Book Club Member

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

I enjoy reading books, mysteries, historical fiction, or books with recommendations. I joined an online book club that a friend told me about. The club from what I can see is predominantly women though I do see posts from a handful of men. The club is very broad based with members across the country and even worldwide. There was a post from someone who suggested a smaller group where we could Zoom once a week and discuss a book. A book would be suggested and agreed upon by the all women group, all living in a tri-county NY area. The membership were all strangers to me, the only connection being the larger book group. We ended up with 20 women at first, a few dropped out, a few added as friends of other members. 

Just before the holidays someone mentioned getting together in person as a group, it would be nice to have a better idea of people we never met. We put off the meeting to after New Years, finally meeting last week when a few of us had a day off from work. Ten women met at a quiet room at a country club where one woman is a member. It was very nice and more of a get to know meeting, not a book discussion. It seemed most women knew at least one other, I knew nobody.

I introduced myself and started talking to someone deeply tanned, the conversation went towards her a recent vacation. I told her we wanted to go somewhere warm but have been holding off travel. I think I was asking too much about a trip from a stranger because she became vague about the name of the hotel. Her and her friend were laughing when I asked about the resort.

When our group was leaving and making plans to meet again my new friend and her friend approached me and said she went to a lifestyle resort, asking me if I know what that is. I asked Hedo? I said I never went but heard of it. I said it would be interesting, not saying much more. Her friend said if I wanted to know more about it we could meet for lunch without the other women and tell me all about it. I know I turned colors. She apologized but I said I would like to meet them.

Yesterday I got a call with an invitation to meet one night this week.  I don’t know how open I should be with them, I don’t know much about them. I knew even less about the first couple we met from a hook up site. I still haven’t shared that we have met others, I only said I was interested in hearing about Hedo. 

[PeterJ 834]

ROCKlandCPL, this may turn out to be a most fortuitous connection. In my opinion you are being wise taking a slow approach to opening up about your own lifestyle status. You’ve met these women in a valued vanilla context; once you’ve disclosed this aspect of your life, you can’t undisclose it.

[bbarnsworth 2,544]

Given that you don't know anybody in this group, it seems like a low risk. I think their "playdar" went off, and they suspected you're a swinger.

[cplnluv1 808]

Nice to read you’re extending your friendships. It shows you swingers are just regular people. 

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

17 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

Nice to read you’re extending your friendships. It shows you swingers are just regular people. 

Funny, are we just regular people? 
 

At the book club there was a cross section of women, mostly older, well dressed. Thinking back, the woman I talked to was dressed differently from the others. I did enjoy her educated comments and take on subjects and opinions in her nonjudgmental way. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,026]

I'm more interested in what books they are reading...sounds like it could be a fun club!

 

The Ethical Slut?

The Swingers Manual (written by our founder: JustAskJulie)?

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

4 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

I'm more interested in what books they are reading...sounds like it could be a fun club!

 

The Ethical Slut?

The Swingers Manual (written by our founder: JustAskJulie)?

No lol. The group is not sexually oriented, mostly socially forward readings. This was a Sci-fi best seller, Hail Mary. It was the first in person get together, more of a social time, less book talk. 
What were the odds when I asked where she got a tan she would be open to saying a Lifestyle resort. I was expecting Mexico or an Island. Most of the women are older with grandkids, she and her friend are closer to my age, maybe younger. I was wondering if she said lifestyle for shock value to see how I would respond. I think I tried not to blush or show a major uncomfortable look. 

[lovefest04 685]

They might be reading these posts as well!

 

I think it's great that they were open with you and are inviting you into their circle. It seems to me that they are cautious and respectful with others in the group and that is a positive. For some reason, they felt a good vibe from you and opened up. I'm guessing they will continue to be careful with their conversations.

 

If it was us, we'd join for drinks, maintain a bit of reserve and see what unfolds. Could be the best connection you'll make all year.

 

Enjoy.

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

On 1/27/2022 at 5:02 PM, lovefest04 said:

If it was us, we'd join for drinks, maintain a bit of reserve and see what unfolds. Could be the best connection you'll make all year.

