I'm new here. I also relate to how you feel. The thing is, my husband and I have been together 17 years, he's spent a significant amount of time in jail. To keep this short, almost every time, I move in with a guy and tell him we're done. He's never been with another female even though this last time I told him to. So needless to say there's trust issues among self esteem and worth issues on both sides. He's telling me the only way he's going to feel equal is a ffm threesome and I have to participate. He believes I'm in the closet cuz i had a near experience drunk once. Point is I'm not sure if I can ever wrap my mind around all this to try. he's pushing me to this swapping and because i hear about how much I hurt him every single night for hours before sex and he sleeps, I finally agreed. I'm really scared that I won't be able to be with him anymore if I'm even able to get that far. He says I need to feel what he did even though I don't love him unconditionally, I couldn't be with 5 others if I truly loved him. Any help or should I just throw in the towel?
