empowered

Thanks all! Yes, thats the Song. I finally had the opportunity to discuss with him. Sadly, he denied, denied, denied!!! Took a while for him to catch on that that wasnt getting him anywhere. Then rationalized. then minimized, tried to bargain. Then started to really get the gravity of it all. He's shocked that i found his profile to begin with, and i believe he is getting just a little bit paranoid. For sure, he is not enjoying his trip at this point. His apology consisted of 'i don't have to say i'm sorry cuz i am, i screwed up, and i'm sorry...blah.blah.blah. We got cut off at this point. I'm sure he's going through some uncomfortable thoughts and feelings at this point. But yes, i am doing what i need to do to divest. You all have been wonderful.

Couldn't help but post one more quick note. Clearly, though the guy is self-defined as a swinger, he's really not. He's a Player, with all the connotations implied with that. Sadly, for some reason won't self-identify as such. Leaves it up to others. So not as good as playing with others as he posts. (wicked grin here). I'm hearing that Nancy Sinatra song in my head right now.....

I want to thank each and every person who responded to my post. Naturally, there are more circumstances involved, but at the end of the day they are only part of a story. The facts remain the same. An agreement. It gets broken. I've had a few days to come to grips with this, and what keeps coming back are the simple facts. Yes, i do like this guy. I like myself more. I'll miss him. But I would miss myself more. Yeah, I'm sad. And really, really mad. As I would be with anyone i trusted who in anyway took advantage of a trust. At the very least, there is a lack of integrity in this whole thing, and I will be the first to step up and claim some of that - I led myself to believe with a little time, things would change, be different... and doing so, gave away my power, and by not admitting it to myself, lost a lot of self-respect along with it. Where's the integrity in that???? This, inspired by the last post which was correct stating what i couldnt - that i was trying to get at the ethics of the thing, find out whether i was way out of line, or not. What i should Always Know Anyway. (and believe me, i'm looking at that!) Mea Culpa. He was a fun playmate to waste my time with. But that's all, at the end of the day. (get to ask myself alot of questions here) And my time is waaay tooo precious to give him any more. I'm untying all the knots and tying up loose ends. I appreciate every single response, and if anyone else wants to post - cool. I'd love it. I'll be checking. But the question has been reduced to: 1. Best way to confront an absent SO (B)? 2. Most creative way to leave an absent SO (B)? And, is there anyone out there that would be interested in having conversations with me about the lifestyle (when I'm ready again to explore - i'm in theory stage, definitely, right now) as a single? How to...? You are all really wonderful. I thank you. Especially Mr. Truelove, for his off-forum willingness to guide. Openly and Honestly. You, especially, Rock. Namaste, Juniper

I am overwhelmed and am seeking advice. I live with my boyfriend. I'll try to keep this short. Before we became involved sexually we discussed fidelity. He asked if i would be upset/jealous if he slept with someone else. I said my concern would only be re Health matters. He asked if it would be alright if it was safe and not emotional. I said yes, as long as I was informed. I explained that i needed to know in order to consider my choices. We agreed. Yippee! Ok, i moved in. He then talked to me about swinging and would i consider it? Ok. We went to a club, so i could see the lifestyle. We havent gone back as he has been away (though i think he did go without me without saying so). I've become seriously interested in the lifestyle as i understand it, and am interested in exploring it as a couple. He came back from a recent trip and announced things werent working, not me, etc. (right after i asked him if there was anything i needed to know about regarding his trip. i asked pointedly and directly). I prepared to leave. I dont want to stay where i am not wanted/desired. He did a turn around, please stay. I was reluctant but did. Now i'm sorry, as he is away again, and i have accidentally (really, it was quite accidental) discovered that he has been playing with a number of other couples while away, actively pursuing, and putting himself forth as single. I'm upset about his playing without telling me. Not so much having sex outside of US, but of not being told about it. It seems to me the basic agreement of being informed has been broken. I'm angry sad, hurt, and sick to my stomach. i feel very much betrayed. I feel i can't trust him and i feel manipulated and used. I also wonder if can really have sex again with him. What i want to know is: Is this common in the lifestyle? Is his behaviour considered cheating? Has anyone else experienced such a situation? How do you confront what may not be cheating but is still a breaking of trust/disrespect?? Thank you.