Husband is decisive.....

[Catandjohn 16]

We are very new to the lifestyle. We have had FFM play before so husband decided to try lifestyle. I am up for it. Well we have been to a local small club and only played & had sex with each other. We have gotten a couple of notices from other couples and the girls don't seem to be into my husband (he's being shy which isn't him).So now my husband has decided that he's unsure of the lifestyle. He just said that he didn't want to feel rejected and doesn't know why he can't be himself. He is use to being the Alpha male & doesn't like the idea of having to work at getting people to like him.

[enhancer 1,556]

Sounds like maybe the lifestyle isn’t for you guys then! If a person can’t handle rejection well then this lifestyle isn’t going to do them any favours, because it will happen regardless of who you are. As far as the Alpha male thing the women are the ones who are in control and call the shots in this lifestyle so if that bothers him then he will be bothered. As far as him not wanting to have to put an effort into picking up other women good luck. It is no different then the vanilla world. You get what you put in.

[lcmim 1,034]

We are very new to the lifestyle. We have had FFM play before so husband decided to try lifestyle. I am up for it. Well we have been to a local small club and only played & had sex with each other. We have gotten a couple of notices from other couples and the girls don't seem to be into my husband (he's being shy which isn't him).So now my husband has decided that he's unsure of the lifestyle. He just said that he didn't want to feel rejected and doesn't know why he can't be himself. He is use to being the Alpha male & doesn't like the idea of having to work at getting people to like him.

 

And thus the journey into self knowledge begins. In the beginning many of us had something come up that tweaked us a little, or a lot.This type of thing is neither unique or unusual

The first step is defining what is bugging us. He has already accomplished that.

 

The second step is how we will deal with it.Facing up to it in this case means One of two things. Deciding this is not for him which is a perfectly good option(not everyone is so wired),or deciding to change (grow) in a fashion that allows him to participate and enjoy.

[Fundamental Law 2,831]

The LS does many things. Among them, it lays bare the relationship of the couple entering the LS. Admitting vulnerability is hard; embracing vulnerability is harder still. One cannot be afraid to put one's best foot forward and still come up short--that's the rule (not the exception) in the LS. Only after one acknowledges the fears of rejection, fears of inadequacy, and the ultimate fear of abandonment can one begin to feel comfortable in the LS. That's a very high bar, and explains why the LS is not for everyone.

[padoc 1,696]

Strong and alpha males are secure enough in themselves that they take rejection in stride and move on with confidence. If he merely "feels" rejected he isn't alpha, not even close.

[njbm 2,731]

Rejection is part of the game. My attitude is their loss, who’s next.

[GoldCoCouple 4,026]

There's also a reason that single females in the L/S are called unicorns. Finding a match WILL take awhile and may not be easy to do. If he is already having his feelings stepped on, then he either needs to get used to it or realize that this isn't for him and move on.

[Guest]

Hi hopefully you had a nice Christmas a new year.

 

Okay, some things I'd say straight away are:

 

1. THE FEAR:

 

This is not uncommon, but often when a man first gets involved with this lifestyle he will actually be extremely nervous, worried, or even scared which is for a number of reasons.

 

A) Firstly we have all of the normal things that would perhaps expect, such as:

 

Is my dick big enough? Will my dick get hard and stay hard? Will I be nervous and not get hard? Is my body good enough? Is my stamina good enough? Will I be good enough in bed?

 

B) Secondly however and perhaps more to the point a lot of men who are just starting to explore this idea also become worried / concerned / nervous about their own wife, or girlfriend.

 

The man in this case will constantly be asking himself questions such as:

 

Is my wife really okay with this? Will my wife be really mad at me for doing this? Is my wife honestly sure I can walk over their now and flirt with that women and ask her for sex? Is my wife really saying yes to the subject and then will shout at me horribly later? Is my wife going to get really jealous and maybe destroy this entire subject? Will this just damage our relationship? Is this a trap does my wife say yes but really mean no?

 

C) Thirdly is all of the communication involved and the actual logistics / rules / boundaries / safety protocols / and sure these questions can include.

