What do men do to slow down their coming?

[njbm 2,863]

Contrary to many men of my age, I find that I come rather quickly. Just some intense oral from a new partner can bring me close to the edge. I usually ask the woman to stop and we move on to something else. Condoms do slow me down.

 

Any other techniques? I have heard something about pressing one's penis. I am happy that I can come. My wife has had multi-hour torture sessions trying to get other guys to come. She is attractive and skilled, so it is not her, IMHO.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

A casual acquaintance told me that he uses a distraction. He starts working through mathematical problems in his head. I am not able to confirm the effectiveness of this technique. Similar to men of my age, I have no need to prolong the time needed to ejaculate.

[adamgunn 1,460]

I think about how I'd play the perfect round on a golf course . . .

[Numex 2,386]

I find it effective just to slow down and not pump so fast. Pushing in fully, "balls deep" as they say, is good too because a vagina is usually tighter at the entrance than way in. The woman likes it because your hitting her clit.

[agreatguy 269]

Contrary to many men of my age, I find that I come rather quickly. Just some intense oral from a new partner can bring me close to the edge. I usually ask the woman to stop and we move on to something else. Condoms do slow me down.

 

Any other techniques? I have heard something about pressing one's penis. I am happy that I can come. My wife has had multi-hour torture sessions trying to get other guys to come. She is attractive and skilled, so it is not her, IMHO.

 

Just slow down.

I don't like distracting myself from the moment. Squeezing or pressing doesn't work for me but I've heard that advice as well.

 

I like to focus on what's going on, take it all in. My advice is pay attention to what you're feeling and back off the edge quickly if it feels like you're even getting close to it. Pull out and rub or slap her clit with your cock. Go back down on her for a quick break. Anything to ease that initial intensity even a quick position change. Do it in a sexy way to keep bringing her along. If she has any experience at all she'll know what you're doing, most likely she'll take it as a compliment that she's so hot(maybe you can even tell her that which will pay dividends) and she'll appreciate the effort. It only takes me a minute or two to get over that "oh shit this feels too good" feeling and I'm able to last as long as I want.

 

You mentioned condoms. Extra strong condoms can help because they are thicker but stay away from the ones with the delay stuff in them. You'll put that on thinking it's works right away and go balls deep and finish before you get started. Best case is you'll get off the ledge by your own doing and then won't be able to cum. If you aren't using condoms ask her to taste herself on your cock.(I find many, not all, women like to have a taste but most don't like to suck a cock with a condom on) The time it takes to move to that position and back may be all the time you need to get off the ledge.

 

If she's assertive I like to let her get on top because I rarely cum that way. Another position is jockey(man on top straddled the woman's closed legs). You may imagine this would be too intense but it is more like coital alignment, it limits the ability for long deep thrusts and is more of a grinding position that will stimulate the clit nicely but doesn't overstimulate me.

 

Whatever it is you are doing pay attention to what your body is telling you and back off quickly. It usually only takes a couple of minutes and you can be fucking as long as you want.

Also...Practice, practice, practice. The more in tune you are with that feeling the quicker you can learn to deal with it and get past it.

[padoc 1,701]

We feel that the ultimate goal of sex is orgasms and for us as swingers it's sharing orgasms. Mrs Doc enjoys when her partner gets off and if it's a new partner, she gets a bit smug if it happens quickly! She's only disappointed if the guy is done when he's cum and has no interest in hers. If you reload as quick as you get off, she'd wait. She says there's a fine line between a good boink and a mindless pounding. That line is usually defined by if and/or when the orgasms happen.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

When I feel like I am getting close to cumming I'll pull out and persuade her to get into a different position. Doing it in different positions is fun and the few moments it takes to get there is enough to calm me down.

 

If I do that enough times I'll get to the point where I can get past that feeling and go until she is satisfied.

 

The one position that I can always stay hard after I've cum until she is satisfied is with her on top.

[Numex 2,386]

Just slow down.

I don't like distracting myself from the moment. ----

If she's assertive I like to let her get on top because I rarely cum that way. Another position is jockey(man on top straddled the woman's closed legs). You may imagine this would be too intense but it is more like coital alignment, it limits the ability for long deep thrusts and is more of a grinding position that will stimulate the clit nicely but doesn't overstimulate me.

 

 

Everything you said is really good advice, but particularly this. Except I do find that the Jockey position, as you call it, doesn't slow me down, but yes the woman does like it.

 

Another possibility, depending on the overall situation and how you perform is - just blow your load and go again. Whether playing in some really stimulating arrangement or just at home with my wife, when I'm really excited I can get it back up again in a couple of minutes, especially if I'm sucked. Then I can go for what seems like forever. I've even done three in a row. Great, but a real struggle and my balls ache afterwards.

[njbm 2,863]

At my age of 60, it takes a good dose of ED meds to go for round 2. That has occurred to me and I’ve done it.

