He didn't use a condom. What would you have done?

[catherine1962]

I'm angry with myself for what happened in my last swing. My husband and I were at another couples home for a night of sex. We have been with this couple about 4 other times so I thought I knew what to expect. We always use condoms even though I'm on the pill. Well during foreplay I was feeling very good and was loosing myself in it and my parnter was parting my legs to enter me after he did oral sex. I was completly relaxed and almost out of my head after the pleasure I just experienced so I didn't really notice that he wasn't wearing a condom. My husband didn't catch it either and he entered me and after a few thrusts I began to realize that he didn't have a condom on. I put my hand between my legs to verify this and I couldn't feel the rubber so I began to move my body so I could expell him out but to my regret I didn't tell him to verbally stop. I'm starting to sit up (we are in the missionary position) when he has his orgasm and releases sperm into me. I am horrified and immediately get up and start yelling at him and my husband stops what he is doing and is upset by what had happened. We haven't seen this couple again but I am angry with myself for not stopping him sooning or saying anything because I was caught up in my pleasure. A warning to everyone to be careful. Thankfully nothing bad happened as I was on the pill.......
What would other people do in this situation? I would like your comments.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by catherine1962

I'm angry with myself for what happened in my last swing. My husband and I were at another couples home for a night of sex. We have been with this couple about 4 other times so I thought I knew what to expect. We always use condoms even though I'm on the pill.

Based upon this information, catherine, the last person I would be angry with would be myself. It could be assumed you knew this man rather well and since you had always used condoms before, this was apparently discussed and respected in previous meetings. He knew your boundaries and deliberately went beyond. You say you were caught up in the pleasure - as you should be. If you aren't caught up in the pleasure, what's the point? And you said you didn't say anything verbally...well, I can understand that, too. I think I would have been about the same and especially if it was with someone that knew me and my boundaries....almost as if you don't know exactly what to say or do as it is happening. Now perhaps you could have handled it a bit more gracefully than "yelling" but who knows...that is understandable, too.

Bottom line...in my opinion, you need to direct your anger towards this man and not yourself. Some might say you have responsibility, and I suppose you do, but given the circumstances of 4 previous meetings, I think the burden rested with him. Just my thoughts....- EBF

[LikeMinds321]

The guy new your rule: Always use condoms.

He chose to break it. Your reaction was justified.

I'd have been PO'd too. I'd have given him a piece of my mind...and no piece of my ass no more.

LM

[HotCoupleGnS]

Dito Dito Dito to everything above!

[Alura]

I agree with EBF to a point, Catherine, but would point out that if you were "caught up in the pleasure of the moment" perhaps so was he. That's probably no excuse but, as your post suggests to me, it could be an explanation.

You say that nothing bad happened because you're on the pill, so I assume you have no STD fears with this man. Do you use condoms only because you want only your husband's semen inside you? That's a valid reason.

I'd say there is no reason to be angry with yourself or with him. Instead, I'd suggest taking advantage of the experience as a learning opportunity. First, talk to your husband and decide how important the issue is to the two of you. Next talk to the other couple and explain how important it is. Perhaps they'll embrace the incident as a learning experience and y'all can be even better friends.

Mr. Alura

[fredandwilma200]

Originally Posted by catherine1962

Thankfully nothing bad happened as I was on the pill........

Yes, I agree that pregnancy is something that you should in fact worry about however, I think that over pregnancy I would worry about my now HIV status! This guy crossed your boundries that you had set up with this couple! If he lied about this what else has he lied about? I would NOT be happy if this was my body or my husband! What did they say or do? In my case, they would have been well aware that I was mad! Dont worry about the way you acted, I would have done alot more then that. .I think I would have looked to see if there was a lamp close by..but Ill let you use your imagination on what I would have done with that!

F&W

[SexhoundDog]

Although I usually think EBF shows great wisdom, I can't agree with her at all on this one. I'll probably get flamed, and that's OK, but the blame rests equally with both of you. You both got caught up in the moment of pleasure, and while I'd certainly guess he knew he didn't have a condom on, you knew it too and didn't IMMEDIATELY do something to stop it.

I agree 110% with Mr. Alura on his answer. His last paragraph says it all. If for some reason they take exception to the condom rule after you've had a direct discussion about it, no more swingee with them, but I'd bet they'll respect it.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by SexhoundDog

Although I usually think EBF shows great wisdom, I can't agree with her at all on this one. I'll probably get flamed, and that's OK, but the blame rests equally with both of you.

Well, SexhoundDog, thank you for the compliment, but...you don't even know what flaming is until you've had the hot flashes I've started having!!!
Anyway...I just can't buy into what you and Mr. Alura are saying (and I usually agree with him - ). From her description, she did try to do something immediately.

so I began to move my body so I could expell him out

I don't know about men, but I think most women have been caught up in that situation of not immediately knowing what to say or do. It's almost as if there is a disconnect somewhere in the brain...as in...I'm seeing or hearing this, but am I computing it correctly?

