View Poll Results: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

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  • The woman has the final say on what goes and what does not.

    72 68.57%
  • It's the man who makes the essential decisions.

    3 2.86%
  • Neither the woman nor the man is the top decision maker.

    30 28.57%
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  1. #31
    Has Left the Building iapr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    It's not so much an issue of calling the shots but rather who has the smaller strike zone. We each have full veto power and niether of us will accept being pushed into a situation with which we are not comfortable. She does not call any of my shots nor make me do anything that I am not ok with nor do I with her.

    Where the difference lies is if we go to a party and there are 100 males and 100 females there niether of us will have contact with someone we are not attracted to and not interested in. The difference between us is out of that 100 females there may be 10 or possibly up to 20 that I will say, "no way."

    For her, out of that 100 males, it will be a toss up if she finds 1 that she is ok with or not. Then the question will be if the female partner of that male will find me in that 1% percentile that she will find acceptable.

  2. #32
    Being good is overrated sweet_tna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Mr. Sweet has input, and I always respect his wishes. But most often, he defers to me.

    =)
    Last edited by sweet_tna; 03-02-2008 at 08:22 PM.
    I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

  3. #33
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by iapr View Post
    Where the difference lies is if we go to a party and there are 100 males and 100 females there niether of us will have contact with someone we are not attracted to and not interested in. The difference between us is out of that 100 females there may be 10 or possibly up to 20 that I will say, "no way."

    For her, out of that 100 males, it will be a toss up if she finds 1 that she is ok with or not. Then the question will be if the female partner of that male will find me in that 1% percentile that she will find acceptable.
    We are finding that it is somewhat opposite for us. I'd say out of 100 females he might find 20 that he finds attractive. Whereas in a group of 100 males & 100 females I would probably find 50 males and 20 females... they just typically aren't the same 20 that he finds....lol.

  4. #34
    insert witty banter here
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by LFM2 View Post
    It's kind of a toss up at our house. If he says no, it's no. If I say no, it's no. Most times, we're both on the same page and we decide together. It isn't always him or me. But it's not always us together, either. Dang -- Does that make sense?
    Makes perfect sense to me.

    I voted that we have equal say, and it's true. I used to think I was in charge, but I was wrong. LOL! I guess I didn't think I would be told "no" -- but we've been venturing in this thing long enough that I have heard the dreaded "n" word ... and please -- you guys know what I mean. I was told no.

    (I don't like being told no. THAT'S pretty womanly, don't ya think?!?)

  5. #35
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by fun4Ds View Post
    We have talked about this again Michael, Mrs.fun has said before that I'm not very selective. Yes its our differences again because she is VERY selective. She can get a vibe easier than me about someones personality. I have found it best to listen and consider her thoughts.

    Now to some, that may make me sound like a male pig that chases every woman. But thats not the case, as we have talked about this before and again.

    I personally find women very interesting in other ways besides just the sex. Something about them that draws my interests. Who they are. Its almost like a mystery that I find interesting. I have a hard time seeing less attractiveness in women physically. I have found an interest in most women no matter what the size, shape, color or creed. And yes, even the so called (bitchy mood woman) could get my attention. She would be the one that I wouldn't take personally, but would consider what made her feel that way.

    Thats what would cause me to be less selective in the lifestyle. The actual sexual drive or chemistry is what I would have to feel at a closer range, to decide yes or no with playing.

    Now Mrs.fun, on the other hand, has a keener sense of judgment with possible playmates. Thats why we talk.

    I cant say that either of us would hold a higher power in our decisions. If she says no, I wouldn't try to convince her or change her mind. But she would consider my thoughts and what my feelings are. Sometimes when its a male playmate that she is unsure about, she would take my judgments into consideration on his character.

    If its the females that we play with, or she plays with. Yes, she would have a greater power of selectiveness in this area. Its not unfair to me by any means. Its my choice for this to be about HER not ME so much. Like I say though, at this point I have no regrets.

    This may seem to keep us out of the general consensus of who calls the shots, but its who we are.
    Mr. Fun -- I just have to say, you rock! You remind me of MY Mr. Fun in that you just enjoy women. I've accused him of not being very selective (not in the lifestyle, but he'll point out a woman sometimes when we're out and about and I just don't get it -- then he'll explain what it is about her he find intriguing).

    I love that you can enjoy people for being people. Even if you're screwing them or not. That says a lot about your character.

    It also says Mrs. Fun probably has her hands full, but I bet she's all aobut that.

    (end of thread hijack. Sorry).

  6. #36
    Swingers Board Addict sexcupid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    We also are of the belief that we both have input into who we play with. I usually do most of the 'looking' for playmates, if he says 'let's set up a meet' then we do. If not, then I keep looking.