 

Who should we meet? Man? Women? Couple? Younger? Older? Tall? Short? Thin? Larger? Blonde? Brunette? Smoker? None Smoker? Drinker? None Drinker?

 

Where should we meet this person? / How should we meet this person? / What should we say to them? / What questions should we ask them? / What information should we tell them about us? / How often would we meet them? / Where would we sleep with them, our home, their home, hotel, club, outdoors? / What things do we want? / What things don't we want? / What our are rules?.

 

Honestly if you think about the entire subject, then its not just how to meet someone, its also how to keep that person / what hygiene will be required / what sexual protections will be required / what sex aids or medications might be required / where could you do this safely / right down to what happens if you do really like someone, or don't like them at all.

 

This situation can boil down to extreme minute details, to name a few I'd say things like.

 

Okay so we have someone coming over to our house for a night of sexual fun.

 

Okay lets empty all the bins to remove any smell garbage / trash like smells. Lets take the dog on a long walk and feed him a good evening meal and the dog will be all chilled out when our guest arrives and will probably nap half the evening / lets move the little lamp into the bedroom so we can have softer lighting / lets use some air freshener or incense sticks to help the place smell nicer.

 

You know these details can me the smallest of things, right up major concerns such as what happens if this goes wrong? What happens if the person we meet is nasty? What happens in they are violent or unstable? What about STDS? What about pregnancy protection? What if this person ends up been a stalker type? What if you like this person more than me? What if this person falls in love with you or me and tries to damage us in some respect?

 

OKAY so why the hell is this SCARY?

 

Because honestly it requires a massive amount of confident / friendly / emotional communication that is safe / happy / healthy / positive / where real plans are laid and compromises made.

 

Well guess what? The vast majority of men on this planet are F**KING SHIT at this.

 

This is not a gender based stereotype because sure some men are expert communicators, some men deliver wonderful speeches / stunning performances / confident meetings / and even have healthy communication in their relationship, how the truth is....

 

That is only a very small percent of men, in fact I'd say about 70% of men worldwide actually SUCK at relationship communication / emotional communication / direct confident but friendly communication / basically healthy communication.

 

So your husband probably has about 10,000 questions / worries / fears / unsure parts in his mind and sure even trying to communicate all of that to someone else is a scary and difficult task.

 

I find this a very funny example, but let say that you wanted to be a musician / doctor / of even some world famous DJ or singer, then what would you do?

 

Well you would work towards your dream / study it / read about it / talk about it / take development classes aimed at that subject, ECT.

 

That to reach your goal of been able to play the violin well it might take 5 years hard practice virtually on a daily basis, it may even take 10 or 15 years depending how much effort you put in and how easily you pick it all up.

 

Well okay think about swinging, what happens?

 

The man asks his wife if they can swing? They perhaps talk about it on and off for a while, then at some point they agree to try and jump in the deep end.

 

Some jet / fighter pilots train virtually everyday for like 5 years just to do their job, and guess what the training / the research / the development never ends.

 

So think about this HUGE SUBJECT, for example say I sat you in a rocket ship, you know a full on moon rocket deal with like 10,000 different knobs, buttons, and switches and then simply said.

 

“Go on then take me to the moon?”

 

“Go on then show me how to fly this thing?

 

Then what would you do? Get out the quick start up guide?

 

Nope the next day you would enrol on the 5 year training program and then 5 years later would come back and show me how to fly this thing.

 

This huge amount of questions / worries / fears / concerns somehow need communicating, somehow need talking about as a couple, and sure that can be extremely difficult for a lot of people, in fact both men and women can find talking about this subject extremely difficult.

 

This again flips back to.....

 

“Dam what will my wife think if I say that?”

 

“Dam what will my wife do if I ask this question?”

 

“Will my wife be mad about wanting to asking 19,000 questions about this subject?”

 

“Will my wife even agree with the things I want or say?”

 

This in some respects is a little 8 year old boy standing holding his mothers hand, and really this 8 year old boy just wants to run in the candy shop and grab whatever sweets he wants and just stuff his face with everything nice and sweet, the only thing stopping him is the fact that he knows his mother would get upset, kind of same principle here but this time its our own wife or girlfriend.

