What's your preference for first meets with potential playmates?

We're just curious, what is your swinging preference for meeting people for the first time? What is your reason for your preference?

We used to love dinner/drinks, but after 5 cancellations in a row (single males & couples) we've now decided to only meet at M&G's and clubs (on or off premises). It's just a matter of Jan is tired of getting all dressed up & then having the plans cancelled (one time was so bad, we got an email 5 minutes before we were to leave!!! and boy did they miss out, Jan looked hot!)

Jim

We are at the point we'd prefer to meet at a club, but would consider a drink or two at a pub/bar/restaurant lounge. We don't have a huge cancellation rate, but personally, I'm tired of spending the money - I'd rather meet people we actually knew at restaurants, and save the first meets for a location in which it doesn't matter if they show or not.

I would honestly prefer a "neutral" location such as dinner. This way there is no pressure. When you meet at a swingers club there is alot of pressure, almost an expectation of sex. Even meeting at a vanilla bar is cool, but I would prefer not a swinging location for the first time.

I had to choose the dinner/drinks option. It really is our only choice. The closest club is 3-4 hours away. We'll make it there one day but, just like everyone else, we have a limited amount of time. We use what we have to. It has worked better for us than others we have talked to. We are lucky.

Vol

Dinner and/or drinks works best for us. As Shelly says - no pressure; and it's a great way to find out about them as a person/couple, with little to no conversation about sex. The sex talk comes later!

Sarah

I would honestly prefer a "neutral" location such as dinner. This way there is no pressure. When you meet at a swingers club there is alot of pressure, almost an expectation of sex.

Have you had an experience of doing a first meet at a club in which there was the pressure or expectation of sex? In our experience, it has actually alleviated a lot of pressure because we all know that if we don't hit it off, both couples have the evening at the club to do as they wish, as opposed to walking away thinking, "Well, there's 2 hours and $40 we can't get back."

As always, to each their own and whatever works best for them.

I would honestly prefer a "neutral" location such as dinner. This way there is no pressure. When you meet at a swingers club there is alot of pressure, almost an expectation of sex. Even meeting at a vanilla bar is cool, but I would prefer not a swinging location for the first time.

Actually, in our experience their is much more pressure with a one-on-one meeting at dinner or a bar than if we meet at a club. At dinner, if it is obvious you aren't going to make the connection you are still stuck with them until dinner is over and you can tactfully make a departure. At the club, on the other hand, if after talking with them for a few minutes you can see their is no connection you can easily part company right away.

The way we normally do it is if someone contacts us wanting to meet we will say something like, "We are planning on going to 'fill in club name here' on Friday night, why don't you stop by there and we will meet and see if we are all compatible." This approach has worked well for us, and more often than not we find out we aren't compatible for some reason but the night is not wasted as we can all still have a good time at the club.

By the way, we have been going to on-premise swingers clubs regularly for about five years and I have never experienced, "an expectation of sex" or any pressure to have sex with anyone.

See, we're the opposite of RPU3 because even if we don't hit it off, we got to do our favorite thing; go out to dinner!

My suggestion (to my wife) is to find something besides a dinner date, because as somewhat shy people (to start with, at least) there's a lot of pressure to have a non-stop conversation with two strangers. I know a movie or play is too far in the opposite direction. What's something in the middle where the entertainment can take some of the pressure off of conversation?

Last time (which was also our first time!) dinner worked out fine, though. I have to admit when we got there first, I started thinking, "Oh God. They're not going to show up." But they did, and we had a nice time. But there were moments I was thinking, "Um. Now what do we talk about..."

Mr. Bird

Have you had an experience of doing a first meet at a club in which there was the pressure or expectation of sex? In our experience, it has actually alleviated a lot of pressure because we all know that if we don't hit it off, both couples have the evening at the club to do as they wish, as opposed to walking away thinking, "Well, there's 2 hours and $40 we can't get back."

 

As always, to each their own and whatever works best for them.

We agree with you. The club alleviates a lot of pressure for us. No connection? No problem. Enjoy the evening at the club and socialize with others. Just because we meet at a club does not mean that we expect sex.

