Can straight women successfully swing?

[Highway Sexy 15]

We are new to the lifestyle and struggling to find couples that do not have bi-curious or bisexual female. We currently belong to two swinglife style sites and notice more and more that most of the females are either bi-curious or bisexual. We are both straight and for the past year we have received hardly any responses to our ad. We thought that the lifestyle was most often experience on a couple-to-couple basis? Are we cut out for this lifestyle if mostly the females are bisexual? We have made great strides in trying to enter the lifestyle but so far it has been very discouraging to say the least. Anyone have any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. HELP

[bccpl77 15]

We can relate to your problem but have found that most bi or bi-curious females have no problem respecting your boundaries. The female half of all the couples we have played with have been bi and have been completely respectfull of Ang's boundaries. However there have been more than a few couples who were not interested without bi activity, so it does narrow your compatability considerably, but be patient, there is a place for you here. Don't be afraid to talk to couples who are bi, if you all get along they will most likely be willing to play by your rules.

 

Rusty

[Guest Sadie]

Being a single bi-female my opinion might not matter but I have played with another couple who were both are straight...it was his fantasy to have two women. I respected her boundaries and I think the majority of people do respect the boundaries. Just explain your rules before playing...don't wait until you are in bedroom. I would rather have someone be upfront then beat around the bush, so to speak, and explain what is acceptable and what is not.

[shoreguy 15]

I'm not even sure how much it's "couple-to-couple" vs. the many other variations possible. It certainly seems that straight females are in a very small minority. Mostly we play with one other couple at a time, and the girls always play together. It's the big attraction to swinging for many women.

 

If she can bring herself to do it, you could try a couple with a bi female. I don't think any would do anything to make her uncomfortable.

 

Also, maybe you need to be more proactive and send responses to other ads. I can imagine many couples with bi females passing an ad by because she's straight, but might be willing to meet if you asked. Many would say no, but that has to be one of the easiest reasons to accept a rejection. It's not like there's anything wrong with you, she's just not into girls. Obviously, read the ads to make sure you don't send messages to people who explicitly state they aren't interested in straight women.

[OhioCouple 40]

These are some very good questions, Highway Sexy. In our experience we have found that listing yourself as bi-sexual or curious can cause just as many problems and therefore removed it from our ad site, leaving it as 'unanswered'. After having done so, it really cut down on the mailings from those that (IMO) had no business listing theirselves as either or the above.

 

I think people get the wrong idea about bi-sexuality and ASSUME that because they list themselves as such, they are going to be persuing you like a dog in heat. We have found that to not be the case in most instances and have played with couples in which the female was straight and had a great time. We have never chosen to write or meet with couples based on how they list themselves in terms of sexual preference. We meet them based on overall compatibility.

 

I can't recall your location, so I don't know what the concentration of swingers are in your area, but as the others have said, as long as you are upfront you'll doubtfully encounter any problems meeting with those that are bi-sexual.

 

Another thing you may want to look at is how you portray yourself in your ad. As you are straight, do you sound over bearing to the fact that you are? We have run across ads where in some post comments like "WE ARE BOTH STRAIGHT SO DON'T EVEN GO THERE." In big bold letters. That is an immediate turn off to us as we could read they are straight, but they felt the need to repeat it throughout their ad. That to us spells homo-phobic and could lead to disaster by accidental touch. We feel the same way about ads that post every other line with things such as "NO SINGLE MEN". Repetitiveness is a huge turn off. But again, that has to do with general compatibility. If someone feels the need to say something over and over again, I'd have to assume that they couldn't be quiet long enough to ever get down to sex.

 

I'm not saying that this could be part of it, I'm just throwing out some food for thought, based on our experiences.

[biblonde 22]

I myself am bi and we have played with couples where both are straight. I would never push anything on another woman or do anything that would make her uncomfy. I think it is a matter of respect. Do only what you are comfy with!! Although there are couples who are only willing to play if the woman is bi there are some out there where this isnt the only thing they are looking for. You just have to look and do alot of talking to the other couple letting them know you are only into full swap without bi activity. If they are respectful of that.....let the fun begin...if not you really didnt want to play with them anyway.