[kobo1973 15]

I'd drive the 250 miles to Oklahoma City!

 

WHAT????

 

As others posted above, distraction. I would drive to Oklahoma City in my mind. I would picture myself getting into the car, putting on my seat belt, starting up and driving away. I would picture every little town I would drive through. Every unique structure, lake, pond, etc. I would visualize the drive and therefore my mind was off of my weiner. I can last a long time that way. Not the five hours it takes for me to drive to OKC long, but long enough that some of my partners have asked me to hurry up.

 

Get your mind lost in something besides sex and I bet you will see a lot of improvement.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

Watch "There's Something About Mary"...they tell you in the movie how to do it, and how to keep your hair in place.

[ChaTam 43]

A casual acquaintance told me that he uses a distraction. He starts working through mathematical problems in his head. I am not able to confirm the effectiveness of this technique. Similar to men of my age, I have no need to prolong the time needed to ejaculate.

 

Personally, I would rather be in the moment and pop and then doing math and last longer. Just my opinion..

[Alura 2,773]

Ronnie, of Ronnie and Linda, had a premature ejaculation problem. Laura discovered that he was quick to get it up again and could do some nice deep stirring the second time. She decided the next time we got together she'd give him a "no responsibilities blowjob" for the first time around, treating herself in the process to one of her favorite flavors: "Fresh Man Juice." It worked.

[cplnluv1 870]

I agree, why stop? Changing positions does bring me down from an imminent cum though if it’s good timing enjoy cumming. I know people always say think about something else. If I’m going to think about baseball I will go to a game. If I’m having I want to cum.

[Bluespruce1 705]

Sounds.simple but she will usually give me a.blowjib before we got the club or the party. I'll release a good load and this will really help when we eventually do hook up. I have tried the stop/start, distraction...etc and they do work but I think they take away from the experience. I don't want to be distracted - I want to concentrate on my partner, look into her eyes and give her what she wants and needs. I also don't want to start and stop - although it's nice to try some different positions and to tease her a bit with my cock, once I feel her getting nice and wet I know she's ready to be taken. I want to get into a good rhythm with her and use my cock to get her there and that can take several minutes of hard pounding. If I cum and hour or two beforehand I can really go hard in most cases and can control.my orgasm so I can cum with her. It does happen where no matter what I do I just have to release one. If that does happen I tell her to help so I can get back to work on her.

[Guest]

Gee, I don't know. I always assumed it was just a matter of experience and self control. I did have a young man that was a 'project' and result of motherly love. With him, he came the first time I put my hand to him, in the air! He ejaculated immediately the first time I opened my legs for him. I ended up putting two condoms on him and 'weened' him off them until he could screw me bare and last long enough for me to get off. I just assumed that it was the experience and he had figured something out. When we have parties, the men generally last and withhold their orgasms until later, which is great. I didn't realize that they might have been going through some mind games to avoid cumming. I have experienced that some do pull out or stop pumping, rest, and restart. But, if I am on the edge, I'd prefer they just keep doing it and they can cum with me.

[Emt 91]

Contrary to many men of my age, I find that I come rather quickly. Just some intense oral from a new partner can bring me close to the edge. I usually ask the woman to stop and we move on to something else. Condoms do slow me down.

 

Any other techniques? I have heard something about pressing one's penis. I am happy that I can come. My wife has had multi-hour torture sessions trying to get other guys to come. She is attractive and skilled, so it is not her, IMHO.

 

I haven't read through all of the replies but I deal with this on a daily basis at my practice. When it comes to PE (Premature Ejacutlation), there's a few options and it really depends on the individual what they/their partner(s) will enjoy and what will work best. I'll bang out a short list and feel free to follow up with any questions.

 

We'll start with least invasive and work our way up...

 

Stop/start method- Get to know your body when when you can identify you are close to ejaculation, but not past the point of no return...stop. This can be stopping while still penetrating, withdrawing and waiting or withdrawing and using your fingers/toys to continue stimulating your partner. That last one works best if stopping is going to screw up their pleasure/orgasm.

 

Using Refractory Period- this may more commonly be seen as jerking off ahead of time. Essentially what you're doing is clearing out the chamber and forcing a longer duration to reach the next ejaculation. This takes experimentation to get good at. Some people can ejaculate twice in 15 min. Others it takes 24hrs. If struggling with ED this can also be tricky. However, once you establish your time frame, it can help to prolong the experience.

 

Delay creams- a few different options on the market but you apply them, wait for them to take effect (usually within a few minutes) and it numbs you up so you can endure more stimulation without it triggering your brain as quickly. I always encourage people to rinse off the cream once you're numbed up so you don't transfer it to your partner. If using condoms, you can skip the rinse.

[bryonboru 60]

I learned something from martial arts and athletics, it is very simple and most people overlook it.

