Is it ok to go to a swinger club and just watch my wife with other men?

02-04-2001, 09:31 AM

If I could get my wife to a swing club, would it be OK for only my wife to have sex and me just to watch? I do not want to have sex with other women, I just want to watch her have sex with other men.

***JustAskJulie*** · 02-04-2001, 02:42 PM

I'm sure, in most cases, that would be fine. The main thing is that it is YOUR wife you are watching and not that you are just standing around gawking at everyone. But there are lots of guys like you that are more into seeing their wife please and be pleased than getting into the action. Check around, you might find a club near you that allows single guy and you could really set up some fun (they might even let you bring a camera if you are into that).

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

MiCpl · 02-19-2001, 04:43 PM

We know a lot of couples that go to swing clubs for the woman to play. The guy only plays with her or just watches her have fun. It's no big deal as long as you are watching her and not just in general standing around gawking at people...

S&J

xxxxxxx · 06-06-2001, 07:19 PM

I have a question..I desire to see my wife with another man but I am very oral and I want to enjoy her and her partner orally before ,during, and after the act.

Is this acceptable to most swingers or men involved in the swinging lifestyle?

CanadianCouple · 06-06-2001, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by xxxxxxx:
Is this acceptable to most swingers or men involved in the swinging lifestyle?

Specify you're looking for a bi single man when searching for a suitable playmate. Pretty much everything is acceptable within the lifestyle (legal, that is), as long as all parties agree beforehand.

Dan of CanadianCouple

LIZA · 06-07-2001, 01:22 AM

We have been in this "lifestyle" about 5 years and find that most swingers, especially swing clubs, frown on male bi activity. There is still an unfortunate double standard that I would LOVE to see vanish! But if you place an ad seeking a bi man for 3sums, you will probably have good luck. I have NEVER seen bi male activity at a swing club and have even been to some where tehy tell you up front it is not "allowed" .........they have some pretty out-dated opinions sometimes!

CanadianCouple · 06-07-2001, 05:27 AM

Liza --

I suspect one of the reasons bi male activity is frowned upon in clubs is the fear of HIV infection. And there is some validity to those fears, IMO. I know my wife and I won't swing with one, for that very reason.

Dan of CanadianCouple

LIZA · 06-07-2001, 02:18 PM

I dont really agree that is why it is frowned upon. The odds of transmitting HIV thru oral sex man to man or woman to man are the same. I see many hetero couples swap partners and have intercourse without a condom........I have even seen women take on a line of men with out condoms. I think it is frowned upon because people have outdated, uptight inhibitions.

CanadianCouple · 06-07-2001, 05:38 PM

Liza --
Bi and gay men aren't infected at a much higher rate? Surely you jest. Bi men have been a major source of transmission of HIV to women over the years my dear, and for the vast majority of us it isn't a matter of 'outdated, uptight inhibitions', but rather an overwhelming desire to die of old age.
One of the problems dealing with this disease over the years, it's been treated as a social issue more than a health one. Have you heard of any 'rights' advocates for victims of hepatitis and tuberculosis? I haven't.

Next thing you know, you'll be calling us homophobes for not wanting to contract a disease that's 100% fatal.

Dan, outdated and uptight in Canada

xxxxxxx · 06-07-2001, 06:18 PM

Well Im not really bi myself I dont think lol. Mainly my fantasy is to see her driven wild and to give her oral pleasure as it happens. I also have a strong desire to clean her up afterward if u know what I mean.
Im not really interested in giving or recieving head to or from a male partner.
Would like it to be with someone we know BUT my fantasy might make a normal guy trip out if u know what i mean .

CanadianCouple · 06-07-2001, 06:39 PM

xxxxxxxxx --

Sorry, I misunderstood you to mean you'd perform oral on BOTH your wife and the other guy.

As far as 'cleaning up' goes, certainly not my thing, but to each his own. The main thing is for compatable people to hook up and have a blast together.

I get a kick out of reading many ads from couples where the guy states he's straight, but practically sprains a finger hurrying to type out he's not 'homophobic'. What the heck does THAT mean?? I have a psychological disorder because I'm adamant I don't want to touch or be touched by another man in a sexual manner?

