JennyMac 15 Posted February 2, 2005 Okay, quick question and then I swear I'll leave you guys alone for a little while... What in the HELL does "Vanilla" mean? I have seen that word a dozen times in the last five minutes just reading posts? Would someone please care to explain? Is a Vanilla friend different from a chocolate or strawberry friend? Quote Share this post Link to post
freakykitten 15 Posted February 2, 2005 Vanilla means non-swinger... I think! Anyone correct me if I'm wrong... please! Quote Share this post Link to post
hotclubcpl4u 15 Posted February 2, 2005 Yep...that's what it is....friends who don't swing. Quote Share this post Link to post
CowboynVixen 16 Posted February 2, 2005 You may run into the term vertical and horizontal when describing a friend as well. Of course if you use your imagination you can guess which is a horizontal or vertical friend. Quote Share this post Link to post
northindycpl 32 Posted February 2, 2005 Vanilla is a non-swinging friend. Vanilla can also mean a purer activity. Like men who are virgins, and maybe only gotten to 1st base. Or couples that have no sexual experience whatsoever. I prefer the term vertical, because I think vanilla is a broad term. Quote Share this post Link to post
tnohcpl 16 Posted February 2, 2005 A long spell back we figured out that was what a "vanilla" person was (non-swinger), but what we want to know is who coined the term, and how does it get its (association) meaning? Quote Share this post Link to post
Alternatives 15 Posted February 2, 2005 Like someone said earlier vanilla is a broad term. Most alternative lifestyle communities use it to describe a person who is not into their particular activity. The BDSM community may very well use it to describe all of us. Quote Share this post Link to post
Vespertine 31 Posted February 2, 2005 They use the term vanilla in the electronics industry, too. Vanilla means something that isn't upgraded, plain and factory standard. Vanilla is the opposite of something that has all the Bells and Whistles. Quote Share this post Link to post
DBL D 120 Posted February 2, 2005 "Vanilla" means you had better watch what you say... Quote Share this post Link to post
Atilla 16 Posted February 2, 2005 Thanks for asking that question because I wondered that myself! Quote Share this post Link to post
good times 990 Posted February 2, 2005 A long spell back we figured out that was what a "vanilla" person was (non-swinger), but what we want to know is who coined the term, and how does it get its (association) meaning? Funny you should ask right here on the Swingers Board, then again where else would one ask this question? I digress, the term as it is used on this forum came to be because of a thread on this very board a couple of years ago. The question was something like 'how do you refer to your non swinging friends or non swingers in general?'. Now I don't mean to imply that we invented it but of all the terms suggested in that thread "vanilla" is the one that everybody decided was probably best and it seems to have stuck. Quote Share this post Link to post
invisibletouch 15 Posted February 2, 2005 One of my new friends described me as 'vanilla' when we first talked since I wasn't into Domination/Submission. I'm happy to report that he at least changed his opinion to 'French Vanilla' after we got together. Working my way up to 'Mocha' now!! Quote Share this post Link to post
adventureUS2 25 Posted February 3, 2005 So if we were to convert our vanilla friends to swingers would that be considered a vanilla extract? Quote Share this post Link to post
northindycpl 32 Posted February 3, 2005 So if we were to convert our vanilla friends to swingers would that be considered a vanilla extract That is pretty cute! Quote Share this post Link to post
adventureUS2 25 Posted February 3, 2005 On a serious note. My wife and I have always wondered if my mother and step father were swingers (yes my first thought is EEEWWWW MOM!!!!!!!!!!!). We have seen a few things that led us to believe they do. Although we are curious as hell I don't think I really want to know We were over at their house a few days ago and the subject of marriage and monogamy came up. My step father must have used the term vanilla a half dozen times. You could only imagine the looks on the Mrs and my faces. As soon as we left we both concluded that the unimaginable was most likely true. Well they do say the apple does not fall far from the tree. Quote Share this post Link to post
JennyMac 15 Posted February 3, 2005 Well, does that mean since we are probably going to join the lifestyle but haven't yet, that we are a Vanilla Swirl? With whip cream on top! Quote Share this post Link to post
kenora_guy 16 Posted June 28, 2006 To the general populace "Vanilla" in regards to sex means normal and boring sex (i.e. basic missionary position... Used by more sexually adventurous people kinked to describe the dull sex had by the unimaginative... This can be used to refer to both heterosexual sex and bi/homosexual... Generally swingers are NOT vanilla Quote Share this post Link to post