 

Okay let me pretend to be your husband for a few minutes.

 

Please imagine me saying....

 

“Honey I have this fantasy where you fuck really well hung black guys for me?”

 

“Babes you know your okay meeting a women, well really I'd not mind meeting a younger women, like 5 or 10 years younger than us, and I really like thin blonde girls, is that okay?”

 

“You know your not keen on anal sex, well can we meet a girl who likes it so I can do that with her instead?”

 

“Babes I really have a fantasy about seeing you eat my cum out of this other women's pussy or even her bum, is that okay?”

 

“Babes I know this is crazy but we are looking for a women to play with right, well my ex is single what about her?”

 

“You know your best friend Amy, well maybe she could join us, I think she is really sexy, what do you think?”

 

“Babes I'd really like to see you get gang banged by like 3 or 4 other guys and me, would that be okay?”

 

…...

 

Sure I do agree some of the questions above are extreme examples, however for about 70% of guys even asking their girlfriend or wife 1 of those questions can be nerve racking / worrying / never mind asking them the other 2,000 questions, and discussing all the worries, rules, feelings, ECT.

 

WHAT WILL THIS DO?

 

Well this will put a man into a “Zombie” like state when the chance of group sex comes along.

 

Often this means the man will be very quiet / lose his confidence / seem on edge / wants to say something but is only seemingly to get about 5% of it out / perhaps stutters or gets confused with words / wants to leave quickly / and often makes excuses, such as....

 

I didn't like it in there. The music was to loud. I just feel tired. I didn't like the way that person was looking at me. Just not feeling it tonight. Even saying I feel sick, have headache, ECT.

 

When this happens your partner will feel like he is wearing a very heavy / wet / uncomfortable coat / that he is been weighed down / feeling defensive / wearing armour of sorts.

 

If you look at this entire subject like a huge tidal wave, countless questions, various options, numerous worries or fears, rules to discuss, logistics, safety, everything form when you walk the dog to what knickers your going to wear, however the actual amount of communication most couples do is basically a trickle of water coming through a keyhole.

 

Like a tidal of wave hitting a small keyhole and what actually gets through is maybe 5% of what is actually needed, in this situation you will often find the man is worried about his wife's reaction, worried about offending her, worried she won't share his dreams or thoughts, worried that even trying to communicate everything will somehow destroy everything.

 

Lets look at an ironic but often very true example.

 

Adam is a man who wants threesomes with his wife, he wants to invite other women into their home for sexual friendships. Well for the last few years Adam and has his wife have been talking about this subject (of and on) and during this time about 90% of Adams focus has been on questions such as....

 

How can I make my wife like this subject?

 

How can I make my wife understand this subject?

 

How can I speak about all of this and not offend my wife?

 

How can I reassure my wife that I want this for good reasons?

 

How can I make this work in our relationship?

 

What can I say to my wife to convince her about this subject?

 

Well after a while Adam's wife finally turns around and says “YES, okay then we will try”

 

Now at this point Adam is over the moon, excited, happy, and will often begin planning this big epic sexual adventure or friendships, then maybe after 2 or 3 days actually realises that he has got a f**king clue what he is doing.

 

Where will he meet this person? How? What will he say? Shit how will I communicate all of this to my wife? How will my wife even react to all of this?

 

This is especially true for strange sexual acts, for example.

 

“Babes I get really turned on when I think about you drinking my cum from young blonde women's bums”

 

Such things are not easy to talk about. In this case imagine Adam going to his wife and basically saying....

 

“Hey babes I know that I have nagged you about all of this for two years. I know you have very kindly agreed to try which I'm super thankful for. However in reality I don't have a clue what I'm doing / have no idea at all how to meet this mystical girl who wants to fuck us both / don't even know what to say to this women / am scared of causing offence / scared of offending you, so as I can't find this women can YOU please go find me a younger blonde girl so I can watch you eating my cum out of her ass as much as humanly possible”

 

If your following me all of this kind of puts a man in a “Ghost State” where he had a tidal wave of things he would like to say or do, but has a keyhole to fit all of that information through, that often he wants to say a lot of things but is often scared of offending his wife / scared of negative reactions / worried of offending someone / worried his own feeling won't match yours, ECT.

