Afraid to ask male friend for a MFM threesome

[JBirdsxs2 15]

My wife and I have a close friend who she adores and I think is a great guy. We eat dinner a lot together a lot, at home and on the town. We both feel he is perfect for a threesome.

 

The problem is he has never picked up on any hint.

 

We have invited him for a dip in the hot tub. Declined it.

Had several glasses of wine with supper. No help.

Spoke semi suggestively with sexual overtones. Nothing

 

We dont want to jeopardize this friendship but have no clue how to approach it any better. I know he finds my wife attractive. She wears stylish and sexy clothing and I see him admiring her.

We feel he could be afraid because of his profession.

 

How could we approach the subject with an excape to save face if needed. How could we at the same time guarante descretion.

 

Ideas wanted and appreciated

[cm89 16]

We went through the same thing...

 

I don't know that there is really a way to bring up the subject and then attempt to save face if he declines. We called our friend one evening and asked him if he's ever done anything like a 3some etc. He answered with a simple No. We told him we were considering one, and asked if he would be interested. He declined again as he is just gotten into a serious relationship. Since then, we still talk regularly, go out, etc.

 

If you ask your friend, be prepared for the rejection. You must also be prepared for the awkward meetings that will insue until everyone has put it past them.

 

Overall, you'll never know if you don't ask him...

[wrnakedru 38]

I have good friends who tried for years to get a buddy to play along. The lady even took the fella aside and asked if he just didn't find her attractive. He protested and said quite to the contrary.

 

With him, the problem was the idea of the three of them together. Performance pressure, audience shyness, whatever. Just wasn't used to the idea of three and perhaps had his doubts as to the focus being on the lady.

 

They were able to accomplish the deed, but not as a threesome. The hubby has to pretend to be "overcome" by too much alcohol and feign sleep - and then the lady was able to seduce the friend. This was always the way the deed had to be done - it just wasn't to be as a threesome.

 

I suppose that is quite natural, when you think about it; if the buddy was comfortable with the idea of the lifestyle, my guess is he'd be in it.

[jcbicouple 24]

It sounds like maybe your friend is trying to respect your friendship. Friends don't hit on other friends spouses even if there are sexual overtones. It doesn't matter how attractive they are, it's just one of those unwritten friendship rules. The only way we would ever consider that a friend was trying to pull something off like that, would be if they flat out said it.

Quite frankly, If one of our regular friends tried to hit on one of us (because they thought they "got vibes that they should") We would be pi**ed, and they would no longer be considered a friend. We only allow "play" with our SO with explicit permission. You may want to consider being upfront with the guy about what you're looking for, and talk to him about it. That way he knows that you want it, and that you are ok with it.

[PrtyinDuo 18]

You may want to consider being upfront with the guy about what you're looking for, and talk to him about it.

 

 

We agree with the above.Dito To you two JC!!If indeed the folks involved are good friends,then bi all means,talk about it.True friends,even if he/she/they are not into swinging for whatever reason,should be able to discuss things together w/o fear of rejection or humiliation.And if nothing cums from it,at least you know for sure and can move forward with a regular friendship.

 

 

Enjoy!!!

[EternallySingle 32]

Hints just don't work with men. They don't. Especially single men. We don't think that way.

 

Seriously, if this guy is a friend, he has already put the idea of having sex with your wife completely out of his mind. He can't fathom her wanting him over you, and can't understand her wanting to be with him and not leaving you. That is how the non-swinging world thinks:In order to have sex with someone else, you must leave the person you are currently married to. Not wanting to cause problems, he ignores her advances and treats them as jokes between the two of you or a game to see how uncomfortable she can mank him before she has to apologize. It will take first the husband, then the both of you, to explain to him, slowly and over a period of time, what it is you really want and why you want him involved.

 

Sorta like one partner trying to convince the other to try swinging. The only difference is this person is not a primary partner.

[Brit_Pair 62]

This might be something of a heretical thought, given that it's on a swingers' board, but perhaps the friend simply doesn't want to play?

[TNT 1,155]

We all have our kinks…When a single male (or married male) participates in a MFM threesome it’s because he is into group sex…it’s one of his kinks…be it a large group or just a threesome. In a MFM threesome, both male’s kinks are that they get off in some way by being watched by another male while having sex with a woman and/or watching another male with a woman.

 

When asking a friend to join you, you have to realize that this really might not be his thing. It has nothing to do with whether or not he is attracted to the female half of a couple or not.

