Wife enjoys flirting, and I want to be okay with it

[drtylilsecrets 15]

The wife really enjoys the social part of swinging like the parties before sex, she likes to flirt you know and sit on guys laps stuff like that. sometimes I will be at the bar getting a drink and I come back and she's on somebody's lap..and it's really hard for me I feel like the third wheel when it happens, and we're considering taking a break from swinging or just stopping all together because our arguments have gotten so bad and we normally don't argue..part of me feel like this is my fault I really need to try to get more comfortable with her enjoying herself and maybe find a way to cope with it..or maybe it is just because we are different I don't swing to cuddle or flirt with women..just want sex..when we get on to the sex everything is fine ... we are full swap couple we don't even have a kissing rule and that's totally OK I can't think of any time that we've been together having group sex where I've had any issues like this..but for some reason her sitting alone with somebody else other than me in an intimate way really gets to me. I was wondering if anybody else had the same situation and if they came up with any good coping mechanisms? It makes her very happy to do these things, and it may help her get warmed up, I know she's still mine but she sitting in some other guy's lap, so I want to try to adjust. Any helpful advice would be great thanks!

[lcmim 1,033]

That doesn't bother me, but that is probably because my lady has told me in detail what she likes about certain things, mostly trivial things like this is.

What happens then is, if they come up, I can just relax and watch her get all worked up.

 

We are dealing here with perfectly valid but irrational emotional responses. 30 minutes later there can be hard sex going on and it isn't an issue but holding hands or cuddling on someones lap is?

 

I know it is REAL. I have both felt that way and triggered such responses myself so I understand.

Once I took and after play shower with a lady. That wasn't an issue with my wife, BUT I washed her hair for her. THAT was an issue.

 

Now we just treat these things as an occasion to laugh at ourselves later.

[adamgunn 1,457]

My wife also likes the social aspect, chatting with people (mainly men,) and dancing. I'm a little quieter, don't go looking for conversations but if someone talks to me I'll talk back.

 

It works for us. When my wife finds a couple that she likes she brings me into it. We've found quite a number of play partners that way.

 

Drty, would your wife play with that guy whose lap she's sitting on without talking to you about it? If not, I'd wonder why you'd be upset. If she would, you need to have a discussion with her.

[cplnuswing 4,711]

It doesn't bother me at all. I don't say that to minimize it though, the fact that it bothers you means it's an issue you two need to discuss and work through. You may need to change your approach as a couple, or after talking it through, you might decide it doesn't bother you as much.

 

If I had to guess, it's just her way of getting comfortable with people. Some people are good with the "Hi, let's get naked" level of getting to know each other, while others need a little slower approach that involves getting to know each other at least a little bit first.

[drtylilsecrets 15]

We actually sound very similar I'm the quieter one she's very bubbly.. we actually played with this guy before, so he wasn't a stranger or anything I gave her the go-ahead actually, and she knows I struggle with it, at first it was fine I think that just after a while

30 -40 mins, it got to be a little difficult for me. I think it is because our intimate connection the holding hands the stuff like that is very important to me in our relationship. But it is something I'm trying to work on because I realize it's part of the full package with her.

[drtylilsecrets 15]

Cpl- you are exactly right

[Guest]

I enjoy flirting a lot and my hubby indulges, actually encourages it because he knows it turns me on somewhat and, in the end, he reaps the benefit of that. But, the thing is if her flirting bothers you, then you should certainly not be considering any scenario where she does more than flirt.

[drtylilsecrets 15]

Yea my intention is not to stop swinging at all lol.. just evolve

[drtylilsecrets 15]

Nudist.. thank you! those are some really good suggestions, that alpha thing really hits me personally.. I've been looking a lot into hotwifing recently, listening to other alpha guys talk about how much they enjoy hotwifing is really helping me process and work through things, and I always enjoy growing sexually in this lifestyle!