spaziam

Actually, we initially only wanted a single girl and to our suprise there are not many out there that are willing to play. We had been looking for about 2 years. Met quite a few, but they eventually chickened out. This one caught us by suprise. I have read on this board that the best place to meet single women is in a "regular" club and I have to say, almost all the single women we have met have been at "regular" clubs. My boyfriend and I have very open communication and he is very receptive to me and wants me to be happy. Also, we had a number of conversations with the girl and she says that she was just nervous the first time and that is why she didn't seem into me. She had never done this before and she wasn't sure what to do. She claims to really like me and says that she rented some porn and talked to some of her bi-friends to get advise on how to please a woman. I guess I should be flattered by that. She called me the other day and wanted to make sure everything is okay and went on and on about how much she likes me. So now I am thouroughly confused. To top that off, I have realized since then that my major problem with all this is me and my insecurity. I am afraid my boyfriend will fall for her, find her more attractive, think she is better in bed. I forget that love is more than physical attraction, alot more.

Hi Everybody, Let me preface this by saying in advance, I apologize for the novel, but I needed to say this. I wanted to share with you some revelations I have had since my last post titled "Jealously strikes again?". Sharing this information I think is more for myself than anything else. After days of crying, fighting, crying and more crying, questioning my boyfriends devotion and commitment to me, I had an apiphany. I have read much about this lifestyle and how important it is to be secure in your relationship before considering this type of lifestyle. I believed my relationship was strong, that this was the man of my dreams and that I wanted to share this with him and I still feel that way. However, I failed to realize that along with a strong relationship with your partner, it is equally important to have a strong relationship with YOURSELF. I have spent the last few days analyzing and re-analyzing my situation and what has happened. My boyfriend and I kept talking about this and I just couldn't feel any closure about it. I kept blaming this girl and him for how I was feeling, when the problem was my insecurities about myself. If this girl is persuing him, then he might see she is better than me some how. She might do it better, might please him better. He might love her mind better. He might realize that I am not the one he wants to be with. So, we decide not to see her anymore. My boyfriend even suggested we not do any of this anymore. That wasn't the answer though, because I truly enjoyed the experience and I want to experience it again. Which really confuses me, I love the experience and I'm insecure about it at the same time. Doesn't make alot of sense. So, I realize my problem is with myself. And I did the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I admitted it out loud last night. Somehow, I believed that if I didn't say it, nobody would know it. When I really knew that my insecurities screamed out in my actions and he knew about them all along and because he loves me is willing to do anything to help me through all this. But I was so afraid to say it. But, when I did, relief washed over me. My head was clearer, my stomach released it's knots and I actually slept well and woke up without dark circles under my eyes. How can something as simple as admitting your flaws free you from panic. Now the hard part, how to get past all these insecurites and realize I am as wonderfull as the love of my life keeps telling me. Thank god or the higher power whoever that may be, that I have someone as wonderful as him. Who understands me and loves me and is patient with me!! I have waited a lifetime for a love like this and I would do anything to give to him what he has given me. I don't know why, but, telling this makes me feel better. And I hope someone out there feeling the same as me can read this and get something out of it. This is only the beginning for me, but already this has been an incredible experience and I can only imagine how this will all feel once I have battled my demons. Thank you for reading!!

Brit_Pair, thanks for the smack back into reality!! Really, I appreciate that. I feel rather foolish for posting that. I surely must have sounded like an adolescent!! I am very thankful there is a place like this to go and get advice. Thank you!

o7u89 I agree about what you are saying. I told my boyfriend that women (not all women) are manipulative. If she wants him enough she will try very hard to persuade him. He says he can't be persuaded because his heart belongs to me and it takes two to tango. Point well taken, however, I do not want to put myself in a situation where I have to deal with that, ya know?? An added note, although my boyfriend sees where I am coming from, he now tells me that he doesn't really have an opinion on what has happened. Yes, after pointing out what I have seen, he understands why I would feel that way. But, also feels that we don't know her well enough to make that kind of judgement about her. He doesn't want to see her anymore because it is causing too many problems between us, but doesn't necessarily feel her intensions are to persue him. I feel he should see my point and not want to see her anymore because of that, not just because it is causing a rift between us. Is that wrong. Now I am I being too petty. Who do you talk to about this stuff? Friends and family just wouldn't understand. Ya' know what I mean. I just need somebody's opinion.

We are planning to tell her that we don't want to see her anymore. I am afraid of what her reaction may be. I have asked my boyfriend to be the one to break the news and have asked him not to accept her calls unless I am around, which he has agreed to do. How do you tell someone you don't want to see them because you believe they are being deceitful??? I know the first thing she is going to think is I did this. Well, yes I did and he is MY boyfriend not hers. My boyfriend thinks we don't need to give her an explanation, just tell her this doesn't work for our relationship.

I posted recently about feeling a little left out during a first time full swap experience. Actually first time for really anything like that. Got over the bad feelings very quickly after talking things out. Well, I was hoping I could get some more advice. Recently, my BF and I went to a regular club and while I was walking around, my BF met a single girl. I kept my distance for a bit and he eventually brought her over and introduced us. She was a bit suprised to find out he had a girlfriend but warmed up to the idea immediately. Please note, he wasn't trying to pick up girls behind my back. We have talked about this before and if some girl flirts with him while he's walking around it's allright to go talk to her as long as he brings her over to introduce us. So, anyways one thing led to another and we ended up bringing her home. We had a pretty good time, but this girl didn't seem much into me and couldn't stop going on and on and on and on about how gorgeous my BF was, how good he was how big he was, etc. I can handle a little of that but this was sickening. All night this went on, literally!! That put me off, then while I was on the computer reading e-mail she starts messing around with him again. One of our rules is nothing happens unless the other is present. I couldn't be mad at her, because we didn't tell her about our rules (which we did before this happened again) That was it and I got really mad. He took her home and we talked for days and eventually got all rules re-defined. Mainly, that no rule has any room for interpretation. A rule is a rule!! We got together with her again, we had a blast. I really enjoy watching him with another woman. However, I continue to get the feeling that it isn't a threesome that she wants. So, I decide to discuss it with her and she insists that she respects our relationship and doesn't want to do anything to jeapordize that. Even though my boyfriend is way her type and she does want to be in a relationship. She isn't pursuing him. Yet, after we have told her on numerous occastions that there are no secrets. If you have something to say, you say it in front of both of us. she keeps having conversations with my BF while I am in the bathroom or doing something else. Once telling him I made her feel uncomfortable. That made me feel like she was making me look like the bad guy. Then she continues with the praise, you are so hot, you are so big, you are so good in bed. Then she asks my BF if she can see pictures of him when he was a child. Never once took an intrest in my pictures, just his. We went out to dinner on Sunday and my BF and I start telling her how happy we are, how we met, how incredible our life has been and on the way back to our house she starts crying in the back seat and claims she remembered a bad memory. My first thought was she is in love with him and didn't like hearing how happy we are together. I talked to my BF about all this, and pointed out what I thought was the obvious. He said that he truly did not read into these things too much, but now that I told him about all these things he too thinks there is something going on. She promised she was not trying to pursue him, but I really don't believe that. My BF and I have agreed that we are not going to see her anymore. I guess what I am asking is, am I being overly jealous or possesive and reading into these situations too much or does it sound like this woman is trying to pursue my BF.