 

We had one friend of ours that we asked to join us…he turned us down very politely and stated that it just was not his thing. He had no problem with what we did, he was just not interested in group sex of any kind.

 

Being swingers, we all have a hard time believing that everyone wouldn’t like having wild group sex, but there really are people out there that just don’t.

 

When inviting a friend to join you, you have to be extremely careful because you are putting the friendship on the line. In our case, it did not hurt the friendship in anyway. We did tell him when we asked that if it was not his thing that we understood and that we would never bring up the subject again…and we haven’t.

 

It seems as if you are playing your cards real close to the chest. If he is a good friend, just flat out ask what his opinion is on group sex. If it’s positive then you could go on to telling him that you two would like for him to join you. If it’s a negative response, then you know that it is time to move on and find someone else.

 

Teresa

[Couple_N_Ark 39]

Some night when you are all out, you could pretend to have had one too many drinks....at that point, the male can simply leave the room for a bit, or pretend to pass out, while the female half tries to seduce the friend.

 

Of course if the friend protests, DO NOT force the issue.

 

After all is said and done and the friend does not partake, you can "blame it" on the alcohol, and apologize.

 

If things work out and he takes the advances, you can then approach him and tell him how much you enjoyed it (assuming you did), and maybe talk more about it happening again without the alcohol.

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by Couple_N_Ark

Some night when you are all out, you could pretend to have had one too many drinks....at that point, the male can simply leave the room for a bit, or pretend to pass out, while the female half tries to seduce the friend.

Ouch. I would have to disagree fully with that scenario. In the perspective of the female half of a couple, should a good male or female friend come on to me like that, in an alcohol induced state or not, I would be appalled and frankly we would most likely never have the friendship we had before. It is one thing to probe for possibilities, quite another to thrust your desires upon some one.

[fun_pairTX 26]

Just ask, nothing beats being up front and honest. If they are really a friend they will accept you as you are and maintain the confidence even if their answer is no. If not, then they weren't that good of a friend to begin with. Also this fits with the male mentality as well. We agree with our friend in Detroit, ES, people waste money being subtle to men every day. Men need BILLBOARD ADS not hints...........................LOL

[jcbicouple 24]

Originally posted by Couple_N_Ark

Some night when you are all out, you could pretend to have had one too many drinks....at that point, the male can simply leave the room for a bit, or pretend to pass out, while the female half tries to seduce the friend.

 

Of course if the friend protests, DO NOT force the issue.

 

After all is said and done and the friend does not partake, you can "blame it" on the alcohol, and apologize.

 

If things work out and he takes the advances, you can then approach him and tell him how much you enjoyed it (assuming you did), and maybe talk more about it happening again without the alcohol.

Have to agree with Ohio couple. We totally disagree with that kind of approach.

That is being manipulative and dishonest. Afraid that's not the kind of "friends" we'd want around. Plus if the guy took her up on it: He would be thinking that he was cheating with his friends wife! The poor guy is probably going to go through one hell of a guilt trip and feel like shit. Either that or it's not going to bother him a bit....and what kind of friend is he if you can't trust him to be alone with your wife? After all: He didn't know you planned this which would mean that even if you said "No" he'd still be trying to get in her pants.

Not to mention the fact that if he turns her down and you use the "I was drunk" as suggested: He's going to think your wife wants to cheat on you.

[Brit_Pair 62]

Dito the above three posts. If you really want to involve this man in your extra-curricular playtime, then just pick an appropriate time and place, and broach the subject. Honesty has a far lower potential for a damaging backfire than the "husband's drunk - let's play" seduction routine.

 

As to "don't hint - billboard!" . . . men may well be less adept at spotting subtle signs, but don't forget the confidence factor. There are those of us who do manage to pick up on the hints, but then - for whatever reason - lack the conviction to follow them up. "Is she / Are they really saying that they want to..." To pick up on and act upon a hint is to take something of a gamble, and you have to be willing to risk losing in order to win big.

[Vjklander 138]

I'd agree the easiest way is just to outright ask him. Just say you and the wife have decided to engage in a threesome, and you would really like it if he would agree to be the third.

Or you try the old tried and true method. Leave a Penthouse Letters open to a 'best friend" 3-some letter in the guest bathroom and see if he gets the hint.

J

[b smith 15]

It sounds as though there are three options available to you. One option is continue the way you are going but plan a seductive type of evening. Maybe do some research before hand by finding out what gets his blood boiling and plan the evening around that. Mak sure the evening includes very obvious signals and cannot be confused for something else. Sexual suggestions or subtle hints do not always register unless quite obvious. From your posting it sounds as though you have tried it with little success. This option depends on how much further you want to take this route and how much planning you want to put into it.

