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TwoFunTexans

Lack of following through online - frustrating!

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We're pretty new to swinging. We've met with some couples and full swapped once. The couple we swapped with was great and we get the vibe they want to hang out again but each time we try to get together they are noncommittal. I've gotten tired of trying so I've been letting them start the line of communication which they do from time to time, but then nothing.

 

We've gone back to sls to find another cool couple but we'll be talking and then silence. This game is a weird one!

 

I guess we're going to have to try going to a club sooner than later. Do you find that people who go to clubs have better follow through than people you find online?

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Unfortunately this is pretty common. We haven't tried going to the clubs so maybe you might fare better there. We did attempt to go to an orientation at a swing club in our state but they didn't want to honor the membership rate they had posted on their website so we decided not to go, but chances are you are better suited to find people who want to hang out more there, than online. A lot of weeding out.

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Do you find that people who go to clubs have better follow through than people you find online?

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "follow through."

 

My experience, and practice, with clubs is that you find someone to hook up with, have a good time, and move on. We say "hi" when we see them next time, maybe share a table with them and chat but generally, we haven't gone for a repeat. Generally, for us, swinging is about variety and hooking up with new people.

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I'm not sure what you mean by "follow through."

 

 

I believe the term follow through being used in this context is for the other party to commit to meeting up again outside of play. Making plans if you will, and following through with the plan. Like going to wild waves and wild waving :lol: Anyway we're probably the worst people to give advice about this.

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With the couple we swapped with we liked them a lot and felt we could be good friends. They said they were looking for that same thing. Like any friendship if I'm the one doing all the contacting it feels one sided so after inviting them out a few times and hearing no I let them contact us. They would so I figured they were still into us but when I then invite them out we don't hear back.

 

I guess follow through wasn't the right word I was trying to express. For new people once you do the exchange or open up the locked gallery, then talk for a few days afterwards, then nothing. That's the annoying/tiring thing we're experiencing.

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For new people once you do the exchange or open up the locked gallery, then talk for a few days afterwards, then nothing. That's the annoying/tiring thing we're experiencing.

 

Welcome to the club. It's not easy meeting people you're compatible with. Especially a couple, we could get started on our experiences and they will have you face palming so hard you'll have a permanent hand print on your face. We've tried to have that exact same thing you're looking for and the same thing happens to us. No one want's to hang out, some one says something and expect it not to get back. A lot of reasons.

 

We know child care is our biggest issue with meeting people. Sometimes we're too busy and forget to respond. We wouldn't be too harsh but at the same time take what we say with a grain of salt. We speak for ourselves and if a swing couple wanted to hang out we'd be down for it, even if it was for coffee. (Don't drink coffee but if you pay for my Italian soda we are so there) All we can say is keep trying, you'll find one eventually. I know we are still looking.

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Hi, TallAmaCouple (it's great to see you around the forum again, by the way!). Unfortunately, this does happen, no matter how long you've been in the LS. It's hard enough getting two people together and working around scheduling. Add in another two and the likelihood that they have kids and it's tough getting together with others. With that said, we usually try to go out at least twice a month. Once with just ourselves and once for swinging. That narrows it down to once a month when we can get together. If we were only going the online route, that's just not frequently enough for some couples. For couples who are more like us (30s with kids) and only get out every so often, then it's even tougher.

 

We can sympathize about the couple thing...we would invite them out several times, both for swinging and vanilla times but when we wouldn't receive any invites from them, it felt pretty one-sided. We would then decide to be quiet and wouldn't hear from them again. Maybe it's a schedule thing. Maybe there wasn't as much attraction there as we previously thought. Maybe a thousand things. It happens so you move on and look forward to the next adventure.

 

Regarding going to a club...I think it's an easier way to meet couples who are much more serious about swinging than weeding out those who are online but it's no guarantee that they want to do repeats or have scheduling issues in the future. I have always felt that swinging is much easier for those who are empty nesters (no kids) and retired. They are footloose and fancy and have all the time in the world. :)

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I guess follow through wasn't the right word I was trying to express. For new people once you do the exchange or open up the locked gallery, then talk for a few days afterwards, then nothing. That's the annoying/tiring thing we're experiencing.

 

One thing I've learned going to clubs, and I'm sure it applies to online swinging too, is that people say no. People say no a lot. Unfortunately, especially online, sometimes people say no without saying anything. They either aren't interested, or have gotten what they wanted out of the interaction, and stop communicating. They might even think they're being nicer that way, as if by not saying "no" they aren't hurting your feelings. Sometimes they're just flaky and don't communicate well.

 

The trick you have to learn is to not take it personally. You won't hit it off with everyone, including some people you'd like to hit it off with. Another trick is don't get fixated on one person or couple. Move on, because there is always another profile to check out or folks at another table to talk to. There are, as the cliche goes, a whole lot of fish in the sea.

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It's good to be back. We were frustrated and just weren't looking at the swinging sites much for a few months but we're both ready to do something again.

