paintedlady

Thank you! I will definitely check those out!

Thank you sunbuckus, kikonkrome, and CoupleInMD79! I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate your responses. It feels so nice to have a safe outlet for unloading my thoughts. You all are awesome Even though I don't expect to play myself (but might - you never know!) I feel a real draw towards people in the lifestyle. They do overwhelmingly seem friendly, open, and approachable. The social part of this appeals strongly to me and I would love to make new friends along the way which is part of the reason that I want to do this together as a couple (with absolute honesty about what we are looking for of course). I think a meet and greet sounds perfect! And then if we are comfortable, move on to a club. I will continue reading, visiting this forum, and educating myself about swinging and open marriages. I agree that we should put swinging on hold temporarily as I work through my issues. When it feels right, I think a meet and greet would be a perfect place to start. I will look on SLS. Are there any other websites or resources that I can tap into to help find local meet and greets? Thank you again!!

Hi sunbuckus, A big thank you to you as well for your reply! Thank you so much for the links. I printed one of them out to take to my next counseling appointment. It was like reading a profile about me. What a sense of relief and understanding! If we decide to move forward, we will be very honest about what we are looking for. My husband is very committed to me and our marriage, and he insists that an emotional attachment to anyone besides me is out of the question...that this would be for sex only. My hope is that we can find couples or single women in the lifestyle that would be interested in a husband with a hall pass. My husband gets hit on quite often, and the ladies seem to like what he has to offer I am very interested in doing a meet and greet, party, or club. My husband was showing strong interest as well. We put the discussion of opening up our marriage on hold, though, as I was going through quite a bit of emotional madness regarding the issue. He wanted to back off and give me time to process it at my own speed. I would like to get our feet wet and see how we intuitively feel when we are in that environment. I am currently in counseling and working through the issues that I have with my sexuality and want to come to a better understanding of who I am, what I really want, and how I would feel about my husband having sex with other women before saying yay or nay to him. The first meet and greet, party, or club would probably just be a test run. My concern is showing up to a gathering with no intention of either of us playing...and then being seen as a tease or upsetting others. Your thoughts on this??

Hi CoupleInMD79, Thank you so much for your reply Is he amenable to this idea as well? Yes. He is actually the one to bring up the idea of an open marriage. In a nutshell, he is just waiting for me to give the green light and insists that he is OK if I do not want to do it. He has been very supportive regarding the roller coaster of emotions that I have been through over the last few weeks since he mentioned it. At times, it wasn't very pretty at all and he was full of apologies for the sadness and anger that I was experiencing. Like many people, the idea of opening up a marriage seemed to go against everything that I thought a marriage should be. I made a conscious decision to be open minded and have since started reading several books on the topic and have seen a shift in my thoughts. I'm not 100% there yet, though, hence the reason that we are still in the "considering" phase. Thank you for your tips on how to go about setting up a profile. I will definitely keep your comments in mind if we move forward! I am 36 years old and my husband and I have been together since I was 27 and he was 26. Our sex life has been strained from the beginning. Long stretches of time...and I'm not talking weeks or months...but years without sex. Honestly, it is a miracle that we have the two kids that we have. Our love for each other is deep and our relationship is very strong - not once did either of us consider leaving or cheating due to this issue. It's kind of been the elephant in the room all these years that we didn't really address. When my husband mentioned opening up the marriage, it opened up the floodgates of communication on this topic. I didn't realize how strong his sex drive is and has been...that he would want it everyday. I had no idea. He stopped initiating because I wasn't initiating and I wasn't showing any sexual desire or interest in him. And the cycle went on and on. The only times I have ever initiated were when I knew I was ovulating and wanted to get pregnant. Sex for that purpose only - not for pleasure. My husband is very attractive and women find him incredibly desirable...yet I just don't find myself desiring him in that way. And no one else for that matter. I cherish what we have and I desire our relationship and his love, attention, emotional closeness, hugs, cuddles, etc. - just not sex. I signed up to the SLS website to look at couples and single males to see if I had any urge or felt any sexual attraction. I have been on there every day, looking at as many profiles as possible and...nothing. So I started racking my brain and decided to go back and look at the asexuality spectrum. I knew that I wasn't asexual, but there was something going on with me - a gray area - and I found it. When I look at my history, I enjoyed sex in the beginning "new partner energy" phase with most of my partners, but never sought out sex and it never really occupied my mind a whole lot. Now with my husband, having been with him for so long, I can really see myself more clearly. When I was reading about gray-asexuality, it was the biggest sense of relief...yes, that's me!!! I appreciate your suggestions for hormone therapy and supplements but I'm not sure that is right for me, though. I had the Essure procedure done so that I would not need to take birth control, I had both of my children naturally with a midwife so that I would not be pressured for any type of induction or pain relief or any unnecessary medical intervention, and I don't even do Ibuprofen or caffeine. Needless to say, I'm a hard sell...but I promise to keep your suggestions in mind So here I am, discovering something about myself that I believe was always there - I just didn't have the awareness or vocabulary to define it. I am in counseling currently regarding the specific issue of my sexuality. My second appointment is tomorrow and I will begin the discussion with her regarding what I have recently discovered about myself and how best to proceed...for myself first, but also for my relationship with my husband. I don't want my husband to go without and I don't want to feel pressured to do something that I really don't have any desire for - so opening up seems to make sense. I find myself currently struggling with the idea of my husband with another woman, though. He insists that this is for purely sex only. He has told me time and time again how beautiful I am to him inside and out, and how deeply he loves me and how strongly he is committed to me. That we won't do it unless I'm 100% on board. I trust him and want him to feel happy and fulfilled on all fronts, and I think this could be a safe place to achieve that. I need to work through my concerns and worries, and then maybe we'll find our own little brand of swinging that works for us Thank you again!