 

best of luck s

[Brit_Pair 62]

How many people respond to your advert will be determined by many variables, but your lack of a bi-female will almost certainly have some impact on the results. As soft-swingers, play between the two women makes up a large element of the pleasure we aim to experience from meeting others, and so we automatically rule out playing with all-straight couples. Any couple for whom female-female interaction is a major attraction is apt to react similarly. However, as others have already said above, there are bi-females (both in couples and singly) who are happy to respect the limits of a straight female. And there are others out there with the same boundaries as yourselves. So don’t discount yourself as being suitable for the lifestyle. It may simply be a case of you having to continue to show patience.

[J & K 16]

Bi this--Bi there--is Bi everywhere?

 

My wife is straight, but at the same time has a curious level to her. So curious just means that. That is why we put in our profile on our ad for bi chicks not to push it, but it might happen on it's own. This bi girl thing on the ads is mostly looked at by the male from a poll we saw on here since most males do the searching on ads. My wife might say, "she is cute", but she looks at more of the male aspect of a cpl since the men are the main swinging toy in her eyes. As my wife puts it---women aren't born with a tool to please a lady from the inside in a natural way. Woman only have a mouth to please with (as do males) so a man can do more for a lady. "K" says the bi thing is more of emotional sexual contact (so are men) for a turn on. She wants to experience some female contact at times, but it has to happen on it's own and not be pressured into it. We have found most bi girls respect that anyways.

 

I prefere straight ladies myself because I then know the cpl is going after both of us and not just the wife only while I am more of a sideliner for the cpl (not fair). We look at bi girls as we would a straight lady---it don't matter. As long as we can have fun and stay within everybody's personal rules it is "all good".

[Perseus 16]

You think it is bad to put bi in your ad as a woman, try it as a man. It is almost like you are a pariah. I don't know ehy, but for some reason people think that if you say you are bi, you are goona be all over someone that does not go there. I even put in my ads that I am bi, but don't expect it, but I don't think it helps. Oh well, I guess that is the nature of the beast.

 

Perseus

[Highway Sexy 15]

Thanks to all of you who answer the previous thread on bisexuality. It help a lot. More specifically:

 

bccp177 - Thanks for the tip on not been afraid to talk to couples with a bi-sexual female.

 

Sadie - Most men enjoy seen two woment getting it on, even suggested. Not me in my case. This is definetly a turn off. When I see adult videos with bi-females, I always forward the tape. It doesn't do anything for me. So I wouldn't have any problems explaining before playing.

 

Shoreguy - That's very disappointing to know that straight females are in the very small minority. That's exactly what we both are finding out from both of the sites we subscrite to. It's really getting on my nerves So it seems the lifestyle is mainly for bisexual women and not so much for couples. We have been proactive by sending e-mails but the combination of being straight, soft swap and newbie might not be in our favor.

 

Ohio Couple - Thanks for sharing your experiences. We have also read their profile and time and time again is the female who wants to explore her bisexuality. We live in Burtonsville, Maryland and we go to this off- premise club for the past year but haven't been successful at all. I don't think we sound overbearing in our ads since we only mention once that we are straight. Wedon't bold anything. We recently received an e-mail from a couple interested in our ad. However, the whole e-mail was type in capital letters -- big turn off!!My wife said it sounded like she was yelling at us!!

 

bi-blonde - Thanks for the info. We'll keep that in mind.

 

Brit Pair - Your response was certainly an eye opener. We are also soft swingers. That's the way we want to start in the lifestyle. But seen two women making out is not my idea of the lifestyle. Our ideal would be to flrit and be around with the opposite sex and establish a strong relationship before proceeding to the next level. So thanks for giving us the confidence to continue pursuing this lifestyle. And yes it takes a lot of patience, not only with finding the right couple but your significant other as well.

 

J & K - Thanks for your tips. It help too. I think we will change our profile to bi-curious so it gives us a little bit of an edge on recieving more responses to our ad. I'm glad your wife feels the thing is more emotional. I'm glad I'm not alone in prefering straight ladies. We have the same exact idea that the couple is going after both of us. After all who would want to be on the sidelines. Certainly not me. We want to make this fun for both of us.

