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Tm2017

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Tm2017 last won the day on January 29 2018

Tm2017 had the most liked content!

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About Tm2017

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    Contributor
  • Birthday 01/01/1970

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Northern Ontario
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Tm2017

    Back at it!

    Absolutely! We plan to do other stuff while in town, have some fun, enjoy being together. It’s somewhat rare for us to just take off and have alone time so looking forward to that too!
  2. Tm2017

    Back at it!

    Hi all! We are finally ready to get back at the swing game! (Can you yell I’m excited?). As some may know, we ventured in about a year ago with some success and some not so great stuff. Took some time off, worked some more on the communication and especially expectations and have decided we are ready to dip our toes into the pool once again. This time, we are going to be travelling to Toronto to spend some ‘us time’ and get in a couple visits to the Oasis Aqualounge the first week of Aug. We have not been to a swing club before so are going in with high hopes and low expectations, if that makes any sense. We have agreed to take what opportunities arise and thoroughly discuss later or just enjoy the vibe and people watching should no one approach or we don’t find anyone to approach. I’m excited and nervous...but in a good way. And hubby is too. Any advice from all you wonderful people?
  3. Just as a quick update...first thanks so much for the advice and comments. We have been talking and we are making progress. I think it was a lot of the 'shock" of realizing I could be totally into this couple with his 'hurt' after our last long time effort didn't pan out (whole other story-short version, spent tons of time talking with this couple, making plans, met twice for dinner - they were from out of town- and hubby and the other wife had a great connection...then they ghosted on us). He is looking for a 'girlfriend' out of swinging. Now, it took me a bit to understand what he meant...but I'm 100% positive now that he is after that NRE...sex is almost secondary to what he's looking for. And I fully recognize that is something I can't give him. After all, we've been together 30 years! So When I was all about the sex...he struggled to understand that. Again...we seem to have switched roles here...or at least what the guy/girl roles traditionally look like. As a very traditional guy, I think he struggles with that as much as anything! We are still on hold, although he has said if I wish to have a girl/girl experience with this lady of the couple, I am free to do so, as long as I give him all the lovely details. So I am considering that, but taking my time with it. Ultimately, he would really like to be there to participate, but is not yet ok with me doing the same with the other couple. I believe that has more to do with his first impression of the guy (on the loud side, although very pleasant and respectful... Plus the other is a tattooed guy with a funky beard which hubby has issues with....hubby's issues are weird I know, but whatever!) I think if he had found that NRE connection with the lady of the couple, we would have been all in. At least this way, we are doing a lot of learning and communicating, which is never a bad thing!
  4. Good question! I believe it's about me enjoying another man...now I am going to ask him and see! But some of it was about me enjoying a woman as well...he's not one of those guys who enjoys girl on girl, so he sees that more as something he can't do for me and worries ( he knows unnecessarily...he has said so, but still) that if I really enjoy that part of it, where does that leave him?
  5. Perhaps there is a misunderstanding red adding my original post...we haven't participated in any play since this incident. And we won't until we can both agree we are good to go. There is no pressure from either of us to rush it. To be fair, we HAVE already had several experiences...this issue just came regarding this newest couple. But you are correct...there are many different ways to dabble in the lifestyle. It's whatever works for the two of you. I just found the thought that I could enjoy it and that could affect his respect of me interesting. Shows we have a way to go!
  6. That describes it exactly I think. And it has certainly brought on some examination! This is one area where I am thinking more like I would expect a guy to! Lol...we are certainly talking and exploring the things this brings up. I had not thought so much about the confidence thing...wouldn't a guys confidence be better since I am going home with him? That's what I initially thought...but likely that's not the case. For me, seeing him thoroughly enjoying the attention of another woman was strictly a turn on..I asked for any new things that she tried that I could learn. It didn't occur to me to be jealous! But obviously he is wired differently! It's funny how after 30 years together, there can still be things in there that we don't know about each other ( or ourselves!)