Hi everyone, I'm hoping to get some advice and guidance as I am new to this. I recently came to the realization that I am gray-sexual. Not quite asexual as I sometimes experience sexual attraction and/or feelings, but it is only occasionally and quite frankly I don't have much desire for sex outside of occasional masturbation. I am very fit and healthy and do not take any medication...so it's not a reduced libido due to that...just who I am. If I were to go the rest of my life without sex, I honestly believe that I would be ok with that. The issue is that I have a husband who is very sexual and I don't want him to be deprived his sexuality. I am considering offering him the opportunity to open up our marriage for the purpose of getting his sexual desires met. We are a very happily married couple with tremendous love and respect for each other. Sexuality is the one area where we just aren't compatible. Would it be appropriate to post on a swingers site looking for women for him? We would be completely upfront about the fact that there is a 98% chance that I would not play (but would like to keep the door open to it if I feel the desire). How would you suggest we present our profile? I would like to meet women and couples in the lifestyle...I think they would have a better understanding and respect for what we are doing than someone we just meet randomly. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome. Thank you!

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply. I truly appreciate it! It looks like we are going to step back and work some more on our sexual relationship (just the two of us) before moving forward with swinging. I wish you all the best and I might see you again on the forum at a later time

Hi, thank you for the replies and wonderful encouragement and support CoupleInMD79, it is kind of difficult for me to articulate fully why the hesitation. I think there are many layers for me to work through still. The idea of swinging for us is brand new and the last week has been a whirlwind of emotion for me. I can say, though, that I don't feel that it is a sense of my husband being all that I need. In fact, I believe my hesitancy is more personal and inner driven than that and the process of self reflection is in full swing. I do know, though, that one huge thing holding me back is the fear of STD's. I am free and clear now, but many years ago I had an HPV scare that had almost progressed to cancer. This was a traumatic experience for me. I can see myself playing and enjoying the moment, but then being a worried mess for weeks/months afterwards. And yes, I realize with my husband being sexual with other women, I am at risk there as well. This is a huge issue that he and I need to address more in depth. This leads me to a question that I was going to ask on another thread, but perhaps you can help. Is it unusual for couples to require current STD test results from people that they want to play with? I just don't think I could truly relax and let loose without that reassurance...

Hi CoupleInMD79, thank you so much for your response. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there starting very slowly. I will be sure to be very honest and upfront with the people we meet. And you are right...I won't really know how I feel regarding my husband being with another woman until it happens...I am very nervous about this. I am lucky to have a husband that is amazing with open and honest communication. We have so much more to talk about. I will make sure that he reads your response as well - wonderful food for thought. Thank you again!!

Hi everyone My husband and I are brand new to swinging...as in we've only reached the "talking about it" phase. We would like to move forward and go to clubs, parties, etc to meet people but my current fear is that the level of play that I'm interested in will be frowned upon. My husband is interested in (and I'm ok with) him playing with women other than me and partaking in sexual intercourse and all things leading up to it. I, on the other hand, am interested in only getting turned on (i.e. talking about sex, watching others, flirting, socializing, etc.) without actually engaging in anything physically sexual...and then finishing off myself (or having my husband do it) at home. Basically, the feeling of getting all hot and bothered and horny is what I'm looking for...not the sex itself. Is it OK if one member of a couple proceeds to sexual intercourse while the other does not? This is not a hard and fast rule that I am determined to stand by forever...it could end up being all I ever want, or maybe not...it's just where I am right now. Thank you in advance for any guidance and suggestions