 

THE GOOD NEWS.

 

Is that its all very common in men who are just starting to explore this as a serious option, and that usually it will simply pass with time and practice, however there are also many things a wife or girlfriend could do to help this situation along.

 

That in many cases (especially at first) your husband is basically looking for you to gently push him between another women's legs by telling him.

 

“Go on babes, its okay, I don't mind, I won't be mad, your allowed”

 

“Why don't you touch her here. Try kissing her. Lick both our pussies please”

 

I guess this is a silly observation to make, or maybe a silly statement but basically there are TWO kinds of DOG on this planet.

 

A) The type of dog where if you drop a stake on the floor it will just run up and eat it no question asked.

 

B) The other type of dog, the dog who is part of your family, the dog who has respect and love for you as owners, the dog who has been trained and is working as part of your family unit, and sure that dog will see the steak drop on the floor, that freshly cooked huge lump of steak that you just dropped my accident, and sure that dog my jump up with drool running down its mouth and wagging it tail in hope and wonder, then that dog will look right at you and basically say.

 

“Can I... Is that mine... Can I eat that please... I won't if you don't want me to”

 

I have owned dogs the majority of my life and in such a situation all I'd need to say is....

 

“GO ON THEN!!!”

 

The dog would often get so excited it wouldn't know if to come and thank me or eat this huge bit of steak. The truly funny thing is I never TAUGHT the dog that trick, the dog simply had some respect for me, viewed me as the alpha.

 

I was not controlling that dog as such, I was giving the dog positive encouragement and when needed direction, and in this case the same applies to your husband, sure he might be your pack mate / he might be an alpha at home / but in the situation a man will often look to his queen for permission / reassurance / some honest feedback that this okay / that you won't get upset / ECT.

 

Some things you could say to your husband to SHOW HIM that you are okay with this are.

 

“Hey that girl there walking down the street was really nice, I'd have felt okay with her as a threesome partner for us, that is the type of girl I'd like”

 

“Hey that girl at the bar looks lonely, hows about we go order a drink and we will both just say hello and see if she is having a nice day, if nothing else we can just chat and meet someone new”

 

“I was wondering babes, you know all of this threesome subject, well I was wondering if you fancied talking about it tonight, you know just telling me a little more about what you would like and some of your views, fantasies. I don't want to talk about it ALL might but I am interested in this and would like to discuss this with my team mate at times”

 

“That girl in the coffee shop was really nice and think she flirted with you a bit, you did really well there, you were polite, friendly, see you can talk to other women”

 

In many respects the message your need to give is....

 

Yes this is okay. No I'll not be mad. You can do this. We can do this. Yes you can touch her. Yes you can talk with her. Yes if our rules are followed your allowed to have sex with.

 

Honestly your husband could be a super alpha sex god for all I know, he could be amazing at meeting women and have some 12 inch monster dick, but honestly this time he isn't looking for girl to fuck, he isn't looking for moral judgements or even his own confidence as such, in fact he is looking for APPROVAL from his wife, girlfriend, partner or whatever situation your in,

 

Honestly that is a powerful thing, that one word, APPROVAL.

 

This is getting a toddler into a swimming pool for the first few times.

 

“Go on your okay. It won't hurt you. Yes you can paddle. I'm right here with you. Go on your safe, You can do this. I right here with you. Don't worry I have hold of you. I'm with you on this journey. I will not let go. I will not leave you. Your okay, go on”

 

You can almost imagine that toddler standing at the edge of pool and taking a few steps in before running out scarred, then obviously the mothers voice rings.

 

“Go on baby I'm right here, your okay”

 

Then maybe next time the baby takes 3 steps into the water before running back out scared.

 

“Your okay babes, your doing really well, I am proud of you and am right here”

 

Then 4 steps, 5 steps, then just running in head first.

 

Same deal here really, in fact like stated your husband might be confident or even good in bed, but its probably your approval / reassurance / constantly saying its okay / he can do it / your a team doing this together will all help bolster his confidence.

 

I'll again go back to dogs.

