A question about drinking?

[Guest xerogirl]

We go to a somewhat local swing club. The last time we were there I drank a six pack. I can say yeah I was drunk but, by far not SMASHED. I was being very playful with just about anyone "who approached me." I love to flirt but, just because I'm sitting on someones lap or flirting DOSE NOT MEAN I'M TAKING THEM TO A ROOM!!

 

As we were about to leave a guy I did find attractive came up to me and said he'd love to play but, I'd have to be SOBER. I may be out of line but, at the time I took it as an offense. What he said was more along the lines of I'd love to play but, you'd have to be sober. He then made some kind of comment about how I'd been on the men all night.

 

Who the hell is he to say who I can flirt with? BTW he just assumed I was into him by coming up and making it know he'd screw me sober. What made him think I was going to screw him?

 

We are not new to swinging but, we are new to clubs. I love beer and I like to drink. Is it a major turn-off for some guys to see a women drink? I am confused about the drinking thing at clubs. My husband dose not drink. I know it's taboo to be toasted but, I was not.

 

Negative or positive, I'd love to hear views on women drinking and being flirty. For those who care I told him good LUCK with the sober. I am who I am and I think it's shitty to push a personal preference on ANYONE! THANKS

[OhioCouple 40]

xerogirl,

 

That is a pretty difficult situation to analyze. In my opinion I think for the most part that society is still driven by the thought that "Girls should be Ladies" and "Boys can be whatever they want". Meaning that I feel it is frowned upon by women drinking and they are seen as sloshes and men are just good old boys having fun even when passed out in the middle of a busy intersection.

 

Couple this with the fact that you were drinking, your husband wasn't and you were being a flirt. Are you a natural flirt or does it just come out in you after you have a few drinks? That would be my first question.

 

Since the guy approached you, I am confused as to why he would just blatently say he wanted to play with you but you would have to be sober. That isn't a normal pick up line even in the non-swing world. Another fact to be considered is that many people do not like the smell of beer breath and despise even more so than the do smoker's breath. Since that was your beverage choice he could have noticed that by talking to you and was turned off by it. I don't find that unusual at all. My husband loves to try all sorts of new beers and there are times that I just have to say "Ewwww that stuff leaves an icky smell."

 

What does your husband say? He would know you better than anyone. Did he think you were toasted? Often times many people don't think they are when in fact they are three sheets to the wind. I've seen it and done it myself. I'd say if your husband says you were fine, I wouldn't worry about it and just chalk it up to a remark made by someone that very well could have been innocent.

 

Lori

[fun_pairTX 26]

Personally I dislike drunks of either gender. That fact not withstanding, your choice to drink or not, is ultimately yours. You have to live with you no matter what you choose to do. If you do have a problem, you will be the last to know.

[Guest xerogirl]

I am a FLIRT drinking or sober. I am not one of the persons who has to drink to swing. Yes, i agree beer breath is nasty. This guy who made the comment to me was not like a total stranger. I've seen him several times at the club and we even have mutal friends. I supose because we know some of the same people he felt he could aproch me more upfront then someone who he knew little about. More so then the drinking comment I was annoyed by the comment about me not be slective about the men I was flirting with. "he said I was all over all the men". I guess I should just let it go. After asking someone who knows us both about the comment, they said he is a pompus ass that's all. I can party sober but, I enjoying drinking. It cost us 70-100 dollars to go out. We have to get gas pay a babysitter get in the club and eat exc. So when I get time away from the house the kids exc. I want to cut loose!!!!!. My hubby said I was drunk but, he say's I was not being out of line. I did not lay down anywhere or need any help out to my car I was not stumbling or anything. I DO PLAN on not drinking our next visit just to prove I can be goofy sober. Either way I will not give that guy the time of day. He blew any chance of getting me in the sac. I feel strongly if you don't have anything nice to say to someone and they are not asking your thought....you should live and let live and keep your comments in your own mouth.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

If you are a flirt regardless, then my guess (based solely on what you write) is that the guy was just taken aback by your flirtatiousness with so many guys. Perhaps he is the type who ASSumes that just because a girl flirts with him (and even more so in a swing club situation) that she is interested in HIM, and thinking that figures that since you were also flirting with all these other guys that you are just a "slut" there to screw anyone who will take you.

 

Or, not knowing you outside of that given situation, assumed that your actions were soley because you had been drinking.

