My wife and I have been married for just over 2 years now. We are both happier and more fulfilled in our relationship than either of us have ever been with any relationship prior. We have an amazing sex life and are very open with each other about our wants, fantasies, and desires.
About 2 months ago, I brought it up to my wife that I have fantasies about sharing her with another man. We’ve brought women into the bedroom with us before, but in regards to the subject of threesomes or sex with another couple, she has always maintained that she would not want another man to touch her. I hadn’t brought this up before as something I might be into either. After a few weeks, talking about it several times, and role playing with toys, she started to think it was something she would not only be willing to do, but the idea of having more than one man at once really seemed to get her excited. So far, so good, right?
We then began talking about who we would be willing to let this happen with, what they would be like, and how we would find them. She had experimented with and been attracted women in the past, but due to sexual abuse as a teen by some of her peers, she has been very untrusting of men and had only had 4 male sexual partners before we met (we’re both in our mid 30s).
In thinking about who we would this mystery guy would be, she obviously wanted it to be someone she was attracted to, which I also wanted for her. I wouldn’t want her to do this just because I wanted it. My whole reasoning behind this fantasy is seeing her almost overwhelmed with pleasure. She also had to trust the person, which made her hesitant to find a someone on some kind of dating app. She also has a very high fear of contracting an STD, and would want to be able to vet and potential men we’d invite into bed with us.
My idea for this fantasy since I began to have it, would have involved someone who was essentially a stranger. My first thought was to find an app to use. I imagined we’d both chat with him, get to know him, meet for drinks, and all become familiar and comfortable with each other before “getting down to business”.
After weeks of talking about how we would find someone, and asking her about any casual acquaintances that either of us had that she might want to do this with, she brought up one of her friends from high school (again we are in our mid 30s). This friend of hers is about an 8 hour drive from us, she says that she trusts him, and he’s married (but told her on more than one occasion that he has stepped outside of his marriage. I realize this was probably him testing that possibility of opening the door between the 2 of them) so she feels like he would have some “skin in the game” and be less likely to tell anyone about this. She has assured me (and I believe her) that nothing has ever happened with this guy in the past, she’s just always thought he was attractive. She allowed me to read some of their conversations (they talk maybe 2-3 times per year via text). There definitely seems to be some sexual tension between the 2 of them and definitely some flirting in their messages, but nothing that I would consider inappropriate, but some of which is borderline outside of the context of swinging being on the table. However, some of these conversations had taken place during our relationship, and before we had talked about bringing another man into the bedroom with us. She’s obviously attracted to this man (which again, is something I definitely want for her), there’s obviously sexual tension there (which again, I want her to want this), but the fact that we’ve been talking about it for weeks and she was hesitant to bring his name up after weeks of me asking her to name someone has got me feeling a little uneasy.
The two long term relationships she had been in with men before we met did not at all encourage her to explore her sexual desires or fantasies. Her ex husband was extremely religious and controlling and actually forbade her from even masturbating. To watch her come out of this shell and become increasingly sexual the past few years has been amazing to watch and I only want to explore it further. I don’t ever want to hold her back or make her feel like anything that comes to her mind as something she’d like to experience will be met with anything other than an open mind and a willingness to help facilitate it. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and cause her to take a step backwards in this journey that we’re on together. Sharing her with another man is something that I definitely want to happen, and I want her to be 100% comfortable when it does happen. All of this to say, I’m wondering if I should sacrifice my very small amount of uneasiness with the situation in order to make sure that it is one that she is 100% comfortable with....?
Any help, advice, words of wisdom from anyone who has been I this or any similar situation would be greatly appreciated!! This is a road that I feel like both definitely want to go down, but I don’t want to trip at the starting line. Thanks in advance for any help you offer!!
