Talking to my wife about MFM

[SnakeCat 22]

Reposting this here with a new title saying I was told I used the wrong terminology. 

 

So my wife and I have been dirty talking a MFM 3way for a bit now. She desperately wants to be penetrated while she gives oral, but she strongly thinks that as a married couple it should only be us.  She can't help but twerk her ass when she's on her knees sucking me and we both get super turned on when talking about another guy sharing her. I've talked her into getting a thrusting dildo and seeing how that goes. Any tips on how to get it to go further? I'd love to share my wife with another man and eventually experiment with other aspects of swinging.

[oldbutable 30]

I'm re-posting this with and for you. And yes MFM is not the same as  MMF My Wife and I played with this idea for years, then this spring she said she was ready to do it. We had our first MFM in may of this year. With a gentleman we found on SLS. If you post a profile and make it clear as to what you are interested in you will get a lot of offers, be careful take you time, if the first few don't work out, be patience it will happen.  We have had two other sessions with the same man. she loves it and has  multiple orgasms each time. Some so strong we have to hold her on the bed. We are talking to two other men and a couple now. I let her set the speed of each session, and she has complete control as to what she will and wont do. She has not had full intercourse yet, but now says she is ready for that. She has developed a true love of oral sex both giving and receiving and has started swallowing. This is all new in that she did not care that much for oral sex before. Needless to say our own sex life has exploded, and is hotter then ever. My advice is make sure she understands that its all about her, and let her move forward at her own speed. Then just set back and enjoy the ride. She now wont's us to find a couple to play with, she wont's to watch me with another lady. If you had told me a year ago she would be so open to all this I would never had believed it.

[lcmim 1,048]

That is Good advice.

[discreetplay 226]

Any tips on how to get it to go further?

Patience. Patience. More patience. 

 

 

 

I'd love to share my wife with another man and eventually experiment with other aspects of swinging.

You have to let her drive this bus.  You say you want to share your wife, then within the same sentence want to "experiment with other aspects of swinging". You say that to your wife and it's game over. She'll only hear the "other aspects" and go on the offensive with "you just want to screw other women". Does she have any interest in being with another woman? If not, having another woman there will make her feel like you want someone else. However, if you go with a MFM and it goes well, she loves it, etc...there is no need to ever bring in another woman because (1) she doesn't want to be with another woman and (2) the other woman is only there because you want to screw another woman.  MFM for life...That's all she wrote.

 

There was another post out here where a woman wrote how she and her husband had been doing MFM for years. She always froze up when they suggested a MFMF because she had issues with her husband being with another woman (but no issue with her getting another man). This is your likely scenario unless your wife wants to touch another woman. If there is any interest in another woman by her, you can easily go with another couple. This way you'll get to see her penetrated while she gives you oral as well as "other aspects of swinging". 

 

The way you present this to her is the key. If you say you want to see her penetrated while giving oral, you're going to pigeon hole yourself into MFM. You can talk about how you'd like to get oral from two hot women at the same time, how you want to watch her get oral from another woman, etc. Honest communication is the way to go before falling into the MFM for life scenario.

[SnakeCat 22]

5 minutes ago, discreetplay said:

Any tips on how to get it to go further?

Patience. Patience. More patience. 

 

 

 

I'd love to share my wife with another man and eventually experiment with other aspects of swinging.

You have to let her drive this bus.  You say you want to share your wife, then within the same sentence want to "experiment with other aspects of swinging". You say that to your wife and it's game over. She'll only hear the "other aspects" and go on the offensive with "you just want to screw other women". Does she have any interest in being with another woman? If not, having another woman there will make her feel like you want someone else. However, if you go with a MFM and it goes well, she loves it, etc...there is no need to ever bring in another woman because (1) she doesn't want to be with another woman and (2) the other woman is only there because you want to screw another woman.  MFM for life...That's all she wrote.

 

There was another post out here where a woman wrote how she and her husband had been doing MFM for years. She always froze up when they suggested a MFMF because she had issues with her husband being with another woman (but no issue with her getting another man). This is your likely scenario unless your wife wants to touch another woman. If there is any interest in another woman by her, you can easily go with another couple. This way you'll get to see her penetrated while she gives you oral as well as "other aspects of swinging". 

 

The way you present this to her is the key. If you say you want to see her penetrated while giving oral, you're going to pigeon hole yourself into MFM. You can talk about how you'd like to get oral from two hot women at the same time, how you want to watch her get oral from another woman, etc. Honest communication is the way to go before falling into the MFM for life scenario.

