go out of my way to talk to him.
    Ahhh, I see. And your right, there's no sense in letting this guy keep you away from a good time.

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default re: Rules for single males

    Quote Originally Posted by EternallySingle
    Where in the midwest is this club where single guys are allowed to mingle and not just sit at the bar and try to look approachable? The only swing clubs I've been to since moving from out west all REQUIRED single men to stay at the bar. It's in their rules and the one I did get into as a single man (other than the one where I was treated like a stray dog with mange the week after my girlfriend moved) reminded me of that when I left the bar and went to the restroom. I couldn't even shoot pool unless a couple invited me.

    I guess it's just where I've been. Hard to get a good impression of a place when you never get in the door.
    The club we go to doesn't have any such rules. We don't think we would attend one that did. We've only seen one time where there was any trouble with a single guy who kept reaching in to touch a couple after he was told "no". He was immediately asked to leave the club. Most of the guys are very nice and fun (all of them that we've met, but we're sure there are some that we haven't met yet.). We or someone else will normally holler at them to come sit with us, even if we have no intention of having sex with them. It's not nice to leave people sit by themselves.

    We don't remember any single guys hitting on C when J wasn't around. There has however, been a woman that was extremely flirtatious, whenever C walked away but would turn away and be far more conservative when she came back. Needless to say after a few hours of that, when C came back she just leaned over and whispered "I don't like her, she only tries to flirt when I walk away. No playing with her, ok?" End of subject: She wasn't getting anywhere with the one she had set her sights on. LOL! Now the single guy that talked to both of us, and the lady that danced and flirted (and a little more, with C there)...Well, let's just say we all had a really good time! Singles really burn their bridges by trying to be sneaky. It's an open atmosphere: Be open about your intentions. Everyone will have a lot more fun, and you might get what you want!
    People live in cities, but people are alive in the woods.

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default re: Rules for single males

    Most clubs/events that we've attended don't even allow single males. One event, many years ago, had an open-door policy and charged heavily for entry. We learned that there were 100-150 single guys present and only about half a dozen couples. It was a "meat market" and we left pretty smartly... with another couple in tow.

  23. Back To Top | #23

    Default re: Rules for single males

    A female friend and I attended a swing party in Nor Cali recently where single males were screened carefully and only a few good-looking males were allowed. Surprisingly, they were all gentleman and extremely well hung. Needless to say, my date had a multiple moments of extreme, orgasmic, pleasure.
    Every so often, I try to masturbate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not really sure what it means.

  24. Back To Top | #24

    Default re: Rules for single males

    Quote Originally Posted by EternallySingle
    Where in the midwest is this club where single guys are allowed to mingle and not just sit at the bar and try to look approachable? The only swing clubs I've been to since moving from out west all REQUIRED single men to stay at the bar. It's in their rules and the one I did get into as a single man (other than the one where I was treated like a stray dog with mange the week after my girlfriend moved) reminded me of that when I left the bar and went to the restroom. I couldn't even shoot pool unless a couple invited me.

    I guess it's just where I've been. Hard to get a good impression of a place when you never get in the door.

    Still, I've seen the situation you're talking about. I took BW to a club once and the moment I turned to get a drink, I heard a slap and saw acting like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Turns out he had played with her before and decided he could squeeze a melon. When I said "she's with me," he replied "she's just your ticket. Don't get all possessive." Good thing he was four inches shorter and about sixty pounds lighter than me. I felt too sorry for him to break his jaw.
    Dittos- we must have been in the same clubs (aren't that many that even let the single males in) I remember the screening/rules briefing ...you know the private little chat...where you supply the right answers.

    No means no, "maybe later" means no... only more polite. How many times can you approach a couple or lady after the first 'no'- zero.

    Where must you stay? No wondering around, no leaving this room unless escorted/invited, bar & darts....blah, blah. Enjoy your evening, thinks for the $40 donation and the $100 membership...sorry although you are a N.A.S.C.A. member...we require you purchase 'our' membership and sign this 'release from lib' form.

  25. Back To Top | #25

    Default re: Rules for single males

    Quote Originally Posted by Russ
    Dittos- we must have been in the same clubs (aren't that many that even let the single males in) I remember the screening/rules briefing ...you know the private little chat...where you supply the right answers.

    No means no, "maybe later" means no... only more polite. How many times can you approach a couple or lady after the first 'no'- zero.

    Where must you stay? no wondering around, no leaving this room unless escorted/invited, bar & darts....blah, blah, Enjoy your evening, thinks for the $40 donation and the $100 membership...sorry although you are a N.A.S.C.A. member...we require you purchase 'our' membership and sign this 'release from lib' form.
    LOL. We thought of the board and all of the discussions about single males while we were at the club this weekend and couldn't help but laugh. There was another thread that talked about couples creating the very things they complain about, and we think that these "club rules" are a prime example of that. There were two or three attractive, polite, nice single males there this weekend mingling and talking and dancing etc. and as always we had a great time. We were wondering "Why is this club so different?" "Where are all of the morons?" and it dawned on us! What self respecting man would go to a club that treated him like a subhuman, and expected him to not only like it, but feel privileged for being allowed to be in the presence of other club-goers!?

    hmmmmm...We think only those that are less than desirable. We couldn't imagine most of the males we play with allowing themselves to be treated like that. Would you go? Can you think of anyone that would?
    People live in cities, but people are alive in the woods.

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