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bbarnsworth

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bbarnsworth last won the day on March 5

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About bbarnsworth

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    Lifestyle Mentor
  • Birthday 02/09/1967

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    Couple
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    South Central Indiana

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  1. I don't have any suggestions other than getting a golf cart and pimping it out with loofahs, pineapples, flamingos, and every other swinger symbol, and drive around in it daily. Extra points if you add pink fringe to the roof.
  2. Aphroditee; would you mind showing us what studies you are referring to?
  3. Those early French explorers hadn't had sex in months probably. Desperate times call for desperate geographic place naming 😄😄
  4. Meh, definitions. Maybe it would make you a cuckold, maybe now. Who cares? :) The point is, are you and your wife both enjoying it? That's the only thing that matters. Maybe you would enjoy it. Only one way to find out ;) That said, I agree baby steps are in order. You noted earlier that the husband in the other couple is offering his wife to you...but his wife doesn't know? This seems highly contradictory. If she doesn't know a thing about any of this, then there are major red flags all over this. Either they are into it as a couple and are open with each other, or they shouldn't be a couple you play with, even if he's just playing for a notional MFM. I enjoy MFMs from time to time as the third, but it's always with full knowledge and consent of my wife.
  5. My wife takes no pleasure (or displeasure) from watching me having sex with other women. It just doesn't do anything for her. She's happy that I'm having a good time and enjoying playing with another woman, but outside of that it doesn't do anything for her. It's not porn for me to watch my wife enjoying sex with another man. The reaction I have to porn is completely different than the reaction I have to my wife wrapped up with another man. Ok yes, I've described it before as getting to watch the best porn movie ever, starring your wife. But, it really isn't.
  6. We didn't target finding a second masseur per se. We both understood that while swapping with couples was likely to happen, or real target early on was MFMs, which would naturally result in massage from myself and the other man at the same time. Over the years, we've had far more MFMs than couples. That's worked great for us; I "suffer" (hardly) from compersion, and absolutely love my wife having sex with other men.
  7. Two men, yes. :) The first dip into the pool took us past that step, yes. Our very first venture was just meeting another couple in the lifestyle. Nothing happened, it was just a conversation as we had lots of questions and they were happy to talk. The second dip was to a swingers club.
  8. Not at all. My wife had made it very clear well before we were married that she had absolutely zero interest in swinging or polyamory in any shape or form. She wasn't angry with me that I had dipped my toes into this. She just didn't want to do it herself. She felt it was wrong, and even though I pointed out that the couple's vows had changed, she still felt it was wrong. I didn't pursue it. At all. I was quite happy being monogamous with her. The thought of participating in non-monogamy again hadn't crossed my mind. So, seven years into being married one night she mentions that it would be fun to have two men massaging her at once. She looooves massage! This started a discussion that lasted many months. After eight months, we finally dipped our toes in the pool. For me, it wasn't that I wanted her to have the same experience. It was that this was a wonderful adventure we were embarking upon together. It's been a great ride!
  9. I'm frankly astonished that he would pretty much ignore you for an hour after she left. That's mind boggling to me. But, I don't know much about the situation or circumstance. What is clear to me is that communication HAS to improve. Further, if he can't respect your boundaries, then there shouldn't be any risking of those boundaries; i.e. stop swinging until he's capable of remembering. Maybe that's never. I don't know.
  10. Yep, Before I met my wife, I was briefly part of a poly triad of sorts. I was the third. When my wife and I got together and we shared our histories, she didn't like this part. She felt the woman in question was breaking her wedding vows, and I had contributed to it. This was not accusatory; just discussion. I noted that I was friends with the husband, he was perfectly aware of what was going on and in agreement with it. While yes, what they were doing was violating their vows, their agreement together as a couple had changed, and the vows were not the same. Discussing this may have planted a seed of thought though. ~9 years later we had our first swing experience together as a couple, largely brought on by her curiosity.
  11. Hey Newcoupleontheblock! Welcome! You're in the right place! So there's a bit to untangle here. First, I agree that if you start out with a condom and it slips off, that out of consideration you should be getting another condom on before continuing. I certainly would do that. In the very least, if I thought of continuing without a condom, I would ask the lady in question how she wanted to proceed. On the other hand, the other couple was told "no boundaries". This could have been interpreted as no condoms being ok. Still, if you start with condoms, you end with condoms unless otherwise told. Second, yeah it was likely a mistake to shift gears into overdrive in the middle of things when you expected it to be a no-swap night. Usually (not always, but usually) it's a bad idea to do that. Feelings can get hurt, misunderstandings happen, and undermining of trust can start being a problem even when it's not intentional. Next time, I recommend you set out the boundaries for the evening before getting to a club or meeting a couple. Don't change the boundaries for the evening. If you're in the lifestyle long enough, the boundaries usually evaporate so down the road it's not an issue. Right now it is (and that's ok) so don't flex them without being removed from the situation. That's my advice. Third, I would caution you about reacting to this situation based on things that have happened in your past. I know we are products of our experiences. But, it isn't fair to your partner to judge what she's done based on how another woman from your past acted. There's no possible way she can stay clear of all potential problems based on what was inflicted on you in the past. Love her, explain to her, and tell her you don't judge her on that and know that you're going to react emotionally but that you're working to make that the past, and not the now. Whether or not this couple is in the past is hard to judge. Only you (and your partner) can judge that. But, if you had a good time with them, that's a treasure to have. It'd be interesting to hear their perspective (though of course we can't know). It's great that you otherwise had a great time! It's just that boundaries got smashed and expectations not met. Don't treat this as a massive boulder that smashed into your car. It's a bump in the road. Take some time to digest, talk with your partner, build love and move on.
  12. You don't persuade in swinging. If that's what she wants to do, that's what she wants to do.
  13. If there are no swinger clubs near you, you might be able to find a couple will to do same room sex with you as a way to dip your toes in the pool.
  14. If you have to drink alcohol to be able to do something, you probably shouldn't do that something! That way lies regrets and problems. I suspect (and this is TOTAL speculation) that you would probably enjoy your wife having sex with another man, IF she really got off on it and thoroughly enjoyed herself. I also think it would in your case be a REALLY bad idea to do that right off. Take little steps. A good, active swinger club might be a good step forward, just to be tourists and play only with each other while there. That might be a good toe dipping experience. But first...really talk this out with your wife. Understand each other's fantasies, fears, loves, insecurities, etc.
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