How has your sex life as a couple changed?

[calinewbies 16]

I'm curious about how everyone's sex lives have changed since they have began swinging. Has it gotten better, stayed the same, or has there been changes for worse? I would like to hear from the vets as well as the newbies to the lifestyle.

 

Thank you for your input

[celtic239 297]

It has gotten much better.

[Tobacouple 111]

Was always great, and still is.

[angelkin 1,326]

Our sex life together was always great and still is, but swinging has changed things a bit. When we go out and don't hook up with another couple, the sex is out of this world...likewise when we are alone after an encounter with others, the sex is phenomenal. I have to say though, our appetite for one another has waned a bit. This could be due to the fact it's not as exciting to be with *just* each other, but it could also be attributed to the fact that we're just busy with work and other mundane stuff.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

It was very good before, now it's amazing!

 

My husband was my only partner before this, so I've learned a lot through playing with different people, through reading this board and listening to sex-related podcasts.

[LFM2 1,482]

It was phenomenal before and it's still phenomenal. Swinging has changed it up a bit, and I think because we're so open in communication, honesty and thoughts, it's just made it better. We giggle, moan and groan, and laugh a lot during sex which we love. It's all good.

[km34 672]

I agree that ours has only gotten better. We've gotten so much more comfortable talking about what we're interested in that we've been able to explore a few other fetish-related activities, too.

 

And like the others have said... There is something about being together right after having swung that makes it AMAZING.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Better even though we haven't really done anything but visit a club. The intensity and frequency have increased!

[calinewbies 16]

Well the reason I ask is that our sex life has never really been that great and we thought maybe swinging together would make it better....in all actuality it has gotten worse...we go weeks with out having sex...it has gone almost 2 months in the recent past. As of current it has been a little over 3 weeks. He is interested in swinging and recently we had made plans and he was very excited but they fell through . I'm at the point that as far as sex goes I could take it or leave it...I guess a lack of libido is the best way to explain it, lol I don't even have the urge to masturbate anymore. I do look forward to swinging but now it is more for the thought that I might actually have sex with someone. I have even been giving the thought to asking him if I can play alone....I have talked to him in the past about the way I feel...I have pretty much stopped taking care of myself in that sexy way...why try to be sexy all the time when it doesn't pay off.

 

Has anyone had this happen to them and if so how did you fix it? Or do you have suggestions on how to fix it?

[km34 672]

we go weeks with out having sex...it has gone almost 2 months in the recent past. As of current it has been a little over 3 weeks. He is interested in swinging and recently we had made plans and he was very excited but they fell through . I'm at the point that as far as sex goes I could take it or leave it...I guess a lack of libido is the best way to explain it, lol I don't even have the urge to masturbate anymore. I do look forward to swinging but now it is more for the thought that I might actually have sex with someone. I have even been giving the thought to asking him if I can play alone...

 

If you're looking forward to and getting excited about swinging, I wouldn't think it is entirely a libido thing. Especially if you're interested in playing solo.

 

When you two do have sex, do you connect well? If it is only somewhat fulfilling or worse, then I could see how it would be easy to go long periods of time without trying, but if it is great when it does happen, maybe you just need something to trigger interactions.

 

Do you ever PLAN to have sex? I've known couples who would just get busy and kind of "forget" to have sex with one another until they finally set up a set night every week (or every other, or twice a week, or however often they want) just to have sex. Maybe setting up a routine that includes time set aside specifically for sex would help get it back into your lives on a regular basis.

[shrevecouple 252]

Our sex life together was always great and still is, but swinging has changed things a bit. When we go out and don't hook up with another couple, the sex is out of this world...likewise when we are alone after an encounter with others, the sex is phenomenal. I have to say though, our appetite for one another has waned a bit. This could be due to the fact it's not as exciting to be with *just* each other, but it could also be attributed to the fact that we're just busy with work and other mundane stuff.

 

I don't want that to ever happen. That has been one of my concerns.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I don't want that to ever happen. That has been one of my concerns.

 

I'm also concerned about that.

[angelkin 1,326]

I'm also concerned about that.

 

It's a valid concern...one you should discuss openly with one another. I honestly don't think that the lifestyle has caused this lack of excitement - but maybe it's a small part. About 6 months after we started swinging, we both started new jobs. He gets up early and is tired and I sometimes work late into the evening and feel a lot of stress from my job.

 

Sex with others doesn't hold a candle to the sex we have alone together but sex with others is different and exciting. Note in my post that when we go to clubs and don't hook up (which is about 3/4 of the time), the sex is incredible. It's still just us, despite where we got our appetite.

[Chicup 41]

Hard to judge really.

 

When we first started swinging, yes it really ramped up our own sex lives.

 

Now some 12 years later, we are slowing down a bit, but how much of that is due to swinging and how much of that is due to it being 12 years later who can really say?