My Hedo remark was a quick blurt out as I know very little of what happens there. I’ve only heard anecdotal stories not in person accounts. I would enjoy hearing from someone who has gone and be able to ask questions. I’ve searched the internet, read posts on here, and even searched TripAdvisor to get a feel of what happens. We are still finding our way in this lifestyle, we are still very new and fortunate to have met an understanding couple, it could have gone very bad very quickly. We are very excited to maybe meet new people yet afraid to move too fast. I don’t think I want to go to a club for anonymous sex, it’s too risky for me right now. I’m thinking Hedo is a classy club on steroids.

We took logistical precautions on meeting our first, they live far enough away that if things went bad we would never see them in town. These women live close, same markets, same restaurants. They seem not to care about their sexuality being known, they did tell me, a complete stranger. We still are afraid that we would be outed.

Also I’ve only met them for a quick minute, I know very little about them, have no idea about husbands. I do know they are literate, read books, and if I remember from previous books and Zooms I assume they have similar views as me.

When I told my husband that I met two women who I think are swingers his first question What does she look like? I said Attractive, that is all I could say. I have no real specific answer other than vague memory of our brief chat. I remember tan, attractive, taller I think.

It could be fun to meet for drinks, get to know her, let her get to know me. It’s possible we couldn’t be friends first, no real connection. As I said we are still new to this, we don’t want to be rushed. 

[Fitlakecouple 450]

Have drinks, ask questions, learn about the lifestyle. You could just be a curious person, fascinated by others choices. You don't need to disclose or commit to anything other than an interest in what a lifestyle resort is, what type of folks attend, what goes on there, etc. They may ask how you heard of Hedo - which you should have an answer for without going deeper.  It's hard to get outed if all you've done is had drinks with 2 book club ladies. 

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

On 1/28/2022 at 7:32 AM, Fitlakecouple said:

Have drinks, ask questions, learn about the lifestyle. You could just be a curious person, fascinated by others choices. You don't need to disclose or commit to anything other than an interest in what a lifestyle resort is, what type of folks attend, what goes on there, etc. They may ask how you heard of Hedo - which you should have an answer for without going deeper.  It's hard to get outed if all you've done is had drinks with 2 book club ladies. 

That is what our friend said.

We have one friend who we have been with, it was me who told her about our first swing with an online meetup. She asked me all the questions that I have no answers for, her first being what she looks like, the more I think about her looks the less I remember. She asked about the husband which I have no idea about anything. If you haven’t read my old post we started swinging because I was interested in seeing what being with another woman is like, she was my second. Of course she asked about that. My girlfriend asked if she could join me if we have a meeting, told her you need to read a book. Oh! 

I keep looking up Hedo to really find out what kind of resort it is, I just heard about it. I do want to know what actually goes on. It will be interesting when and if we meet. Right now we are expecting a blizzard and not meeting anyone this weekend. 

[lovefest04 685]

I wonder what the world would be like if everyone truly opened up their hearts, spoke their truth, and shared their lives honestly, no judgement, no fear. It seems to me that this is a great time and place to do just that. How wonderful to start a relationship with others in complete honesty and openness.

 

Do what is comfortable and I hope they become life long friends.

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

3 hours ago, lovefest04 said:

I wonder what the world would be like if everyone truly opened up their hearts, spoke their truth, and shared their lives honestly, no judgement, no fear. It seems to me that this is a great time and place to do just that. How wonderful to start a relationship with others in complete honesty and openness.

 

Do what is comfortable and I hope they become life long friends.

Unfortunately the world is full of hate, lies, and very judgmental. I’m a pragmatist and understand the real life and what people say. I can only wonder what people I know would think if they knew how close I’ve become to my friend. She is the only one who I’m close enough to tell my real feelings. I trust her enough to be with my husband, I told her I was with a woman which led us to be together too. 
I’m looking forward to meeting with my new friend and being truthful to her. It will be hard to be open, my ingrained fear of being outed in my community. I have to have trust in a stranger. 