Thanks for the advice on this one. I had not thought about it in that way, but I totally get what you are saying.

[SnakeCat 22]

Update on this.

 

So last night, we were fooling around. My wife was facing away from me, twerking her ass and talking dirty as I stroked my cock. Without provocation, she brought up the idea of another man fucking her.

 

She then came up to me and started stroking my cock and sucking on my nipples (drives me crazy). She continued to dirty talk, brought up how she wants to be eaten out while she sucks a cock. Then out of no where said she wants a cock in her mouth, pussy and ass. Blew my damn mind. 

 

Now this may have just been dirty talk, but she's never spoken like that before and usually the idea starts with me bringing it up. Hopefully this means she's opening up to the idea! Plus, well she just brought up a gangbang fantasy, always knew she was dirty!

[GoldCoCouple 4,030]

Plant the seed and see if anything grows...

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,141]

32 minutes ago, GoldCoCouple said:

Plant the seed and see if anything grows...

It's amazing what grows out of bedroom talk... maybe suggest a visit to a swing club post-vaccinations.

[Numex 2,201]

My advice is for your wife to start with what is familiar, comfortable, and enjoyable.  My wife and I began with her getting back (separately) with two ex-boyfriends.  It started as a foreplay fantasy where she told me who she enjoyed as sex partners, so I said to go for it.  First time they had dinner together, second time we three had dinner to make clear I was good with it, third time they did it.  Eventually we MFMed with both and have moved on to couple's swaps.  It was comfortable for me because she had been with them before and no new ground was being plowed, so to speak. 

[Anon321 486]

2 hours ago, Numex said:

My advice is for your wife to start with what is familiar, comfortable, and enjoyable.  My wife and I began with her getting back (separately) with two ex-boyfriends.  It started as a foreplay fantasy where she told me who she enjoyed as sex partners, so I said to go for it.  First time they had dinner together, second time we three had dinner to make clear I was good with it, third time they did it.  Eventually we MFMed with both and have moved on to couple's swaps.  It was comfortable for me because she had been with them before and no new ground was being plowed, so to speak. 

I learned more about my GF sexually by watching her fuck her ex than anyone else.

[enjoyingfun 65]

Wow good posts. Our first time was very hard for me, but the guy was very nice and respectful and kind. He treating me very good. By the third time (hard for me also) I was hooked. Now I look forward to this very much and I am much more into sex and open about what we do. This was the best fun for us both, trust me. We now plan our meets together and it is so much fun. She may be a changed women as I have been. To find your man is ok with this and I mean really ok with this is so liberating. I have become the whore lol in the bed room that men talk (dream) about. It is a great source of enjoyment for us both!

[discreetplay 226]

23 hours ago, SnakeCat said:

Update on this.

 

So last night, we were fooling around. My wife was facing away from me, twerking her ass and talking dirty as I stroked my cock. Without provocation, she brought up the idea of another man fucking her.

 

She then came up to me and started stroking my cock and sucking on my nipples (drives me crazy). She continued to dirty talk, brought up how she wants to be eaten out while she sucks a cock. Then out of no where said she wants a cock in her mouth, pussy and ass. Blew my damn mind. 

 

Now this may have just been dirty talk, but she's never spoken like that before and usually the idea starts with me bringing it up. Hopefully this means she's opening up to the idea! Plus, well she just brought up a gangbang fantasy, always knew she was dirty!

 

Seems all her fantasies involve another cock, two other cocks, etc. MFM, MMMF, MMMMMMMMMF.  Did you bring up another woman? She seems to have personal fantasies. Are you allowed to entertain fantasies of your own?

 

[SnakeCat 22]

4 minutes ago, discreetplay said:

 

Seems all her fantasies involve another cock, two other cocks, etc. MFM, MMMF, MMMMMMMMMF.  Did you bring up another woman? She seems to have personal fantasies. Are you allowed to entertain fantasies of your own?

 

MFM is one of my fantasies. Her fantasies all involve penetration, shes not really interested in another woman.

[enjoyingfun 65]

Yah two good Men is what I love too  

[Anon321 486]

Am I crazy or are some people overthinking this entire thing?  Your wife is not a child.  If it were me I would be open, honest, and direct with her.  She brought the idea up in bed so you already have the opening.  If you're direct with her she should either say yes, no, or maybe.  I am not really into playing games so maybe I'm a bit bias but I would be upfront at this point.

[Numex 2,201]

On 1/19/2021 at 1:35 PM, Anon321 said:

I learned more about my GF sexually by watching her fuck her ex than anyone else.