    However, maybe I am taking the OP/subject line in the thread too literally. As in 'Women basically run/rule the lifestyle'...I see quite a few folks that have that mentality. That it's all for the ladies and it doesn't matter what the guys want.
    Maria

  7. #37
    Swingers Board Addict lustylearning's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by iapr View Post
    It's not so much an issue of calling the shots but rather who has the smaller strike zone. We each have full veto power and niether of us will accept being pushed into a situation with which we are not comfortable. She does not call any of my shots nor make me do anything that I am not ok with nor do I with her.

    Where the difference lies is if we go to a party and there are 100 males and 100 females there niether of us will have contact with someone we are not attracted to and not interested in. The difference between us is out of that 100 females there may be 10 or possibly up to 20 that I will say, "no way."

    For her, out of that 100 males, it will be a toss up if she finds 1 that she is ok with or not. Then the question will be if the female partner of that male will find me in that 1% percentile that she will find acceptable.
    Ahhh... now that is quite the distinction I sometimes wonder if my husband gets more out of the lifestyle than me for that exact reason - my strike zone is smaller. That said, I do not demand the home run. I am usually content with the double play, and often the double turns out to be a triple. It's just that my husband is quicker to pick up on those possibilities than I am If it weren't for his roving eye, we might never meet new peeps

  8. #38
    Interracial Swingers Greg & Sheryl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Sheryl definitely calls the shots regarding our lifestyle. Although Greg handles most of the communcations and makes most of the arrangements, every last detail must meet with Sheryl's approval. She's not afraid to use her veto power early and often.

  9. #39
    Luv seeing friends quiver two42lovers's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Of course, for any given couple, it could be either half. We definately decide together, but in the "big picture" sense, women rule Swingdom. It's just a reality. How easy would it be for an average single woman to find a partner and participate in the lifestyle? How easy for an average single man? Strictly speaking, it takes two couples. Either half of either couple can make it not happen. (Of course there are other combinations, but they're not relevant to the OP's question.)

    Naturally, any in-love couple cares about what each other thinks, and choose partners accordingly. Even so, just look at the ratio between solo men, couples, and solo women on the swing sites. Guys with partners who like to swing are fortunate, to say the least, and do well to keep in mind what side the butter in on...

  10. #40
    Not a potential *** Chicup's Avatar
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    Default Re: Women Rule the World

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicup View Post
    Women rule the swinging world more due to the apparent fact that an aggressive woman is allowed and encouraged and an aggressive male is a jerk.

    You go at the womans pace because she is the one who can determine it. I've seen times where the woman is MUCH more into it than the guy, and while it often ends in disaster, they still went at her pace, the disaster part happened when they got home. When the woman isn't into it, it seems to go no where, and the drama if the male forces it would be right then at the club/party. While I'm sure we all have examples where the man put on the breaks at the time of action, I think its far less common.

    Ironicly it is the men who I think decide this. I don't like pushy guys putting unwanted moves on Mrs. Chicup, likewise I don't want to be that pushy guy. If the other woman puts the move on me, then its ok.

    I've also heard women complaining about this as some of them want the other male to be the aggressive one, and I can understand that, but its against the guy 'code' of swinging.

    So women rule swinging but only because the men demand it. I think the most 'successful' swingers as in having the most partners that they are both into will have a very open and aggressive female. This is a bit of an issue for us as Mrs. Chicup is quite shy when it comes to her own looks and being the one to make the first move.
    Six years later, I'd write the same post

  11. #41
    Swingers Board Addict km34's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    In general, women call the shots most often.

    With us, we're partners so we make decisions together. Sometimes I'll veto, sometimes he will. Sometimes I'll fight for a specific event/person/couple/activity, sometimes he will.

  12. #42
    Esteemed member angelkin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Interesting that nobody has chosen that the man calls the shots! We prefer 50/50 in everything...so swinging isn't any different for us. Our approach is a lot like km34's ...veto power and persuasion
    There's time for sleep when you're dead.

  13. #43
    Swingers Board Addict mauijanedoe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    Quote Originally Posted by angelkin View Post
    Interesting that nobody has chosen that the man calls the shots!
    Er, I just ruined that perfect record.

    I think it really is about strike zones. In this case, we both have very catholic tastes in the opposite sex, but he has higher standards for men than I have for women. He's also more protective of his time than I am and wants a strong attraction/connection, where I'm willing to give lukewarm attraction a go, because I've never had an interaction that I didn't find pleasurable on some level.

  14. #44
    Active Member prairieshadows's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it true that females call the shots in this lifestyle?

    With us, any choices we make with swinging we make together. Bryan usually initiates contact with other couples first, but we both will talk with the other couple we meet, but as far as meeting and anything we do with other couples, we don't do anything without talking about it first with each other to make sure it's something that we both want to do. That way we're both on the same page and that one of us isn't doing it to make the other happy.

  15. #45
    Swingers Board Addict DaggersNRoses's Avatar
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    Default Re: Women Rule the World

    I don't think all couples operate the same but I have heard over and over that the girls get to decide. The men often wait for the women to make choices and the first move.

    This is hard for me. I like men taking the lead and I respond.

    The Rose

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