Have you had an experience of doing a first meet at a club in which there was the pressure or expectation of sex? In our experience, it has actually alleviated a lot of pressure because we all know that if we don't hit it off, both couples have the evening at the club to do as they wish, as opposed to walking away thinking, "Well, there's 2 hours and $40 we can't get back."

 

As always, to each their own and whatever works best for them.

Yep, we've had much more pressure in one on one meetings. Meeting people at a club holds no expectations, as most of the time, you didn't plan to meet anyone there. With a one-on-one meeting, you've usually swapped a few emails for at least a few days, talked about some stuff preliminarily, and so meeting for drinks feels so much more like an audition or an interview. It's a lot harder to get up from a dinner table saying that it was nice meeting you and we'll be leaving now, versus talking to a couple at a club, not feeling any sparks, and excusing yourself to go to the restroom, or to smoke a cigarette, to talk to someone else, etc.

I suppose it's how you look at it, but we've found clubs much easier.

Pepper

Well, meet and greets and clubs all sound so much fun, but we live in an area that has no such things within reasonable driving distance to us, so we usually opt for the dinner and drinks. It's less expensive than driving two hours to a club and getting a hotel room. We've never been stood up (yet), but if we were, at least we'd still be able to salvage the night and enjoy a nice quiet dinner with drinks with the two of us, close to home.

This is K

I picked other because I am just not sure. We talked to one single who likes to meet in motel / hotel bar because if you do hit it off someone can slip off and get a room. I like his thinking on this. It takes a lot of pressure off everyone having to get into seperate cars and drive somewhere and it shows at least an intention to play.

For me at least and I think for S, we like to get to know a lot about the others from emails, pics and chatting online. By the time we agree to meet someone then there is about a 95% chance we will be willing to play before we even meet face to face. Meetings can go two ways though. I know the with the one couple we have met, S went into it very apprehensive about the other female, S was intimidated by her from their pics, online chats and emails. When they actually got to sit down and talk S found she was not intimidated by her at all.

We prefer Meet & Greets or off-premise locations. It's just more of a relaxed atmosphere and everyone involved seems more at ease.

E

I put off-premise clubs because that's where we've always met people in the past. We've never been to an on-premise club or a M&G. The one couple that we met for dinner didn't really click for everyone but it was fun (they even showed up, lol). Lately we've been trying to set up more dinner/drink dates for a change. Hopefully we won't have the same problem you had.

I selected dinner/drinks at a resteraunt. I did see mention of meeting at a bookstore on another thread. I'd try that in the future also, but your conversation can be drowned out more easily in a resteraunt.

The first couple that I met with met me in a western store's parking lot, before leading me to their home. They trusted me possibly a bit more than I'd trust others.

Usually we meet over dinner or at a vanilla club for drinks.

Mr. WS

Lately we've been trying to set up more dinner/drink dates for a change. Hopefully we won't have the same problem you had.

At first, every 1st meet we set up, no problem, the couple showed. Our "bad luck" started in October...in our quest for the sane, and truly single, single male (DAMN IT THRAX, why don't you live closer!!!). THAT's when our luck changed....4 single males in a row, 4 last minute cancellations. Then we had one couple cancel 15 minutes after the time we were supposed to meet (to give them credit, they did call). It's just weird how we went from no problems, to this.

So after a discussion between Jim & I, we decided for now, to meet at the local M&G's. Like stated in earlier posts, no chemistry, no problem. There's others there to meet & no pressure.

Jan

I chose dinner/drinks... although a good first step for me is often a very simple one... Starbucks, or a similar venue. It's still a neutral location, and if things go well, you can agree to progress to dinner/drinks at a casual dining establishment... or if they go really well then straight home or to a hotel. If not, then you're only out maybe four bucks and 30 minutes tops!

This is a very interesting poll except for one thing. I am now dying to know from those people who picked dinner/drinks over clubs if you have actually tried both, or even been to a club/m&g, for that matter. The reason I wonder that is because, having done it both ways, the club method worked great and I cannot think of anything good about the dinner/drinks method.