 

What I can say is that we ARE both harder to get that sort of instant turn-on effect, but that's to be expected. We have been there done that, done them.

[wisconsin 58]

I would recommend to check your and hubby's hormone levels, they affect your libido. If they subsided a bit and with age they do you may think about supplementing. Talk to your doc and have it checked.

 

Cialis can help as well to make it more interesting.

 

Our excitement threshold is different now and we need more stimulation. We need to be more kinkier and more creative. After participating in a couple of bi orgies our options with each other are little limited.

[Chicup 41]

Well the reason I ask is that our sex life has never really been that great and we thought maybe swinging together would make it better....in all actuality it has gotten worse...we go weeks with out having sex...it has gone almost 2 months in the recent past. As of current it has been a little over 3 weeks. He is interested in swinging and recently we had made plans and he was very excited but they fell through . I'm at the point that as far as sex goes I could take it or leave it...I guess a lack of libido is the best way to explain it, lol I don't even have the urge to masturbate anymore. I do look forward to swinging but now it is more for the thought that I might actually have sex with someone. I have even been giving the thought to asking him if I can play alone....I have talked to him in the past about the way I feel...I have pretty much stopped taking care of myself in that sexy way...why try to be sexy all the time when it doesn't pay off.

 

Has anyone had this happen to them and if so how did you fix it? Or do you have suggestions on how to fix it?

 

The problem might be him directly, such as stress or hormone level issues.

 

The problem might be you indirectly. I've had two friends who's wives 'let themselves go' physically, especially weight-wise. Of course my friends have been trained by the media that you can't talk to women about that and if you do you are a jerk so they didn't say anything. Both women in both cases complained about their husbands lack of sex drive. Both I asked nicely if they thought it was their appearance, to which they both denied completely (he never said anything!).

 

Both are now divorced, both of them are now in relationships with other women. Both told me after the fact it was their wives appearance that turned them off from sex.

 

Without knowing anything about you, this is just a possibility, but perhaps it may help.

[shrevecouple 252]

Chicup said:

Both are now divorced, both of them are now in relationships with other women. Both told me after the fact it was their wives appearance that turned them off from sex.

 

Then the best happened for those relationships. You might argue but if they really loved them that alone wouldn't have led them to divorce.

[calinewbies 16]

A couple of questions have been asked that I would like to address....One it the possibility of a hormone imbalance.....I don't believe this is the issue, although I am no doctor...but the reason I don't think it is hormones is because he has no problem jumping on the computer daily, possibly a couple times a day to visit all the different sites weather porn or swingers sites and will pleasure himself before I get home from work. Also he suggests that we meet couples for playdates on a regular basis.

 

The other question is have I let myself go? I'll be honest and say yes, in the past couple of weeks I have.....I feel like it has been a waste of my time and effort because he didn't notice for the months that I have been trying to be extra sexy.

 

I let him know yesterday that once more the lack of sex was having a great effect on me and I want to understand why this keeps happening...all he can say is sorry and that he will make it up to me that night which never happens...and besides if he tried I wouldn't be into it cuz it would feel like he was doing it because I made a big deal about it and not cuz he wanted to.

 

And then now this morning a couple asked if we wanted to meet this weekend and he basically already told them yes that I would get back to them to make the arrangements......This really bothers me that he is all gungho to meet with other couples for possibly playtime yet our sex life is shit!

[shrevecouple 252]

With that added info it just sounds to me like maybe his priorities are out of wack right now and he needs to refocus his energies where they are suppose to be, on you and him not him and the computer or others. We have had this problem in the past. I had never had issues with porn but when it became to feel like it was replacing me (for example i'd be waiting in the bedroom for him and finally get tired of waiting and catch him masturbating to porn instead of pleasing himself with me...and this was happening alot) I got upset. Talk to him about this. See if he can try to hold off the porn and save it for you and see if he gets it. Mine didn't at first, trying to just talk to him didn't work unfortunately, I finally went beserk and he got the picture. LOL Hopefully it don't go that far for you.

[calinewbies 16]

I have talked to him till I have been blue in the face.....he has told me he would slow way down and leave something for me, but this has never worked....I am afraid I will have to resort to going berserk on him.....how would I accomplish this with out driving him out of the house and sitting and talking to me.....I have already told him that I was having serious thoughts of placing an ad on a website looking for sex.....basically telling him I was thinking about cheating without saying the actual words......I'm so incredibly frustrated and don't know what to do to get him to understand. He just keeps saying....so this is all my fault?

 

I do admit that I am not good at initiating anything but at this point I just feel like he doesn't wants me sexually unless we are playing and with this comes some insecurities. I told him this as well, that right now I need him to show me that he wants me just not tell me cuz at this point actions speak louder than words.

[shrevecouple 252]

Well I seriously hope you don't have to go to extremes. I was really mad and hurt because like you I explained and explained away and he just didn't get it. My beserk was ugly. I was throwing stuff and screaming. It wasn't pretty.