 

Yeah I think we're just going to have to suck it up and move towards going to the club. We'd prefer to have friends we could see again vs hit it and quit it. I think you're right about the club having people more serious. We're finally there ourselves now but I think in our area there are only people who aren't there yet, have no intention of meeting, or are unreliable as hell!

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Yeah i think everyone is making sense. I think what we liked in trying to get friendship going is that even if there wasn't swinging going on at least swinging or related topics could be brought up. With our vanilla friends we get along with great but in general you have to watch what you say.

 

I'm think I'm most bummed because I'm not really into sports or macho guy stuff and the other guy was a nerd like me so conversation was easy. Pretty much all our friends have other interests.

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We know child care is our biggest issue with meeting people.

 

Uggg... I know this is going to be our issue too. It was finally starting to get easy to find someone with our 3 at the ages they are, but now we're going to add in a 4th next week. Don't get me wrong, I'm super crazy excited to add another precious baby to our family, but as far as swinging goes, I keep thinking I just need to heal up and then we are free to meet up again. Then it totally hit me the other day that I don't know anyone I think could handle them all. I may have to actually split them up with two different babysitters. We'll see how this works out.

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I'm think I'm most bummed because I'm not really into sports or macho guy stuff and the other guy was a nerd like me so conversation was easy. Pretty much all our friends have other interests.

 

Odd thing I found is how many of my geeky friends (me being a geek myself) were actually in or close to the lifestyle and we never knew.

 

Unfortunately finding people in the lifestyle who are looking for friendship and are on your same wavelength is hard. Not impossible, but hard. I wish you the best of luck.

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I'd agree the club is probably the best way to lower the percentage of fakes and "playing a swinger online" types. If you have a club close by that you could regularly hit, then I'm sure you would find not only playmates but ongoing friendships there too. If you are like us, and there are clubs available within a reasonable drive but not so close you can regularly attend, then that kind of shuts that route down and leaves you to keep playing the online game. It works, we have found some great friends that way, but it does take some time and effort and most importantly, patience and a little bit of luck.

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The closest club is nearly 2 hours away. Our town has 200k people but outside the city limits is barren nothingness. The town where that club is about the same size as ours but is also a college town. Other than that the nearest bigger town is between 4 to 6 hours depending on where we go. DFW is probably our best bet which is 6 hours but when we go there it's to see my parents and our kids are with us. Part of the reason for the online route.

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I'm think I'm most bummed because I'm not really into sports or macho guy stuff and the other guy was a nerd like me so conversation was easy. Pretty much all our friends have other interests.

 

Move here! Mr. Sun sounds like you. :)

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Uggg... I know this is going to be our issue too. It was finally starting to get easy to find someone with our 3 at the ages they are, but now we're going to add in a 4th next week. Don't get me wrong, I'm super crazy excited to add another precious baby to our family, but as far as swinging goes, I keep thinking I just need to heal up and then we are free to meet up again. Then it totally hit me the other day that I don't know anyone I think could handle them all. I may have to actually split them up with two different babysitters. We'll see how this works out.

 

Congratulations on the upcoming addition! How do you guys schedule your swinging activities with kids around? We can't dress too provocatively in front of the kids or the babysitter before leaving home. More importantly, we can't stay out too late. These are issues we are thinking about as we plan to become more active in the lifestyle.

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Congratulations on the upcoming addition! How do you guys schedule your swinging activities with kids around? We can't dress too provocatively in front of the kids or the babysitter before leaving home. More importantly, we can't stay out too late. These are issues we are thinking about as we plan to become more active in the lifestyle.

 

 

Haha, well, you're talking to beginners here, so we haven't really been around long enough to even have good advice. The only couple we've played with so far have very open schedules and children, so they understand and we were able to work out daytime dates. As far as the babysitter, the girl who's watched them for us lately is one of my closest friends I've made here, and her and her husband also swing themselves (no, we don't play with them, not an option), so she wouldn't bat a lash if I came out half naked. Lol Going forward I'm not sure what will and won't be an issue for us. As long as we have a sitter, I guess we'll figure the other stuff out.

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The clubs (the two we currently go to) have been where we are the most successful in finding a great couple to play with and we also have a very high return rate so it has not been one and done situations. This we like, we want variety but are looking for a few couples to have long term fwb situations with.

 

My hubby is an IT guy and is the nerdy type, we find that we click better where the men are similar to him. We have met a good amount of guys (male half /we only play with couples) who are like that.

 

Second best method is online, takes longer though. We love hotel takeovers but they have been the worst play wise, we just go to them to have fun now.

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The first couple that we were seeing...well, in the end they didn't want the same things we did (they only wanted same room, no or VERY limited interaction and absolutely no g/g). They then moved away but have now moved back and have started emailing us again. We want to be nice so we respond to the emails, but slowly and with questions about what their interest levels are now. We don't want to be rude, but we are looking for more than they are interested in giving...but they keep coming back. Sometimes what you want and what the other couple want are just not the same thing. It's nothing personal, it's just not a match.

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