Rofliron

We've swung before, it was just always one on one with another couple or we've played with girlfriends/boyfriends (open relationship). We figured since this was a small gathering and a friend vouched that it was fine that I'd be okay.. obviously a huge mistake but one I won't make again.

I don't think I'm going to do any parties any time soon. I know you're right- I have nothing to lose to tell him. Lesson learned the hard way, ugh.

I'm trying to figure out where to go from here. My partner is irate but we're worried about going to the police. My rape kit came back inconclusive- if someone did have sex with me they wore a condom and didn't tear me or anything. I feel like my behavior was so out of whack last night that I'm afraid to call or text the person running it to let them know because he'll assume I'm lying and was simply wasted. I hate this feeling... I know I seem flippant but I'm just really confused about what the right thing is to do right now. I feel so ashamed that my first instinct is to just pretend it never happened and forget about the party and everyone involved.

Last night I went to my first swinging gathering.. I found it online and I did go alone but I told my guy where I was going and my roommate was aware I'd be at a 'party'. I had three drinks.. I poured the first two myself and did really light pours of rum (less than an ounce) and was sober. When a bunch of girls started dancing and I sat there watching a guy came over to me and said he'd get me another drink. I felt like because it was a relatively small gathering that I was safe and let him.. he returned, I drank it. I blacked out almost instantly after drinking that drink. I have vague snippets of the night that I can recall but mostly I remember a guy trying to have sex with me and feeling like I couldn't move and freaking out. I ran to the bathroom and began to cry and the guy that made my drink followed me and started literally yelling at me- it's still fuzzy but he said I 'drank too much' and was 'too wasted' and 'ruining the party' and have to go now. Everything else is a blur and when I got home, my roommate was alarmed and took me to the hospital. I tested positive for rohypnol and today I feel like I've been ran over with a mack truck. This is 100 times worse than any hangover I've had and my emotions are still all messy and confused. Is it dumb that I feel ashamed and embarassed? He was going on about how wasted I was but I only had three drinks. It was my first time and I just don't get why he had to do that.. I feel angry and confused. Honestly, my advice to people starting out is unless you REALLY know the people, drink water and keep your drink in hand at all times. I know it's cliche and said over and over again but it's for good reason. Having this happen is terrifying, so be safe.