[tbone1 79]

Hedonism II is a beautiful resort in Negril, Jamaica, known as Hedo to many who have been there.  My wife and I have been there 22 times, with trip # 23 coming up in a couple weeks.  There is lots of info available online about it.  I would recommend a Facebook group with thousands of members as a place to read about it, ask questions, and get answers called "Our Favorite Jamaican Vacation Place".  There is also a great book available on Amazon entitled "The Naked Truth About Hedonism II", with lots of great stories.   Hedo is all-inclusive, with all food, alcohol, entertainment, water sports, etc. included in the price.  There is no tipping.  The only things you pay for are massages and other spa services or what you might want to buy at the gift shop.  You can scuba every day for free if you are trained, or get trained there.  The food is excellent, with several restaurants and a buffet.  You can kayak on the bay or take a Hobie cat out, or the water sports staff will take you for a ride if you prefer.  Hedo has a clothing optional beach where you can wear a swimming suit or be topless or be naked, and a nude beach where nudity is required.  There are several pools and hot tubs around the property.  I could talk for hours about Hedo, but you really need to experience it for yourself.  However, the best part of Hedo is the people you meet there.  There are all ages, all shapes, all sizes, from all over the planet, and they are the nicest, friendliest, most non-judgmental people you can find anywhere.  The staff at Hedo is second to none.  If you go to hedonism.com and click on group events, there is a listing of all the groups and what week they will be there.  Some are more nudists, some are more swingers, some are older, some are younger.  Pick the one you like who will be there when you want to go and book with a group.  There are many definitions of the lifestyle, some people like to watch, some like to be watched, some like to play with another couple, some like to play with another guy or another girl.  There is an opportunity at Hedo to do whatever you want.  However, "No always means no", so no worries.  The biggest problem with Hedo is that once you go, you will have the best vacation of your life and keep wanting to go back again and again.  Good luck! 

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

On 1/28/2022 at 3:40 PM, tbone1 said:

Hedonism II is a beautiful resort in Negril, Jamaica, known as Hedo to many who have been there.  My wife and I have been there 22 times, with trip # 23 coming up in a couple weeks.

Sounds as if you enjoy which is great. Someone said Desire resorts are more upscale and couples only, Hedo has many single men, have you been to Desire?

We are still finding our comfort level and Hedo or Desire may be a future vacation, just not ready now. We went to nude beaches before so the nude part we could handle not sure about public sex or random hook ups.

Just for information, are there bi type females in the open or just privately? I'm thinking there are gay resorts and no gay male sex in these regular Hedo resorts. 

[tbone1 79]

We have never been to either of the two Desires.  However, from talking to various people, some love Desire, others love Hedo.  We are all entitled to our opinion.  Experiences may vary depending on the group, who you meet, the weather, etc.  While there are comments online about single males at Hedo, honestly it is mostly couples.  We personally have never had any bad experiences with single males at Hedo.  Most everyone you meet there is very respectful.  Of course, there can always be exceptions.  There is never any pressure for public sex or random hook ups at Hedo, but opportunities exist to do pretty much want you are into sexually there.  There are 280 rooms at Hedo, so it is hard to say what may go on behind closed doors, but in 22 trips, I have not witnessed male gay activity in public.  You can make a vacation to Hedo whatever you want it to be.  You can sit on the clothing optional beach in your swimming suit and read novels on your iPad.  Or, you can get naked, party like a rock star, and engage in whatever sexual activity you choose.  Depending on the groups that are there, you may see oral sex by the pools or hot tubs, but intercourse is mostly in the rooms or playrooms.  As I mentioned above, the best part of Hedo in my opinion is the awesome people you meet there.  As they say, "Once you go you know".  

[njbm 2,731]

We’ve been to Desire RM, Desire Pearl and Hedo. Enjoyed all 3. We would be hesitant to go to the Desires soon, due to drug cartel killings. I understand the disputes are over competition over drug deliveries to North American tourists. Sorta like Uber Eats vs. Door Dash. 

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

Thank you for the information on the resorts it will give me a better idea when I meet with her. I don’t want to enjoy all that yet. All of the places sound wild and a great time if and when we are ready for it. I don’t even know how I will be with one new person and there there will be hundreds. My new friend was nice when I met her, I have to see how she will be in a different setting and then there is her husband I have no idea what he is like or looks like. Last night she contacted me to have lunch one day this week. Rocky says I should go and enjoy a lunch, not obsess over where things are going. 