 

Whatever, the case I wouldn't worry about it. As someone else said, if you choose to drink it is up to you, so long as you keep it to moderation and not let the drink control your actions.

[mopek 15]

Hi,

 

From what you wrote about him, it sounds like he needs to check his etiquette. It doesn't even sound like it was about the drinking to me. He just walked up to you and said

 

"I'll play with you but...."

 

That in itself tells me that the problem started with him. You just don't approach people like that out of respect.

 

The drinking was secondary...to me anyway.

[LadyandLordAro 15]

It strikes me odd that someone would consider another person in a swing club too "flirtatious" be they drunk or sober.

 

I realize there is a difference between a flirt and outright acting like a pro lap dancer ( it that a bad thing? ) but hey..if the guy didnt want to see lewd behavior..methinks he hangs out in the wrong place.

 

BTW..I'm a drunk. I can be sober too, but ah wubs mah beah.

[Vjklander 138]

We might enjoy a drink or two when out for the night, but we would never play drunk and won't play with someone who is drunk. Sorry, just not that appealing to us.

[Fatcat_Lynx 15]

Well I love to flirt also. Drinking or sober.I do drink and last nite I was at a Swingers party. I don't care who likes it or not. I am over 21 and if I want a drink that is me.

 

If a man wants to sleep with you it don't matter if you are sober or drunk. That to me seems like a EXCUSE he came up with. I dont know many men who turn down sleeping with a woman. I might be wrong but hey who knows...

[Alura 2,773]

It sounds to me like the guy is, indeed, a pompous ass, xerogirl. Not because he chooses to play with sober women; I do that myself and Mrs. Alura won't play with someone who's blitzed. Still, he was out of line. If he didn't want to play with you there was no reason to approach you. That he did tells me he had something else on his agenda. Perhaps turning a woman down for sex makes him feel superior and he jumped at the chance.

 

If you had approached him, and he turned you down because you were drinking, it would have been quite different.

[river248 15]

All new to me. I doubt that I could swing without a drink or 2 at first meeting. I'm too uptight/shy; whatever you want to call it. I don't flirt at all sober and with a couple of drinks, it still isn't something I do overly well.

 

I thought flirting was appropriate at clubs and drinking too.

 

I think that guy has a thing for you and was really upset that you were not flirting with him and only him! Possessive type! Where was his wife in all of this and what was she doing?

 

Also, I would never under any circumstances go the next time and play "sober" just to show him. He isn't worth your effort!!!!

[flacpl736 15]

Yeah, what Julie said!! Why worry about comments for an obviously pompous a*@hole. Go forth and be flirty...with our without the beer...

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

I would have dumped a beer on his obnoxious head. That was rude, crude and disrespectful.

 

I can see saying, "I'm not going to get in your airplane if you are the pilot". But what he basically did was cross the lines of etiquette. Like you said you weren't falling down drunk, and if you had 6 beers, depending on your tolerance, at the worst considering you were probably there for hours you may have been a bit lubed. He was judgemental, arrogant, and downright rude and deserved to have a beer dumped on his head.

 

I would definitely not change your drinking habits for him unless you have a drinking problem, which is easily figured out by how many problems drinking causes you.

[ciscosv 26]

I love to drink. On the weekends of course! I married my designated driver as my wife would say. It is typical for me to stay sober while at swing clubs nowadays so that I can get my wife home safely. More so because she is always carting my drunk ass around and it is her turn to have fun. But I will most certainly have at least a pint of beer in the early evening. My wife and I dont have a problem around controlled drunk people. It's the rude obnoxious ones that we will avoid.

 

Enough about us.

 

You and your husband deserve to get loose and have a good time away from the kids.

 

It sounds to me that you were well within your limits (as you recall the events) and need not conform to others expectations. Great advice from all. This guy is arrogant. The type that needs to feel superior above all others for self worth. And possessive to say the least.

 

Your husband was not concerned so nor should you.

 

Eat, drink and be merry...

 

Here is a little phrase that comes to mind:

 

This is MY HOUSE. If YOU don't like it, YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT!

