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Thread: What to do

  1. #1
    Ok so hereís the deal. I love my wife. Sheís 35 Iím 34. We have 2 kids and have been together 15 years. We have soft swapped a couple times. I want the be a swinger. I loved seeing her with other guys. I love it when she wears sexy revealing clothes, thong bikinis and no top in the right setting of course. I love it when guys check her out.

    I loved it when we swapped it was the great sexual experience of my life. I also love the idea of being with other women.

    However my wife isnít in to it. I have tried to convince her to try again but she isnít down. Our relationship is perfect in every way except this in my eyes.

    What do I do?


  2. #2
    You canít and shouldnít force the issue. If itís not something sheís into or comfortable with then thereís nothing wrong with that.

    Is her issue with you and another woman a jealousy thing? Youíre going to hear this often, but communication and trust are the key elements to an open relationship. Continue to talk with her about your feelings and wants but donít be pushy. No always means no. It may not be a permanent no, but simply a no for now. Give her time to get comfortable with the idea and of course continue to communicate with her on how sheís feeling and what emotions she is dealing with. Perhaps one day, sheíll have a change of heart.

  3. #3
    Swingers Board Addict lcmim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mj1234 View Post
    Ok so hereís the deal. I love my wife. Sheís 35 Iím 34. We have 2 kids and have been together 15 years. We have soft swapped a couple times. I want the be a swinger. I loved seeing her with other guys. I love it when she wears sexy revealing clothes, thong bikinis and no top in the right setting of course. I love it when guys check her out.

    I loved it when we swapped it was the great sexual experience of my life. I also love the idea of being with other women.

    However my wife isnít in to it. I have tried to convince her to try again but she isnít down. Our relationship is perfect in every way except this in my eyes.

    What do I do?
    Patience.
    At 34 my wife was focused on being a mom. That was the correct focus for her at the time.
    34 is in the past, and it is Katie bar the door now.

    BTW NEVER use this sentence again "I loved it when we swapped it was the great sexual experience of my life."
    That will not set the proper tone with your wife

  4. #4
    Gamingbeejay’s reply is perfect. I’ve been there. 2 1/2 years later she was ready to take the next step, on her own. Patience and communication are key no matter the end result.

  5. #5
    I think it was about three years from bringing it up to her to seeing her go down on her friend's husband. Don't pressure her about it but keep the lines of communication about non-vanilla fun open and she'll come around if she's going to.

  6. #6
    Has she said WHY she isn't into it or just that she isn't interested? As already stated, she currently is a mom but eventually she will find the nest empty and she will be looking for what she is then. In the mean time, talk...find out her reasons (but don't force her to talk, just keep the communication open and see what her answer is). Love, trust, communication...keep all three in abundance. Discuss your fantasies...discuss everything for that matter. Realize that some people just are not wired for swinging...she may be one of those people (most people are one of those people), and if she is, then you have to accept that, but it could be that she 'hears' that you don't like sex with her, that you are looking for someone else, that you are not interested in her. This is where the communication comes in. She needs to KNOW down to her soul that these aren't the reasons you are interested. Just keep talking but if she says a hard no, then accept her decission...
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Mj1234 View Post
    .. I loved seeing her with other guys. I love it when she wears sexy revealing clothes, thong bikinis and no top in the right setting of course. I love it when guys check her out.

    I loved it when we swapped it was the great sexual experience of my life. I also love the idea of being with other women...
    Forget about yourself and make it about her. At first you need to be willing to accept half of what you want. First, make sure that your wife feels totally loved and secure in her life in every way. Then tell her sincerely that you want her to know that she can have another sex partner or boyfriend (different women view it differently) with absolutely no reciprocation for you. Let her know that you don't need to even participate or watch, but it would make you happy for her to have this. That's how we started. Women want to fuck around as much as men, but most need to feel secure about it.

    It may take a while, years maybe, but eventually she will want you involved as well.

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Addict lcmim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Numex View Post
    Forget about yourself and make it about her. At first you need to be willing to accept half of what you want. First, make sure that your wife feels totally loved and secure in her life in every way. Then tell her sincerely that you want her to know that she can have another sex partner or boyfriend (different women view it differently) with absolutely no reciprocation for you. Let her know that you don't need to even participate or watch, but it would make you happy for her to have this. That's how we started. Women want to fuck around as much as men, but most need to feel secure about it.

    It may take a while, years maybe, but eventually she will want you involved as well.
    We took a similar route. I just put an unilateral,unqualified Green Light on her table and let it sit there for a bit. After a time she realized that I was serious. Oddly enough the only way she felt comfortable was to have me along for the journey.
    I remind her periodically that the Green Light carried no conditions or expiration date. She has yet to use it. Although our shared experiences keep getting more expansive.

  9. #9
    Thank you for your responses. Yes she is focused on being s mom right now. As time passes I will defiantly put the ball in her court and see where it goes.


  10. #10
    Active Member NC_Seniors's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mj1234 View Post
    As time passes I will defiantly put the ball in her court and see where it goes.
    DEFIANTLY putting the ball in her court is DEFINITELY the wrong thing to do!

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict padoc's Avatar
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    Ha ha ha!! Saw what you did there!!

  12. #12
    Active Member NC_Seniors's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by padoc View Post
    Ha ha ha!! Saw what you did there!!

  13. #13
    After we first talked about it and agreed that my wife could play around, she had two pair of balls in her court. She definitely took advantage of both.

  14. #14
    I find your question of ďwhat do I doĒ interesting... it sounds like you and your wife have had some enjoyable sexual experiences in the past- perhaps rather than trying to force the concept of being a swinger to your wife, focus on he current comfort level you are both at and work on enjoying what is at this point in your life. You also mentioned you tried to convince her and she wasnít down... as others have commented, if you love your wife you need to respect her views and realize this lifestyle isnít for most, and that most certainly no means no, etc... pushing someone who isnít wired for it into this lifestyle will most likely blow up in your face and potentially end something significant... As for the answer to your question- look inside, if being a swinger is most important to you, then you need to be fair and tell your wife.

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