In the times we met for dinner or drinks, even when the meet with the couple worked out it was awkward for us. The main problem was that in all cases we were unable to speak freely because of other people within hearing range (Ok, I admit it, my voice caries well). In cases that the people did not live up to our expectations, we found it hard to extricate ourselves from the meeting. In other words, we found out we suck at ditching people, even if we aren't interested in them. It really sucks when you get one of those couples that lack normal communication skills, even when it is just drinks, time moves real slow when you are just sitting there starring at each other. Finally, as I said before, we found the pressure to hook up much higher with the dinner/drinks method than we have ever found to be the case at the clubs.

So this thread has now made me very interested in hearing from those that have actually tried both, what was the pro's and con's of each, in your experience?

This is a very interesting poll except for one thing. I am now dying to know from those people who picked dinner/drinks over clubs if you have actually tried both, or even been to a club/m&g, for that matter. The reason I wonder that is because, having done it both ways, the club method worked great and I cannot think of anything good about the dinner/drinks method.

 

In the times we met for dinner or drinks, even when the meet with the couple worked out it was awkward for us. The main problem was that in all cases we were unable to speak freely because of other people within hearing range (Ok, I admit it, my voice caries well). In cases that the people did not live up to our expectations, we found it hard to extricate ourselves from the meeting. In other words, we found out we suck at ditching people, even if we aren't interested in them. It really sucks when you get one of those couples that lack normal communication skills, even when it is just drinks, time moves real slow when you are just sitting there starring at each other. Finally, as I said before, we found the pressure to hook up much higher with the dinner/drinks method than we have ever found to be the case at the clubs.

 

So this thread has now made me very interested in hearing from those that have actually tried both, what was the pro's and con's of each, in your experience?

We really would like to be able to try at least an off premises club. At the worst you meet some ncie people and at the best you meet some you'd like to play with. I posted previously that the dinner/drinks is really our only choice.

Vol

While we've tried setting up dates, it usually doesn't work out so we go for on-premise clubs meetings. After meeting/playing, then we consider the dinner and date deal.

I voted on-premise clubs, because the poll asks what our preference is. However, we don't really get to meet people this way except for the rare trip out of town thing, because like Gatervol, we don't live near the clubs.

Where we are, we have to do the drinks, dinner, or lunch thing. It's okay, and we have a good rate of actually meeting the people this way without stand-ups...it's just, like others said, usually a whole evening out just to meet this one couple that you may have to ditch, and there are things about it that are more awkward than meeting at a club or even a meet & greet. Oh well, it's what we've got to work with!

I voted on-premise clubs, because the poll asks what our preference is. However, we don't really get to meet people this way except for the rare trip out of town thing, because like Gatervol, we don't live near the clubs.

I can feel for you on this. It sucks . And it is really a shame for you. You live in one of the best parts of the country. We love it there. Went to St. Patrick's Day celebrations for the first time last year. A new way to see things. Had a blast.

Vol

I can feel for you on this. It sucks . And it is really a shame for you. You live in one of the best parts of the country. We love it there. Went to St. Patrick's Day celebrations for the first time last year. A new way to see things. Had a blast.

 

Vol

Thanks Gatorvol, it really is great here. St. Patty's is HUGE here. But for the lifestyle, for anything organized in the lifestyle, the nearest stuff is across state lines north into the Carolinas, or south into FL. Or way up in Atlanta, which is 4.5 hours away.

I would have thought there were clubs all over Florida? Don't know what city you're in, but it seems most of the coastal cities down there have a bunch, both on the Atlantic and on the Gulf. Good luck!

So this thread has now made me very interested in hearing from those that have actually tried both, what was the pro's and con's of each, in your experience?

I've met people at Meet & Greets, and that's my second choice. The poll asked for your favorite though, and I answered with my favorite.

I've been to a couple of clubs, but never have made plans to meet someone specific there and see how things go... mostly because like other posters, I don't live particularly near to any clubs.

I just like being able to concentrate on the other person(s) in a vanilla/casual setting. A meet & greet is also nice though... because if nothing is clicking, you can both just move on.