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

While your friend certainly committed a faux pas in making those comments to your face, I (Greg) must admit that I am somewhat sympathetic to his opinions. I, too, have a problem playing with a lady who is drunk. This is not because I have a problem with drinking, per se, but I would feel as though I were taking advantage of the woman’s condition. Drinking can impair a woman’s judgment to the point where I don’t feel she can legally consent to sex. Not only do I feel a moral obligation to avoid having sex with a woman who is drunk, but I refuse to put myself in a situation where a woman might later accuse me of rape.

 

Furthermore, your style of flirting doesn’t agree with me. There’s nothing wrong with flirting with multiple men, especially in a setting where it’s acceptable to have sex with multiple men. But if a lady sat on my lap at a swing club, I would take that as a signal that she wanted to play with me. If she told me afterward that she wasn’t interested, I would feel deceived. While it may not be your intent to deceive anyone, I think you might be sending to wrong message to some people.

[lynn3 15]

With the exception of a few posters.....there was one critial point here. And that is the fact that :

he approached HER, first.

 

Regardless of how much he disliked someone drinking, he had NO business at all either approaching here or saying what he did. I have a pretty good idea of just what sort of pompous ass would do this.

 

A type of man I depise. The typical egotistical, "I am God's gift to women" vain, attitude. He seemed to be saying, "See what you missed out on?"

 

I willing to bet this guy sucks at sex. People like this are usually SO into themselves that they pay no attention to their partner at all. They have the attitude that , "aren't you lucky to be with me? You should cum just because I'm me".

 

Xerogirl...next time you're at this club, and he is there. DO NOT give him ANY eye-contact!!!!! Don't even look in his direction. Not a glance!!!! Well you might look enough to let him know you know he is there. But do not desire to look at him anymore.

[Brit_Pair 62]

Originally posted by lynn3

With the exception of a few posters.....there was one critical point here. And that is the fact that:

 

he approached HER, first.

 

Regardless of how much he disliked someone drinking, he had NO business at all either approaching her or saying what he did.

I think you've nailed the crux of this particular situation right here.

[ciscosv 26]

Quote

Originally posted by lynn3

With the exception of a few posters.....there was one critical point here. And that is the fact that :

he approached HER, first.

 

Regardless of how much he disliked someone drinking, he had NO business at all either approaching here or saying what he did. I have a pretty good idea of just what sort of pompous ass would do this.

 

I was just thinking the same thing. She was given an answer to a question she didn't ask in the first place.

[imsnowman 34]

I'm going to play Devil's advocate here and mostly agree with Greg's answer. We're only hearing half the story. Maybe she's flirted with him previously.

 

I'd personally be very cautious about playing with someone who was obviously drunk. Legally, one could be in big trouble if that person later decided that they'd been taken advantage of. probably a very difficult case to prosecute if one is at a Swing party (rgardless of the No means No rule) but it could still be messy.

 

So, if this fellow thought that he'd been approached by the lady whether he had been or not he could simply but poorly have been telling her that he'd love to play but didn't feel comfortable with the current situation.

[LadyandLordAro 15]

a pretty smug asshole myself. As such..a lot of times i just chuckle to myself and let it pass..as I would pass on commenting to a drunken lady at a swing club. Some assholes have a touch of class..some do not.

 

I certainly wouldn't worry over the opinion of an asshole with NO class

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

I appreciate the concurring opinion, imsnowman, but I think that much of this thread has deviated from the original issue. If you read Xerogirl's initial post, she asks, "NEG OR POS I'd love to hear views on women drinking and being flirty." That was that issue that I was trying to address. Unfortunately, a lot of the responses I’ve read have focused only on the circumstance which brought that issue to light.

 

There’s no justification for approaching someone with an unsolicited criticism, so I agree that Xerogirl's “friend” showed a complete lack of class in doing so. In my previous post, I described that action as a “faux pas.” Perhaps that was too much of a euphemism. If I gave anyone the impression that I supported him in that regard, nothing could be further from the truth.

 

I’m guessing that Xerogirl would appreciate more comments on the “women drinking and being flirty” issue. She’s welcome to correct me if I’m wrong. Regardless, I think this issue is worthy of a detailed discussion.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

I stand by my original feelings. She would have been within her god given rights to dump a beer on his inflated ego saturated head.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

John, we've already arrived at a consensus on that matter. You seem to be arguing a point on which we already agree. Now, the question I would love to hear you answer is: do you feel comfortable swinging with a lady who is drunk?