 

Some dogs you let of a lead and they will just bolt. Some dogs you will take off a lead and they will sit there looking at you until you say GO ON THEN!!!!

 

Then the dog sprints off into the field or whatever.

 

However this isn't a dog running into a field this is a person trying to navigate a rather large subject with lots of questions, worries, variables, and who needs some ongoing level of approval from his partner, who needs to know his partner really has is back on this one.

 

If you boil this down to a single base question that a lot of men will have asked themselves then that question would be.

 

“Is my wife really okay with this, or is she going end up really mad at me about this?”

 

That is a huge fear to have especially when this subject is so big with so many options.

 

 

2. ENVIRONMENT:

 

 

This jumps out at me as another potential problem.

 

Honestly I have been interested in this lifestyle for over 2 decades now, I have had a lot of threesomes and a fair number of foursomes with couples. However honestly if you dropped me into a sex club, with 50 people walking around or fucking each other then no I not actually feel comfy.

 

This is NOT me judging them, this is my own social protocol because as a person I feel better / operate better / feel more relaxed and comfy in a small group of people.

 

There are some people who thrive from big groups, thrive from events, gatherings, meeting new people, been social, and there are those who would prefer relaxing with a glass of wine and a friend, having a smaller social evening in a more controlled environment.

 

This means if your husband could simply meet a women in real life, not in a sex club, and that you could all go for coffee / all become new friends perhaps / that you and your husband could meet this women for coffees or drinks in quiet private bars to chat / then my guess is your husband would operate like 100% better in that situation.

 

I mean after all if your husband some kind of famous super star who loves the thrill of the crowd / is he some raver who loves dancing until 6am with his friends / is he some super public speaker who will put himself out there in front of hundreds of people, or really is he a guy who would prefer a nice film or sitting in the garden with a BBQ and a beer.

 

In this situation if you could invite this women to your home and simply spend a few evenings having a beer and food before she got a taxi home then my guess is your husband would feel a lot more confident, that suddenly he would spring into his element.

 

3. MEET A UNICORN / SINGLE FEMALE:

 

I have not got time to explain my entire method here but can assure you that IT WORKS!!!!

 

It has worked for me countless times, overall it has a massive success rate that will actually meet you a truly single female who is willing to explore a threesome friendship with you.

 

Please understand this knowledge I'm about to drop on you is like phenomenal, it is the cutting edge of methods that WILL bring a sexy, clean, single women into your bed for threesomes.

 

Are you ready?

 

Do you want to know the BIG SECRET?

 

If you want to meet a single women to have threesomes with you as a couple its is really easy, and all you have to do is find a single women and......

 

ASK THEM!!!!!

 

It is as simple as that.

 

Obviously you have to ask them in correct way, in way that protects you, in a friendly, open, none offensive way, but sure you want a unicorn, you want a truly single women who is not attending sex clubs / who is not already involved with other couples / who isn't sleeping around / then sure go meet a nice single women, be nice to her, talk to her, get to know her a little bit and simply ask her to consider joining you for a threesome friendship.

 

You know explain your reasons, let her know that you would be happy for her to join you both, that you are clean people, safe people, not looking to hurt her.

 

You will be surprised, more women would consider this than you think, in fact if a women is single and you can offer her friendship / comfort / support / sexual pleasure / shoulder to cry on / simply new people to hang around with, then sure what has this girl got to lose?

 

Be single and lonely in my flat watching another boring film alone, or head out and meet my two new friends and have a night of wine, laughter, maybe sex.

 

I have to go, however finally if you want to meet a single women to have a threesome with you, and this applies to any couple, then remember YOU DO NOT have to ask a single women to have a threesome.

 

Instead what you want do is ask a women HER OPINION ON THREESOMES?

 

I'll give some examples here.....

 

DO NOT SAY – Have a threesome with us? Will you have a threesome? Would you have a threesome? We want you to have a threesomes? Would you consider a threesome?

 

WHAT YOU DO SAY:

 

“I watched a really strange film the other day it was about some couple who got involved in some threesome, guess I found it a strange subject to make a film about, what do you THINK about threesomes, do you think that could ever work, guess I am unsure what do you think about it all?”