Mostly, by the time things get to the "let's meet face to face" point... there's already quite a bit of a rapport built up via emailing, chatting and talking on the phone. Being single, that's part of my "weeding out" process, and also done for safety's sake. There's only been a few times since I started swinging that a meet has not evolved into sex, because of that weeding out. The wankers usually are downed out long before a meeting would ever be suggested.

At first, every 1st meet we set up, no problem, the couple showed. Our "bad luck" started in October...in our quest for the sane, and truly single, single male (DAMN IT THRAX, why don't you live closer!!!). THAT's when our luck changed....4 single males in a row, 4 last minute cancellations. Then we had one couple cancel 15 minutes after the time we were supposed to meet (to give them credit, they did call). It's just weird how we went from no problems, to this.

 

So after a discussion between Jim & I, we decided for now, to meet at the local M&G's. Like stated in earlier posts, no chemistry, no problem. There's others there to meet & no pressure.

 

Jan

We've been chatting with several new couples in an attempt to meet at least one of them. Finally, we got a date: tonight. I don't have alot of expectations but one never knows. I just hope they show up. I'll let you know. The last couple we met for dinner talked so much we couldn't get a word in (just the opposite of good times problem).

We plan to go to a club tomorrow night. We discovered yesterday that another newish couple that we've been trying to meet signed up for it. They said that they will be leaving early and are only going to meet people. At least we'll finally meet them.

A couple of weeks ago we met yet another newish couple there. I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong (sigh). We ended up getting to know a couple of complete strangers. I agree with you, at clubs there are always others to meet and no pressure.

Thanks Gatorvol, it really is great here. St. Patty's is HUGE here. But for the lifestyle, for anything organized in the lifestyle, the nearest stuff is across state lines north into the Carolinas, or south into FL. Or way up in Atlanta, which is 4.5 hours away.

 

I would have thought there were clubs all over Florida? Don't know what city you're in, but it seems most of the coastal cities down there have a bunch, both on the Atlantic and on the Gulf. Good luck!

We probably live in the only city not to have one. No, we live in a very rural area, small town. It is my goal to retire somewhere cooler. I know...not a popular choice. I know you are in the same boat sorta. Believe it or not...I check before out last trip there.

Vol

It is my goal to retire somewhere cooler. I know...not a popular choice.

Us, too! We definitely want to move someday to a more "happening" place where we can cut loose and find a lot more local fun.

Vol and Tybee

My brother owns a fairly large company in Florida and offered me a job. The offer was a pretty big chunk of money to do "something". He didn't know what, he just thought it would be neat to have me living down there with him (Panhandle area). So basically, he was offering me at least as much as I am making now to do little more than be available for golf (I hate golf) and trips to Hooters on a whim (I LOVE Hooters - on a whim or otherwise)... Brother stuff, you know?

I turned him down...

Want to know why?

Because we have such a killer scene up here

(Please try to hear the most maniacal, evil giggling possible)

Spoomonkey

PS - Of course, there is that rule that you never work with family, too, but the community up here definitely played into my decision.

We prefer dinner for the reason (which my wife said) if they don't show (and we have never been stood up) at least we have dinner out and quality time with each other...

I don't believe it. Just checked my email and another couple wants dinner tonight. Now I have to turn someone down. I hate that! Oh well, first come first serve I guess. Now I'm gonna have to figure out how to keep them from thinking we're just toying with them .

First of all count your blessing...some so called swinger never contact you..

First of all count your blessing...some so called swinger never contact you..

This hasn't been the usual situation for us and as of right now we still haven't met any of them. The weekend is looking up though .

Most of the time the answer us but never want to commit to meeting time and place but there have three that did meet us..I wish there was a way to flag these so called swingers so the rest of us could count on each other...At least the poeple on here seem to be REAL Swingers.. facelick

I wish there was a way to flag these so called swingers so the rest of us could count on each other...

Were the folks who stood you up certified on their ad site?

Ad sites have never worked for us, so I really don't have much input for this thread. The only couple that we did happen to connect with and enjoy was one of the weirdest stories ever and certainly not an example of successful internet connection.

