if everything you say is as represented, then betrayal, blame and denial are like sound reasons for intensive therapy and years of recovery or divorce. even with a willingness to reconcile and less severe consequences than your situation, it can be nearly impossible to build back the level of trust nevessary for a healthy marriage.
i was in a similar situation (the dynamic not the specific behaviors) and underestimated the significance of the warning signs and found myself with a person radically different than the one i was with for many years. though some people do change overnight, it would not be too surprising if whatever the source for this situtaion might have already been there. often people carry around something unhealthy and perhaps dormant in them that seemingly comes out of nowhere to sabotage a healthy, open and loving relation. i am so very sorry; this must be incredibly painful. take care of yourself and do not beat yourself up over coulda shoulda woulda. though some people bounce back from an awful situation quickly and seemingly without real damage, it may take everything you have just to move toward a place where your own individual psychological and emotional health is stable.