What do you consider pushy?

What is your description of pushy? Everyone's profile has that they don't like pushy people?

I'm not sure we've encountered anyone that tried to push us into something we didn't want or were not ready for. And visa versa, we've (hopefully) not been pushy. (We're actually pretty laid back and go with the flow, I think that actually has helped us a lot in swinging)

So what do you call pushy? Either by a definition or an actual experience.

I would guess the term "pushy" will have different meanings for different people.

One example I have would be when chatting with someone after the first initial e-mail, and 5 minutes into it they're asking "can we meet now?", to which we reply "no, we have plans". And they keep asking, how about later tonight, what about tomorrow? Maybe they are just really eager, but when you say you're busy and next weekend would work better, and yet they insist on now, that seems pushy to me. This has happened to us. It's really the only occasion I can think of that we have encountered someone who I would consider pushy.

We used to think people who put that in their profile are either scared, scarred or skeptical.

Now we know different, it just means caution.

We have had people with that very statement rip our clothes off

We would agree that "pushy", to us, would generally be as described as above. I guess maybe "overly eager" to the point where it gets to be off-putting.

To me, it`s anytime a person doesn`t take "no" for the answer, the first time you say it to them.

To me, it`s anytime a person doesn`t take "no" for the answer, the first time you say it to them.

What the folks above have said. We've had experience with people who really don't seem to listen when we say we are unavailable at X time, but we do have Y time, and they keep asking if we can get together at X time. Our schedules are extremely tight, and I don't like putting people off, so I always suggest a time we do have available if someone asks about a particular time and it's not good.

I've also encountered people who keep asking for more than we're doing at this time. Ok, once or twice is cool, but repeated requests and veiled references are obnoxious. If someone tells me they aren't ready for whatever, my response is "we're taking it at your pace, you let us know when you want to go further." And we may revisit the topic if they seem like they want to but aren't comfortable asking, but not each time we see them.

To me, someone is pushy if they are mostly out for their own gratification and have no real care about the people they are using.

To us it is anyone that want to meet on a moments notice. Do they think we sit in front of the computer and wait for messages like that?

"Saw you were on line want to have lunch, coffee drinks etc."

Also people that are all about getting intimate as soon as you meet; we like to take a little time to make up our minds about them.

Great replies, And as a couple that flat out gets turned off by pushy people. All of the above apply

It's Monday afternoon, and after catching a few MSNBC reruns of To Catch a Predator over the weekend, there's one thing that stands out in each and ever show.

Idiots, who jump into their vehicle, and head for the trap house after talking briefly to the "young girl". That is a text book definition of the pushy type. Drive 100 miles in an hour and a half...at 9 at night.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else here? How many times have you gotten an IM and they expect you to be ready to walk out the door NOW? Or better, want your HOME address they will be RIGHT THERE.

I understand the rush of blood from one head to the other, but come on.

"Pushy" is a subjective term. To us it simply means "don't come-on to us hardcore and assume we're going to fuck you just because we're swingers".

My wife and I have met people online and in the clubs who expect you to say yes, based on what they feel is their "you can't say no to us" attitudes. Some base this on status at the clubs, some think they are too attractive for anyone to turn them down. When we have said no to these couples, we normally do not get a nice response. They can not handle the fact they are not able to subvert you by their looks or status.

An example would be: If you are sitting at a table in a swingers club and a couple comes over to you, who are considered to be ones everyone wants a chance to have sex with, and you say no. A couple of things are likely to happen. One, you will be black balled from their entire group of friends or cronies and you will never be asked again by any of their group.

This does put on the pressure to submit to something you may not want to do. It is pushy from the standpoint, they are using their status to get what they want.

Luckily, many people come and go from the clubs! So, there is a fairly large turnover of couples. We just hang in there and are nice to everyone. We do not succumb to these pressures or pushy couples. We will take the lumps!

For us, pushy is all about attitude! It can be caused by drinking, arrogance, bad manners, etc.. We just keep saying no (politely).

This is a little different twist than some of the previous posts, but I like to give a different twist. It keeps everyone's hearts beating and brains thinking!!!

If anyone wants to know, my wife an I are a very nice looking couple, so our looks have nothing to do with how we feel about this subject. We just do not use our looks to try to pressure others - period! We are more interested in just meeting a couple and if "They" decide to take things a step further we may or may not accept.

The best I can do is provide a specific example of someone that we found to be too pushy... Same guy two different situations.

1. He likes anal and despite the fact that I have already told him it's not gonna happen, he continues to bring it up every time we meet.

2. (this one put him on our not gonna happen again list) we were out with a group and he had already gotten the attitude with us that if they were coming out (with said group) he expected to get some. So towards the end of the night he looks at us and says "so you wanna hook up?" Hubby responds with "no not tonight". Guy then turns to the next couple and asks the same question.