 

Next option is being direct with him both verbally and nonverbally. This is the most obvious route and has worked for us. However the real disadvantage is that if not done correctly can cause you to loose him as a friend. It sounds, based on your post, the messages are getting mixed-up. He maybe looking for a confirmation signal from the two of you. To you, it may seem as though the hints are obvious but to him he may not see it as such. He maybe pulling back until he gets the obvious signal. Have the misses make an obvious move while signaling your approval. This may be what he is looking for from the two of you.

 

Finally the both of you may feel he is compatible but he may not be interested. This is something else you will need to consider and needs considering when deciding on the extent you want to pursue him. The best thing here maybe, is pulling back from the hints and see if he begins coming around a bit. Maybe start a discussion in very braod terms about threesomes in an effort to gauge his interest. It may take him a while to figure things out but may be worth keeping him as friend in the mean time.

[Avantgarden38 18]

If I were your friend, I would want one of you to ask me outright, in a considerate and conservative manor. "My wife and I have a fantasy . . .we would like you involved" type of scenario.

 

Even as a swinger, if one of my existing platonic friends asked me this question, I would decline the invitation.

 

Be prepared for rejection, just in case.

[LadyCleo 16]

Originally posted by jcbicouple

It sounds like maybe your friend is trying to respect your friendship. Friends don't hit on other friends spouses even if there are sexual overtones. It doesn't matter how attractive they are, it's just one of those unwritten friendship rules. The only way we would ever consider that a friend was trying to pull something off like that, would be if they flat out said it.

Quite frankly, If one of our regular friends tried to hit on one of us (because they thought they "got vibes that they should") We would be pi**ed, and they would no longer be considered a friend. We only allow "play" with our SO with explicit permission. You may want to consider being upfront with the guy about what you're looking for, and talk to him about it. That way he knows that you want it, and that you are ok with it.

 

Dito

 

LC

[bda 15]

Why not "out" yourselves? Let the guy take it at his own pace. If he's interested enough, he'll eventually get around to asking if he can be part of your play. If he's not, he'll ask enough to satisfy his curiousity and stop.

 

In our world of friends, we know who we can trust with certain information. We've "outed" ourselves to quite a few of our "vertical" friends.

Some have been curious and asked enough to get involved, some are on their way and the rest (most) are simply aware. Most of the responses we got were, "That figures, you two seem like the type."

 

Even those that don't want to get involved still make comments now and then. We're headed to Playa Del Carmen this Saturday and two couples have mentioned (at separate times) that we're going to love it there, "especially since you guys are into that".

 

None of it has really changed our friendships. We can't really imagine not being open with our real friends, that's what being friends is all about.

[curious24 17]

Originally posted by EternallySingle

Hints just don't work with men. They don't. Especially single men. We don't think that way.

listen to what ES says here.. i'm single and women have to be very blunt with me or i just never ever get it...

 

i'm terrible at reading signs even if they are right in front of me.. freak'n grab me and just tell me what you are trying to say.

[NightGoddess 16]

Maybe I've missed it, but has anyone considered the fact that this gentleman might consider marriage sacred and sex with a married person inappropriate/disrespectful? I'm not saying swingers don't think of sex with their SO profane...it's a matter of 'hey, if that's your rules, fine...I have a different set of rules for myself' (gosh I hope this makes sense!)

[N&G 207]

Keep in mind that asking a friend involves a certain amount of risk. Once you ask him you can't take it back and it will probably change your relationship with him no matter what his response is. That is the advantage of meeting strangers, if it doesn't work out you just don't see them again. Nothing is worth ruining a friendship.

 

Being a guy I do agree with the other posters that men sometimes don't get the hint. It could also be that the guy is afraid to say anything in the event that he has misinterpreted you and doesn't want to say something that he will regret.

[sdexcalibur 27]

Think that's bad how about your boss, that married, We talked about who she would mind fucking, My boss came to mind, We have a great relationship and go out often, but how do you say hey boss want to do my wife, Somehow I don't see thins happening.

[magnum 78]

Originally posted by JBirdsxs2

My wife and I have a close friend who she adores and I think is a great guy. We eat dinner a lot together a lot, at home and on the town. We both feel he is perfect for a threesome.

 

The problem is he has never picked up on any hint.

 

We have invited him for a dip in the hot tub. Declined it.