 

I know your not feeling sexy but if you can just try to put it on him whenever it is you want it. Just get naked and initiate. You may not feel sexy but you are a woman and you have the parts I assume. LOL I hope he snaps out of it!!

[slevin 1,374]

Quote

Both are now divorced, both of them are now in relationships with other women. Both told me after the fact it was their wives appearance that turned them off from sex.

 

Quote

Then the best happened for those relationships. You might argue but if they really loved them that alone wouldn't have led them to divorce.

 

It isn't a popular thing to say, but sex is an incredibly important part of a relationship. If one partner lets themselves go, shows little interest in sex, isn't interested in talking about etc., then that can definitely lead to divorce. I don't think it's good nor bad, it's just to be expected. I don't think it says anything in particular about the person initiating the divorce.

 

Sex should be a central part of a healthy relationship, right along with everything else. Just like how I know couples who had excellent sex lives, but everything else sucked (which ended in divorce), I know couples who had excellent relationships, but horrible sex lives which ended in divorce.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I have talked to him till I have been blue in the face.....he has told me he would slow way down and leave something for me, but this has never worked....I am afraid I will have to resort to going berserk on him.....how would I accomplish this with out driving him out of the house and sitting and talking to me.....I have already told him that I was having serious thoughts of placing an ad on a website looking for sex.....basically telling him I was thinking about cheating without saying the actual words......I'm so incredibly frustrated and don't know what to do to get him to understand. He just keeps saying....so this is all my fault?

 

I do admit that I am not good at initiating anything but at this point I just feel like he doesn't wants me sexually unless we are playing and with this comes some insecurities. I told him this as well, that right now I need him to show me that he wants me just not tell me cuz at this point actions speak louder than words.

 

1. It sounds like porn might be an addiction/habit right now for him where he can't stop. Have you been point blank about exactly how you feel? Have you asked him how he feels?

 

2. Don't beat around the bush. Sometimes men don't pick up on hints or suggestions. If you tell him seriously that you are considering cheating on him say what you need to say.

 

3. Try not to say the words "I" or "you" a lot...especially if it seems like you're accusing him of ignoring you and your needs. Say "we" so that he can understand that the both of you are in this together.

 

4. Don't be afraid to do something outright sexy for him. Walk around naked, lie down in the same room he is while he looks at porn and masturbate, pull down his pants and give him a blowjob....

[willyoats 324]

I'd say our sex life was ho-hum, or vanilla, or "adequate" before. It became, almost overnight, dynamic and vastly improved afterwards. I can't imagine what we would be like now if we had never gone into swinging. We would be so dull!

[Numex 2,364]

Sex with my wife is fantastic, but ever since we've been together we've been ok with fucking other people because of our pasts.

 

For me, I've had three relationships in my life; a fiance I almost married, my first wife, and my new wife. I was originally a one man and one woman guy, until my fiance cheated on me and I realized it made her happy and I felt good about it. So after that it was a normal part of me. My fiance and I stayed together and she kept fucking the other guy and it was all good. We split for other reasons.

 

My first wife had a little of a past which I let her continue. No offense to anyone here, but we split because she became a batshit crazy talk radio nut, if you know what I mean.

 

My wife now wasn't married before me and had guys casually for sex. She said she would quit for me but I said she should continue to do what makes her happy. Eventually, she wanted it to be a couples thing, so we swing now too.

 

So overall, it has been a part of my life for a long time now and is the reason sex with my woman has always been hot, because they know they can do what they want.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

My fantasy had become an obsession. It took me a long time to talk her into trying it. She finally got tired of me "begging". Her first experience with another man in front of me after ten years of marriage was awesome! She loved it! It was more than either one of us expected. I was so hard watching them that I could feel the pulse in my cock. I almost came without touching myself.

 

After that it was no problem talking her into doing it again. She craved getting fucked by him to the point that she was making dates with him without my having to set it up. She loved having sex with him and she loved me for letting her have sex with him. I was more than satisfied. My fantasy had come true. Watching her enjoying getting fucked by another man is hard to describe. They enjoyed fucking while I watched them. He wanted to give her a good fucking in front of me. He wanted to show me, and her, that he was the better man. She knew that and loved playing the shy, innocent, submissive turned slut wife for him.

 

It was when she was playing like a slut that she had her first orgasm with him while he was fucking her. She had never had an orgasm with me while I fucked her. It had to be direct clitoral stimulation from me licking her or a vibrator. I noticed a change in her behavior. She experienced an incredible feeling with another man and I was jealous. She was falling in love with him. She admitted that no man, including me, had ever made her orgasm while his cock was in her. She was feeling doubts about being married to me. She was confused. She wanted both of us. I loved her and wanted her to be happy. I was willing to share her with him.