Should we re-establish contact with couple we denied?

[Gordo 618]

OK so we met this couple a few months ago. I really liked her and wifey liked the hubby. I even liked the guy and we had a lot in common. But it was ME that decided to pass on them.

 

The problem was he was just about deaf! We were sitting in an isolated area of a quiet pub but the entire conversation from him was looking at his wife and asking "what was that'? She kept having to repeat everything to him. For the life of me I couldn't envision spending an evening with him/them talking like that. The guy obviously needed a hearing aid and I'm assuming they couldn't afford one or wouldn't wear one due to ego problems.

 

They sent us several emails after saying how much they liked us and would like to get together. Wifey was interested in him despite the handicap but I just wasn't interested because of it. I just kept sending back non-commital responses and they eventually disappeared.

 

OK anyone wants to call me shallow now is a good time

 

So we're having some pillow talk last weekend and I asked her if any woman had EVER tempted her to try some bi activities. She is straight but I would describe her as bi situational in that she has always said if the right situation happened she might try it. She has always said that no woman has ever tempted her. So when I asked she says "yeah. Those people we met last summer I would have done it with her". Huh? What people? You know the one....you guessed it THEM! I asked her "why her" and she said she didn't know why she just would have with her. I am stunned. It has always been a small fantasy to watch her with another woman. So we have to take a 30 minute break or so to deal with an issue that popped up thinking about what could have been.

 

So now part of me wants to go crawling back and see if I can re-establish contact but I really don't have a great excuse for my conduct and don't really want to lie. Part of me is so angry at wifey that she didn't bother to mention this little fact when we were talking about whether or not we wanted to continue with them. We're supposed to communicate and supposed to be doing this to fulfill fantasies and she just doesn't bother to say anything till months later. Part of me wants to put her over my knee and tan her A** for not saying anything and part of me is commiserating because she missed an opportunity as did I.

 

So there you have it. I want to kick her ass! I'm kicking my ass! And a big part of me want to crawl back and kiss their asses for being so stupid! I can't win

[junglecouple 127]

I'm guessing you're selling them short, which is a shame, because at some point , conversation ISN"T the point. you loss from our point of view if that was the reason for a TD..

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I don't see any reason your wife should have brought up her possible interest in the wife after you have already given the veto to the couple. It sounds like she was being respectful to you.

 

In the future perhaps you'll be more open-minded.

[Guy1964 177]

It wasn't a couple, for me it was a lady I passed on. I was being overly romantic and I wasn't ready to separate the emotions from the physical. I have thought of it as a missed opportunity, but now I realize, for whatever reason, I just wasn't ready. These painful learning experiences are required for us to grow beyond our comfort zone. Yes, I enjoy my wins, but I find I often grow from my losses. It is important to understand what my thinking was at the time I made the regrettable decisions? Were my expectations unrealistic? Did I have unrealistic fears? (That's been mine.) Was I being judgmental and closed minded? Was there a real problem in the situation that my subconscious pulled me away from?

[Gordo 618]

I don't see any reason your wife should have brought up her possible interest in the wife after you have already given the veto to the couple. It sounds like she was being respectful to you.

 

In the future perhaps you'll be more open-minded.

 

No she never brought it up and I didn't veto them till after the discussion and finding out how she felt. She was for it. I would never turn someone down without discussion.

 

Every time you meet someone there are checks and balances you add up before moving forward or declining. In this case it was about 50/50 and I would have moved forward if I had known about this. It would have been enough to tip it over :-(

 

As for being more open minded I usually am but I know which question to ask first in the future. Hello wifey, any bi feelings here??? Can we share how we REALLY FEEL?

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I know it's all been veto'ed but are you sure it was a hearing problem or just the loudness of the pub? Mr. Sun doesn't have the greatest hearing (or he's pretending so he doesn't have to listen to the kids fussing) but it is definitely exacerbated when we go out to clubs or parties where the music is loud. And my hearing used to be pretty decent until I worked in a semiconductor fab (damn HVAC).

 

Anyway, I'm sure another woman will come along to tempt your wife to explore some bi-activities.