 

 

 

 

[remox 16]

Bi-sexuality is not a mandate to have sex with both partners. It merely informs you that the person might be willing. If there is no attraction, there is no attraction. This does not mean that you cannot have strictly heterosexual encounters with bi-sexual persons. Hell, the couples with bi-guys do it all the time.

[remox 16]

I think we will change our profile to bi-curious so it gives us a little bit of an edge on recieving more responses to our ad.

 

This is called lying. I don't recommend it.

[good times 991]

We have played with many couples that the female is bi and never have had a problem with it once p explains to them that she won't go there. I also agree that lying in your add is not the way to go, lets face it, for us we have no desire to hook up with a couple who's main iterest is bi activity. In fact in our add we specifically state that while we don't discriminate against bi couples we won't participate in those activities.

 

R

[Perseus 16]

Originally posted by remox

This is called lying. I don't recommend it.

 

You have to admit. If a woman says they are bi, it is way different world then if a man says they are bi in the swinger community.

 

Perseus

[Perseus 16]

Originally posted by good times

We have played with many couples that the female is bi and never have had a problem with it once p explains to them that she won't go there. I also agree that lying in your add is not the way to go, lets face it, for us we have no desire to hook up with a couple who's main iterest is bi activity. In fact in our add we specifically state that while we don't discriminate against bi couples we won't participate in those activities.

 

R

 

You also have to admit that if you don't desciminate,you are in the minority... How many couples hear "bi" or "BDSM" or whatever, the discriminate.... If bi is part of what I amm, but not my focus of my sexual pleasure, should I advertise it?

 

Perseus

[good times 991]

Perseus,

 

I do think that it is diferen't for a man than a woman. We have played with a few couples that the woman is bi and for the most part after Mrs. explains she isn't into it we have straight play and everyone has a good time. At least one time though, in the heat of passion a woman was playing with me and reached over and felt my wife between the legs while the wife was giving the guy a bj. My wife didn't say anything and in a second or two the woman stopped and evrything was fine. Now, if the man had reach over and grabbed mine in a simalar situation he would probably lose his shortly thereafter, as that would probably wig me out, in all honesty. As I said before, we could care less if a person is bi, but if that is primarilly what they are looking for and are not really interested in a straight swap, I think they should say so in their add. In your case being that you are bi but not primarily interested in that to the exclusion of straight sex, and also seeing as you are male and many would discriminate against you based on that fact alone, I don't think I would mention it in your add. In this case I don't think it would be lying because you are actually primarilly interested in straight sex.

 

In our experiance if you discriminate against bi you will find it much harder to find playmates. I would say that at least two thirds of the couples we have played with the female said she was bi. None of the males said they were bi but it wouldn't suprise me to find out they were.

 

R

[Denver2some 15]

As another couple with a straight female, we too were initially surprised by the lack of other straight females in the lifestyle. No doubt about it, there are very few profiles where the woman is listed as straight.

 

We would never recommend listing as bi-curious if you are not. It is false advertising, and may set up disappointment/discomfort for both couples involved.

 

Rather, we recommend (like the others) that you take the initiative in contacting other couples. Read profiles very carefully, especially the bi-curious ones. Some of these ladies do not yet have any experience with girl-on-girl action; they are just open to the idea but it isn't a "must" for them. These couples could be a nice match for you: she can do her experimenting elsewhere, as there are lots of opportunities for her. Also you may find some profiles saying, "she has tried it, but prefers men" ... these couples are possible matches for you too. (As for the ladies who list as bisexual, we have talked to some but have found many do see it as a "must" ... if that's the case then then we move on. We have always found these couples to be very nice, understanding, and not at all trying to "convert" us. LOL)

 

Once you have started a dialogue, then it is your responsibility to tell them your limits. We have talked to a few couples who think "straight" means you will kiss women, or let a woman go down on you but not return the favor. So be very clear what straight means to you before you hit the bedroom. Then there are no surprises, and no disappointments.

 

You may want to check out several website services ... some have more straight females than others (although none have very many.)

 

Good luck!

[da2ofusgb 24]

After reading your post and alot of the others in here. Yes there are alot of couples that are either bi or bi-curious.

