Threesome with husband's best friend or no?

[Cookies1 0]

So long stories short.

 

My husband (31 and straight) and I have been together since I was 19 (pansexual), I'm now 26.  At the start of the relationship I had a LOT of sexual kinks and likes that I basically refused due to my up bringing (porn was bad, a partner watching porn was a divorceable offence, kinks don't exist, no sex talk, all sex related things were learned from biology books surprisingly not a religious household).

 

Now I have a lot of out of the unusual sex likes.

 

A few topics my husband hase always talked about are open relationship, a third partner, and threesomes.

 

And I told my husband that if he wanted a FFM threesome I get a MMF, and he agreed saying it was expected.

 

Well I've been trying to get him to set up a threesome himself with a second woman as I'm like "let's have the first FFM one with someone you choose and find attractive" but he wants me to set it up because my "preferences" and being comfortable with the female are more important then his sexual gratification (I understand). This is important. But this doesn't worry me as I have a large and more relaxed experience with women.

 

I told him to set up the first MMF so he to would feel okay with the other male and not my sexual gratification.

 

Reason being, I would prefer, as for the male partner, and my first time threesome, to be a friend or preferably a close male friend to myself and my husband to make me feel comfortable. I have past trauma (I won't hide this) so for me when it comes to thinking of a MMF it is with a close friend of ours that I can trust in these extra exotic things I would like to take place during said threesomes, that I know this person would not trigger a negative response. 

 

PROBLEM.

 

My husband is the complete opposite, he understands where I come from but says he is not willing to possibly end a friendship (all our friendships are over 4 years old or in committed relationships) and it would make him feel uncomfortable as he'd feel that other person may not understand post-threesome dynamics (aka have sex then probably not continue it with said person) and that he, having previous experience in multiple threesomes, has had this happen a few times, and still to the day has issues with a few of these people even after ending friendships.

 

But that being said, I understand where he is coming from, he's willing to choose the partner just not a person with a personal relationship with us.

 

So the reason I'm posting.

 

We have a friend, call him Mike. Mike was in a relationship, but he, his ex, my husband and myself would often be quite open (as we are all quite like minded) with each other. Due to it being a long and close friendship, an quite a few drunk nights, mike and his ex knows what we like and we know what they like. So mike knows we are up for a threesomes etc. But it was all shared as a group of friends. Well like I said, mike and ex broke up a while ago. Mike still pretty open on his sex life, so are we, we are all pretty involved in each other's lives (like to the point where we are his emergency contacts and if hubby couldn't make it Mike would of been in the delivery room with me while birthing my children) we even share how our mental health and physical health is going and financials. Probs a weird friendship honestly.

 

Issue started with me, up until 2 months ago, everything was platonic, no undertones, no nothing's, alone together for gaming/4x4/cooking etc, sibling style relationship. 

 

Until my brain had a sex dream of mike myself and my husband. I told my husband and he isn't worried And only response was "it's okay, I've had sex dreams of your friends, I just hope I didn't kiss him."

 

Well the sex dreams got more and more and my husband started ripping me up about them, first in private then he started in front of Mike. Mike does not know about the dreams, so it's all inside jokes but, husband started making the jokes slightly more show-off and sexualized (which I was embarrassed about but don't mind as this is one of my kinks).

 

But I noticed this made Mike actually look at me and make comments.

 

We like to compliment each other, my husband and I are very "if your friends look good let them know" as most of our friends have body image issues, and sometimes just telling them they look nice does a lot for them. Mike is also the same.

 

So since the start of the friendship, complimenting has been a large and normal bit of it. But the last 2 weeks Mike's compliments have become more like my husband's since hubby started the more sexualized jokes, and yes there are sexual undertones.

 

But Mike for some reason already told my husband that he wouldn't sleep with another man's partner just randomly said it, middle of a convo, our of context, and we were like "cool story bro".

 

I've been talking to my husband about the dreams as they have been annoying me (as I don't really want to see mike in this light) and then 2 nights ago, I had a very in-depth dream about mike, naturally told my husband and he was like "well do you want to do stuff with him" and I'm like "no" and he said "then there's no issue, these dreams happen."

 

Well. Until today. Mike, my husband and I were sitting on the couch joking around and Mike brings up having a threesome.

 

I looked at my husband annoyed cause I thought he told Mike about the dreams and my husband looked at me, and then my husband jokingly said "*my name* would be down for that" and I slapped him on the shoulder and said shut up and we all laughed and the convo moved on to Mike's birthday.