 

"Control your breathing, keep it a slow rhythmic pace, taking deep long breaths while exhaling slow" - It is amazing what the body can do when you control your breathing.

[Kkris 18]

Noxitril works for me

[couplers 4,582]

From the woman's perspective, let's first define what we're talking about here. A guy cumming too fast means it's before I've orgasmed. Sometimes he will cum quickly, but I'm right there with him, which means that it isn't really too quick.

 

 

If I can't make it when he does, there are three alternatives: 1) suck him back up and put him back in, which is good because you know the second time will take longer; 2) find another willing dick (which could be too quick again if he hasn't cum yet, or if he has it is better than option (1) because he will still last but is easier to get up looking at a new pussy); 3) least preferable, have him (or someone if he's lost interest after orgasm) eat you out. I like oral but in addition to, not a substitute for.

 

Men are complicated. They cum and it takes some effort to get them interested and going again. We women are good for as long as we planned to play.

[EastInWest 1,524]

When I feel like I am getting close to cumming I'll pull out and persuade her to get into a different position. Doing it in different positions is fun and the few moments it takes to get there is enough to calm me down.

 

Same. Just changing the part of my cock that's getting the most stimulation by changing position is usually enough to buy some more time.

[magnum 78]

Good topic/interesting topic...for me, I have found that if I have a chance, before I start my play date...smoking weed helps me delay my cumming for quite a while...sometimes, I've worn her out long before I cum...if I am not "stoned", I control my tempo/my angle of penetration/how deep I go, that can help delay my cum...

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

When I was in my late twenties I started learning to edge & include meditative techniques with sex. Over several years I learned to control my orgasm, & able to delay or bring it on. It required regular attention to retain the ability. When I was in my late forties I let it lapse for fifteen years. It took a couple years to recover the ability & I found age has changed some aspects.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

Focus on your partner so that you shift your focus. If you start thinking about how you might change things up to do something interesting a little different, you'll be a little distracted from getting off and might come up with something novel. It beats doing math or other exercises intended to distract you.

[Emt 91]

Focus on your partner so that you shift your focus. If you start thinking about how you might change things up to do something interesting a little different, you'll be a little distracted from getting off and might come up with something novel. It beats doing math or other exercises intended to distract you.

 

Shifting focus to your partner is an excellent way to respond to struggles with ED in order to avoid awkwardness, anxiety, and a generally unsuccessful experience. However, for PE, it's important to really be in tune with you body so you can better respond to what you are experiencing.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

Shifting focus to your partner is an excellent way to respond to struggles with ED in order to avoid awkwardness, anxiety, and a generally unsuccessful experience. However, for PE, it's important to really be in tune with you body so you can better respond to what you are experiencing.

 

Huh? That seems exactly backwards.

[Emt 91]

Huh? That seems exactly backwards.

 

From what you shared, yes it is. I'm a Male and a sex therapist. What are you basing your experience on?

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

From what you shared, yes it is. I'm a Male and a sex therapist. What are you basing your experience on?

Thirty five years of experience having sex and knowing from the outset that finishing too soon was not going to make a very good impression. If you think focussing on your partner doesn't work, your idea of focussing on something is quite different from mine. If you are focussing on something other than your own sensations, you will be distracted by what you are focussing on. If you had a sprained ankle, were at the beach and the person you were with was drowning, do you think you'd notice the sprain much while running to the water? If you are focussing on your partner, then you are going to be distracted by figuring out what she wants and trying to be creative which is no different in terms of shifting your focus, but more useful, than solving differential equations while having sex.

[Emt 91]

Thirty five years of experience having sex and knowing from the outset that finishing too soon was not going to make a very good impression. If you think focussing on your partner doesn't work, your idea of focussing on something is quite different from mine. If you are focussing on something other than your own sensations, you will be distracted by what you are focussing on. If you had a sprained ankle, were at the beach and the person you were with was drowning, do you think you'd notice the sprain much while running to the water? If you are focussing on your partner, then you are going to be distracted by figuring out what she wants and trying to be creative which is no different in terms of shifting your focus, but more useful, than solving differential equations while having sex.

 

Thirty five years is a long time. But I've worked with individuals and couples that struggle far longer than that. While I understand the argument you are trying to make about ignoring pain, I'm not sure equating the same technique for addressing the ignorance of pain and pleasure is the best comparison. Additionally, in both cases, just because something might work does not make it a wise idea. Ignoring the pain of a sprained ankle is again the opposite of what you would do to fix it. Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation....that may work better. You continue to put pressure on it and ignore what you're body is trying to communicate to you and you could end up being worse off.

 

Here are two vids that help to explain some options suggested by other sex therapists. Neither of them even begin to hint at distracting yourself.

 

 

Now if distraction works for some, ok, but it's not something I'd advise. Kinda like ignoring that fracture you think is just a sprain.