[Brit_Pair 62]

As the male half of our duo, I can't claim to have been faced with the prospect of swinging with a lady who, drink-wise, was considerably the worse for wear. What I can say is that I would feel very uncomfortable in those circumstances, to the point where I would almost certainly say, "No, thank you."

 

Greg's concerns about consent issues certainly struck a chord, but for me, there's another issue. I don't mean to sound dismissive, but to my mind, there's little that's attractive about drunkenness, in either sex.

 

I know only too well that some alcohol is often required to oil the wheels in swing situations, but I would prefer a partner whom I am confident is both lucid and capable of making informed, rational decisions.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Quote

Originally posted by Greg & Sheryl

John, we've already arrived at a consensus on that matter. You seem to be arguing a point on which we already agree. Now, the question I would love to hear you answer is: do you feel comfortable swinging with a lady who is drunk?

 

I understood the question different. The original poster said (and I have no reason to doubt her), that she wasn't smashed. She had a six pack over the course of the evening.

 

She flirted at a swinging party. ER, isn't that what swingers do?

 

She was approached by guy that took it upon himself to judge her.

 

So, do I feel comfortable swinging with a drunk lady?

 

Well, sometimes.....hope that answers YOUR question.

[thesexmonsters 15]

While we would not approach someone new at a club who appeared to be exceptionally drunk, I myself do tend to have a few drinks when aniticipating "playing with others". Not because I wouldn't do it otherwise (I can honestly say I've never done anything when I was drunk that I wouldn't have done when I was sober), but simply because I am too damn ticklish when I am completely sober, and that REALLY gets in the way! (Don't laugh! It's not funny!)

 

But I don't understand why this guy even approached her if he was just going to make a dumbass comment like that.

 

- Mrs. sex Monster

[Uneed_Love 15]

I am not sure this could have some interest for people to know my opinion here but anyways I shall give my behavior about alcohol and sex.

 

As I do not drink I would surely not appreciate to have sex with a Girl who is drunk or even tipsy. I have never done it and I shall never do this. I can agree this could be the choice of anyone to be drunk but then it's my choice not to have something to do with such a lady. Kiss a girl who is smelling alcohol is really a turn off for me.

 

But to be honest I am not sure that a drunken man can be regarded as attractive for a female. Alcohol and sex are definitely not a good association IMHO. it's one thing to socialize while drinking a goblet of Champagne its another to be either tipsy or worse drunken. If someone needs to be drunk to feel comfy then I am the one who should not be comfy to be drunk.

 

Have a nice day.

[LadyandLordAro 15]

As for drinkin and fuckin..I have done both to the extreme, and so has my lady. Sometime we only drink, to varying degrees of sobriety from one drink ..sometimes until it starts coming back out. Thats me that does that..usually sit is babysitting me by that point. Sometimes we just fuck..with varying degrees of intentity, from a selfish quicky where jus one of us cums, to a marathon that we will remember forever.

 

And I'll be damned if we haven't drunk AND fucked..imagine that

 

Generally, the better sex happens when we are either completely sober, or have just had a casual drink and may not even be tipsy.

 

But lo, we have fucked in states of EXTREME intoxication. Sometimes..when yer really to drunk to fuck..you just think yer gonna anyway lol..hell its ok..that's part o life Usually when we are that drunk, or one of us is..we just say..to drunk ta fuck

 

It can be a good thing tho..sometimes i hit that "groove" in my inebriation..where im drunk..but not that drunk..and i get the a

PUSSY KILLIN BEER DICK MUWAHAHAHA. Then i fuck her til she hollars "nuff".

 

Other times i get that EGO KILLIN BEER DICK *sheepish grin*

sorry sweetie..it just ain't gonna do ya

 

Generally speaking, we dont do anything drunk that we wouldn't do sober. When drunk we may do it in public...or more obnoxiously..but same stuff nonetheless.

 

I hold other folks to the same standard. Being drunk is no excuse for poor behavior. Period. Being drunk is only an excuse for not remembering what you did (still doesn't change the fact you did it..yer still guilty) or for having a hangover or puking in the wastebasket by the bed.

 

All of these are self inflicted maladies...i hold the DRINK ER 100% responsible.

 

Would I screw a lady that was drunk and flirty? I can have and will. Will I feel I have taken advantage of her drunken state? No..that was self inflicted. Now I wouldn't do it if i thought she was gonna barf on me. I'm beyond that age.