 

“Hey a friend asked me for advice because him and his wife are thinking of having a threesome with some other women and I really didn't know what to tell my friend, what would you have said, what do you think of the threesome subject?”

 

You see? You are NOT asking this women to have a threesome, you are simply asking her what she thinks about that subject?

 

You are not asking for a threesome or giving an ultimatum, you are simply making conversation and obviously had no intention of offending anyone.

 

The next part is real easy.

 

A) If they react badly and say they don't like the idea, then turn away.

 

B) If they react well / positively to the subject and say things like.

 

“Yeah I guess a threesome could be fun. Yeah a threesome sounds cool. Yeah I'd be open to trying something like that. Why not we only live once. Yeah I think it would be fun”

 

Basically any positive answer, then sure THAT is when you ask the women to consider a threesome friendship with you, and remember if you feel nervous you can always do this later by phone / text message / email / whatever form of conversation make you feel comfy.

 

I have been in this situation God knows how many times, I meet a single women, I identify if she is single, I make small talk with her, somewhere in this entire conversation I slip in the word “Threesome” and ask her opinions on the subject and she gives a positive reply.

 

I take that positive reply and then simply carry on the conversation as normal been polite, friendly, none offensive and will end up walking away with this girls phone number or email. I already know she is positive / pro threesomes on some level, so sure a few days later I'll message her (usually by email) and I'll very honestly explain the situation and throw in as many positive facts as possible and basically write her the best “Will you consider having a threesome with us?” email that I possible can.

 

This is usually positive, friendly, but upbeat at the same time. That basically I'm just honest about it. I tell her I enjoyed meeting her / found her very attractive / that I'd like to get to know her more and that actually we are a nice friendly clean couple looking for a threesome friend.

 

That you mentioned the other day you thought the idea sounded fun and honestly I think it could be wonderful trying that with you, that we could become good friends, that it could be a fun / upbeat / modern / cool type of friendship between us all, we would like to try anyway.

 

Could we meet you for a coffee, my wife totally agrees with all of this, she is nice / won't freak out / wants to meet you. Will you meet us for a coffee just as mates then we can chat more online after that and then you will know that we at least tuck a chance to meet and see if we could become friends, and honestly we could do with some new nice friends as well.

 

If your single, if your not seeing anyone at all, if you do have the occasional lonely afternoon then why not come and spent it with us. If you can be single, or instead we can offer you company, friendship, new things to do, sex, all without anyone knowing then what do you have to lose.

 

I often speak heavily about the security side, simply letting the women know that this would be a private thing / that we wouldn't tell a soul / that we are not expecting her to be perfect at sex / or to have a perfect body but that we are clean STD free people who would treat her well and with respect, that she would not be in any danger meeting us for a coffee.

 

Really all I am doing here is making an offer, giving this women some core details and positive facts to make her consider this subject with us better.

 

Honestly in my experience if a women has reacted in a positive manor when I asked her opinion about the threesome subject. If this women gave me her number or email when requested, then in about 90% of cases that women ends up naked in bed laid next to my girlfriend with me fucking them both for entire afternoons.

 

Simple steps really.

 

1: Meet a women who is single.

 

2: Ask her opinion about the threesome subject.

 

3: If she responds well then ask her to consider it with you.

 

4: Lay out your reasons, tell her why, be friendly, be nice, give her plenty of positive facts.

 

And sure enough within a few weeks most of them will agree to meet you for coffee, and very shortly after that will end up in bed with you naked.

 

The truly amazing part about this.

 

The truly wonderful part about this approach is it allows me to meet wonderful women, true unicorns, those single women who just happen to be single when we meet, the type of women who don't use sex websites, who don't attend sex clubs, who don't sleep around.

 

I have met some truly sexy and attractive young women in my time, the type of women who are gorgeous and perhaps even a little shy in love, nice friendly women who just happen to be single and perhaps aren't great at meeting partners or putting themselves out there, and sure I have ended up sleeping with such girls for years.

 

That sure you can meet one of these single women maybe as a coffee shop / event / bus stop / train platform / or wherever you go, in fact there are single women EVERYWHERE!