 

We have been in the lifestyle for quite a number of years now, and have been with both couples where either one of them were bi, or bi-curious in one way or another.

 

Tammi is bi and has been since birth, that is just the way she is and we find nothing wrong with it. Now as a swinging couple we do have our ad that says she is bi and I,am straight, BUT it also says that is not a requirement to meet or play with us...............IF it happens, it happens, if not that is cool too.

 

In other words we are not only looking for bi-females, but all couples if the female is bi or not. We respect other peoples boundries and will not try to sway them one way or the other to have sex with someone they dont want to, or try to sway them to our way of thinking.

 

We have also been with other couples where the male was bi, we had talked about it with them, and just told them I was not interested in playing with him, and that was that.........NO questions asked, as it should be.........But we did have fun playing with each others partner............

 

All in all if you are upfront with the people you are playing with and telling them your boundries you should have no problem finding compatable couples that are more than willing to accept them............And if you do find the couple that pushes you into something you dont wanna do.........LEAVE them in a heartbeat as they are not worth your time............

 

Hope this helps...........

 

Peace.....

Ed

[pairbond 19]

In our experience, about 85% - 90% of the women swingers we have met characterize themselves as bi or bicurious. Many of these couples make it clear that they are only interested in a couple with a bi or bicurious woman. There is no question in our minds that the majority of those who call themselves bi don't want anything to do with us because Mrs. pairbond is totally straight. And probably close to half of those who call themselves bicurious are really bi, but don't want to say so. At least we know a LOT of women who have been playing with other women for YEARS and still call themselves bicurious. I guess they can call themselves whatever they want, but it seems to us that if they've done it once, and done it twice, and done it a 3rd time, and still want to do it, they are bisexual, not just curious, let alone if they've been doing it for YEARS.

 

We know that our ages (mid-50s) put us out of the desired age range for most swinging couples, but it's a fact that many, many couples are not interested in meeting us because we are a couple with a straight woman, when there are so many other couples with a bi or bicurious woman that they could meet instead.

 

We no longer even contact couples with a bi or bicurious woman, and almost never does a couple with a bi woman contact US. We do get contacted by couples with a bicurious woman, and if they contact us we will be interested so long as they respect our boundaries. We have had bi women at parties tell Mrs. pairbond that "oh you are too bi, you just don't know it yet" and try to "convert" her. Fat chance. This is the one area of the lifestyle in which we have encountered the most disregard for the "no means no" rule. A lot of bi women seem to be certain that they can "convert" Mrs. pairbond by taking liberties with her, and their lack of respect for her boundaries is NOT appreciated.

 

Whenever we are contacted by a couple with a bi or bicurious woman, we make it clear that we would be interested in swapping, but that Mrs. pairbond is totally straight. So they know upfront, but still way too many of these women attempt to violate that "no means no" rule.

 

So, being in our 50s and with a totally straight woman, we are of interest only to a decided minority of swinging couples.

[da2ofusgb 24]

Pairbond, sorry to hear that..............guess we are just lucky in that we have that connection where we can take it or leave it.

 

Our feeling is that for Tammi to even play with another women she first has to be attracted to her, if there is no attraction there is no play between them. If we do meet a couple where the female is not bi, that is not a problem for us, like I was saying that is not a requirement for meeting us or even playing with us.

 

But we do understand what you are going thru, we also had a couple that we use to hang with and all the husband wanted was for the women to play first and than we could join in after they were done..............for us that did not work, it just felt so, how can I say it.......MECHANICAL to us............, I guess that is the only way he could get it up, was by having the girls play, even if they were not interested in playing with each other at that time. Needless to say we no longer hang with them guys as it just was not worth all the bullshit he put the women thru so he could have a good time!!!!!!,

 

Good thing we live in an area where most of the people are not up-tight by meeting older couples, after all I will be 50 in july.......lol..........and most of our swinging friends are in our age group too, with some being in there middle 30's...........

 

Peace........

Ed

[Denver2some 15]

We have had bi women at parties tell Mrs. pairbond that "oh you are too bi, you just don't know it yet" and try to "convert" her. Fat chance. This is the one area of the lifestyle in which we have encountered the most disregard for the "no means no" rule.