It's interesting to note some of the things we experience in swinging that usually aren't considered when fantasizing about it before the fact. One of those is the close proximity four people have to each other in one bed. I mean, you've sure as hell dreamed about getting close to ONE of them, but incidental contact between you and the same gendered person of the other couple is inevitable and unavoidable. Given the choice, we'd rather it not happen, but it comes with the territory of cramming four people into a bed designed for two. With every pleasure comes a little pain, I guess.

Dan of CanadianCouple

LIZA · 06-08-2001, 02:31 AM

Dan,

It is very difficult to transmit HIV via oral sex. unless you have open mouth sores or your partner has lesions on his penis, it is highly unlikely that you will catch HIV/AIDS from ANYONE..Male/female ...gay/straight.

Also, couples at swing clubs are male/female couples. Not an influx of gay men storming the club. Bi FEMALE activity is expected and encouraged at every swing club I have attended......Myself, I would LOVE to see the tables turned and see some straight married men indulge in a little Saturday night bi-exploration. There are so many MEN out there who push the wife to "try bi"......can't we women have the same desires?
As I said before, the number of hetero encounters I have seen involving condom-less intercourse and anal make me shudder. I am pretty sure if you lick a few dicks you will be much safer than the woman who takes on 10-15 strange men in a condom-less gang bang.
By the way, I am a LCSW and very familiar with AIDS research and people living with AIDS.......Not just some crackpot who wants to see guy get it on

CanadianCouple · 06-08-2001, 05:32 AM

Liza --

I agree that HIV transmission is much more difficult via oral sex than other modes of penetration. But the fact remains, people who engage in anal intercourse (such as gay and bi men) are practising the highest risk behaviour there is, short of injecting tainted blood directly into another person.

Let's be honest here, Liza. If you KNEW a man was infected, would you have sex with him, even if only oral? You know you wouldn't, and neither would anyone else reading this. I don't care if the guy's wearing more rubber than Goodyear, you're not gonna do it.

I'm interested to know your motivation behind wanting to see straight men try bi. Is it the fact that watching two guys together turns you on, or is this a bit of payback for what you feel is unequal attention paid to girl/girl activity?

Dan of CanadianCouple

LIZA · 06-08-2001, 10:44 AM

Well I agree that anal intercourse is by far the riskiest sexual act as far as the spread of AIDS. But I am not talking about a lifetime Gay male who has had anal intercourse with dozens of partners. Just that men in hetero realtionships should be just as free to try bi as their wives are.
My motivation? 1. I find it extremely erotic 2. I can't stand that silly double standard that its sexy when women do it and disgusting when men do 3. I think something like 15 or 20 % of the male population IS bi curious and it seems very unfair they have to hide that side of themselves in the swinging lifestyle, which is supposed to be all about "freedom" and doing whatever you want as long as you are with a consenting adult (or adults)
VERY HYPOCRITICAL in my opinion

xxxxxxx · 06-08-2001, 11:27 AM

I find it to be very hipocritical also, and I am not bi, men do not turn me on. As a matter of fact it makes me wary of trying the swing scene as it makes it appear to me that it might in reality be something that is geared toward the males enjoyment in the community and not truly a completly 50/50 deal. I respect women ALOT but you have to admit that if a woman loves a man she can quite often be influenced by him.My wife influences me and every decision i make everyday is done with her in mind but if I were different it would be easy to manipulate her, like Ive seen SO MANY men do to their wives or girlfriends. And they get away with it. If the women are encouraged to do something ,then how the hell can the men not expect that the women should also ricprocate and encourage the exact same thing???????I also can't stand that silly double standard that its sexy when women do it and disgusting when men do even though I feel that way myself. But if my wife wanted to see it and it would drive her nuts than I would try it because im all about her getting off! And I would bet that there are a higher pecentage of women in the lifestyle that are exacly like me, but when a women is in love she is more likely to be the most giving from what Ive seen from other peoples relationships(not mine).

[This message has been edited by xxxxxxx (edited 06-08-2001).]