 

Sure from a random meeting at a coffee shop or train platform I'm laid there 18 months later realising because of that random meeting, because of me meeting this single women and simply asking her opinions on a subject I have now spent the last 1.5 years fucking two women all over every week.

 

Sure maybe I can meet a women on the internet, and I already know if she wanted she could meet a new man everyday, new couple everyday. This girl I have just met in the coffee shop and struck up a conversation with perhaps doesn't even use dating sites, perhaps has never visited a sex site in her life but sure give a friendly enough, safe enough, genuine offer then you can land yourself a play partner fairly easily.

 

The final things I'd ask you to remember here are that.

 

A) You are NOT asking for a threesome, all you are doing is asking someone's OPINION about a subject. Just try it, meet a single women, make small talk for a while and then figure out a way of dropping the threesome subject into conversation and asking what she thinks?

 

Asking someone their opinion on a subject / what they think about a subject is not a crime, so remember of this person does take offence or reacts negatively to the subject then you don't have to worry, after all you never asked them to have a threesome, all you did was ask an opinion.

 

I remember in my younger years I was dating this girl that I liked a lot but she was kind of nervous about the entire threesome situation, she didn't believe we could just ASK SOMEONE about a threesome and get a answer, that we could just simply ASK.

 

I mean is it really just that simple? Yes, yes it is.

 

I remember walking into a coffee shop one day with my girlfriend, and sure we had been discussing the entire threesomes subject for some weeks. Well we stud in line at the coffee shop and when we reached the counter there was a young women I'd say aged 24 / 25 who was serving the coffee, and obviously I said “Hello” and ordered my coffee.

 

Then suddenly I simply said to this total stranger....

 

“Excuse me, this is perhaps a super strange question but I'd like a females opinion here, can I please ask you what you as a person think about the threesome subject?”

 

This young women looked really shocked, kind of giggled at me a bit, then said....

 

“Yeah I guess they sound kind of fun”

 

Then gave me a lovely fun smile before carrying on making our drinks.

 

My girlfriend at the time was shocked / perhaps a little embarrassed / but as we sat there drinking our coffee I simply said....

 

“Look that is how easy it is”

 

I am maybe 70% sure that I could have walked back over to that girl and simply said....

 

“Hi I wanted you to know I'm that sorry if my inappropriate comments upset you earlier, it was wrong of me to put you on the stop like that. However I was really impressed by how you handled yourself, I think you seem like a really nice person, I'd like your number please, or even your email and would like us to chat more, is that okay with you?”

 

Something to that effect, and sure in most cases I'd walk away with a number or email address and then over the following weeks would simply make the the best most friendly offer of a threesome friendship that I could.

 

If coffee shop girl was single, if she responded well about threesomes, if she gave me some form of contact details, then sure usually within a few weeks I'll be pulling her knickers off for the first time with my girlfriend there to help, then a year later when we are still opening the door and a smiling happy coffee shop girl is walking in the door to spend the night then I'm a very happy man.

 

Remember its not illegal to ask someone opinion on a subject, that one simple fact has allowed to find various women as threesome friends.

 

Ask their opinion – If its positive then ask them for real.

 

Your NOT looking for someone to HAVE a threesome with, your simply looking for someone who has a positive opinion about threesomes, then asking that person.

 

I'd be happy to wager that if you placed me in a major English speaking city, lets say New York for an example. Now I have never been to New York, I have know very little about New York, but I guarantee you that if I really tried I could probably find a girl to have a threesome with either within 24 hours, or as little as one hour.

 

Honestly if my life depended on it then sure I'd just walk down the street stopping every women I could / been polite as I could / been extremely bold / forward / but still friendly / safe / polite and sure I'd find their opinion and if it was positive then I'd ask them their and then, basically come on an date with me now, come for a 20 minute coffee and let me speak with you, hear me out.

 

If she said no then BOOM off to the next one.

 

There has been guys do this on camera, just walk around city centres asking women their opinions on threesomes, just walking up to total strangers and asking them just like I did with the girl in the coffee shop.