I still contend he knew he didn't have a condom on when he entered her. Again, don't know about this from the male standpoint, but...it seems to me that the recipient of oral sex is far more likely to get caught up in the pleasure than the provider and for that reason, I would suspect that she was off in another world far more so than he. Whatever her reasons for wanting him to wear a condom - pregnancy, STD's, only her husband's ejaculate - doesn't matter. It should have been respected. And as for talking with them. Not me simply because I would never feel that I could "get lost in the pleasure" again. Trust. Trust is paramount.

OK...you want to talk about flaming. Let me tell you about it - from my perspective. You ain't never seen flaming like I can describe 'bout now!

- EBF

[catherine1962]

Catherine here again.....The question has been asked of why we use condoms.....Simple....My husband is the only man I will allow to put semen inside me.....no one else. It was our argeement.....He uses condoms also for that reason. It allows us one bit of intimacy that no one else is allowed to partake......
And this guy knew he was not wearing a condom.....He started out with one but slid if off before entering me............I am very angry at some of the responses from males.........During sex I am opening myself up to another man and letting him go inside me......something I don't take lightly.....He knew the rules....CONDOMS ALWAYS.........I trusted him and he betrayed me.........

[SexhoundDog]

Originally Posted by catherine1962

And this guy knew he was not wearing a condom.....He started out with one but slid if off before entering me............I am very angry at some of the responses from males..................I trusted him and he betrayed me.........

OK, as Paul Harvey says "now you know the rest of the story", and I stand corrected. If he slid it off knowingly, he definitely betrayed you, Catherine, and showed no respect. I'm curious though, I think Mr. Alura and I are the only males posting so far, and I didn't find either of our comments offensive.

And EBF, wouldn't it be nice if you could channel the heat from those flashes into something fun. I'll put my karma thoughts into it for you!

[Alura]

Originally Posted by catherine1962

Catherine here again.....The question has been asked of why we use condoms.....Simple....My husband is the only man I will allow to put semen inside me.....no one else. It was our argeement.....He uses condoms also for that reason. It allows us one bit of intimacy that no one else is allowed to partake.

This is definitely a valid reason; I don't think anyone would suggest otherwise. Thanks for sharing that with us.

[Alura]

Originally Posted by catherine1962

And this guy knew he was not wearing a condom.....He started out with one but slid if off before entering me............I am very angry at some of the responses from males.........During sex I am opening myself up to another man and letting him go inside me......something I don't take lightly.....He knew the rules....CONDOMS ALWAYS.........I trusted him and he betrayed me.........

Okay. Since he started out with one on, that puts a different light on the situation. I've never experienced a condom "sliding off." In fact, I've always found it very difficult to get one off unless I've lost my erection. Unless he lost his erection while eating you, something equally surprising to me (but that's me), he must have taken it off intentionally which, again, puts a different light on the situation.

Have you asked him how it happened that he entered you without a condom? I'd be interested in his take on it. If he, like you, was "caught up in the moment," I find it unlikely that the condom "slid off" unintentionally.

If he took it off intentionally and then entered you, that is definitely a betrayal, not to be taken lightly and probably reason enough to end the friendship. Only you can decide that.

Sorry my response angered you. My intention was only to give you my take on the incident. It still is.

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

...it seems to me that the recipient of oral sex is far more likely to get caught up in the pleasure than the provider and for that reason, I would suspect that she was off in another world far more so than he.

- EBF

I wasn't there, of course, EBF, and I can see your reasoning. But I have to say that there is nothing that can put me "off in another world" more completely than performing oral sex on an appreciatitive (and tasty) lady, and Catherine seems to fulfill both those requirements.

That's why I find it difficult to believe that he lost his erection while eating her and, therefore, difficult to believe the condom "slid off" accidently. I think he took it off intentionally which is a definite , giving Catherine every right to be upset about the incident.

If he had started out without one, which was my original perception, well, I can understand how his mind, like Catherine's may have gone into overload, and he made a mistake. But now, with Catherine's explanation, I don't think that's the case.

Again, whether or not to end the friendship because of this incident is up to Catherine and her husband. Personally, after having played with a couple four times and enjoyed them as much as Catherine seems to have, I believe Mrs. Alura and I would try to repair the friendship, provided of course, that we could feel secure in the future that our limits would be adhered to with no "accidents." Such friends are hard to come by so if we could fix it, we would. But that's us. We would in no way suggest that that might be the best action for Catherine.

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Okay, now I'm confused. Today, at 4:10PM, the following was Catherine's reply in the "Where do you want it"? thread:

I love a man to release his sperm inside me. There is something about a man being inside you and then releasing his "seed". I love the feel and warmth especially if he stays inside me afterwards for awhile...



Mr. Alura

[HotCoupleGnS]

Maybe she was just referring to her husband? but was making a general statement?