But - we do tend to take certifications fairly seriously. Sure - they aren't always accurate - and some seem like they were purchased at "Certs-R-Us" (Hmmm - now there's an enterprising idea!!! ) but in most cases we feel like it tells us that they are real and have met real people...

If they stand you up after that - there is probably something else going on

We haven't had much luck with the internet, but we've also never been stood up... Which is kind of sad because there are certainly nights where I wish we had In fact, we've only had one guy cancel and he at least called before hand to do so.

We went out to dinner anyway and had a wonderful night

Spoomonkey

I didn't vote because our preference for a 1st meet all depends on the people and situations surrounding them.

I think I can best explain by this example:

A couple contacted us through an ad site. They sent a brief but nice personalized note. They looked very promising based on their communication and profile. We wrote back right away and exchanged a bit of information in a couple more e-mails. We set a date to meet privately two weeks out. Three days before meeting I sent a follow-up note to confirm and they cancelled (I could tell they had forgot about the meet) because they were very busy preparing for a big trip. I understood, I knew this trip was coming up for them. So we offered another date a couple weeks away and asked them to let us know if that worked. They said they'd get back to us. They never did and this time I didn't write a follow-up. I don't believe in babysitting people; and if I sense they are undependable and inconsiderate, we won't set another personal meet. They wrote a month later, just checking in and saying they were still interested in meeting us, "When can we see you?" they asked. I replied that since we hadn't heard back from them about (date) we thought they changed their mind, but were glad to know they are still interested in us. That's when I said maybe we can run into each other at the club. We'd let you know when we'll next be attending, and please do the same. They responded favorably so we'll see what the future brings.

Clubs are a great way to meet people if we doubt how well we'll click and don't feel the expense and time of one-on-one meet is worth it; or if the people live far away and we know we'll never travel to them but they do travel to our city, or if people cancel personal meet dates (as the example above) and we want to keep the bridge open.

Personal first meets have been great for us as well. When we've developed great rapport through writing, really like their profile, pics, and forum behaviour on the ad sites, we are pretty sure we'll be a good match. Most always we've played on the first personal meet and I think it's because we look for many strong signs that the connection with people will be positive.

These days, we don't travel a long distance for a personal first meet. That drains our pockets too quickly. Hotel and gas costs, plus dinner, drinks, etc. adds up to a BIG WHOPPER.

These days, we search for more local people who we can meet without the time and cost involved with travel. This has opened the door to being invited to private parties and more fun at the local clubs because we now know more people who attend.

We like either approach, and have had good succes with both.

LM

This is a very interesting poll except for one thing. I am now dying to know from those people who picked dinner/drinks over clubs if you have actually tried both, or even been to a club/m&g, for that matter.

Very good point, Good Times. I choose dinner/drinks, but you are correct. We don't live anywhere near a club, and we've never been to a m&g. Having said that, however, we've never had a problem meeting for dinner and drinks. Maybe we are just lucky - so far. Knock on wood, huh? Maybe I've jinxed it now that we are discussing this! I'll let you know.

Sarah

Having said that, however, we've never had a problem meeting for dinner and drinks.

I think it has a lot to do with the area you live in. If there is a good club scene - the ad scene is weaker. If there is a weak club scene (read: non-existent) the ad sites work best. The quality couples in a given area have the same options as you.

But - where there is a choice - it would be interesting to know why people would choose one over the other. Our experience has been that meeting people on-line has been terribly messy and inconvenient and a pain in the neck compared to clubs - which are like swinger convenient stores (there when you need something).

Spoomonkey

I voted for meet & greet, on premises, and off premises - then I realized that I've never been to an off premises club!! But I'm sure it would be a lot like an 'on premises' but without the rooms! Anyway - no pressure that way. Don't like them - we go about a fun evening anyway.

Mrs. Lake

FYI, the date last night went ok. We'll try and see them again sometime. Also got a rain check from the other couple. Life is good. Perhaps jimnjan's streak of bad luck had something to do with single males? Not sure.