 

You see this in some respects this is alpha, I asking for what I want, I am not worrying so much about causing offence because I am allowed to ask someone's opinion and if they don't like it then like Kurt Cobain once said “Oh well Never Mind”

 

I no longer even look for women on the internet / swingers sites, I have met my share of women and couples from swingers sites and honestly in my experience a lot of them end up been flaky / time wasters / they have to many options / end up meeting other people who suit them better / end up arguing with their partners or whatever else.

 

If I want to meet a women for a threesome now I do not need the internet, do not need swingers sites, and I don't even need to fuck another man's wife, instead I can just march out there and meet a women, see if she likes me, see if she responds well and simply talk with her, ASK HER!!!!

 

B) Like stated above it is not illegal to ask someone their opinion, however you do still have to use common sense and caution, some things I'd suggest about meeting a women in this fashion are:

 

Meet her somewhere you don't usually go.

 

Don't use your personal email to contact her, make am email address just to contact her or other potential play mates.

 

If you do email this person, text message her then do not give any personal details away such as where you work / live / study / hangout / or your real surnames, at least not for now.

 

The general idea here is that your meeting a stranger, you are meeting someone that you will probably never see again in your life, that if they take offence to you asking an OPINION then sure they can bugger off and you never have to see or speak to them again in your life.

 

Don't pick people at work / friends / old school mates / because if they take offence to been asked they can take that news back to your own friends, family, workplace and so on.

 

Just ask a stranger, meet a women and make friendly small talk, drop the threesome subject in conversation and simply see how they react. If she react well get to know her better ask for her number, if she react badly say sorry for any offence it was just totally idol conversation, you were simply asking an opinion and leave the conversation.

 

I'd say this is a 50/50 subject, that there are people who will say no, and some who will say yes and be positive. Not sure if this makes sense but if your looking for a women to fuck then your looking for this 1 mystical women, if your simply looking for a women who has a positive opinion about threesomes and then ask her for a threesome yourself later, then suddenly you have half the world to ask, you have millions of options.

 

Your not looking for a threesome, your looking for someone who is positive about threesomes, then asking that person.

 

Hope some of that help, really got to go now dam typing hands!

[padoc 1,696]

Cliff Claven is back!! Happy New Year Cliffy!

[Guest]

Happy new year Padoc.

 

Hhmm might change my name to Cliffy lol

[padoc 1,696]

[njbm 2,731]

Not sure about the Cliff Claven reference. Did he write weighty tomes? Sun and Moon, think Twitter. 120 letter limit or so. Nice contribution, but no one has the time to read it.

[Fitlakecouple 450]

My eyes glazed over scrolling by it. Geezus.

[padoc 1,696]

NJBM, I though you were older than a 20 something and would have got the reference. 80's tv show called Cheers, set in a bar in Boston. One of the regular bar flies was a mailman named Cliff Clavin. He was one of those guys who knew everything, even the most arcane facts and he took pleasure in explaining the obvious on whatever the topic was for long enough that everybody else in the bar was rolling their eyes. You gotta remember, "everybody knows your name"!

[njbm 2,731]

You have refreshed my senile recollection. I thought that perhaps there was an episode where he wrote an endless post. But there was no internet then. Perhaps Cliff invented it!

[Guest]

Not sure about the Cliff Claven reference. Did he write weighty tomes? Sun and Moon, think Twitter. 120 letter limit or so. Nice contribution, but no one has the time to read it.

 

 

Well njbm and padoc two of the longer standing members of the site have seen it, so that makes me smile

[Jane1902 476]

Maybe there should be a special section on the forum Cliff’s Notes on Swinging.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

He just said that he didn't want to feel rejected and doesn't know why he can't be himself.

Your husband must not have dated much. Rejection is part of taking the lead and going after anything.

 

He is use to being the Alpha male & doesn't like the idea of having to work at getting people to like him.

Welcome to the real world. If you never get rejected, you aren't aiming high enough. I'd rather get rejected 100 times to get one that I want, than just wait to see who likes me and roll with that.

[GoldCoCouple 4,026]

But there was no internet then. Perhaps Cliff invented it!

 

C'mon, everyone knows that Al Gore invented the internet.

[Guest]

Maybe there should be a special section on the forum Cliff’s Notes on Swinging.

 

That would be good!