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02-04-2001, 09:31 AM	#1 (permalink)
voyeur Posts: n/a	Is it ok to go to a swinger club and just watch my wife with other men? If I could get my wife to a swing club, would it be OK for only my wife to have sex and me just to watch? I do not want to have sex with other women, I just want to watch her have sex with other men.

02-04-2001, 02:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,307 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	I'm sure, in most cases, that would be fine. The main thing is that it is YOUR wife you are watching and not that you are just standing around gawking at everyone. But there are lots of guys like you that are more into seeing their wife please and be pleased than getting into the action. Check around, you might find a club near you that allows single guy and you could really set up some fun (they might even let you bring a camera if you are into that). Julie http://www.swingersboard.com __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

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02-19-2001, 04:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
MiCpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2000 Posts: 106 Location: MI	We know a lot of couples that go to swing clubs for the woman to play. The guy only plays with her or just watches her have fun. It's no big deal as long as you are watching her and not just in general standing around gawking at people... S&J

06-06-2001, 07:19 PM	#4 (permalink)
xxxxxxx Active Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 11	I have a question..I desire to see my wife with another man but I am very oral and I want to enjoy her and her partner orally before ,during, and after the act. Is this acceptable to most swingers or men involved in the swinging lifestyle?

06-07-2001, 01:22 AM	#6 (permalink)
LIZA Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 426 Location: ORANGE COUNTY, CA Status: Married Fem.	We have been in this "lifestyle" about 5 years and find that most swingers, especially swing clubs, frown on male bi activity. There is still an unfortunate double standard that I would LOVE to see vanish! But if you place an ad seeking a bi man for 3sums, you will probably have good luck. I have NEVER seen bi male activity at a swing club and have even been to some where tehy tell you up front it is not "allowed" .........they have some pretty out-dated opinions sometimes!

06-07-2001, 05:27 AM	#7 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	Liza -- I suspect one of the reasons bi male activity is frowned upon in clubs is the fear of HIV infection. And there is some validity to those fears, IMO. I know my wife and I won't swing with one, for that very reason. Dan of CanadianCouple

06-07-2001, 02:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
LIZA Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 426 Location: ORANGE COUNTY, CA Status: Married Fem.	I dont really agree that is why it is frowned upon. The odds of transmitting HIV thru oral sex man to man or woman to man are the same. I see many hetero couples swap partners and have intercourse without a condom........I have even seen women take on a line of men with out condoms. I think it is frowned upon because people have outdated, uptight inhibitions.

06-07-2001, 05:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	Liza -- Bi and gay men aren't infected at a much higher rate? Surely you jest. Bi men have been a major source of transmission of HIV to women over the years my dear, and for the vast majority of us it isn't a matter of 'outdated, uptight inhibitions', but rather an overwhelming desire to die of old age. One of the problems dealing with this disease over the years, it's been treated as a social issue more than a health one. Have you heard of any 'rights' advocates for victims of hepatitis and tuberculosis? I haven't. Next thing you know, you'll be calling us homophobes for not wanting to contract a disease that's 100% fatal. Dan, outdated and uptight in Canada

06-07-2001, 06:18 PM	#10 (permalink)
xxxxxxx Active Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 11	Well Im not really bi myself I dont think lol. Mainly my fantasy is to see her driven wild and to give her oral pleasure as it happens. I also have a strong desire to clean her up afterward if u know what I mean. Im not really interested in giving or recieving head to or from a male partner. Would like it to be with someone we know BUT my fantasy might make a normal guy trip out if u know what i mean .

06-07-2001, 06:39 PM	#11 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	xxxxxxxxx -- Sorry, I misunderstood you to mean you'd perform oral on BOTH your wife and the other guy. As far as 'cleaning up' goes, certainly not my thing, but to each his own. The main thing is for compatable people to hook up and have a blast together. I get a kick out of reading many ads from couples where the guy states he's straight, but practically sprains a finger hurrying to type out he's not 'homophobic'. What the heck does THAT mean?? I have a psychological disorder because I'm adamant I don't want to touch or be touched by another man in a sexual manner? It's interesting to note some of the things we experience in swinging that usually aren't considered when fantasizing about it before the fact. One of those is the close proximity four people have to each other in one bed. I mean, you've sure as hell dreamed about getting close to ONE of them, but incidental contact between you and the same gendered person of the other couple is inevitable and unavoidable. Given the choice, we'd rather it not happen, but it comes with the territory of cramming four people into a bed designed for two. With every pleasure comes a little pain, I guess. Dan of CanadianCouple