It makes you understand what you are and what you are not to her sexually.  You may be her best, her favorite, but you're not everything.  You can't be - you're only one person.  

Edited January 24, 2021 by Numex

[Anon321 486]

On 1/23/2021 at 7:16 PM, Numex said:

It makes you understand what you are and what you are not to her sexually.  You may be her best, her favorite, but you're not everything.  You can't be - you're only one person.  

It made me understand her submissive nature.  It really took me back.

[Numex 2,201]

On 1/25/2021 at 8:14 AM, Anon321 said:

It made me understand her submissive nature.  It really took me back.

It seems to me that my wife is genuine with me while being open to playing roles with other sex partners: dominant of men and submissive to women, mostly.

 

Also watching her emotional attachments - she is in love with both the husband and wife of one couple (most striking to me when she says "I love you" to one or both in vanilla situations), and simply cares about the other three couples. 

[SnakeCat 22]

So a couple updates. We got a thrusting dildo and roleplayed out her getting fucked by another cock while she sucks me, having me watch and doing a dvp with the toy. She absolutely loves it. 

We also lightly discussed MFM and FFM and she seems into the idea of both, even  to the idea of her giving or recieving oral from another woman, but she just says its a nice "fantasy". Any recommendations on pushing toward the next level?

[GoldCoCouple 4,030]

Love communication and trust. Be patient and don't push too hard. She needs the time to know that you are really okay with doing this, that she can let down her guard and consider it as a possibility, and that you are not trying to find a replacement for her. Take your time, but it sounds like you are doing just fine so far. At some point you will need to have a serious talk outside of the bedroom to let her know that you are good with this and find out if she is as well. Good luck and thanks for the update.

[Idahocouple6969 294]

My 2 cents.... have a talk, at the kitchen table kind of talk. And just ask her if there is any interest. Let her know that you would be interested as well. Don't expect an answer right away. She might want to think it over. Don't push it. She might very well be concerned in how you feel.  

[SnakeCat 22]

Ok, so we had a kitchen table talk. (Idahocouple6969) this was already planned, I didn't just rush in due to your post earlier today. 

She said yes adding another person to our bed is a fantasy, but there's a lot more to consider. Safety, emotion, feelings jealousy etc and even how to find someone interested who doesn't have baggage attached.  At the moment the door is closed, but she will think about it. If she does decide she's interested in further pursuing it, she thinks we should go to couples/sex counseling to make sure we are doing it for the right reasons. 

I also brought up that there are sites and communities that we can reach out to if she is ever interested in exploring more, even just to learn about it.

We discussed our feelings for each other and I explained that this is not because I need something more, but because it is a shared fantasy, and that yes or no she is still all I need to be happy and satisfied. I'm happy with our conversation now that it is out there, even if it wasn't an immediate yes or erotic reaction. We will see what the future brings.

[Numex 2,201]

On 1/20/2021 at 8:53 AM, discreetplay said:

 

discreetplay

As opposed to discreteplay, where the couple plays separately. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,030]

On 1/19/2021 at 9:53 AM, GoldCoCouple said:

Plant the seed and see if anything grows...

As I said in the beginning...doesn't mean it will ever bear fruit, but if the seed is never planted, the outcome is already decided.

[SnakeCat 22]

So bit of an update. We talked about swinging back in February, reassuring that it is extracurricular and its not that i "need" something else or more. We have role played the situation often and she has even started bringing up the roleplay in bed, not just me. But she keeps saying that "it is a nice fantasy but it is the last thing on my mind right now". 

I have suggested reading some books on the lifestyle, but she has been unreceptive. Any advice?

[GoldCoCouple 4,030]

First: thanks for the update!

 

Keep going...this isn't a race so take your time. Probably the most important thing is that she KNOWS that IF anything happens it's okay with you. You won't judge her or think less of her whatever her decision is. Alot of women are afraid that their partner will say that something is okay but if it were to happen...they will think that they are a slut or a cheat or not 'good' enough for you. And once anything happens it allows the husband to do whatever he wants as well, or that the husband is just looking for a replacement for her. This is a big part of the 'trust' aspect. She needs to be able to trust you completely (and you her). Swinging is a team sport and can only be done successfully if approached as such. Everything you do should be done together and in total agreement. At the same time, some people (most people) just aren't 'wired' for it, and if she is one of those, then just enjoy the play you have. Let her know its her choice and whatever she chooses is okay with you.

 

The seed is planted and it seems to have sprouted. Keep improving the communication and trust (there's never too much communication and trust) and see where things go from here...