 

 

Pairbond, I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you. We have heard similar stories from friends attending clubs or parties ... and we wonder if the party atmosphere, and alcohol, perhaps promotes this unwanted assertiveness. We have thus far stayed away from parties and clubs.

[Girlfit 15]

In regards to bisexuality, it is a must for me. I am a complete 50/50 bisexual, I've been in a long term lesbian relationship before and I would classify myself as a pretty queer thinking, political bitch. I don't mess around with "bi curious". I don't have the time to play teacher to someone in order to get off. I want someone who knows what they are doing in bed, which is actually why I prefer having sex with lesbians (ones that have NO interest in men at ALL).

 

In regards to men, I actually prefer bisexual men. I like to strap one on and bend a guy over from time to time and while it doesn't take a bisexual man to enjoy receiving anal sex, the majority of straight men are uptight and frigid about the idea. So playing with bi men cuts through all that. It isn't a requirement that a guy be bi, but he at least better be open to playing the way I like to. I would like to say I can afford to be choosy.

 

Our ad says quite specifically that I am looking for hot buff bi men. It has been an eye opener to me to get responses from men whos AD lists them as STRAIGHT but in the private email they say "I'm actually bi/bicurious". Like what is the big frickin deal of just listing yourself as bisexual to begin with?! If it's ok for women to be open about it, then it's ok for men too. I realize more people have a "problem" with two men having sex than with women so many bisexual men still try to "closet" themselves. Which I think is utter bullshit. I see it this way, swingers in general have NO ROOM to discriminate or hate against a man just because he likes to play both ways. There just isn't room in the swinging world for that kind of double standard. It should be a venue where people can be their TRUE self and not have to HIDE it.

 

ok, but that is enough soapboxing from me on the subject. So for me, bisexual women are a requirement for me, bisexual men are PREFERRED but not a requirement and if they are straight, they better not be uptight with me playing with their ass.

[good times 991]

Girlfit,

 

What you say in your post that people should accept a bi male the same as a bi female would be true if this were a perfect and logical world, but in real life if a male lists himself as bi in his add he will get many less responses than if he said he was straight. We attend a local swingers club and it is not uncommon, in fact it would be unusuall to not see female bisexual activity, but if two guys go at it they will be promptly thrown out. I've seen it happen, so in the real world we currently live in it's totally understandable to me if someone chooses to omit the fact that he is a bi male from his add.

[Girlfit 15]

"We attend a local swingers club and it is not uncommon, in fact it would be unusuall to not see female bisexual activity, but if two guys go at it they will be promptly thrown out."

 

THAT IS HORRIBLE! head bang But you are probably right that most swingers clubs are probably the same way, but it still in *unexcusable* behavior in my book. If I saw such a thing happen, I would not hesitate to give the club owners/organizers a piece of my mind. Speaking up may not make me a very popular person, but I really don't care. I'd rather play with myself than play with a bunch of hypocritical self righteous assholes. As I have said before, swingers have no place judging someone else's sexual orientation or the manner in which they wish to play (as long as its consensual and doesn't hurt anyone). Hello! We are all in the same boat here people! The majority of the population think the swinging lifestyle in general is offensive, demeaning, ad nauseum. What gives certain close minded swingers the right to judge ANYONE? That shit just makes me furious.

 

But seeing as it is what it is, if you are another bisexual man or a woman or couple seeking a bisexual man it makes finding partners even more difficult. If the swinging clubs and parties unfairly discriminate against openly male bisexual activity, then how are you supposed to know who is bisexual and who isn't short of asking everyone in the room? Furthermore, going out to gay clubs really doesn't work. As a person myself who is very very active in the gay and lesbian community, I know that they do not think too highly of seemingly "straight" couples cruising people in their bars. And the gay community, I may add, is ALMOST as discriminatory against bisexual men as the swinging community is. Which means, bisexual men in gay bars do not openly admit to it or show it as they don't want to face the heat from their gay peers. And I have found that the majority of bisexual men who frequent gay/lesbian bars are about 70-80% gay with only a slight preference to women (which doesn't help me out any).

 

Such are the sexual injustices of life. It's not likely to change anytime soon but it doesn't mean I can't still be utterly pissed off about it anyway.