We met pushy the other day. We have been on hold the last few months because of moving and stresses that impacted our lives. And honestly, until things were back to “good” with us, there is no room for play time. But, I had been chatting with a local couple for months. They were helpful when we were planning our move and seemed nice. So I decided that it would be good to meet them. They watch their granddaughter during the week, so we invited them to bring the granddaughter over to play in the pool and we could visit. I was very specific with the husband.

1. We are currently not playing, but wanted to meet them.

2. This was not a play date and do not expect anything to happen. I figured the granddaughter being there insured that.

Obviously he didn’t listen, nor did he communicate this to his wife. She told my wife that she was so sorry that her husband had insisted that he bring the granddaughter and they were unable to play. Well, I invited the granddaughter to make sure there was no play time!

Then, he groped at my wife every chance he got and then tried to tickle her belly button with his tongue when he kissed her goodbye.

They were pushy and violated the terms of the get-together.

Obviously he didn’t listen, nor did he communicate this to his wife. She told my wife that she was so sorry that her husband had insisted that he bring the granddaughter and they were unable to play. Well, I invited the granddaughter to make sure there was no play time!

 

They were pushy and violated the terms of the get-together.

ncmd...I would say the guy was pushy by his actions. The wife...well she just seems to have been left in the dark by the hubby as to what the day's activities were to include...I would have probably been rude enough to say that the meeting was just intended as a meet n greet and that the child's presence was requested so you could have that opportunity.

To the OP...I agree with the others. Pushy is the folks that want to drop everything right now and play...the ones that can't take no for an answer (whether it's 'no, I don't want to play with you' to 'no, we don't include that in our play'...whatever "that" may be).

One thing that kind of rubs me the wrong way (and perhaps I'm too sensitive at times) is when someone says "you are just the type of girl I look for". I know everyone has a "type" that they are attracted to, idk...it just irks me when someone actually says it out loud. But I've found that those tend to be pretty pushy people as well.

Here is an example of pushy for us... we went to the club one night... we were there less than 10 minutes and one couple asked us to go upstairs to the play rooms with them... we told them... "no... we just got here" and walked away. We walked out by the pool and sat down... within 5 minutes they came over and sat down... he pulled his pants off and she started giving him a blowjob while he was making sexual comments to my wife... we walked away. Later another couple said that the first couple were making rude comments about us to them and saying we were stuck up... go figure. We didn't know that couple from Adam... we had seen them a couple of times at the club and that was it.

I have to agree that pushy to me is someone that doesn't take "no" as an answer the first time.

But just this past Friday night we encountered a type of pushy I hadn't considered. We were at a hotel party and were beginning to play with a female we had already had one experience with. She was there with a male that was not her usual partner but that she trusted. He came over and joined us.

Because it was our first encounter I told him clearly what my limitations were. He continued to press what those were as if he had not understood or I had not been clear (I was very graphic and specific, doubt he could ACTUALLY have misunderstood.) Since he did not cross the lines I had drawn though, I had not gotten truly upset at that point.

Then he began to press for us all to move from the sofa into the bedroom. He continued to press for this, so eventually we did so thinking we could all be more comfortable. My partner and I stepped to the side and were awaiting the other female to return from the bathroom. He joined the group that was already on the bed, which we did not think had been the intent, especially since the last we knew that group had already broken up and moved on. I proceeded to the other bathroom past the bed where he was with a third female. As I returned from the bathroom, he took me by the arm and pulled me down onto him for oral along with the third female. My partner came across the room and took me by my other arm and we left. Now this guy was not physically rough but he was very overbearing and a more "subtle" form of pushy than I had imagined being possible.

This and another more pushy male in the group made this "near-newbie" couple realize that:

a) Large groups we don't know well are not for us.

b) Don't trust anyone else's judgement about whether or not someone is trustworthy.

In general, I'd say the term "pushy" applies to anyone who won't take no for an answer the first time they hear it, OR who is presumptuous about your desire to play with them. The latter is a bit more subtle, but irks me nonetheless . . . because it often leads to the former. They're so assured that you want to play, that they don't "hear" the first no.

Here are a few examples of what we considered pushy!

1. When you are invited to a couples home and they have a blanket on the floor with toys before you have sat down!

2. When you invited a couple to your home and within five minutes they have their clothes off and are doing cannon-balls into your hot tub!

3. When you are sitting at a club and a single male asks your wife to fuck, with his dick in his hand!

You can call them pushy, rude, pressure, or assholes! They are out there.

Some may like this sort of behavior or don't care and others do care. Bottom line is to be respectful in a manner which is within the norm!