06-08-2001, 02:31 AM	#12 (permalink)
LIZA Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 426 Location: ORANGE COUNTY, CA Status: Married Fem.	Dan, It is very difficult to transmit HIV via oral sex. unless you have open mouth sores or your partner has lesions on his penis, it is highly unlikely that you will catch HIV/AIDS from ANYONE..Male/female ...gay/straight. Also, couples at swing clubs are male/female couples. Not an influx of gay men storming the club. Bi FEMALE activity is expected and encouraged at every swing club I have attended......Myself, I would LOVE to see the tables turned and see some straight married men indulge in a little Saturday night bi-exploration. There are so many MEN out there who push the wife to "try bi"......can't we women have the same desires? As I said before, the number of hetero encounters I have seen involving condom-less intercourse and anal make me shudder. I am pretty sure if you lick a few dicks you will be much safer than the woman who takes on 10-15 strange men in a condom-less gang bang. By the way, I am a LCSW and very familiar with AIDS research and people living with AIDS.......Not just some crackpot who wants to see guy get it on

06-08-2001, 05:32 AM	#13 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	Liza -- I agree that HIV transmission is much more difficult via oral sex than other modes of penetration. But the fact remains, people who engage in anal intercourse (such as gay and bi men) are practising the highest risk behaviour there is, short of injecting tainted blood directly into another person. Let's be honest here, Liza. If you KNEW a man was infected, would you have sex with him, even if only oral? You know you wouldn't, and neither would anyone else reading this. I don't care if the guy's wearing more rubber than Goodyear, you're not gonna do it. I'm interested to know your motivation behind wanting to see straight men try bi. Is it the fact that watching two guys together turns you on, or is this a bit of payback for what you feel is unequal attention paid to girl/girl activity? Dan of CanadianCouple

06-08-2001, 10:44 AM	#14 (permalink)
LIZA Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 426 Location: ORANGE COUNTY, CA Status: Married Fem.	Well I agree that anal intercourse is by far the riskiest sexual act as far as the spread of AIDS. But I am not talking about a lifetime Gay male who has had anal intercourse with dozens of partners. Just that men in hetero realtionships should be just as free to try bi as their wives are. My motivation? 1. I find it extremely erotic 2. I can't stand that silly double standard that its sexy when women do it and disgusting when men do 3. I think something like 15 or 20 % of the male population IS bi curious and it seems very unfair they have to hide that side of themselves in the swinging lifestyle, which is supposed to be all about "freedom" and doing whatever you want as long as you are with a consenting adult (or adults) VERY HYPOCRITICAL in my opinion

06-08-2001, 11:27 AM	#15 (permalink)
xxxxxxx Active Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 11	I find it to be very hipocritical also, and I am not bi, men do not turn me on. As a matter of fact it makes me wary of trying the swing scene as it makes it appear to me that it might in reality be something that is geared toward the males enjoyment in the community and not truly a completly 50/50 deal. I respect women ALOT but you have to admit that if a woman loves a man she can quite often be influenced by him.My wife influences me and every decision i make everyday is done with her in mind but if I were different it would be easy to manipulate her, like Ive seen SO MANY men do to their wives or girlfriends. And they get away with it. If the women are encouraged to do something ,then how the hell can the men not expect that the women should also ricprocate and encourage the exact same thing???????I also can't stand that silly double standard that its sexy when women do it and disgusting when men do even though I feel that way myself. But if my wife wanted to see it and it would drive her nuts than I would try it because im all about her getting off! And I would bet that there are a higher pecentage of women in the lifestyle that are exacly like me, but when a women is in love she is more likely to be the most giving from what Ive seen from other peoples relationships(not mine). [This message has been edited by xxxxxxx (edited 06-08-2001).]