[cplnluv1 808]

8 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

Rocky says I should go and enjoy a lunch, not obsess over where things are going. 

I agree with him. Relax and enjoy new friends with knowing you are just meeting to get to know her. You’re not going to have sex, she may not be looking for anything more than lunch and book talk. Just because she said she went to a resort doesn’t mean she wants to jump into every person’s bed. You met her because of a book, not a sex site. Don’t overthink things, let her bring up the subject or her vacations stories, don’t push it. If things go further later on you will know if it’s right. 
Let me know if you want any advice, I’m always available 😄

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

On 1/31/2022 at 4:29 PM, cplnluv1 said:

You’re not going to have sex, she may not be looking for anything more than lunch and book talk.

That’s what Rocky keeps saying. He wants to meet her just to see what she looks like but I told him to shut up, it’s just a new friend like he said. 

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

Thank you. It went well. I was overthinking the whole thing. Neither of us brought up the topic, I don’t know if she was waiting for me to say something. I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed that nothing happened or was even talked about. We did have the book club in common and it made it less awkward to start a conversation. 
When you meet a person for a second time you see that person differently both physically and intellectually and it was a positive. Living in the same general area we know many of the same places. She still has teen children and I figure she is younger than I am. She asked me what gym I go to and if I have a trainer. Maybe it was her way of complementing me being in shape. I could tell she was in shape and lived healthy. I wanted to bring up her vacation and what she did, next time maybe. 

[lovefest04 685]

5 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

Neither of us brought up the topic

Glad it was nice, hopefully you've got a new friend... BUT. You do know that there are like 1000 people waiting to hear how this progresses.

 

 

 

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

31 minutes ago, lovefest04 said:

Glad it was nice, hopefully you've got a new friend... BUT. You do know that there are like 1000 people waiting to hear how this progresses.

 

 

 

Sarcasm? 

[cplnluv1 808]

@ROCKlandCpl Are you looking for validation or approval here? You are overthinking the next steps you want to do. You already stated that you wanted to meet her privately to discuss swinging, Hedo questions just a pretense to start the conversation. I can understand the meeting alone with her to see if you click, she is evaluating you too. The first question you have to ask yourself, are you comfortable with her. If I am reading your comments correctly you probably are comfortable enough to want to stay in contact as a new friend and more. You and Rocky are not going to go to a club for anonymous sex, you need a connection and now you have a connection with a woman, next you need to meet them as a couple. Even if your next conversation becomes explicit, slow down and go for drinks as couples getting to know more. Time will be there whether it happens a week or a month from now. I know you need a connection with others, it’s not just sex you want. Many are shy at first, not only with the first couple you swing with, it could be with the first time with any new partner. Insecure, unsure, wanting to say and do the right thing and then the comfort sets in. Look in the mirror, you are attractive, smart, educated as well as sexy. If you continue in the lifestyle you will have to make decisions about people, not all will click, some will be outright obnoxious. They will be evaluating you too if you are lucky to find people who aren’t just indiscriminate who the have sex with. Not every couple is a great match, you are lucky, your first couple are great people and your friends are perfect play partners for you. Your next partner should be as exciting as your first or close to it. Know what you want and go enjoy it. Your next step should be getting to know them as a pair not single person.

I think lovefest was a bit sarcastic, the whole “real” board wants to know. 

[BillyandDebbie 292]

This post got me interested in two things

1. Book Clubs. Debbie belongs to an online book club just to give her recommendations for books. Never thought of it as a lifestyle meeting site. 
 

2. Hedonism resorts. I think our friends have gone to adults only resort. I thought it was a resort with no children not a lifestyle place. 
 

[MidwestHoneys 339]

On 2/4/2022 at 12:51 PM, lovefest04 said:

Glad it was nice, hopefully you've got a new friend... BUT. You do know that there are like 1000 people waiting to hear how this progresses.

 

 

 

1001. What happened?

[MidLifeFun 143]

Disappointed not seeing the follow up post. Was the book a mystery or just the first in a series? 
 

What Happened? 

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

Because you asked. We have become very good friends, have become friends with her friends too. And now Rocky is reading books and wants to go to my next book club meeting.