EvilMJ 65 Posted June 28, 2006 I found this at Wikipedia and thought it was interesting: Vanilla sex is sometimes used as a derogative term that refers to what a society regards as standard or conventional sexual behavior. Different cultures, subcultures, and individuals have different ideas about what constitutes vanilla sex. Often it is interpreted as sex that does not involve such elements as BDSM, kink, or fetish activities. Among homosexual men it sometimes implies that the activity is non-insertive (i.e. intercrural intercourse, manual sex, frottage etc.). Among heterosexual couples in the Western world, vanilla sex often refers to the missionary position. The term "vanilla" derives from the use of vanilla extract as the basic flavoring for ice cream, and by extension meaning "plain" or "conventional". Thus, the term "vanilla" is sometimes used as an insult to describe someone who is overly conventional or unwilling to take risks, in both sexual and non-sexual contexts. “Vanilla sex” may also be intended by the user to indicate "Caucasian" in the stereotypical but unfounded belief that such cultures are less sexually adventurous and promiscuous than others. Generally speaking, there is a much broader variance of sexual behavior within individual cultures than between them, and no such stereotype holds up under scrutiny. The term could also be used to refer to vaginal intercourse, which does have perhaps a backwards folk etymology. Vanilla in English comes from the dimunitive form of the Spanish word vaina, which means "scabbard" or "sheath" — the original meaning of the Latin word vagina. Quote Share this post Link to post
ShellyM 1 Posted June 28, 2006 Okay, quick question and then I swear I'll leave you guys alone for a little while... What in the HELL does "Vanilla" mean? I have seen that word a dozen times in the last five minutes just reading posts? Would someone please care to explain? Is a Vanilla friend different from a chocolate or strawberry friend? LOL, I had to have it interpreted to me too, so don't feel bad. I thought they were talking about ice cream or something. Quote Share this post Link to post
The Fuse 1,012 Posted June 28, 2006 “Vanilla sex” may also be intended by the user to indicate "Caucasian" in the stereotypical but unfounded belief that such cultures are less sexually adventurous and promiscuous than others. Generally speaking, there is a much broader variance of sexual behavior within individual cultures than between them, and no such stereotype holds up under scrutiny. This reminds me of something that happened to us...we were on a "first date" with a black couple who had been swinging for several years. We made a reference to our vanilla friends... got a blank stare and then "What's vanilla?" That could have been awkward, but we quickly said it means our non-swinging friends, and that vanilla doesn't refer to them being white . Luckily they have a sense of humor. Two play dates later, we're still enjoying each other's company. Quote Share this post Link to post
marksgirl2 16 Posted July 26, 2006 Wow! lots of variations in what it could mean situationally. Thanks for asking this - I had an idea but wanted to be sure (lest I make the wrong move with the wrong person). Quote Share this post Link to post
Tybee Swing 286 Posted April 28, 2007 In my experience, "vanilla" is anyone who isn't sexually into the degree or range of sex that you're into. I used to hang out on other sexually-oriented boards, particularly on iVillage. Regular monogamous people, those we would call vanilla, classified others as vanilla but not themselves. If they sometimes used sex toys or watched porn with their spouse, had sex someplace outside of the bed from time to time, had at least tried anal sex (or wanted to), tried different positions...they considered themselves not vanilla (even those who would never consider swinging). In their world, vanilla people keep the lights off, don't talk much about sex, don't vary their positions, don't give or receive much oral, if any (just dull, routine, occasional sex). We swingers, of course, use the term vanilla to describe people who don't swing. BDSM people call swingers vanilla, and everybody else who isn't into BDSM. I wonder who calls BDSM people vanilla? Quote Share this post Link to post
sereneiders 263 Posted April 28, 2007 I believe the flavor analogy fits like a glove here: vanilla is that non-so-strong flavor able to fit everyone's taste. The most conservative choice for ice cream should you have guests at home. And as a guest, a flavor you'd be ok with, even if you have stronger preferences. Now, this is a subjective measure, and when referring to a (sexual) lifestyle, it applies to everything conservative and "tasteless" for the lifestyle "standards". For swinges, a monogamous sexuality would be vanilla, for the BDSM community, a sexuality without a SM component would be vanilla, thus most swingers are vanilla for them... even if hey were monogamous, making them vanilla for us as well. Quote Share this post Link to post
fetx69 15 Posted May 18, 2007 Just wondering...If non-swingers are vanilla, then would swingers be chocolate? Or is there any term other than swingers that swingers refer to themselves as? Quote Share this post Link to post