Are calendars that scary?

[Couple917nyc 5]

In trying to meet new couples, we’ve run into a familiar pattern lately:

 

1. Contact established on SLS by us or them (doesn’t seem to matter which)

2. Both couples say they like the other couple’s face pics

3. Both couples say they’re interested in meeting (couples are close geographically)

4. We ask if they’re available on a specific date or a specific weekend 

5. [no response]
 

Most of these couples have certs, so at least those seem to be actual couples.

 

What’s going on here?  Are we doing something wrong?  Is it too much to expect a yes, no, or “we don’t know yet” instead of silence after they say they want to meet?

Edited May 22, 2022 by Couple917nyc

[Tony and Catherine 2]

Running into same problem ready to just give-up 

 

[njbm 2,734]

I think alot of husbands are gung ho, ask their wives, get shot down, end of story. 

[njbm 2,734]

I’ve said it before, but if you want a swinging experience, go to Desire or Hedo or go on a lifestyle cruise. Much more efficient to meet people in person. 

[lcmim 1,042]

Quote

Except for the "no response " part, scheduling can be a bear.

 

Even with regulars it sometimes takes us a month or more to make dates line up between 3-4 jobs and family obligations.

There is a difference between no response and agonizingly slow response. I have to admit to the latter when we are trying to move schedules around to make things work with the other couples needs.

I know the same thing happens on the other end.

If it truly is NO response period then njbm has it nailed.

[Couple917nyc 5]

Thank you all for your friendly comments - they all make sense and they’re helping us understand the problems with scheduling a 2-on-2.  In our case, lifestyle clubs and other LS places just aren’t the wife’s bag.  So we understand that our hunt will be inefficient - we just wish it wasn’t THIS inefficient.  Oh well.

 

Stay safe everyone.

[njbm 2,734]

1 hour ago, Couple917nyc said:

Thank you all for your friendly comments - they all make sense and they’re helping us understand the problems with scheduling a 2-on-2.  In our case, lifestyle clubs and other LS places just aren’t the wife’s bag.  So we understand that our hunt will be inefficient - we just wish it wasn’t THIS inefficient.  Oh well.

 

Stay safe everyone.

One other suggestion. Go to a clothed, vanilla meet and greet. You get that in person feel for people, but no compulsion to hop into bed. We communicated with people on SLS who were going to a meet and greet. Other couples’ in person behavior was much different than their profiles or correspondence. You can separate the wheat from the chaff in less than five minutes in person. And since there are many people, you can move on if a couple doesn’t click with you.  

[AndrewandAnn 359]

19 hours ago, Couple917nyc said:

Thank you all for your friendly comments - they all make sense and they’re helping us understand the problems with scheduling a 2-on-2.  In our case, lifestyle clubs and other LS places just aren’t the wife’s bag.  So we understand that our hunt will be inefficient - we just wish it wasn’t THIS inefficient.  Oh well.

 

Stay safe everyone.

We feel you.

 

Seedy strip clubs, bar takeovers, and other "speed dating" group events never appealed to us, either. Frankly, those kinds of social circumstances are completely antithetical to our attitudes about the lifestyle and what we want out of it. We can begin with the fact these events, by definition, require forfeiting of our right to privacy, an instant Do Not Pass Go for us.

 

We always placed a higher value on quality over quantity. And that attitude has served us quite well over the years. True, it means we possibly--probably--missed out on some opportunities for fun. On the other hand, we've managed to avoid a lot of the problems and horror stories many swingers encounter when they just throw a bunch of mud at the wall and see what sticks. We prospected with a laser beam rather than road flares.

 

To that end, it helped that we were very clear in what were looking for in other couples (and what we weren't.) If you don't know what you're really looking for, it's very easy to get pulled in many different directions, most of which lead you nowhere. And we were never desperate. Our sex life was exciting and rewarding enough that we never felt like we were "missing out" on anything. Yes, we looked forward to making the right lifestyle connections, but we were patient and secure in the knowledge that our time would eventually come. And it did.

 

When it comes to any on-line lifestyle community, paid or unpaid, you have to understand that many, if not most, profiles are fakes. Rather than be disappointed by this fact, you have to simply accept it. It is reality. And "certifications" mean next to nothing. In fact, we generally saw them as negatives, not positives. 

 

To be successful with the on-line approach, you have to see it as purely a numbers game. Your job is to eliminate as many false flags and fake profiles, as quickly as possible, as you can. Rather than trying to find the needle in the haystack, makes yourselves into a magnet and let the needle come to you. What we found is that, by being incredibly clear in what we were looking for and announcing it right on our profile, we discovered there were other people looking for the same. They were just as turned off by the "speed dating" and seedy lifestyle underbelly as were we. But, there were no shortcuts.

 

Eventually, we canceled our fully paid lifetime SLS profile. By our calculus, the number of fakes and time wasters had multiplied to the point that it was no longer worth the effort. And, by then, we had cultivated a wonderful little closed circle of lifestyle friends who gave us everything we needed, and vice versa. We've never been into notching our bedposts, always looking for the next conquests. Good sex begins largely as an intellectual exercise, anyway, so finding people we genuinely liked and were attracted to provided us with many hours of enjoyable playtime and care-free sexual experimentation.

 

Hope our story was helpful to you. And good luck.

[Fitlakecouple 450]

On 5/22/2022 at 5:39 PM, njbm said:

I think alot of husbands are gung ho, ask their wives, get shot down, end of story. 

Husbands (dreaming) hoping to talk her into it. Or, she (if she exists) has zero idea, and you call his bluff - fantasy over...

[discreetplay 226]

I agree with the others is suspecting a lot of the flaking is a husband running too far ahead of the wife. Not to say we haven't encountered a situation where the man backs off at the last minute, usually it is the man jumping the gun.

 

Of course, that is assuming you're dealing with a real couple to begin with.

Edited May 24, 2022 by discreetplay