My wife and I love each very much. We've been married for 15 years and have the most incredible sex together. We adore being together and have a wonderful level of communication and care for each other.
We'd been speaking about swinging for some time. It was originally my idea, but we talked about it, and she said she wanted to give it a go.
So last August, we took the plunge. We went to a swingers club, and within 15 minutes started having sex with each other in the orgy room. It was great. Soon other people joined us, and we were having a good time. Then a couple joined us. The guy started stroking my wife, and she looked at me, and I said fine. The guy's wife started kissing me. It was all going great, although I did feel that the guy was more attracted to my wife than the woman was attracted to me.
Then anxiety performance set up. My erection disappeared. I told my wife, and we got dressed and went for a drink. The other couple joined us and we started chatting. I said should we try again, because I really wanted to try a full swap. So we went to another room, and swapped.
All was going fine again, until I went inside the other woman and lost my erection again. Then I heard and saw the other guy taking my wife from behind. I went down on the woman and gave her an orgasm, but things were not going great for me. I felt lost and confused. My wife seemed to be really enjoying herself, but then she saw I wasn't going too well, so came back to me.
We got dressed again. The club was closing. My wife gave the other guy a big hug, which gave me a small pang of jealousy. We talked a lot that night. She was feeling frustrated because she hadn't had an orgasm. I was feeling ok, until two days later.
I woke up and suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of being very upset. Fortunately, we were on holiday together for a week, so we spent all of it talking. We talked, and talked and talked. We also had lots of amazing sex together.
I felt very upset for three weeks afterwards. I didn't feel any resentment or anger towards my wife. In fact, I loved her even more than before. But the image of her being taken from behind by the other guy was stuck in my mind. I felt we'd gone way too far, way too fast. Everything else about the evening: having sex in front of others, kissing the others, soft play, felt natural and fun, but the full swap and the loss of erection felt traumatic.
Anyway, I got over it in the end and our relationship has become much stronger. We love each other more than ever. She's the most wonderful person in the world. We went back to swingers clubs three times since then and had lots of sex together including some soft play, but no full swaps.
However, every few months, the feelings of being upset come back (such as now). I feel fine, then all of a sudden, the thoughts of that evening come back and I feel rotten and regretful. I feel that I went too far, that I stupidly ignored all the warning signs, that I let myself and my wife down by not knowing myself well enough. I feel that I broke every rule in the swinging book, and that had we gone slowly and carefully, things could have been much better. I feel very disappointed with myself.
I also wonder whether swinging is for me? I'd love to become a care-free, enthusiastic, active swinger and believe my wife would benefit from this immensely as she's a very sexual person. But should I just forget it all?
Has anybody else experienced similar situations? How have you reacted? What have you done to make things better? I didn't think I was the jealous type, but maybe I am? Or maybe our first experience was just too fast?