Had several glasses of wine with supper. No help.

Spoke semi suggestively with sexual overtones. Nothing

 

We dont want to jeopardize this friendship but have no clue how to approach it any better. I know he finds my wife attractive. She wears stylish and sexy clothing and I see him admiring her.

We feel he could be afraid because of his profession.

 

How could we approach the subject with an excape to save face if needed. How could we at the same time guarante descretion.

 

Ideas wanted and appreciated

 

 

 

That is a tough situation to be in.

 

My friend at first said that he had a "girl firend" that wanted to have a 3 some, I thought maybe he was not married any longer, but it turned out that his "GF" was is wife, they just did not know how to ask me to join in on a 3 some and not freak me out.

 

It was strange for me at first, and it did freak me out, my buddy was asking me to fuck his wife. I did not want to do something that she did not like or say something to offend her etc.

 

You might want to just ask the question out right and try to make him feel comfortable that it is OK to bone up on your wife, mention being able to live out your/his fantasy.

 

Any how, I excepted the offer and we have been swinging together for over 2 years now and really having fun.

 

Good luck, have fun.

 

Magnum

[sharp1 15]

I think a good way to do this is for the two of you to be "blunt and to the point" with your friend.

He surely respects your friendship, (as do you, or you wouldn't be asking him to join in), and could very well be naive to the whole swinging thing.

Try this,

Have your friend over for drinks/dinner, then afterwards, have your wife quietly excuse herself and return wearing something completely revealing, or nothing at all.

You could then "out" yourselves and tell him you are going to have sex right now and express your desire for him to join while she is pulling down your pants.

He'll either be naked in a New York minute, or out the door in a flash!

I know that if a couple were that blunt with me, it would be an event I would never forget!

-Michael

[suntory 15]

another idea have him over for dinner and drinks....get a few drinks down you and then say "lets watch a movie" and put on a cool 3p porno. Have it planned that youre wife leave the room so you can talk to youre buddy, by this time he is horny cause of the porno....then ask him questions like;

have you ever had a 3p?

do you ever want to try?

do you find my wife attractive? he will try to back down out of respect to you but you then assure him it is ok to tell the truth.

then tell him youre wife has a fantasy to have two dicks and that she finds him attractive.....then say how would you like to fuck my wife? then go get youre wife to come out in some sexy gear like suspenders and high heals......

this would do the trick!!

[Monolith 15]

Originally posted by NightGoddess

Maybe I've missed it, but has anyone considered the fact that this gentleman might consider marriage sacred and sex with a married person inappropriate/disrespectful?

 

That very well could be, but it seems that usually its the women that think that. All of the women I have tried to swing with aren't interested because of the "sacredness of marriage belief." But put in the situation that the male is a good friend, you are probably right. I don't want to seem too steriotypical; though most men in my area will do anything they can for the pootang

 

 

Originally posted by curious24

i'm terrible at reading signs even if they are right in front of me.. freak'n grab me and just tell me what you are trying to say. [/b]

 

 

Dito

 

I feel you man.

 

Monolith

[MrsBliss 18]

I would very much prefer to ask a friend and explain it to him very clear upfront. I think it is quite normal that he is not picking up on hints because he is your friend en friends don't do eachother's wifes.

 

I (as the female) do not think it is hard to tell him that me and my husband are into more than just married sex. I think I can explain to him that my husband is okay with this.

 

I myself would not feel comfortable to dress up in lingerie and high heels to see what happens, I would like to be sure he does not jump and runs off so the friendship is ruined.

[grabbyzz 26]

I have greatly appreciated reading this post. We have been having the same problem. We have a good friend that we want to invite over for a threesome but are afraid to approach it. These suggestions are very helpful...Thanks all...

[spirited 15]

We have been in this situation. I told my buddy that my wife and I played out a role play involving him and that it was hot. I told him that the MFM fantasy figured into our night-time fun frequently. This put us out on a limb a bit, but not too much. He could have declined to take the bait and it would have been less awkward for all than putting him in a position where he was forced to reject us.

 

Thankfully for all of us, he was indeed interested, and we had some wonderful threesomes.

 

If that approach is too forward for you, maybe you could strike up a buddy to buddy conversation about how wild women can be with their role play ideas. Tell the story about how she always digs MFM fantasies. Tell him that you would seriously consider doing it if you could find someone you trust, etc.

 

My idea was simply to bait him and allow him to show interest. If he showed no interest, we could all walk away like nothing happened.