 

The question of a drunken lady's behavior at a swing party?

Her problem. If she didn't get tossed out then it apparently wasn't that bad. If her hubby wasn't worried and she wasn't worried..no one else should.

 

If she was so drunk..she was way out of line for the pace of the gathering, then the host should be notified. It IS the HOST"S party. The host gets to decide what over the top is for the event.

 

If the HOST doesn't think its over the top, well then, the people that are appalled by the behavior are at the wrong party

And they should act accordingly..and GET OUT.

[Chicup 41]

What's funny is before I was married I messed around with a lot of women who were drunk (as was I) and didn't think anything of it. I was a lot younger of course, but they were single I was single and anything goes.

 

Now that I'm married (and a swinger) I wouldn't do the same at a swing party. Here you don't know what rules the couple have made and maybe being drunk has made her forget those rules and I don't want to get in the middle of it. Plus it just seems a lot more fun when everyone is 100% sober.

 

Kinda weird I know.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Lady n Lord (or however you spell it sry)

 

I just love it when someone comes right out with it!

 

Hell yeah, people do drink!

 

People do get drunk!

 

It totally amazes me that anyone could consider this poor gal that started this thread as a drunk though. She had a fuckin 6 pack in the course of an evening. LOL. The body does metabolize alcohol ya know. She didn't drink a keg, or a fifth, she had SIX BEERS over the course of HOURS! Jaysus....

 

I have never found the smell of someones breath enough to justify not fucking her.

 

Now if the other end smells (or is green LOL), that's a different matter altogether!

 

Party on!

 

Don't drive drunk tho, find someone to park on.

[KajiKurai 15]

The guy really sounds like an ass. Don't even worry about it and enjoy your beer.

 

I myself won't be physical with a woman unless I know her intention would be the same sober. Go with what works for you.

[J & K 16]

Drinking in the swingers club has it's pros and cons.

 

"K" likes to drink her beer and it helps her relax. She usually out drinks me, but I know my limits. I like to feel in control of myself and be aware of what is going on around me. I tend to time my drinks since I know one drink is burned by the body in 1 hr if it is a standard 1 beer, etc..

 

"K" will drink about 6 to 8 beers in a 6 hr period and likes to feel the buzz to get her going. I like it when she is that way drinking a little because she lets down her walls a little, but not too much.

 

We have seen cpls who take it to the extreme with drinking that a lot of us pay for it when visiting the bathroom and there is puke all over the place. The clubs are a place to have fun and be social, but why do some people get shit faced? It sure doesn't help them meet new cpls or have a playtime that night. I believe the ones that get drunk beyond control are the ones that tend to get nervous more being in the enviroment. I know and I believe "K" thinks the same thing that we wouldn't want to play with a drunk cpl or if one is just drunk. People do and say things that they tend not to do when sober or feeling a buzz. Now on the other hand some drunk people can be entertaining to just watch.

 

"K" and I believe a little drinking is ok in the swing clubs, but drinking too much isn't cool.

[Alura 2,773]

Quote

Originally posted by J & K

 

"K" and I believe a little drinking is ok in the swing clubs, but drinking too much isn't cool.

 

I guess that about covers it for life and swinging, J&K. I learned years ago that I don't like the feeling of being drunk. Mrs. Alura has never in her entire life been drunk, tried pot or even smoked a cigarette. She considers her only bad habit to be chocolate.

[Uneed_Love 15]

Quote

Originally posted by Alura

I guess that about covers it for life and swinging, J&K. I learned years ago that I don't like the feeling of being drunk. Mrs. Alura has never in her entire life been drunk, tried pot or even smoked a cigarette. She considers her only bad habit to be chocolate.

 

I can say like Mrs Alura that I have never been drunk, never smoked a cigarette and never took any drugs. I even do not take any medicines. But I must also confess that chocolates are my weakness... LOL

 

The more I read about You my friends Mrs and Mr Alura and the more I appreciate who You are! But I can't say this for every body...

 

Have a nice day

[ciscosv 26]

We are all adults. Drink as much as you want. You will be the one paying for it in the morning.

[LarrySmith 15]

For me, it's a real turn off for a woman to be boisterous or aggressively goofy, whether she's 'drunk' or just lightly 'buzzed'.

[Roxysbayou 20]

I just get flirty, but I know my limits and stick to them. Nobody likes a drunk.