[ViSexual 1,008]

I don't see why you can't contact them and just tell 'him' the truth. Then say that you and your wife were discussing couples you both liked the most, in your experiences, and admit that you both said it was them..., again, the truth. Ask him about his hearing. Discuss alternatives like texting or all of you going to a sign-language course. Hey, not that I think about it, what a great way for two swinger couples to exchange private comments in public!

 

Anyway, let him know that you do want to see if this could work.

[81lizard69 470]

Back more than a few years ago when I was in the army I suffered so hearing loss in my right ear. One of my battle buddies let off a gun shot a little close to my head. Ouch. Lost some hearing that day. When I am in a situation that has a lot of background noise esp if a pub where there is a lot of talking I find it hard to follow the the conversation. Too many voices and music all seem to garble together. I don't need a hearing because I am not in that situation much unless we meet a couple or something in a pub.

 

Almost a year ago my wife and I are meeting a couple in pub that we want to swing with. We had been emailing this couple a lot and we liked them. But when we actually met them the wife was hot. It was the husband. When ever he spoke he was mumbling and no one could understand a word he said. It was so frustrating.. LMAO.......

 

I had you going on that one.

 

I recommend that you crawl back to that couple as fast you can. This is a phrase that I use to help ease myself through those awkward situations where I blew it before.

 

It starts out like this. Hey its M@N again and I was looking back at your profile and thought why the hell have we not ever got together. I don't remember what happened but We sure liked you..... Most of the time that works.

 

Hope that helps. Let us know if you get back together with them.

[SwingSetHusband 110]

Lmao.. Putting my two cents in, I would say just try to reestablish some communication with the cpl. I think you could be honest about the situation because most likely it wouldn't be the first time that his hearing problem became an issue. He probably would understand how you felt. Then again, maybe not...but you won't know until you try. As far as your wife, maybe she knew that you were uncomfortable about his hearing issues and just kinda wanted to make some kind of silent compromise and just deal with it.

[Gordo 618]

OK about the pub. It was a quiet Sunday afternoon and I doubt there were 6 other people in the entire place and it is huge! It has this little sunroom/alcove built off the main areas that has a small archway to enter it and it's surrounded by the patio and garden outside. Very nice place to sit because it doesn't get all the noise from the pub. The waitress also turned off the music speakers in the section at our request so we could talk without background noise. We had the area to ourselves.

 

He did have a serious hearing problem and they admitted it. But like a lot of subjects like that it isn't something you explore or ask a lot about.

 

As far as crawling back is concerned now that little brain has had some distance from the original thoughts I'm still left with the issue of once you've boinked what can you talk about. We like to do things with people aside from just screwing so looking past the immediate opportunity I still see an issue. I have to say that every time he asked "what was that" his wife would tense up in answering him so there is an underlying issue there. It could be plain irritability or it may be an issue of he won't wear a hearing aid because of his ego. My 83 year old mother is exactly the same and it irritates the shit out of me every time time she says "what?". Which occurs about every 10 seconds

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

loudness is relative. That's a given. But, that's beside the point now.

 

1. I don't think your wife was wrong by not telling you should might consider playing with that woman. Heck, she might not have even realized/ thought about it at the time.

2. You shouldn't be holding it against her now, especially since

3. The veto was ON YOU. Regardless of any discussion that took place it was you, in the end, that vetoed this couple (from all that you said above).

4. move on, accept your lumps, and keep looking.

[Gordo 618]

I think you're right she probably didn't realize it at the time. I don't think she's really bi so her brain doesn't move in that direction automatically like some. I'm not holding it against her it was just more of an immediate this is hot and why didn't she tell me right away reaction. Once you get past the immediate lust that thought has tapered off.

 

I agree it's time to move past it and forget it.

 

Signed

Lumpy

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

We've had more than a few nubie couples get back in touch with us after several months...we even joke about it. People seem to meet us, we all get along, and then nothing (for awhile). Thought is that they think that everyone is like us (absolutely NO drama, friendly, open, and honest) so they go looking for what else is out there. After they see what is out there (not poking at anyone in particular, just a general statement), they suddenly pop back asking if we would like to get together again. Hey, it's all good and people (especially nubies) have to learn. Contact them again and see if they would like to get together again. Worst thing that can happen is they say no (or they just don't respond).