How to start?

[DaveyC 0]

We have been together 12 years and things have dried up. My biggest fantasy is to be a cuck watch her get destroyed by a bigger man. How do I get that started??

[DaveyC 0]

It's hard enough to get it going never mind moving on to this fantasy 

[Idahocouple6969 294]

Has your wife given any indication of being interested? 

There isn't much to discuss until you get an answer to that.  

Just about everyone here will tell you (loudly) that swinging can make a good relationship better. But it most definitely will take a shaky relationship and burn it to the ground. Swinging fixes nothing. And it's not for everyone.

IMO i think you need to address what has dried up and why. Then what can you do to fix it.  

At this point I should point out this isn't a pillow talk subject this is a across the kitchen table kind of talk. 

Don't expect an immediate answer it rarely works that way. Its asking someone to go against everything they have been taught their entire life.

Good luck and let us know how it goes ?

[adamgunn 1,457]

You need, first of all, to be on the same page, this happens through conversation. I suggest you take the mojoupgrade.com quiz together, that will get the talk started.

 

Idaho gave great advice, expect that if she is interested it will be a long time before she's ready to try something in real life.

[Fundamental Law 2,832]

Keeping the fire alive in a relationship is a much bigger topic and a much broader question--what happened? That's your first priority. Swinging is an activity, never a "solution".  

 

It really does take two people to talk about what has happened. It is, as Idaho points out, a kitchen table talk. It has to be non-accusatory. Moreover, it has to be one where you are willing to own up and take responsibility. There is almost always a reset around things that affect the relationship--responsibility for household chores, finances, how time is spent, and so on. There also the idea that foreplay is 24 hours a day, and telling your spouse how important s/he is to you how much better your life is because they are in it--that should be part of the fabric of your relationship. 

 

People drift apart unless they are intentional about staying together. Only after you are intentional about staying together, and are seeing each other working at staying together, and are finding and fixing the things that threaten your staying together--only then can you begin to approach the intimacy issues--including the lifestyle. 

 

 

[Numex 2,199]

In addition to the other advice given, you have to make it absolutely, totally, 100% clear that this is about her and her pleasure.  Let her know that you want her (not you) to have more sexual excitement and enjoyment in her life.  She deserves it.  Make it clear that you are not looking to have sex with anyone else.  That she can have a boyfriend, lover, or fuck buddies, or Lesbian experiences, whatever she wants.

 

Then follow through.  Don't nag or criticize her or anything she does.  Just tell her that you love her and let her do whatever, whenever, however, and with whomever she wants.  You will get your reward from that.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,139]

I don't really think it's possible to go from dried-up sex life to cuckold/hotwife in a single step. Before we were in the Lifestyle we started visiting nude beaches together. The fun yet naughty, zero sexual pressure atmosphere of the nude beach, combined with all those naked bodies, eventually led to first Lifestyle experience. Fast forward a couple years and my wife is dating other men with my full blessing and support. Today, two decades after we started visiting nude beaches, she is still dating other men and we couldn't be happier together.

But it probably wouldn't have worked if I just told her i wanted her to see other men back then. That probably would have freaked her out.

So I think a shift to a hot kinky lifestyle is possible, but I think taking a series of baby steps in that direction will get a better outcome. For us it was the nude beach. For you it could be something else - like perhaps arranging a masseur to come to your house. But I advise starting small.

[AndrewandAnn 359]

On 7/9/2021 at 8:26 PM, DaveyC said:

We have been together 12 years and things have dried up. My biggest fantasy is to be a cuck watch her get destroyed by a bigger man. How do I get that started??

You asked, so I'm responding to this honestly and without judgment. But, I believe it needs to be said:

 

Based on your post, it appears earlier in your relationship you had a normal sexual response. Is there a physical or medical reason why your sex life has "dried up"?

 

Physical intimacy is fundamental to a healthy relationship. Aside from eating and breathing, sex is one of the strongest drivers of the human condition. Sure, everyone has differing physical needs, and over the long term course of relationship, needs ebb and flow. But, "dried up" entirely? That's a red flag. Introducing a new sex partner, or partners, is very likely to create more problems than it is going to solve. The titillating fantasy is probably not going to play out very well in reality.

 

You may want to begin by figuring out why your sex life has "dried up" and get it back on track. Then, with things in good working order, you can decide if bringing in another sex partner/s is a good fit.

 

Best of luck.

 

 

[couplers 4,199]

The dynamics are in your/her favor:

1. Tell her that you think it would be great if she had sex with someone (as said above, you need to be genuine about it and not be using it to get something else);
2. She identifies who she has been fantasizing about (everyone does);
3. She/you both let him know it's his lucky day (hardly any guy will turn her down);
4. He puts his dick in her pussy.

Celebrate the beginning of your adventure.

[ROCKlandCpl 441]

It’s your fantasy, if she doesn’t want it it’s not going to happen. Why is it the men who have a fantasy of Big Men? Do you want her hurt? Sorry.  That doesn’t sound like fun for her. Possibly that’s the reason things have dried up in your sex life putting your fantasy above her pleasure.