 

Well I know a threesome would never happen with Mike due to my husband' strict "no sleeping with friends" rule but since Mike said what he did last night I kinda actually wish he'd drop the rule just once, I feel bad for this. But I love my partner and last thing I'd want is to make him feel uncomfortable so I've just dropped it due to respecting his wishes. BUT I'm wondering should I wait till Mike mentions a threesome again and pull him aside and just openly tell him "if you want it you'd have to ask hubby about it because I'm down" and if hubby says no to mike directly then I'd leave it alone forever. Or should I just ignore it all and shut down anything from mike from now?

 

I feel I should leave it because my respect for my husband outweighs the want for sexual gratification for myself.

 

[njbm 2,734]

We are experienced swingers. It is a much better idea to play with people you meet on online swinger sites, at swinger parties or meet and greets or on swinger resort vacations rather than with your friends. 

If the swinging encounter goes south, you don’t lose your friend(s). 

[GoldCoCouple 4,030]

Second njbm's comment. Most friends are now ready and/or wired for swinging and eventually this trips them up. They aren't ready for the emotions that are involved. Also, if (when) things so sideways, not only will you loose a friend, EVERYONE is going to know what you do in your bedroom...friends, relatives, co-workers. Are you ready for that? If you want to swing, find someone that is experienced with swinging (finding a single man to swing with is like finding a cheese burger at McD's). Also, someone that is already a swinger probably doesn't know your friends and relatives.

[Anon321 486]

We are not a married couple but my GF has had sex with many of my friends, associates, friends of friends, coworkers, etc.  She has also hooked up with strangers or people she has met through other ways and there are pros and cons to both scenarios.  I like the idea of her sleeping with my friends because I know I can trust them more especially when she is fucking them and I am not around.  So we have definitely experienced some of the comfort and safety benefits to it.  But like has been said here there are also many pitfalls to it.

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

Our original conversation started with what it would be like to be with another woman which led to which one of my friends would I think would be a good third. We thought it would be almost impossible for two women with no experience to ever build up the courage to act out a new sexual experience. Yes, too many things could go wrong with a friend. We decided to find a couple online, if things went bad there was nothing lost. It ended up it was a great decision.

Our next step was for me to let our secret out to the friend I thought would be the one I would enjoy being with. She was very interested in what I told her but I told her I was not going to be her first. I told her about our first couple and suggested to test the waters with them. 

[HerSweetness 141]

I would think having a conversation with “Mike” about the potential situation behind your husband’s back would be anything but productive. 

[enhancer 1,560]

I would personally be less then impressed to find out my partner went behind my back to talk to a friend about a possible threesome!  That is something we should figure out on or own without outside influence. 

 

Put it us in the camp of not playing with friends!  Too many things could go sideways and it isn’t as easy to just walk away if it is a friend.  Millions of people in the world, it shouldn’t be that hard to find someone else.

[Baconheads 400]

On 10/11/2021 at 4:07 PM, ROCKlandCpl said:

Our original conversation started with what it would be like to be with another woman which led to which one of my friends would I think would be a good third. We thought it would be almost impossible for two women with no experience to ever build up the courage to act out a new sexual experience. Yes, too many things could go wrong with a friend. We decided to find a couple online, if things went bad there was nothing lost. It ended up it was a great decision.

Our next step was for me to let our secret out to the friend I thought would be the one I would enjoy being with. She was very interested in what I told her but I told her I was not going to be her first. I told her about our first couple and suggested to test the waters with them. 

So????

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

On 10/12/2021 at 7:40 PM, Baconheads said:

So????

Our friends met our mentors and now we play with them. At first we were hesitant to have sex with friends who never did swinging not knowing how they would handle watching a spouse with another person. I was more afraid how they would react, less afraid of us being with them. I was also testing my own sexuality being with another woman. I’m happy it was a stranger for my first, couldn’t imagine two inexperienced women trying this.

We are extremely happy we have understanding loving friends.

We are happy to have friends that we can enjoy being open with. We have played together and separately, I have no fear of my husband being alone with my friend and I have enjoyed being with both of our friends. If they lived closer I’m sure we would play with them more often. 

[hotwife70 584]

My wife agreed to that although he is my out of town buddy and didn't actually done it yet but she agrees in general to meet him,have dinner then check back to his hotel room to stay over night as well as he insisted us to visit her home and staying over night anytime we like.

Edited February 27, 2023 by hotwife70