[Numex 2,201]

On 6/16/2021 at 8:55 AM, SnakeCat said:

But she keeps saying that "it is a nice fantasy but it is the last thing on my mind right now". 

I have suggested reading some books on the lifestyle, but she has been unreceptive. Any advice?

What moved it along for us is when I told Daniela that she could act on her desires/fantasies however she wanted, and that I would do nothing, other than what she asked of me.  And she did: first called an ex-boyfriend, second met him for dinner, third the three of us had dinner (where I made it clear that I was ok with them getting together), finally they started fucking.  Then she did the same with another ex.  It was fantastic all around, including me - sex afterwards was unbelievable.  Daniela then had me join for MFMs, a whole other level.

 

I would have been fine staying with that, but we now play within a closed group of married couples, so it's all worked out fine with me letting my wife start by doing what she was comfortable with. 

[GoldCoCouple 4,030]

While it worked out for Numex, we would caution against tracking down ex's. Mostly because they are not part of the swinging L/S and also because there were already strong emotions previously. While your wife may be okay with this, especially since it was someone she knew and was already comfortable with, it seems that it would be very easy for the ex boyfriends to misunderstand or misread that she wants to rekindle the romance or for them to try to reignite the old flames.

[Numex 2,201]

10 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

While it worked out for Numex, we would caution against tracking down ex's.

Agree that anyone else's experience includes their particulars and "survivor bias." 

 

10 hours ago, GoldCoCouple said:

it would be very easy for the ex boyfriends to misunderstand or misread that she wants to rekindle the romance or for them to try to reignite the old flames

That's one of the reasons we wanted for him in each case to meet with Daniela and me at dinner and talk before they became sexual.  The points we made were that we were happily married, that this was solely for her pleasure, not mine, and that she had fond memories of the sex they had.  Most importantly they were exes for a reason, and they both agreed when they broke up that it wouldn't have worked long-term.

 

I would say that old flames were rekindled, they burned bright and hot for a very short time, then quickly went out.  The infatuation was there, but my wife said it made her want me more than ever.

Edited June 22, 2021 by Numex

[hotwife70 584]

My wife is ready anytime time now and she admitted she get herself wet and hornier pretty much everytime sucking my cock and through of receiving another cock either in her pussy or her ass  I could tell by feel how wet and slippery with my fingers.I normally brought up to bring in a out of town buddy of mine to join us if we have a chance and she has no objection at all as long as I can be assure it'll remain private and that was the main one make me consider carefully.

[Rock n Tits 143]

On 1/19/2021 at 8:17 AM, SnakeCat said:

Thanks for the advice on this one. I had not thought about it in that way, but I totally get what you are saying.

Booze my wife’s favorite excuse lol

[SnakeCat 22]

So there has still been no real movement on the topic yet. We roleplay it a lot, and use a few toys but have yet to really take the plunge. My wife has weight loss surgery coming up so I will hold off on inquiring for a few months. I did tell her last night that I am still interested in exploring the lifestyle. A also suggested that after she recovers, maybe we see a sex therapist to talk about our interests/kinks that we are discovering we like.

 

Any other thoughts or advice?

[hotwife70 584]

On 1/18/2021 at 11:00 AM, SnakeCat said:

Reposting this here with a new title saying I was told I used the wrong terminology. 

 

So my wife and I have been dirty talking a MFM 3way for a bit now. She desperately wants to be penetrated while she gives oral, but she strongly thinks that as a married couple it should only be us.  She can't help but twerk her ass when she's on her knees sucking me and we both get super turned on when talking about another guy sharing her. I've talked her into getting a thrusting dildo and seeing how that goes. Any tips on how to get it to go further? I'd love to share my wife with another man and eventually experiment with other aspects of swinging.

Same here to my wife,she first kinds of embarrass to admitted but after a while doing BJ while I used dildo to fuck her pussy & licking her pussy lips she eventually admitted she loves the idea of spit-roast to start with for MFM.

[bbarnsworth 2,545]

SnakeCat,

 

As I'm sure you're aware, you of course can't coerce your wife into doing this. All you can do is open doors for her. It could be she's feeling self conscious about her appearance. Maybe some time after the weight loss surgery she'll feel more confident. I've seen a LOT of comments about and from women here on this board who don't feel like they are attractive enough to take the plunge. It's just false.

 

Keep talking with her about it, but don't push. Be casual about it, bring it up in conversation from time to time. No pressure. You might suggest a toe-dipping event; go out to a meet and greet or a hotel takeover. It gives the both of you the opportunity to meet up with swingers. There's no pressure to play. Doing something like that can help ease thoughts into the idea that it might be possible.