I wish we'd encountered more people like you when my wife and I were playing. We're both overweight (not morbidly). I have a slightly-more-than-usual amount of body hair. My penis is not porn-sized. My wife is not bi-anything except bi-racial.
Our personalities, except in two cases, didn't mean squat.
In he vast majority of our experiences, we found that size, bi-ness (of women), race, and "hwp" mattered. A lot. Not that these groups were populated solely by perfume-ad models, yet there were always the written and unwritten criteria, and getting past them was an exercise in futility. A man could be a few steps away from being a complete asshole, but if he had The Right Stuff, nothing else mattered. New entrants into the market were often literally looked at with scowls and glares. Many of the men found "No, thank you" an unacceptable answer, and the women said "no" more often than not. After three years of that, we quit, and my wife doesn't even allow the subject to be brought up.