  7. Agreed! And that's what we've been doing. I even posted a new thread about one of the interesting things that's come up in those discussions. It's all a learning experience and while we both want to continue on, we are both good with just taking it one step at a time. If it happen ( and I agree, it likely will, someday) it happens...if it doesn't that's ok too. As long as we are talking about how we feel, what's to lose?
  8. Hi all, We recently arranged...and then cancelled...our first full blown, everybody in the pool type session. I was all in...hubby not so much. All good...we go back to talking. That's how this goes, I think! Anyway, one of the things this seems to have brought up for him is the idea of respect. I'm curious to get others thoughts on this one. A little background-He says that it's seriously hot to be able to explore sex recreationally. He really enjoyed his first full swap (mine didn't work out). With this new couple, both the guy and the lady were very interested in me and the lady was looking forward to providing my first bi experience and to playing with hubby. For some reason, he wasn't feeling it and in trying to figure it out, he has realized that it's possibly a 'respect' thing in regards to me. Let me explain...you know the old saying, guys want a ' slut in the bedroom and an angel in the kitchen'? Well he's realizing that I totally wanna be a slut in the bedroom...with him and other people. And he's wondering if that is what tripped him up this time. In the cases of our first swap, it was separate rooms, with friends. He was so totally focussed on her that he really didn't think about me. After all, he trusted the guy I was with, had known him for years, and so on. With the new couple, he didn't have that same situation. Has anyone ever run into something like this? My first thought was that's a kind of controlling respect. Which he had not considered. He totally knows I wouldn't leave him, etc., etc. I think he was genuinely surprised to realize that's what he was thinking. Anyway, I thought I'd open it up to you fine, intelligent people and see what others thought, if others had run into something similar, been through this kind of thought/growth process...
  9. Well, in our case, it turns out it was because the lady of the couple was texting with me (we were looking forward to my first bi experience) and he felt like a third wheel. He recognizes he should have said so up front - there's that communication thing again - but when it came down to the wire he just wasn't up for it. I don't know where we are going to go from here. Remains to be seen. Unfortunately, there are no clubs closer than about 7 hours away, so makes it harder to make that our thing. Not to say we won't, but it's up in the air for now. While I'm really disappointed that we didn't get to try it, I of course respect his choice. Just wish he'd been up front from the start ( which I've told him).
  10. Thanks GoldCoCouple...I appreciate the thoughts and the invite to stay on, I guess we have a lot more work to do.
  11. Update...well, I knew there was something not right. Hubby has decided he's not into this. So have cancelled the meet with the couple. Perhaps we will try again someday but unlikely.
  12. Thanks all...I appreciate the help! You're right of course ... He IS thinking about it, I'm sure. And his problem last time wasn't a lack of an erection. Rather it was more about how the anticipation got into his head and nothing but 'her' was going to satisfy. He feels that made him somewhat blind to the fact that apparently she was just going along with things, rather than actually 'wanting to'. And he felt bad about that afterwards. So he doesn't want it to happen again...which I totally understand! And personally, I don't blame him for how things went down last time. She had responsibility for herself too. This is a learning experience, after all. I guess I was just feeling a little, I don't know the right word...lost maybe? Without being able to talk this to death (which IS my habit! Lol) beforehand. I know he wants to do this, I know he wants to be successful...for both of us to be. And I have to respect the fact that he will be honest if all of that isn't true. And I suppose I respect the fact that he's chosen this way to deal with it....but geeze! It's hard! Lol...Anyway...only two more sleeps!
  13. That's what I'm thinking too...but am glad to hear someone else say it! The other couple already know it may be an issue and are totally fine with it. They are fairly experienced and say they want nothing more than for us to have fun, no pressure. Hopefully he can relax into that and enjoy it!
  14. Thanks so much for reply! It's funny because our first time was exactly planned and like you didn't work out so well. I agree...not thinking about it still thinking about it! Lol... All I can do, I guess, is take him at his word and jump in...see what happens! I agree too, with the build up/nerves things. I get those whoops in my stomach (like when you're on a swing?) when I think about the fact that it's getting so close! Nerves for sure but also a serious turn on!
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