I like meeting at clubs, dinner never seemed to work out for us. However, Mr. and Mrs. Spoos meet and greet was fab! I just loved everyone there! (well, not literally)

On the other hand, I just found out a new swingers club just opened here last week. I am trying to get info on it. We have never had one here.

Blessings

Mrs. PL

Were the folks who stood you up certified on their ad site?

 

snip

 

But - we do tend to take certifications fairly seriously. Sure - they aren't always accurate - and some seem like they were purchased at "Certs-R-Us" (Hmmm - now there's an enterprising idea!!! ) but in most cases we feel like it tells us that they are real and have met real people...

 

If they stand you up after that - there is probably something else going on Spoomonkey

See, this was part of why we were/are so confused with the single males that called/emailed late to cancel. They were certified, we read them, checked out who had certified them, everything seemed great. After they cancelled, we even let them know to email us again and let us know when a good time would be. (LOVED the post about babysitting people!) They have never even emailed back since. I'm not tooting my own horn, but have had nothing but positive feedback on our profile and pictures...the worst feedback was that our pictures don't do us justice!

So at this point, with the history (including certs) we don't even check certs anymore. We also don't do long emails or IM much. We feel it's too easy to watch what you say, and fake it. So, if we like the profile and pics, we set up a meet and "check them out" in person. It's harder to BS your way thru conversation in person. Doesn't hurt that Jim is EXTREMELY good at 'reading' a person.

Jan

For us, it's the beach, but with it being cold now we prefer to meet at a swing party. As long as it is somewhere that we can talk to get to know each other better.

Old thread, but it came up on the poll, so thought we'd add our preference. We've always met for drinks or coffee, and it's worked out extremely well. We always tell them we can meet for an hour max. That way, if things aren't happening, there's no awkwardness when it's time to go. And we always make sure that we actually have a bit more time in case things go well, we can continue chatting for a while. We've never played on the night we meet, to give both couples time to discuss amongst themselves. This approach has backfired one time, when we really hit it off with the other couple and they were ready to play that night. We would have if we hadn't made it clear that we only had an hour. It all ended well--we got with them a couple weeks later and everyone went away happy.

I don't believe it. Just checked my email and another couple wants dinner tonight. Now I have to turn someone down. I hate that! Oh well, first come first serve I guess. Now I'm gonna have to figure out how to keep them from thinking we're just toying with them .

why not meetthem both?

This is an old poll, but thought I'd answer anyway.

We like to meet for dinner/drinks at a neutral place. We have NO clubs around here, and in fact, I'm thinking there might be one in Salt Lake, which would be the closest, but I could be wrong. M&G's are few and far between around here and sometimes you have to drive close to four hours to get to one. There are plenty of people in the LS that live close, and our only recourse is dinner/drinks. Actually, we meet up with no expectations, so there isn't any pressure to jump in the sack after dinner.

We've tried dinner/drinks and are somewhat satisfied. Our best luck has been meeting new folks at local house parties. All this chatter I've read about the difficulty of meeting compatable folks reinforces my appreciation of the local party scene.

We've found a small minature golf course that's a bit run down and over-grown (call it "rustic"). We think it's a near perfect first contact zone when the weather is nice but we haven't had an opportunity to test it that way. It has a maze-like path with tall hedges that offer some seclusion where assertive flirting could go unnoticed by the patrons on the driving range. Would a 19th hole joke be too crude right now????

We like to go for dinner/drinks that way if it doesn't work out everybody has a way out

Usually on a first meet up, we like to go to a swing party, strip club, dinner, movies, amusement park, or do some dancing. We like to party, so we hope that the people we meet are partiers too.

We are planning a sort of meet and greet with other swingers. We really enjoy riding our ATV's so that is our m&g. It will give people the opportunity to talk and get to know people as much or as little as they want. A person could even sneak behind the dunes for a little fun if things worked out! If not, all invited love to ride and will have a blast doing that even if no connections are made.

We only swing with one other couple right now just because we havn't met any others. We would like to get to know other swingers, even if there isn't a physical attraction, it would be nice to have friends who think like we do.