Thank you all for your replies!
We hold honesty above all else. That said she is very self conscious about the issue and a bit reluctant to tell anyone about it. That is not to say we wouldn't tell a couple about the physical boundaries if it ever got that far but we hesitate to lead off with "Hey we really like you guys but we cant have sex!" if that makes any sense.
As for the cause its not age. We are in our early 30s and its been an issue from the start. Surgery, dilators, even numbing cream haven't helped.
Thanks again for all the replies!